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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: why does he want a submissive over a nilla woman (1/12/2010 10:43:16 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: osf
knowing how high maintenance a submissive is, why would any man prefer one to the average woman?
I feel qualified to respond to this, since, despite not being a male, I have had the opportunity, over my career, to bring a number of submissive females (and males) into our household.
I'd like to start by asking you "what constitutes 'high maintenance'"? See, it's been my experience that our submissive members are not any higher-maintenance than our leadership members or our non-participating members. Unless there is some particular framework that is used to define "high maintenance", I think that the question is irrelevant to daily life.
As for myself, the reasons why I may choose a given submissive individual over a given vanilla individual is because I come to like hir as a -person-, and xhe fits well into our household. However, most often, if both fit us well, both would be more than welcome. To me, the whole process of authority exchange is symbiotic -- there is a need on both sides of the equation that is fulfilled through the interactions with one's counterpart on the other side of the equation. I'd hazard that it is pretty much the same for male Heads of Household. I don't think, for us, it has ever been an issue of choosing a submissive -over- a vanilla individual... it's just that authority-exchange-accepting individuals fit better into our household, and suit the balance of symbiosis that our household thrives best under.
As for the issue of "high maintenance", it is my experienced opinion that -every- relationship is "high maintenance". The more you invest in the relationship, the greater the return -- and, quite frankly, human beings can be very needy. Of course, they can also be very supportive, very loving, very warm and caring, and very generous -- at least, in the vast majority, the ones we've had the pleasure of sharing a household with have been. If a person doesn't want to invest in a relationship and doesn't like the person xhe's considering being with AS a person, then whether that person is submissive, dominant, or neutral makes absolutely no difference whatsoever. The relationship has no hope, because the investment in making the relationship work isn't there. For someone like that, xhe absolutely shouldn't be in a relationship -at all-, regardless of whether it is with a submissive person or a vanilla person.
On the other hand, if one finds a person or persons with whom xhe clicks, and genuinely wants to create a household with those people, and if that sentiment is mutual, the issue of "high maintenance" just isn't an issue at all -- because everyone involved will do what xhe needs to in order to nurture the relationship, and all parties will attend to one another in the manner best suited to one's nature, and it won't be a -burden-... it will be a gift.
Calla
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