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sunshinemiss -> RE: Too Independent? (1/14/2010 5:54:40 AM)
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*please note - this post is written as "you" the general you (not to anyone in particular). Also, although you ask this question to "dominant" women and to men attracted to them, I have responded to the question as to anyone - people in general.
Hello All,
Hello Carrie,
Too independent - yes, there is such a thing. When it causes someone distress or is getting in the way of living their life as they wish, then yes it is possible. The fact that you are asking this question would suggest that on some level you are considering whether it is an issue. (Not saying it IS, just saying that it is something you are curious about).
All too often, our USA, individual-driven, capitalistic mindset formed society tells us we can have it all, be it all, do it all. Well that's just not true. We are pushed to have willpower (in ourselves) to take control (by ourselves), just do it (by ourselves). While this part of our culture can be freeing, it can also be stifling. It ignores the fact that people are social creatures, people NEED each other, people are interdependent (whether we wish to admit it or not).
Take for example the food you eat. *I choose this example because it is something we all must have*. You independently buy it at the grocery store. You independently work your job to have the money to buy it. You independently cook it and serve it and enjoy it. You independently clean up the dishes. Very independent. Right? Mmmmm not really. What of the farmer who grows the food? The stock person who moves it from the box to the shelf? The cashier? The persons who built the car you drive to get you to and from the store? The person who put the stove into your house? Built the house for that matter... the person who made the pan and dishes you use, pressed the oil that you cook with, gathered the salt and the herbs? Suddenly, all these people have touched your simple little dinner, they have all contributed. Whether you wish to believe it, you are not in fact independent. We are all interdependent whether we admit it or not. Independence is an illusion.
The thing is, in this society, we are encouraged to believe the illusion of independence and to buy into our own importance. What we have been taught is to look out for number one! Be the captain of your own ship! Do your own thing! We have been taught to NOT TRUST others to care for us, to be honest, to help. We have been taught that we should trust only ourselves (If you want to get something done, do it yourself). Bullshit. We are a part of society, groups, communities. We are interdependent - emotionally, physically, intellectually.
The question becomes not about independence, but about relationships. Who is worthy and has proven themselves to be trusting enough that one can be interdependent with them? That is a whole other ball game. It is a question we are not encouraged to ask or to probe or to have high standards about. We are burned over and over again until we buy into the "independence" illusion. We are not encouraged to have high expectations of others, to believe in them, to hold them to their word... and our world gets smaller and smaller. And cynicism worms its way into our lives.
It is in requiring others to be honorable that we find out who is worthy of our interdependence. Because we don't as a society hold people to standards, our world is becoming more and more fractured and broken. Your question is merely a symptom of that brokenness (imo). There is in fact NOT a possibility of being too independent - not the way our society is set up anyway. There is, however, the possibility of buying into society's illusion and finding dissonance there in opposition with one's own humanity.
In the end, too independent, to me, seems like a way of saying "I have not found people trustworthy." And that says that one needs to set high standards, expect - even demand - them, and walk away if they are not met. And the day will come when the standards are in fact met and in that moment true interdependence can be experienced.
An excellent thread, excellent question.
Best,
sunshine
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