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lovingpet -> RE: Did you have to run the gauntlet? (1/14/2010 11:18:23 AM)
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~FR~
I've said it before and I'll say it again that I have NEVER had a problem on the boards. There was the rumor mill once. That had more to do with me being silly about a subject, the group joking along, and then some taking it seriously. I clarified my position and all was well with the universe.
I do see some folks go through an ackward adjustment to joining the boards here. Mostly it seems to be due to newness to all things BDSM, etc or showing a definite lacking in the character department. The first one I find that most will overcome with time provided they can manage to not try to pretend to know everything and approach things with an open mind and the ability to learn. The other is a group of people who usually form our lovable "heel" contingency (folks that we know aren't quite right, but it is fun having them around after they grow on us a bit) and the rest just eventually go away.
I find that it is more an issue that people have to really be careful what they discuss here. There are a great many fetishes and practices that are "community taboo" as well as one that just spawn ridicule. Serious discussion on a great many subjects never happens. This is part of why we get the same old subjects rehashed to infinity. If a subject is too rare, extreme, or absolute, then it is not met well here. There are some subject I just won't post on this site. There's nothing particularly wrong with that, but it can be a veritable landmine to new people coming in. They don't know about these "no discuss" zones and inevitably will step in it.
I think treading cautiously, being friendly and open, and keeping frustrations and grudges short goes a long way in helping a new person settle in successfully. A lot of it is common sense and social aptitude. Some of it also is personality and interests. All in all, we could do to be more accepting here, but we also are not really doing as bad at it as some new posters would have us believe. Sometimes it's us. Most of the time it is just them. It doesn't mean that, over time, the person can't meet with some level of acceptance, but that it is upon them to make those moves and not everyone else around them. If it seems like it really is us, I think from now on I will try and speak up and say so when I think someone is being unfairly bullied. I think it is a good self examination for each of us individually and as a group to consider on occasion.
lovingpet
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