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Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:15:59 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I've been speaking with a submissive gentleman recently, and we seem to be getting along pretty well. While joking around a subject came up that caused me to be curious about how other submissives feel about resistance/capture.

Let me try to explain, and if I don't make sense, please feel free to ask for clarification. He compared me to a Siren singing a song trying to lure him to my shore, then made a comment saying he should put earplugs in so he could resist my song. While he was joking, and he clarified his position on my question, I'm still curious what others think.

What I want to know is this, do you as a submissive feel you need to resist your attraction to a dominant to see if they will continue to pursue (capture) you in order to submit to them? If so, how far do you feel you need to take this level of resistance? If you are one who resists, I have two other questions. Do you sometimes resist so hard (while fully attracted and hoping you get captured) to the point of pushing the dominant away? Why do you feel the need to resist so strongly in the first place?

If you are not the type of submissive who resists as I describe, why don't you resist?

These questions are purely out of curiousity, and I'm happy to hear from all orientations.

Edited for typos.

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 1/14/2010 2:23:30 PM >

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:35:57 PM

sunshinemiss

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Hello Dreameater,
I think the desire to resist, the pull of it, is more about not wanting to face one's truth rather than to see if someone will chase. At least that is how it is for me. I am afraid of being hurt, so I resist. It's not at all the kind of (what I would consider) game playing you have noted.

I know that in the end, it is inevitable that I will let go and live in my truth, but sometimes I need the buffer of resistance time just to get accustomed to the idea, to let go of fears, etc.

Best,
sunshine

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:37:27 PM

ForeverOwned

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i try to resist when i am being spamked for punishment. but it's not for fun, i really don't want to be punished. :)

When he is in the mood to play and he wants it a little rough then i resist, because it turns both of us on. Otherwise i don't normally.

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:38:48 PM

WestBaySlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

What I want to know is this, do you as a submissive feel you need to resist your attraction to a dominant to see if they will continue to pursue (capture) you in order to submit to them? If so, how far do you feel you need to take this level of resistance? If you are one who resists, I have two other questions. Do you sometimes resist so hard (while fully attracted and hoping you get captured) to the point of pushing the dominant away? Why do you feel the need to resist so strongly in the first place?

It's not something I actively engage in real-time - I'm more the type that enjoys pleasing from the get-go - but it's a common fantasy, and one I understand well. It's a bit convoluted, but the best I can explain it is being forced to do something by the dominant, therefor enjoying being overpowered and controlled. It's a kind of power play, even if it's fundamentally consensual, and at base, something the submissive does actually enjoy doing i.e. "I really want you to force me to do something I really want to do."

Sometimes these things don't make a whole lot of sense outside of fantasies...

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:40:19 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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sunnyone,

Thank you. While it was in jest with he and I, I figured for some submissives it would go deeper than that joke. It is the deeper insight that I am curious about and your input is valued. Again, thanks.

Dreameater

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:43:10 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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Forever

Thank you as well; however, I am more curious in how resistance factors into the initial phases of the relationship, not as much in one that has been established. Perhaps later down the road I may be back to ask that one.

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:46:00 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

What I want to know is this, do you as a submissive feel you need to resist your attraction to a dominant to see if they will continue to pursue (capture) you in order to submit to them?

No I do not.

I prefer it if they can resist me... and if they cannot I tend to lose interest rather quickly. In other words, if they have to pursue me that puts me in the driver's seat, and that is precisely the place I do not like being in a relationship...does that make sense?

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:46:07 PM

afterforever

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"I can resist everything except temptation". Sorry, couldn't resist.

But really, no, I don't resist my attraction to someone. I don't want to be pursued, I want to be owned.

Of course with a lot of guys the quickest way to get to being owned is to appear a challenge, but if that's the case we probably aren't meant to be together. If I'm genuinely fully attracted to someone but still letting him pursue me, that's playing games to me, and is not who I want to be. YMMV.

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:47:14 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

It's not something I actively engage in real-time - I'm more the type that enjoys pleasing from the get-go - but it's a common fantasy, and one I understand well. It's a bit convoluted, but the best I can explain it is being forced to do something by the dominant, therefor enjoying being overpowered and controlled. It's a kind of power play, even if it's fundamentally consensual, and at base, something the submissive does actually enjoy doing i.e. "I really want you to force me to do something I really want to do."

Sometimes these things don't make a whole lot of sense outside of fantasies...

Since you are familiar with the fantasy aspect of it, in your fantasy resistance, how much do you resist? Do you resist to the point of actually being yanked to your knees (or whatever it is you fantasize about?) or do you stop resisting if you notice your dominant is becoming annoyed? (Would someone notice their dom becoming annoyed in a fantasy?

)

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:48:39 PM

littlewonder

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I have zero interest in being captured or resisting someone I want to be with. He either wants me to be with him or he does not. I tend to give freely to my partner. I have a feeling that he would not stand for me resisting anyway. He wants obedience, not fighting.

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:49:01 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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Yes, julia, that makes perfect sense to me. And precisely how I feel about the situation on the opposite end. That is why I had to ask, because I didn't understand the other side of the equation.

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 2:53:55 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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littlewonder and afterforever,

Thank you both for your contributions. I can relate to both of your comments. I personally do not want for a submissive to resist my charms. If he becomes too damn much work, then he isn't about to make my life easier.

I am still curious about those who 'do' resist though. Please understand, I don't think resisting is wrong, even though it isn't necessarily the way for me. I would like to understand the need to do it, or the desire to.

Edit: I get tired of typing 'edited for typos', so future edits for typos will say "EFT"...lol.

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 1/14/2010 3:27:06 PM >

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 3:33:12 PM

WestBaySlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

Since you are familiar with the fantasy aspect of it, in your fantasy resistance, how much do you resist? Do you resist to the point of actually being yanked to your knees (or whatever it is you fantasize about?) or do you stop resisting if you notice your dominant is becoming annoyed? (Would someone notice their dom becoming annoyed in a fantasy?)

No, the dominants in my fantasies are all really into me, to the point of kidnapping their unwilling victim ( of course, they're always guys I really want to be with, not the psychos likely to actually show up on my street corner and do such a thing

). They might be annoyed at the inconvenience ( I'm sure I would be ), but it's more fun if they're getting a kick out of it...

In reality, I'm a total doormat when I'm with a man I like, so resistance remains purely theoretical at this point!

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 3:40:51 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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WestBay,

Thank you for sharing the fantasy perspective. It is nice to know that as well.

To anyone else,

If you are the resistant type outside of fantasy, I'd like to hear your perspectives as well. So far sunnylady3.14 is the only one who has chimed in as a resisting type. Don't let her be all alone here!

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 4:34:51 PM

itsmeinLV

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I resist an attraction only when I don't feel like there will be a future if I were to pursue a relationship with that person. And I do fully resist until there is no more to resist. I don't play the tango game, back and forth, I think life's too short for that. Of course, if we are talking about foreplay, that's totally a different story, haha!

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 5:03:03 PM

xxblushesxx

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I was very resistant with most everyone I talked to. I mean I was open to talk and such, but was very leery about getting involved until I felt it was really right. I didn't trust most self-proclaimed dominants to have my best interest fore-most in their minds. I was also very new, and definitely resisted a lot at first because I had read a lot about sub-frenzy and didn't want to get caught up in that any more than I had to.

Now, when I did find Doms I was interested in, and they me, my resistance at that point was a bit of a game; a way of getting to know them, myself, their limits and mine. (I still like to play resistant sometimes though. It's fun!)

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 5:29:54 PM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
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From: Georgia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

What I want to know is this, do you as a submissive feel you need to resist your attraction to a dominant to see if they will continue to pursue (capture) you in order to submit to them? If so, how far do you feel you need to take this level of resistance? If you are one who resists, I have two other questions. Do you sometimes resist so hard (while fully attracted and hoping you get captured) to the point of pushing the dominant away? Why do you feel the need to resist so strongly in the first place?

Unfortunately, I'm the type of person who wears her heart on her sleeve. I've had my heart stolen before, and when I got it back, it was broken into little pieces. Therefore, I feel the need to resist my attraction to a dominant in order to protect my heart from those who don't really want it. If he is persistent, it demonstrates a sincere interest. I resist until I'm sure he means what he says, and I can only be sure if he keeps reiterating and then does what he says he'll do. I don't think I push him away so much as hold myself back. My submission goes hand in hand with my heart, and being in love and submissive is a very vulnerable position.

On the other hand, I agree with juliaoceania. I don't want him to pursue me so fervently that I feel like he's practically groveling at my feet. There's a difference between being hounded until you're worn down and being slowly and carefully reeled in.

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 5:30:51 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz
What I want to know is this, do you as a submissive feel you need to resist your attraction to a dominant to see if they will continue to pursue (capture) you in order to submit to them? If so, how far do you feel you need to take this level of resistance? If you are one who resists, I have two other questions. Do you sometimes resist so hard (while fully attracted and hoping you get captured) to the point of pushing the dominant away? Why do you feel the need to resist so strongly in the first place?

If you are not the type of submissive who resists as I describe, why don't you resist?

I don't resist as in pushing them away or trying to not get involved, but I do resist letting myself get involved too deeply too soon. I'm the the type who wants to be totally owned and possessed, and I want to go bananas pleasing the one I serve from the very beginning, but I want to make sure it's the right one I go bananas for. I've only been doing this for a year or so, so I still remember how destructive and pointless the sub-frenzy was & I'm doing all I can to never go there again, so I consider things carefully.

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 6:36:25 PM

WestBaySlave

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On reading others posts, I suppose I might come across as resistant too, in the getting to know you stage i.e. not submissive initially, at least until there some trust and friendship between me and the man I'm getting to know. I don't really consider it deliberate resistance, though; merely caution. It takes me a while to fully trust a man.

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RE: Resistance - 1/14/2010 7:31:36 PM

mc1234

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Another vote for no resistance here. If I feel a connection to someone, they generally know it fairly early on. I don't like games. I hate drama, so ... I'm pretty up front. I've had doms come on very strongly in the past, pushing and wanting more and more when I just wasn't feeling it and all it did was drive me away. It could have turned into something (who knows?), but they pushed way too hard too soon.

Pursuit makes me feel trapped, I think. I'd rather surrender.

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