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Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in wron... - 1/16/2010 1:42:53 PM   
goober


Posts: 32
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline 		I saw on a profile today that someone believed that if you can't post a photo of yourself on such a site, then you're in either the wrong profession or the wrong lifestyle.

Personally I saw this as a bit of an immature opinion, for myself: I would certainly lose my career if I did post a photo, and I enjoy, and am rather good at my career!

Interested to hear what others think. I can understand from the point of pic collectors / fakes etc, however, of course I'd be prepared to send photos via other private means.

What do you think?
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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 1:49:57 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Who cares if you have a pic up?  I think a bigger concern would be getting women to take you seriously with that username.

Not kidding.

Your mileage may vary, as they say, but unless you're getting a million miles to the gallon, you might want to re-evaluate.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 1:50:21 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I think it's foolish.

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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 1:52:09 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		There will most always be pain when a lifestyle of this kind is made public. It could affect your professional standing or your job itself. That is one part. The other is the family and friends. Would it be worth the hurt you may cause to out yourself or not...It is a judgment call. I know most of my relatives would not understand and would be hurt and feel shame. I will NOT do that to them. But it is my choice. So I keep my wants and needs hidden from them. It is the best and kindest thing to do.

I get a kick out of people who say...will if they love you they will accept you as you are. Will yes they will but it will hurt them deeply...nope not for me anyway.

Butch


< Message edited by kdsub -- 1/16/2010 1:54:33 PM >

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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 1:55:12 PM   
LadyCimarron


Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline 		I post my pic. But I do understand that it is a blessing that I am able to do so. Not everyone is so lucky.  Some people will have trouble profesionally or even socially if they do so. If you cannot post a pic (or if you can and just don't want to) then don't do it and don't worry about it. If all they can judge you on is your looks, you don't need them.  Common sense people completely understand the need to keep certain things private. So do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. I seriously doubt that the person judging you is going to pay your rent if you lose your job.

Lady C

(in reply to goober)
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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 1:55:25 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		I used to think something similar because I am out to everyone. However I do know some people don't want to be, and there can be issues with work, there was with a course I was doing.

On a personal note, I do think that a lot of us don't give enough credit to our friends and family

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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 1:59:09 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

I used to think something similar because I am out to everyone. However I do know some people don't want to be, and there can be issues with work, there was with a course I was doing.

On a personal note, I do think that a lot of us don't give enough credit to our friends and family


My family is old and set in their ways...Yes they would forgive and accept me...I will just not cause them any pain if I can help it...they will not be here much longer.

It would be different if it were impossible to live my lifestyle without them knowing but it is no problem at all.

Butch


_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:07:20 PM   
goober


Posts: 32
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron
So do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. I seriously doubt that the person judging you is going to pay your rent if you lose your job.

Lady C


Very true!

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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:09:43 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub
My family is old and set in their ways...Yes they would forgive and accept me...I will just not cause them any pain if I can help it...they will not be here much longer.

It would be different if it were impossible to live my lifestyle without them knowing but it is no problem at all.

Butch



I understand and I wouldn't want to tell anyone else how to live their lives, I assumed that my family would take it very hard, only one member did and she is fine now, I am just not very good at keeping secrets and so I stopped, as I said it was just how I chose to do it, and I was very shocked at how supportive most of them were.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to kdsub)
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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:10:47 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		C'mon.  I can understand not wanting to post a face pic, but maybe a pic that shows you, and chopped off at the neck.  Maybe a pic like heartcream's that shows her standing in a lake, but not close up enough to see her face.

There ARE ways to show you adequately without showing your face.


_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:15:54 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goober

I saw on a profile today that someone believed that if you can't post a photo of yourself on such a site, then you're in either the wrong profession or the wrong lifestyle.

Personally I saw this as a bit of an immature opinion, for myself: I would certainly lose my career if I did post a photo, and I enjoy, and am rather good at my career!

Interested to hear what others think. I can understand from the point of pic collectors / fakes etc, however, of course I'd be prepared to send photos via other private means.

What do you think?

I've had (probably) one of the worst 'outings' on this site.
That is to say that a dominant who was mailing me quite frequently, called me after I gave him my mobile (cell) number. Assured as I was of his standing in his community (from the details he gave me I managed to check out the hotel he said he was owner and director of) I then gave him my land line number. From cues I inadvertently gave him whilst engaged in telephone conversations he traced where I worked.
I work in education. With young persons, who, although past the age of consent, I still consider delicate if exposed to bdsm. I also have a younger member of my family.
He left it some weeks. Until I supose he reckoned that my silence was a rejection of him and/or my place of work had reconvened after the academic holidays. Then he outed me by calling my receptionist and emailing her, thus ensuring that my pics here and details of the site were spread around my place of work.
The boss sent for me. It is credit to their utmost trust in me and my professionality that they understood the nature of the damage this man was trying to do ro me.
However he also called trading standards and social services attempting to stop me from working.
So for a while I put up pictures that disguised me.
But the person with the most egg on their face was HIM because guess what? He was on this site also.
It's never as bad as we imagine it to be.
And in reality there are only the children to protect. Non of this is illegal amongst consenting adults.



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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:16:51 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

C'mon.  I can understand not wanting to post a face pic, but maybe a pic that shows you, and chopped off at the neck.  Maybe a pic like heartcream's that shows her standing in a lake, but not close up enough to see her face.

There ARE ways to show you adequately without showing your face.



Well Steven, if you do not have a picture at ALL then you do not pop up when people are using the dating side.  It shows the most recently logged on UID that HAS a picture with the profile specifications that have been selected. 

Why is this important to me?

It nearly eliminates troll mail.  I like that.

It also helps that I have nothing in my profile.  Whe a profile change is made, that puts your UID on a list.  No profile, no addition to the list.  These changes include adding to your journal.

I have sent pics of myself to who knows how many members of CM.  I will answer any questions about myself. 

I LIKE not getting the troll mail.

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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:21:57 PM   
goober


Posts: 32
Joined: 10/13/2007
Status: offline 		That's horrible. But you raise a good point, professionally, your colleagues and superiors will understand - as they're "professionals".

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:27:17 PM   
afterforever


Posts: 315
Joined: 6/12/2008
From: Belfast, NI
Status: offline 		My future career (very near future now - Finals on Monday!) is fairly important to me, I love doing it and I think I will be quite good at it. And I probably should change my picture to something far-away/headless, I don't think the NHS would actually want to fire me and risk any media exposure, but I don't want to scare the poor patients. But then again, if they found me on this website (which I use with my personal email address not my official/uni one), who are they to talk?

Removing my picture would probably be a little over-cautious, realistically, but some people don't like to take chances with their livelihoods, which is fair enough in my mind.

< Message edited by afterforever -- 1/16/2010 2:35:09 PM >

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:29:07 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		I dont have a pic up, Im out to my immediate family and work from home so co workers arent an issue, nor is a boss, however I do not have a pic up, my own private and personal reason.
It has naff all to do with anyone else why I chose not to put up a pic.
they are entitled to their opinion, but you are not bound by them:)




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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:29:10 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: afterforever
My future career (very near future now - Finals on Monday!)

Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck, foreverlady!


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to afterforever)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:32:39 PM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		As have been mentioned there are ways of not identifying yourself but still having a photos up ti give a hint of what you look like however I would put my career before having my face plastered on an adult website if I had to choose.

I feel I am in the right career and the right lifestyle for me and not being comfortable to post a face pic on here doesn't mean I should forgo bdsm.


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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:55:23 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I've had a well-known actress who is married to a famous rock star recently turn down a role in one of my productions because of its connection with BDSM and plans to stage it in the community.

Not everybody is into BDSM or kink aware and personally if someone chooses not to be 'out' then the only adequate response in my mind is to respect that decision - it's their career, their family, their life.

Respecting decisions made by other people to me is a fundamental part of WIITWD.

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RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 2:58:41 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally


I understand and I wouldn't want to tell anyone else how to live their lives, I assumed that my family would take it very hard, only one member did and she is fine now, I am just not very good at keeping secrets and so I stopped, as I said it was just how I chose to do it, and I was very shocked at how supportive most of them were.


I am glad it worked out for you...like I said it is for each to decide...there is no right our wrong in the decision.

Butch


_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Can't post photo due to profession - cop out or in ... - 1/16/2010 3:00:31 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

I am glad it worked out for you...like I said it is for each to decide...there is no right our wrong in the decision.

Butch



As I said also, I totally agree

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to kdsub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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