RE: shouldn't it be this way?

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RE: shouldn't it be this way? - 1/16/2010 11:27:59 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

is it too much to expect a little 'gratitude'

You are so ready for vanilla..

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Post #: 21

RE: shouldn't it be this way? - 1/17/2010 12:18:48 AM

quasimdm

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/18/2009
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Some very good answers, here, and for that I thank you all. We definitely need to talk our relationship out, that is first. And, over the course of years (and years) our relationship has changed, drastically. It started out as something less permanent, and more spontaneous, and has settled into a plain vanilla disappointment. Sole provider ship just sort of just happened, not discussed, argued, or arranged. One day, I just started making enough that she didn't have to look for work, and yes, as some of you guessed, a VERY vanilla relationship. Thank you all again for your input, ideas, and outside looking in views, they are all very much noted and appreciated.

QM

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RE: shouldn't it be this way? - 1/17/2010 7:41:57 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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Good luck in the discussion, and I hope that the relationship becomes something fulfilling for both of you.

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RE: shouldn't it be this way? - 1/17/2010 9:26:18 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: quasimdm

is it wrong to expect servitude if you're the sole provider? if you take care of the basic needs of your subject, housing, food, clothing, electricity, etc, is it wrong to expect things in return? isn't that what some of this is all about?

i don't mind having to punish, or even 'train' but it would be nice to not have to fight, beg, or just not care once in a while.

maybe I'm not in a typical Dom / Sub relationship, maybe I never have been, but honestly is it too much to expect a little 'gratitude' after a days work?

help me see the light thru the fog....

I am going to take this in a slightly different direction. My last relationship was with a dominant couple, I spent a fair bit of time in their home and initially it was all fine and dandy. Then I had some personal issues I am not going to go into them here but basically it meant that I was not in the best position to submit to them. I explained this to them and said I wouldn't visit them until I was on a more even keel. They said no, they told me that I should go visit anyways and they wouldn't expect anything from me, I foolishly believed them. I got there and the first day was fine, then the second one of them started banging on about their desire to punish me for my lack of submission and then said 'I pay for your food while you are here so you owe me' etc etc.

I did not ask for anything, they were aware that I was unemployed they knew how I was feeling but apparently I still owed them. I disagreed and the relationship ended.

I therefore think OP that it totally depends, no I don't think that paying for stuff instantly means that you are owed, that they have to wait on you, it is all about context what you agreed on and what is happening at the time.

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RE: shouldn't it be this way? - 1/17/2010 9:37:48 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
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Looking at the OP's profile, my guess is that there is not currently a relationship and he's confused about why baiting his hook with "I will provide totally and you will be my slave" isn't netting him a bunch of eager would-be subs to cook, clean and provide sexual services.

OP, most of us can get out and get a job and support ourselves. Most women require and demand emotional investment, caring and love. Your profile and post say nothing about that. If you just want servitude, hire a maid service and a prostitute.

If you want a submissive or slave, you must shoulder a whole lot of responsibility that goes well beyond providing housing, food, and medical care for that person. D/s or BDSM includes the notion of "relationship". So far as I am concerned, there's no one on earth who provides such mind blowing sex that I'd consent to "servitude" without knowing that the dominant will know and understand my needs, cherish me, honor my limits, and so on.

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RE: shouldn't it be this way? - 1/17/2010 10:11:39 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: quasimdm

Some very good answers, here, and for that I thank you all. We definitely need to talk our relationship out, that is first. And, over the course of years (and years) our relationship has changed, drastically. It started out as something less permanent, and more spontaneous, and has settled into a plain vanilla disappointment. Sole provider ship just sort of just happened, not discussed, argued, or arranged. One day, I just started making enough that she didn't have to look for work, and yes, as some of you guessed, a VERY vanilla relationship. Thank you all again for your input, ideas, and outside looking in views, they are all very much noted and appreciated.

QM

Then it sounds like it's time for an "I'm not happy with our lives together and I'd like for us to find a way for us both to be happy" talk.

By the way, having one foot in the relationship and one foot out (by advertising for a new partner in your profile here), is almost always a great hindrance to improving your current relationship. You're either committed to the relationship or you are not. Don't start looking for something as a backup plan while you're still in the current relationship.

Cali

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RE: shouldn't it be this way? - 1/17/2010 10:36:40 AM

Lockit

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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Oh dear... he can't handle the one he has and is looking for another? He is sounding more like my ex by the day!

Darlin... a lil warning... when you play with fire... you often get burned.

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Post #: 27