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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 10:43:41 PM

JBGolden

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I don't really care about experience as much as attitude.

Person can know a lot and then be a real dick about using it. Or isn't open minded to learning other things or just saying that they might be *wrong* in what they know.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/17/2010 11:10:19 PM

Arpig

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To my mind its really very simple...if you have done something you have experience, if you have read about it then you have knowledge but not experience...and if you have only talked or typed about it then you have neither.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 2:33:43 AM

DemonKia

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I kinda tend to brag about my lack of experience more than the other way, but that tends to come from my generalized, acquired skill at 'spinning my weaknesses'. I like the re-framing thing & it's so often fun to practice.

Which explains somethin' about how, after I finished jumpin' up & down at an equation, I got such a kinda silly answer to CalifChick's formula: a smidge over 28 years. But that's cuz I only claim to have 3 years of bein' in the out-&-organized kink community & gettin' any kind o' regular practice at whackin' people & etc . . .. .

On the other hand, yes, that question of what all counts as experience for what, yep, that's crucial.

For instance, I've been a mom for over a quarter century, now, & that's enormously useful experience for all kinds of stuff, tho' hard to translate into, say, resume terms, lol .. . . . But specific sadomasochistic or bondage topping skills, that's a whole other level of specificity. Somebody who wants to play with needles, yeah, well, me, personally, I go take classes. & practice my skills when I can. &, in theory, would take advantage of reasonable opportunity to be 'mentored' or for one-on-one teaching chances & etc . .. . .

& there's a whole big level of 'it all depends'. I've been a self-hurting, self-binding, masturbating sex freak for a longer period of time than TOS would technically allow me to disclose, lol . . . & that does have relevance, for me & for some of the bottoms I've played with (initially).

& if I'm gonna, say, needle top someone, I fully disclose -- I've taken some classes, I've put needles in a half dozen or so people, I do okay at it, no claim to being anything special -- & I only do it with reasonably experienced masochists who know something about what they want. In other words, that communication thing that others have referenced in this thread.

& my emphasis is on safety, going slowly, staying comfortable. I introduce people to being tied up with body harnesses & no movement restriction. Then they get the sensation & aesthetic effects in a relatively safe manner, that sorta thing. I've done that enough that I can demonstrate my skills in about 5 or 10 minutes & people can judge for themselves where I am as a rigger. lol

I've never had any lack of volunteers for 'crash test bottoms', & I do refer to it that way. I do also like to go to play parties & be a 'service top', it's great for getting 'experienced', but just as importantly it let's others see & decide for themselves who I am & what I do & so on & so forth . . .. .

I guess it's not too surprising, then, that I don't put much credence in the numbers someone puts on an online profile or forum or whatever, or whether they call themselves 'experienced' or not . . . . If anything, yeah, that posturing thing can even be a pink-ish-leaning flag . . . ..

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 4:01:37 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion? Does online count for anything? Attending play parties? Studying the lifestyle online? How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?

You know... I've never really thought about it this because, to tell you the truth, I don't really give a shit. Sometimes it's people with the least experience, either in terms of play-time, hours in relationships, or years just in the lifestyle, that make the sense.

I take experience into consideration but I judge for myself if I think that person really has the experience that they are claiming. Or if they've actually learned anything from that experience.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 4:05:29 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex
When I was 13, I wanked in bed at night dreaming of Brooke Shields, doing my bidding and showing me what came between her and her Calvins.

So, since I am now 49, I figure I got 36 years of experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

This is why I don't quantify experience. It's so ridiculous! And plus, someone could be doing something for 10 years and doing it wrong! I'm much more interested in competencies than years experience ;-)

But in all honesty, I just simply say that I am experienced. The amount isn't important. My words and the way I state what I want, what I know and what I still want to learn is more telling than an arbitrary number.

Heck, when I was about 7 I made one boy make another boy eat sand for me if he wanted to be my "boyfriend". So I guess I have 30 years experience now!

- LA

By this logic, I started when I was roughly six. I got tinglies when I got my friends to tie me up. Cause I was a naughty Catwoman and I needed to be punished....

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 4:13:02 AM

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Okay, stop talking dirty so early in the morning!

To the OP: not sure how to answer, and to me, it doesn't matter much. Nothing I like doing requires a great deal of experience, so it works out fine.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 4:22:51 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Okay, stop talking dirty so early in the morning!

Phft. It's never too early to consider the joys of Selina Kyle's bound bottom and the creative uses of a Batarang.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 4:35:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Okay, stop talking dirty so early in the morning!

Phft. It's never too early to consider the joys of Selina Kyle's bound bottom and the creative uses of a Batarang.

*fans self*

I know I'm cross-referencing universes, but imagine what could be done to her, with Doc Ock's arm thingees....

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 4:45:30 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

*fans self*

I know I'm cross-referencing universes, but imagine what could be done to her, with Doc Ock's arm thingees....

Ya know... with everything else he's made, I'm pretty sure that Bruce could invent/buy something like that.

But if we are getting into Marvel... Webbing bondage is totally where it's at.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 4:52:59 AM

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Yesh.... safe, secure.....dissolves on its own after a while.... And Reed Richards, with everything elongating, and expanding, insuring a "perfect fit", so to speak... OMG, a super-powered gang bang

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 4:57:00 AM

AquaticSub

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Mmmm....

Damn it, I have to keep sorting comics for a friend tomorrow. I'll have to bring an extra set of panties.

Maybe if I'm really good and leave a comic under my pillow I'll get a hot Nightwing or Superman to tie me up...

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/18/2010 5:03:24 AM >

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 5:02:49 AM

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LOL

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 5:05:48 AM

AquaticSub

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A girl can dream... someday I'll find the perfect fit of poly, dom and cosplayer so that Val can dump me off on him when I get too geeky.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 5:35:34 AM

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*makes mental note*

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 5:43:58 AM

allthatjaz

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I read journals a lot and I think you can gather an awful lot of information about a person from a well written journal. I'm not interested in how they swing a flogger, I'm interested in how their mind works around this lifestyle. I'm interested in their journey and how far they have reached.

The thing is, we can all lie. We can tell you whatever we want you to believe and you can believe it or not... thats your prerogative but the trouble with lying is that you may have to rise up to those expectations you have deliberately created one day!
I often wonder why the man/woman that claims many years experience and umpteen subs to boot, wants a fresh new sub with no past experience. Is it really because they don't want 'spoilt goods' or is it because they don't want to be compared with anyone? Its much easier to convince someone who is new to this that you are the dogs bollocks than someone who has been around for a while.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 8:18:31 AM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

You can measure experience in any number of ways but to me it isn't experience what counts at the end of the day - it's awareness.

I think this bears repeating.

In some sense, about all that is universal are basic safety protocals, the rest is about your experience, how you've worked things out with a particular person, some of which may be transferable, and/or universal, some of which may not be.

My particular universal experience is mostly with stress - I've worked and dealt with people in high stress activities and occupations my whole life, seen a lot of mental breakdowns, and I'm fairly sensitive to stress effects, both physical and mental.

Otherwise, When I hear "experience" coming from a dom, I sometimes can't help but hear "routine" - this is comfortable for some, others are more flexible and enjoy the act of discovery, or adapt to it - i.e., I hear stories of presumably experienced about subs becoming switches, switches becoming subbier, etc., this is experience, it just isn't a rote, learned "routine", it's dynamic.

Coming from a sub, when I hear "experienced" I'm thus more likely to hear: "yes, I can handle pretty much whatever crazy shit you come up with".

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 8:23:32 AM

Andalusite

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I do have a lot of experience on both sides of the whip. I've only had 3 D/s relationships - one as a Domme for 5 years, one as a sub for 3 years, and started dating my Master about 9 months ago. When I started looking for a playpartner who I could tie up and thwack, I was honest with her that while I'd done it a lot, I was a bit rusty, as I'd been in a monogamous relationship as a submissive for 3 years. We've mostly just played together, but I've had someone teach me how to use needles, and we've attended a couple of other classes together. I don't consider cyber to be experience - it's just fantasy.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 9:02:13 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion? Does online count for anything? Attending play parties? Studying the lifestyle online?

Experience is all those things and more. The problem with experience is anyone can claim it. Even when it's a fact of someone's life, experience can hinder as much as help. Spirit is far more valuable to me. There is no notch in the belt or trophy in a curio to know it's there, but is evident enough with patient observation.

Experience can be overrated. It is critical in one's exploration and certainly sharpens one's technical skills, but is still only half the equation.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 9:17:40 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian
Spirit is far more valuable to me.

I'll echo this, as spirit is critical in both directions.

He who owns me has a rather short "resume" of experience, yet who he is as a man is someone I just naturally meld to, and how he conducts himself, me and this relationship is impressive to me and extremely effective. There have been times during "play" when it's clear we're both doing something for the first time in a long time, and it's actually a shared bonding moment. And a little rustiness in technique doesn't concern me at all, when in the hands of someone who carries himself as he does. The comments/conversations that take place during those times often have us both cracking up anyway.

We're experiencing each other, and that's far more important than what we have experienced before each other.

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RE: What do you count as experience? - 1/18/2010 11:06:03 AM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I have been wondering this for a while. I read two profiles in the past couple of months that made me wonder.

1. A couples profile boasting that between the two of them, they have more experience than any other person on collarme. They live in Colorado Springs, and nobody there has heard of them.

2. A young man who claims ten years experience but seems to not know the basics.

So... what constitutes "experience" in your opinion? Does online count for anything? Attending play parties? Studying the lifestyle online? How about down time, such as a period of D/s inactivity sandwiched by two relationships?

Personally, I count real-time experience with another person(s).

#1 may be compelete frauds -or they may have a lot of experience in private or the private scene but not the public scene. Many don't base their bdsm on the public scene. I'm one of those myself, lots of private experience but very little (only about 3 years) public experience.

#2 again may be a fraud, but also could be an issue of what basics? Protocol? Everyone's is different. Flogging or other activity? Everyone's interests vary.

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