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RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/26/2006 8:16:49 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet

I've had the same experiences you're referring to.  Submissives who have been to Pro Dommes who are either doing it solely for the money or are experiencing burn out.  By the time they come to me, they're very wary of whether I can make their experience worth it or not.  They want their "money's worth".  I knew when I got into this that Pro Dommes on the whole are not well thought of and hesitated to do it for that one reason.  I finally decided that I would let my "work" stand on it's own merit and eventually I would have to establish a reputation of my own.  So far it's been very rewarding.  When I start to feel as you do, it will be time for me to give it up as well.
Mistress Scarlet


I've heard all kinds of horror stories about guys who went to someone they thought was a professional and pretty much got nothing more than an otk in someone's living room or a hotel room or got way more than they bargained for and left greatful to have gotten out with their life.  Hell, I've heard horror stories of things done in ignorance in pro houses that just made my hair stand on end.

My burn out is about being a commodity.  I'm simply not willing to engage in it anymore from anyone, although I have to be honest and say that lifestylers approach me as a commodity much more than any potential clients ever did.  Introductory emails from lifestylers who 'aren't looking for a pro' tend to read like fragmented sentences that are essentially just laundry lists, clear statements of an unwillingness to pay followed with "do you have a stocked dungeon, full fetish wardrobe and how soon can we meet?"  Introductory emails from perspective clients tend to be well thought out, polite and have an overall tone of letting the lady set the pace.

I won't consider a lifestyler who adamantly refuses to consider a pro or has judgement about it.  Not because I want a client, but because I don't care for the mindset.  My experience is that they, in general, are controlling and have a lot of issues and preconceived notions about their kink and about d/s relationships.  A rigid unwillingness to consider it at all shows me a commitment to narrow mindedness that doesn't leave any room for seeing how they could enhance a domina's life and hyperfocuses on what they are looking for.  These tend to be folks who are so caught up in their own agenda that they can't see the domina for the whips, which puts me back to being a commodity.

Homey don't play dat.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/26/2006 8:27:47 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

MisSuz,
there is no extreme offense taken by what Luvsponge wrote. It is just really too damn easy for me when I feel biten to bite back, I respect your opinion.
I also thank you for your imput, like MstrssScarlet wrote she hopes that this wasn't brought up to rid the boards of Pro's, to the contrary I asked out of curiousity for myself and maybe possibly now for others as I think the Pro-Dommes may be mis-understood by people here.
Perhaps this thread can turn to a place for the Pro-Dommes to share a bit of themselves, maybe better understanding would persue?
 
*Brightspot


I don't think the management here has issues with pros.  It's the lifestylers that have issues with pros and many of them, whether they realize it or not, are really just railing against "money dommes" who seem to only be looking to victimize (although I have learned that there is a fairly large contingent of folks on both ends of the whip who are really into that sort of thing). 

Kinky people are just a cross section of society at large.  Just as there will always be people who only see the 'us and them' side of things in general society, the same can be said of lifestylers.  There will always be people with judgement (regardless of the venue) and, as is usually the case, their judgement will usually spring from ignorance or only negative experience.

In general I stopped trying to illuminate this issue for folks some time ago.  For those that believe it is wrong there can be no explanation, for those that have no judgement no explanation is needed.  One thing that a lot of lifestylers don't realize is that someone who pros for a living gets a LOT of play and experience.  It could take a lifestyle domina many years to get the amount of experience the average pro will get in a year, and yes that often includes significant out of session relationships.

Mutual understanding is always nice, though.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/26/2006 9:01:02 PM   
MsSophie


Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline
I have been working as a Domestic Discipline specialist for some years and I always prefered that lable, or the one of Guilt Management Consultant, to Pro-Domme. I did accept people in my sitting room and blankly refused to have anything to do with fetish gear, but that was my thing and they were never lead to believe anything else. Maybe atypical, but I was never involved in any kind of prostitution and even though I have my fair share of "nekkid piccies" on the net I have never been involved in large scale, or any scale, pornography.

Just as MizSuz points out, it wasn't so much the genuine clients who were the problem but the endless lines of hopefulls who seemed to think that because I sold a service I would only be too filled with joy and jump at the chance of being allowed to practice it for free on someone and then getting abusive when I politely declined.

I was never unclear in my advertising, never ran any half detectable ads on various ad sites which otherwise banned pro's - I simply ran my site as my shop front and that was that. The mere cheek of going into a pro-dommes site and then mailing her, from the same site, and demanding she do all sort of things without payment. That's like going to a hairdressers, demanding the full treatment and then claiming the hairdresser should do it for the sheer pleasure of it!

Sophie

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 3:47:34 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSophie

I did accept people in my sitting room and blankly refused to have anything to do with fetish gear, but that was my thing and they were never lead to believe anything else.

I had a couple of spankophiles who wanted nothing to do with fetish accoutrement as well.  Nice guys and our time was always a pleasure.  True gentlemen, they all were.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSophie

I was never unclear in my advertising, never ran any half detectable ads on various ad sites which otherwise banned pro's - I simply ran my site as my shop front and that was that. The mere cheek of going into a pro-dommes site and then mailing her, from the same site, and demanding she do all sort of things without payment. That's like going to a hairdressers, demanding the full treatment and then claiming the hairdresser should do it for the sheer pleasure of it!


Clarity is the thing, I think.  Tell me, have you also received judgement from the lifestyle community?


< Message edited by MizSuz -- 3/27/2006 3:48:29 AM >


_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to MsSophie)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 7:51:45 AM   
MsSophie


Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline
I never actually recieved much critisism from the life style community. Maybe it's got to do with that I had a very forth-right attitude and didn't mix work with pleasure. Obviously there was the odd sour comment on message boards if someone actually figured out that the obscure Ms Sophie actually was the same person as the pro-domme Sophie Sinclair, but given how bloody tight the average swedish life style sub is most people wouldn't have connected the two since they wouldn't have been looking at the pro-sites. This would obviously not have been the case if I had been trawling the life-style sites for clients, something that never happened.

Sophie

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 5:10:11 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Within a year or three of going pro I opened a studio and devoted a considerable amount of time and energy to the local community.  My studio was home to a couple of munch groups and a bunch of great people.

I got a lot of opportunity to watch lifestylers with judgement realize their judgements and assumptions didn't necessarily fit and they had to readjust (I strived not to be too smug).  In person things usually go differently than online in this regard.  There's all kinds of judgement in the community:  Lifestylers v. Pros, Lifestyler v. The Clubber, Slave v. Sub, SSC v. Rack v. Fuck That Shit, D/sers v. S/mers, Edge Players v. Sensualists - I could go on.



_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to MsSophie)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 5:33:56 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline
what gets me is, there are some Dommes here that actually post in their journals about offering phone donimation for a set amout per minute. if i wanted someone to "tell" me what to do to myself and such, i could do that for free on IRC chat.

too bad this allows such things. why don't these ProDommes just use their own website for this form of advertising?

and why are the physically attractive ones mostly ProDommes?

makes it harder to sort through the BS on this site with all these Pros roaming around.


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 7:54:38 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

what gets me is, there are some Dommes here that actually post in their journals about offering phone donimation for a set amout per minute. if i wanted someone to "tell" me what to do to myself and such, i could do that for free on IRC chat.

too bad this allows such things. why don't these ProDommes just use their own website for this form of advertising?

and why are the physically attractive ones mostly ProDommes?

makes it harder to sort through the BS on this site with all these Pros roaming around.


Believe it or not there are a number of folks for whom phone domination meets their needs and wants.  I'm glad there are phone dommes out there who are keeping them busy, otherwise they'd be spewing all over my email account.

It's really very simple, if you don't want to participate then click "next."  Be pissy at the ones who contact you unsolicited trying to get you to give them something.  It's like the TV, if you don't like what you're seeing then change the channel.

Why are the whiners usually the ones complaining that the lifestylers aren't attractive enough?  "I'm not looking for a pro!  Do you look like a magazine domme?!?"

Thank you for making my point.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 8:25:17 PM   
WhiteRadiance


Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
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I think it is funny that there is so much snobbery associated with BDSM.  I am one of the guilty minions who charges for sessions.  Why shouldn't I?  I have yet to find one submissive who can serve me on my terms.  My terms are not impossible.  I need a yard boy.  Mow my grass for some training, or beating.  I have no takers.  Why?  Because the "submissives" want someone to do to them exactly what THEY want done- on THEIR terms.  They look on Domination as a game, NOT a Power Exchange.   They see Dominant women as nothing but objects.

In a Pro session I set the tone.  I take a client if I like him.  He knows the rules.He does not dictate the session. 


What I run across (and this is just my opinion) are little sluts who go to parties and play slave games, then think every dominant should let them "serve" her by bending over her knee, or "letting" her do something to him.  THERE IS A DIFFERENCE IN BOTTOMING AND BEING A SUBMISSIVE.

Listen up, boys!  Every relationship is a give and take.  I need my lawn tended, you need a spanking!  Or, you need to be USED and I need a new toy!  Either way, it works.  There is absolutely no need for people to object to those who provide a service.  YES- It is VERY OFTEN the Domme who provides the service!  If I am going to be your fantasy, and you are not going to be MINE- then you should pay for it. 

Radiance  

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 9:21:11 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline
any further comment from me on this subject would be twisted into whinnery and i think my opinions are as equally exceptable as others here, i guess, in that respect, i am mistaken. so, i yield the flor to those "holier-than-though" people on here that dictate what is and isn't whining.


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 9:36:21 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

what gets me is, there are some Dommes here that actually post in their journals about offering phone donimation for a set amout per minute. if i wanted someone to "tell" me what to do to myself and such, i could do that for free on IRC chat.

too bad this allows such things. why don't these ProDommes just use their own website for this form of advertising?

and why are the physically attractive ones mostly ProDommes?

makes it harder to sort through the BS on this site with all these Pros roaming around.



Some subs are not so limited by lack of imagination.  How does phone domination work?  If she is getting off on it, does it matter?  (I am not talking about pay for play). Phone domination is not about a woman describing to you what she would do to you. It's about her MAKING you do things while she listens (and in my case, pleasures herself).

My best phone relationships evolve to me sending toys wrapped tightly and listening with anticipation as he opens it, hearing him breathing nervously. Then he takes out what I have sent to him, realizing he must use it for me.  Sometimes I make him photograph or take .avi films of the process and torments -- while I listen and get off.

Is this a replacement for face to face BDSM and sex? Of course not.  But with the right sub, it can be a powerful kind of foreplay and hot addition to masturbation. If he has a great voice and is willing to do all the nasty things I ask him to do -- I'm more than happy to pay the phone bill AND for the toys.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 9:37:02 PM   
MsSophie


Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline
Ah, a lot to go on here;

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA
what gets me is, there are some Dommes here that actually post in their journals about offering phone donimation for a set amout per minute. if i wanted someone to "tell" me what to do to myself and such, i could do that for free on IRC chat.


Of course you can get instructions for free on an IRC chat, but how do you know who is giving the instructions?
In my experience, as a woman, there is very little to gain, on a strictly personal level, from sitting and typing wanking material for a total stranger. Call me jaded, but why should I take time from my life to submit to someone else's desires when this gives me absolutely zero satisfaction? And the cruel, crass truth is that most women actually don't derive much pleasure from typing. We do not have a clit in our fingertips.

The other crass truth is that it is usually this particular attitude which provokes many "phone dommes" to open up a Niteflirt line and post about it in their journal. Try logging on to any of the larger IM netwroks with a female name and see what happens, you get inundated with insane suggestions of what all these people want you to do to them, and do to you. You may as well charge for the time it takes to shut the IM windows down cause the individuals on the other side cares not one bit for what *you* want and desire.

quote:

too bad this allows such things. why don't these ProDommes just use their own website for this form of advertising?


This is of course a point. However, personally I think it's better that you can read in the open when someone is expecting a fee for the time you are spending together than sling it on you forteen mails down the line. 

quote:

and why are the physically attractive ones mostly ProDommes?

makes it harder to sort through the BS on this site with all these Pros roaming around.



You know Michael, I think the above sentence is rather disturbing. To me, at least, it displays a blatent disregard for womanhood. It objectifies women and seem to indicate that you have some kind of mock version of what a woman should be in your head and expect everyone to live up to it.

Have you got any idea how much time, effort and money goes into the "dream domme" image? Who do you suggest should pay for this fantasy creation? Is it every dominant womans duty to maintain this image or should it be done by those who crave it?

Take a look at my picture, wheather you have a preference for my body type or not it's a bloody good picture which to a lot of people is appealing, if not desirable. This photo was created during my years as a pro.

I say created, because that is the simple fact. The make up, the dress, the hair, the nails, photography, retouching and everything else took a huge amount of effort, money and time. Do you honestly think this is how I look when I pop down to the local supermarket or even go on a regular date?

Who, with a regular job, has the time and funds to spend two hours in front of the mirror before going to work?

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 9:46:34 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline
i'm not painting any picture of women, just Pro Dommes...another example of words being twisted and distorted to prove a point that was not there in the first place.

i will not be posting here on this subject again because everything i say gets twisted.


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 9:55:25 PM   
MsSophie


Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline
Please Michael, if I have misunderstood you I beg you to correct me. I do have a wish to see the best in all so I need to know.
What did you mean by saying that "and why are the physically attractive ones mostly ProDommes? "?
This is a key sentence to me, as a woman.

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 10:00:32 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline
let me rephrase:

most of the ProDommes tend to look like models or actresses in that respect. even some that don't originally state they are Pro Dommes that look like that tned to turn out to be ProDommes.

hope that clears it up


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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 10:07:23 PM   
MsSophie


Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline
That clears it up, thank you!

I can give you the answer, even


The average dominant woman on this site is most surely an averagely looking person. Those photos you are drawn to are the created ones, those created as advertising. Most ordinary people haven't got the need, or urge, to pay all that money for advertisments which isn't aimed to bring income.

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 10:12:33 PM   
petwolf22


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline
i worked as a prodomme for about a year (for me it was more indulging my sadism) and still work as an exotic dancer.  5 years now. 

(in reply to MsSophie)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 10:31:43 PM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline
Ok, I just stopped in for a minute and this thread caught my eye.  (Wonder why??)  I felt that all of the ladies did an excellent job of explaining things.  Miss Suz, I thank you especially for standing up for Pro Dommes in general.  I was actually more concerned of what other people I knew in the lifestyle would think than anyone else.  
As to the gentleman that insisted on whining:
I have right on my profile that I don't do online sessions (you can check - I'll wait), yet I still get requests for it all the time.  I usually politely refer them back to the profile and explain to them that I'm r/t only.  I'm never rude about it.
I've also experienced the "How much dungeon equipment do you have?" " I'm a cross dresser, but I don't own anything.  How much do you have in my size?"  "You dress in fetish wear at all the sessions, right?"
These are sometimes the very same people who complain about the tribute, even though I require about half the norm for this area.  Where do they think I'm going to get the money to purchase all these things?  And as MsSophie pointed out, why would you NOT charge for this?  It is a service!
I have also been willing to exchange labor for sessions.  There are always things that need to be done around the house and grass to be mowed.  I have yet to have one single submissive take me up on this.  I think WhiteRadiance is probably right on point with this one.
I had to laugh about the "You look like a magazine model Domme, right?"  That one is almost a given.
When it comes right down to it, I'm not trying to be greedy.  I enjoy what I do.  I work very hard to be sure that every submissive that walks out that door enjoyed him/herself so much that they want to come back.  If not to me, then someone else.  I keep a spotless dungeon and the clean up after something like wax play can be a real bitch.  I simply want something back for what I've given.  When I had a personal submissive, he used to take care of a ton of stuff for me and in exchange we had very frequent sessions and he received a lot of attention from me. Now that I'm a Pro, I'm simply taking that tribute and paying someone to do the things my personal submissive used to do for me.
MissSuz, I sure hope you're right about the people here on collarme.  I was kicked off of one site because they "discovered" I was a Pro Domme.  Never mind that there were a few hundred, maybe thousand more of them still on there.  My guess is that someone complained because I refused to see them and that was the beginning of the end.  And yes, I also refuse to see anyone that I think is just looking for kinky sex.  That calls for a completely different kind of Pro.
Mistress Scarlet




(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/27/2006 10:43:11 PM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline
Whoa!  Apparently I missed out on MsSophie's "discussion" while I was typing what turned out to be an extremely long post. You go girl!  LOL
Mistress Scarlet

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How Many Pro-Dommes Here... - 3/28/2006 5:11:11 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

what gets me is, there are some Dommes here that actually post in their journals about offering phone donimation for a set amout per minute. if i wanted someone to "tell" me what to do to myself and such, i could do that for free on IRC chat.

too bad this allows such things. why don't these ProDommes just use their own website for this form of advertising?



Supply and demand.   If there were not a lot of potential clients around, there wouldn't be a lot of prodommes around.

I'm a lifestyle domme, and I am regularly approached by subs looking for sessions, much more often than subs looking for lifestyle relationships.  Boys wanting to know if I will fulfill their specific kink, if I have a full dungeon they can come visit, if I will wear what they want me to wear because they assume I have a closet full of fetish clothes, if I have the toys they want to play with (from simple things like floggers & paddles to very high ticket items like cages, coffins, leather sleepsacks, leather straightjackets). Whether or not I get offered tribute for such sessions varies.  I often do, and I just as often get rather amusing responses to my suggestion that they shell out the several thousand dollars it costs to buy the outfit that they want to see the domme in.

The reality is that many guys who are interested in BDSM have no intention of integrating it into their lives and making sacrifices to do so, but rather just want their kink itch scratched without giving a lot of thought of what they need to do that other than show up.  If that's what they want - fine - but what they are asking for is clearly a service. 

If we ban all the prodommes from this site, can we also ban all the married/involved guys looking for a domme on the side, because I'm only open to seeing single subs?   I've toyed with the idea of putting a disclaimer on my profile that says "If you're not single, then disregard above - I'm a prodomme".

The point?  We all have to put up with the fact that there are people we find personally undesirable on this site.  How much energy one chooses to waste worrying about it is another matter.

Fortunately, there ARE a lot of wonderful lifestyle subs out there, meaning boys who do integrate this into their lives, and work at having something solid to offer as their part of being in a relationship.  

quote:

 
and why are the physically attractive ones mostly ProDommes?


Michael, if you think this is anything less than insulting to women in general, go back to Manners 101.   And take note about Sophie's comments about having the money and time to present a professional, model-like appearance being in line with being a professional. 

On average, people are average looking.  Duh.  I happen to find average looking men with a good head on their shoulders who display good manners to be extremely attractive. 

quote:

  i'm not painting any picture of women, just Pro Dommes...another example of words being twisted and distorted to prove a point that was not there in the first place.


Your words aren't being twisted; you did indeed stick your foot in your mouth yet again.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 3/28/2006 5:24:50 AM >


_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 40
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