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RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 9:32:32 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Hazmat suit.

Lye and shovel.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 9:52:55 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		If a girl Im supposed to meet, is not smart enuff to know how to make herself feel comfortable in the situation.  Guess what?  She is no where near adult enuff to hang with me.  SHEESH

BTFW.  What in the world does not having a cell phone have to do with anything???

ETA  read the 2nd page and noticed something about a idiot...  I wouldn't go that far but...Paranoia seems to be running rampant

BadOne  

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 1/20/2010 10:03:22 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 10:06:28 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Since the OP brought it up and seems to be new at the game......

Safe calls are nice in theory, but they really don't provide you with any guarantee of security or safety whatsoever, if you really stop and think about it. 

What if he plays the part of someone you'd trust your babies' lives with until just after you make your safe call.....then as soon as you get into the car, he takes your purse with the phone in it and throws it off the Driscoll Bridge?   What if you get to the hotel room, are tied inescapably to the bedposts, and he gets out the carving knives and the latest copy of "Dissection For Dummies"?  Who you gonna call?  Corpsebusters???

It's like, safe calls "work" if there IS no danger, but if danger happens, that phone is only going to help you if you're lucky enough to have access to it and his IBS flares up so that he's stuck in the bathroom and hasn't tied you down first.  Or, if it worked the way it's supposed to in theory, where you've reached your call buddy and the 911 operator and the police and/or EMT squad and the hotel staff (assuming you went to a hotel and not out to the Delaware Water Gap) all cooperate with each other to act swiftly......they might only be there in time to identify your body before rigor sets in.  See?

The "bad guys" know about safe calls, and, if they have bad things in mind, the first thing they're going to do is to get rid of your phone.

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 10:25:43 AM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline

You guys make me laugh. There is a line between paranoia and idiocy.

If I said I have hands down decided not to meet this guy, I bet I would be getting posts about how I've been on CM since October and have yet to have a real bdsm encounter and how I am just making excuses... and not all guys have a gift for establishing trust... and blah blah blah... Whatever excuse you can use to criticize... This would turn into a open forum on fakes and the all anger some random Doms have ever felt at being rejected would get aimed at me. Surely, I would be named fake #1 for having asked a question.

I think I have determined he is not the type I am looking for an LTR with, but I'm not scared enough by the one comment to have already made the decision never to meet him. I didn't recap every little bit of our conversations over the past couple of months. I recounted the disturbing part.

I love how details get filled in with imagination and attributed to the OP!
For example, when did I ever say I was meeting anyone in hotel room? Ever? Show me please.

If you weren't moving forward on the assumption that I am an idiot, you might think to ask me if we have ever talked about limits and how he reacted. You might ask how long I have been talking to him, or how much I know about him. You might even try reading my profile. Surely though, you've assumed everything you need to know about me.

I don't mind you using my thread as a PSA to the women who put themselves in danger, but really, some posters on CM have a nasty habit of attributing the situation they want to rant about to the OP. I see it over and over again when I read. If you're expecting me to think you've given me an opinion that is worthwhile, you'll have to say something more than you think this or that of me because you "can tell". If that's the kind of advice I was looking for, I'd consult the lines on my palm instead of a message board full of people who have been there and done that.

If I was asking you to decide for me what I should do, I would have included way more details. Instead though, I asked specifically how others feel about meeting someone who doesn't think it's their responsibility to establish trust. To what degree you think trust is based on faith is interesting to me…. To what degree do you need to trust someone for a night of fun vs. committing to them long term is interesting to me…Your snap judgments are not-


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode
quote:

Thank God you're here to tell me what an idiot I am

There are those that are gullible to the point that they should not be allowed out of the house without a minder... No way of telling if that is you.

I can tell that it is her.

Indeed, you do well to thank God that sexyred1 is here to tell you that you are an idiot, PainfullyCurious.

Do not talk to again and most certainly do not meet that creep that is clearly about to abuse you and perchance murder you in some obscure hotel room.

Whether a dominant or a top, a submissive or slave must be able to trust him. This creep that you are considering to meet has already admitted that he is neither a dominant nor a top and is clearly not trustworthy.



(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 10:36:47 AM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		Here's a perfect example of what I don't mind..

SB is referring to a girl he might be meeting... Not the OP.

He's not assuming I am incapable of making myself comfortable because I was curious to know what others do. He's just making a point.

Just because I am open to the fact that there may be be someone out there with a good idea that hasn't crossed my mind, doesn't mean I am incapable of anything, and so, that's not what he said... and so no offense was taken... and the discussion goes on...


quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

If a girl Im supposed to meet, is not smart enuff to know how to make herself feel comfortable in the situation.  Guess what?  She is no where near adult enuff to hang with me.  SHEESH



(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 10:36:55 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		wind.

You bring up a valid point ...the OP must be new to dating and meeting strangers.  Ya know the kind your parents warned you about.  I think for about 500 bucks she could purchase a EPIRB  Emergency Position Indicating Radiobeacon.

It's really slick bounces a beam off a satellite built in GPS,  monitored 24/7.  Believe you me you set this thing off the posse will come running.  I talking coast guard choppers.  Ships will divert their course to come save yer ass.  The CG might be wondering why this location shows a motel 6.  But that's another story.  The downside it only comes on only color Bright ORANGE.  So it would prolly clash with the outfit.  But it is one bad ass live saving device.

Motown BadOne




_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 10:40:47 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I tried the EPIRB once.....but the bad guy knew about them, found it, and threw it off the GWB (George Washington Bridge), and the result was a lot of Coast Guard cutters and a nuclear sub all piled up against the Little Red Lighthouse.....

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 11:15:52 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I really love this the OP thinks some of us need advice on how to meet ppl the PSA remark.  When I am positive she posed the questions to us.  Personally I'd like to think the ppl here are smarter than that but there is always that person who needs special help. 

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 11:47:45 AM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I really love this the OP thinks some of us need advice on how to meet ppl the PSA remark.  When I am positive she posed the questions to us.  Personally I'd like to think the ppl here are smarter than that but there is always that person who needs special help. 

BadOne



Actually, I am pretty sure you misunderstood the comment.
Not matter...
If you want to volunteer yourself as one of the people who make assumptions about an OP for bringing up a question, then I stand corrected. You meant to say I'm immature.

So according to what I've read today:

I'm an idiot for being paranoid.
I'm an idiot for meeting people too.
I'm an idiot for wondering what others do.

and though no one has commented on faith/trust nor trust/one-night of fun issue... I am the one who is "no where near adult"...

Hmmm, well, AGAIN like with most posts I see, if there is anyone who actually wants to answer the question without having to worry about being bullied around, go a ahead and send me a private message. I'm all ears.

Those of you who want to make assumptions about my nature... (Especially those of you who once wanted to spend more time talking to me and are now taking cheap shots at me for not oblidging...) Have at it. This thread is all yours. :O)


(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 12:09:42 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		What does it say about your nature that you answer all the posts that you believe attack you, and few of the posts that did not?

Remember, these are pixels generated by strangers on the internet.  Do you really care if they think you are an idiot?  If your answer is yes, then I agree that you are immature.  If your answer is no, why are you stressing?

Meet people in real life and have a great time.  Don't ride the message-board drama llama.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to PainfullyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 12:13:00 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

Those of you who want to make assumptions about my nature... (Especially those of you who once wanted to spend more time talking to me and are now taking cheap shots at me for not oblidging...) Have at it. This thread is all yours. :O)


SailingBum chase off another one?


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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 12:15:06 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		I agree that I paid insufficient attention to your thread and your situation. I apologize for that.

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 1:43:36 PM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		PainfullyCurious, in answer to your query, for me trust is absolute important and confess i am perhaps anal with seeking out character values as well. I desire to place Her on a pedestal above me and prefer my submission to be from the mindset that i worship Her. If i am not with sense of trust then i am guarded and tend not to let go completely. If these aspects are all in place then i can go very deep and easily allow limits to be pushed and explored.

With trust and respect, faith comes easily... the three are intertwined. For someone You do not know to say they like to control and to give pain in the bedroom and also that they enjoy the mind-fuck of women not knowing how far he will go... to me i would say you definetly want a sense of trust if you are considering venturing into such waters with a stranger. I remember my fear with the 'Mistress from hell' and it is not a experience i would  desire again. Physically it was too intense yes, but mostly it was the psychological aspect... she represented herself falsely, she ignored limits, obviously we experienced  communication breakdown, seemed not to care. I quickly lost trust in her and feared for my safety. It was my first real pro-domme experience and at the age of 19-20 with limited experience ohhhh yesssss it was a mind-fuck absolutely. Also dampened my zest for future experiences and negatively affected my perception of Dommes and power exchange. Indeed it was one year before i ventured forth again.

I can understand when you say the idea is exciting, however keep in mind fantasy and reality are much different. I absolute do have one very big concern however and that is the fact this is your first bd/sm experience. As a potential first time experience my word of advice is to move on and absolute do not travel this path at this time. From what i interpret he is without respect and instead attempts to justify himself and his actions without consideration of your doubts or concerns. Power exchange and bd/sm can be a wonderful magical experience and absolute it should be, do not ruin it because a fantasy or desire over-rides logic and common sense... listen to your inner voice and gut instinct.

I will briefly recount another episode with a friend whom i had introduced to bd/sm. When She got intense it was amazing because She changed completely... voice, eyes, facial expression, persona... everything. She was imaginative and sadistic. Many times this totally different person instilled fear in me and pushed my limits. It was wonderful and magical... why... because i trusted Her! I had faith and i knew She cared and was conscious of safety. She was with wickedly delicious imagination and no other has been as cruel or instilled as much fear in me as or as often as She has. It was all good, all positive and the memories that i cherish still. She was a newbie but She was a natural :-) Definetly TRUST and to know they CARE is absolute important!!!

With trust and respect it is power exchange... without trust and respect  then it easily can degenerate to abuse.

Just my two cents worth.




(in reply to PainfullyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 2:10:13 PM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		I do see your point.
Although I will tell you how I see it:

When people act like some are acting... There are 2 ways to handle it:

1- Believe if you ignore them, they will go away.
2- Don't appease a bully. It will only get worse.

I think #1 is the best way... but it only works if the behavior is ignored everytime. Since it's impossible to coordinate that with everyone on CM, I choose #2 because I would like to be able to post questions and get a minimum amount of nonsense in return.

You are right though... I was trying to also pay attention to the people who gave real answers and my focus should be more on them. If it appears that I have lost that focus, then that's not how I intended to come off. I will pay more attention to the other stuff.


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

What does it say about your nature that you answer all the posts that you believe attack you, and few of the posts that did not?

Remember, these are pixels generated by strangers on the internet.  Do you really care if they think you are an idiot?  If your answer is yes, then I agree that you are immature.  If your answer is no, why are you stressing?

Meet people in real life and have a great time.  Don't ride the message-board drama llama.


(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 2:13:06 PM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		Thank You.
Consider it forgotten.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

I agree that I paid insufficient attention to your thread and your situation. I apologize for that.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 2:16:47 PM   
PainfullyCurious


Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline 		NibbyJibby-

Thank you for your 2 cents. It's worth a lot to me.

(in reply to NibbyJibby)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 4:09:35 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		I'm in an LTR so I don't meet people in this manner but if I were meeting folks I would have no problem sharing names and pics and phone numbers as long as the other party is also willing to share. Just to meet for coffee I really wouldn't need to know much about them nor them about me. Pics are a must for me - at least you can identify the person. I would not meet someone who could not or would not share pics beforehand. I understand why some folks are hesitant about it but I just would not go there. Phone numbers are handy in case one party gets held up enroute or their plans change last minute but I understand people not wanting to share those right up front. It's not a must have for me. If they can't or don't make it I would relax and have a nice cup of coffee and go home.


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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 4:10:43 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		You know, I've met and played on first meets, had a blast.
I've invited a stranger to my home for coffee, made a great friend.
I've met at places that weren't safe, had some very stimulating conversations.

Weirdly enough, the only time I was ever in a dangerous situation and harmed - was when I did all the 'right' and 'safe' things.  You can't always trust your gut.  Dangerous people are usually NOT the weird ones who make your hair stand up.

I'm not advocating being unsafe.  I'd still preach the same spiel about safety to people involving themselves in WIITWD, but it really isn't any guarantee of safety. 


(in reply to PainfullyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 4:22:04 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Oh, Come on!!!   Shit chick, this isn't rocket science.  I read your profile.  You seem to have an idea of what you want.

Now you put things into action. 

People meet all over this wonderful wide world of sports. You meet at church, the supermarket, or while doing some charitable work for the D.S.R.A.

Many times the initial meeting is brief.  So you get out there and do the damn thing.  You meet.  You stare into each others eyes and see what works out.

Now if you feel like you ain't the best judge of character and might fall into harms way then cover your tracks.  take a cab, No inital phone # other than your cell, don't say shit about your occupation, freinds or family members or where you might live.  Then you meet and take your lovely time in sorting all of this shit out.  Obviously, in the meantime, the Dom will have lost interest and have chosen to pursue a woman with a bit more people skills.

Good luck.  This is really no big thang.  Just be cool like a little fonzie.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Meeting - 1/20/2010 4:25:36 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

What do you do before meeting someone from CM for the first time?
(Input on anything from precautions to fashion tips welcome.) :o)

I haven't been on any vanilla dating sites either, so saying that you handle it just like meeting anyone else would not be very helpful. Also, some people on CM are more concerned about discretion...

How much information do you like to have about/give to the person you are meeting? Full name? Pic? Phone number? No information at all?

Yes... I know everyone is different. I want different perspectives, thus why I am asking on a message board. What makes you feel comfortable?


First you fly yer ass tae Hawaii so I can learn ya in tha fine arts of meet'en folk.


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(in reply to PainfullyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 60
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