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bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 11:16:28 AM

jacksonsprat

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I am completely new to this. My wife says she is a submissive and has been finding out about this lifestyle for several months. She has told me that she wants this as a part of our marriage. I am not certain how to start and was wondering how other masters have started and what one does to begin in this type of lifestyle. Can you suggest simple things that would explore a D/s relationship.

Post #: 1

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 11:35:55 AM

AnnaOfAramis

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...

< Message edited by AnnaOfAramis -- 1/19/2010 11:36:32 AM >

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RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 11:37:46 AM

MasterAramis

Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
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The first bit of advice that I can offer you is read. John Warren's books are a good place to start. The Loving Dominant is one of his and a good read too.

The second piece of advice is COMMUNICATE with each other. This is going to take some time and it won't happen over night. Don't rush. Relax and let things work naturally.

Aramis

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RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 3:25:53 PM

DesFIP

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The first thing is for you to tell her to stop being impatient. She's got six months of learning up on you and needs to wait till you catch up.

However it's easiest to start with bedroom play only. Tie her wrists to the bedpost and tell her not to cum without permission. Then tease her and back off every time she gets close. Put her over your knee and give her a light spanking with plenty of playing with her girly bits between. Fun stuff.

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RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 3:43:55 PM

HisFlame

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First thing you should do is talk to her and find out what it is that she needs. I have found that there is such a variety in D/s relationship. What you need to find out is what it is that she's looking for. Once you find out what it is that she is looking for, study. Learn all that you can and keep talking to her, keep finding out what it is that she's looking for and what it is that you are comfortable with. And don't try to rush things. Take your time and explore.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 4:05:12 PM

LadyPact

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I agree with the reading. Along with "The Loving Dominant", you might find some additional books that interest you on this thread http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm . A recommendation that I tend to give for folks just starting out is "When Someone You Love Is Kinky". It will go over some very basic things for you, such as terminology, so you and your wife can both be on the same page. Reading whatever she's been reading these past months would also be a good idea.

If you're interested in exploring other facets, you may also be interested in attending munches. Many groups hold get togethers, discussion groups on the lifestyle, as well as offer demos if you are interested in learning various types of play. Not only will you get to meet folks who are into the same things, you'll get to see the many different ways of how they approach D/s in their lives.

Yes, and don't feel rushed. Try a little something and then discuss whatever you did with your wife. Was it fun? Did both of you enjoy it? What other ideas might you come up with together? It's absolutely not a race. This (hopefully) will be one of those areas of life where you want to enjoy the ride

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RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 4:10:25 PM

mc1234

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quote:

The first thing is for you to tell her to stop being impatient.

I didn't see anything about impatience in the OP.

I agree with the advice others have given. Read up online. Another good book to read is "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" - easily ordered on Amazon. See what fits you, what feels good, what she's curious about. And have fun!

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RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 5:20:16 PM

osf

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i'm a bdsm dummy so i just hit harder

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to jacksonsprat)

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RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 5:23:20 PM

osf

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jacksonsprat

I am completely new to this. My wife says she is a submissive and has been finding out about this lifestyle for several months. She has told me that she wants this as a part of our marriage. I am not certain how to start and was wondering how other masters have started and what one does to begin in this type of lifestyle. Can you suggest simple things that would explore a D/s relationship.

my journal has what i consider some good material on d/s but it's not a how to manual

if your interested in the dynamics as i see them it's not a bad place to start, though some here would disagree

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to jacksonsprat)

Post #: 9

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 6:59:54 PM

Delphinus

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www.takeninhand.com

Might not be what you're looking for, but...might be.

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"Silly bitch."

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RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 7:59:38 PM

SailingBum

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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one word Leadership start there.

Enjoi BadOne

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RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 11:13:07 PM

antipode

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Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

what one does to begin in this type of lifestyle

Desire, and inclination. You do not become a dom because your wife tells you to. Telling you makes her the dom, not you. It is something that is part of your personality, it isn't something you learn, like Chinese. Find out what your wife wants - is she bored, bored with you, bored with your sex life, is she heading for divorce, what set her up. Simple, it won't be.

(in reply to jacksonsprat)

Post #: 12

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/19/2010 11:50:28 PM

MastersMaiden

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A fun way to learn what she is looking for from this "new" interest is to have her write some stories (erotic are the best :P). Get her to write out a fantasy she has, or what she thinks Bdsm is. If she is shy, you could make this even more fun (if you happen to be so inclined) by some slight punishment if she refuses.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 13

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/20/2010 9:52:18 AM

ranja

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Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jacksonsprat

I am completely new to this. My wife says she is a submissive and has been finding out about this lifestyle for several months. She has told me that she wants this as a part of our marriage. I am not certain how to start and was wondering how other masters have started and what one does to begin in this type of lifestyle. Can you suggest simple things that would explore a D/s relationship.

A very good way to start is by informing your wife that if she thinks she is a submissive she can start by ASKING you politely if BDSM may PLEASE become part of your marriage.... and if she has done that to your liking... you might consider granting her request...
Tell her to always ask you permission before she masturbates and have her take your shoes off after you come home from work...
be imaginative, read read read

oh there is so much fun to be had

(in reply to jacksonsprat)

Post #: 14

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/21/2010 2:55:04 PM

wandrinfule

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Joined: 1/21/2010
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As a fellow somewhat inexperienced (kind of, got a few years) dominant, I'd say, do what feels natural. Take control on little issues, but don't push it. take it slow. This will be easier if you have that side to you. It doesn't need to be what owns you, but I think you've gotta have it. Do you get a kick out of controlling her, wrestling her, teasing her, making her do what you want? If so, you're in the clear. Just feed it, let it be natural, and it will grow. And you will both be deliriously happy. Even if you only feel that a fraction of the time, you would be surprised how it grows like a radioactive weed if you just let it. as in.. let it, don't try to force it.

pardon my sexism, but if you are a man, it's probably in your blood, whether you've ever acknowledged it or not. feed it, feel no shame and watch what happens.

< Message edited by wandrinfule -- 1/21/2010 2:57:24 PM >

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 15

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/21/2010 7:51:21 PM

dorrmatt

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Joined: 1/19/2010
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does she want you to dominate her sexually? or does she want you to be her dominant and control her life as well as yours? is this a bedroom thing or every aspect of your relationship? there are many different approaches and many different applications to this.

i know a couple he runs the house, she runs the bedroom.

if she is comfortable bringing this up to you, she should be ok with discussing it further. there is no format to run you D/s relationship. but if you dont take charge,,,, someone else might, somewhere down the line.

(in reply to jacksonsprat)

Post #: 16

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/21/2010 7:59:42 PM

masterlink65

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Joined: 11/3/2007
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i agree with dorrmatt on this.

everyone is assuming this is all sexual. OP makes no mention of this being a sexual need of her to be submissive, or if she is wanting this to be daily life.

(in reply to dorrmatt)

Post #: 17

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/21/2010 8:03:21 PM

dorrmatt

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hello master brad sir

(in reply to masterlink65)

Post #: 18

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/21/2010 8:06:57 PM

masterlink65

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slavematthew? i am guessing

(in reply to dorrmatt)

Post #: 19

RE: bdsm for dummies - 1/21/2010 8:11:32 PM

dorrmatt

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yes sir.

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Post #: 20

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