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Sensitivity... - 3/23/2006 11:33:03 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		Having trouble sleeping, so thought I'ld ask...My submissive is extremely tuned into Me and picks up when I am feeling certain ways, at times as soon as I do...this evening hasn't been positive and I called her before bed...conversation started out well but near the end I was becoming sarcastic and curt with her...not because of her but rather feeling stressed and she is the one I am most comfortable with, this means she sees good and bad...she got real quiet and asked what she had done wrong and why I was being short with her; when I recognized what was going on I stated it wasn't her, apologized and received a quiet "that's ok"...for Me it is not "ok"...I appreciate when she reacts to discipline at a change in voice or energy and I love her as she desires to not disappoint Me...but I am not always used to the fact that she knows My moods as soon as I do, if not  1/2 step ahead...are you too that sensitive to your Masters?

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/23/2006 11:37:54 PM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		OH YES!!!  I am that sensitive to my Master.  We are soooo intuned with each other that He also knows how I am feeling, sometimes before I do.

1st Girl Phoenix

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/23/2006 11:40:07 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

We are soooo intuned with each other that He also knows how I am feeling, sometimes before I do.


That part I understand, I can intuitively do or say what she needs...I'm just not used to it being reciprocated I suppose...
C

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AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 12:23:32 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		Yes I was very intuned to my Domina's moods and feelings.
Sometimes this bothered Her, sometimes She appreciated it as I was able to make Her feel better or knew just want She needed.
 
*Brightspot

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 12:35:18 AM   
SoulfulSadism


Posts: 53
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline 		The problem is you feel that it is a loss of control, she being more natural at tuning in your vibe than the other way round.

So - you have to learn to relax, and how to exert control when relaxed and laidback


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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 2:40:28 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, I am very sensitive to his moods and any change in them.  However, what I have to learn is that I am not responsible for his moods, feelings or behaviors.  He is responsible for them and I have to trust that if I have done something wrong, then he will be direct about it.  As many have seen here more than once, he has no problem with directness.

Knight's krya

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 3:36:51 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I've encountered this quite often. As a Dom you have to accept you ARE human and sometimes your mood won't be great however you still have a responsibility (IMO) to the sub. To me that means not leaving her to worry that she might have inadvertantly done something wrong. Either, as obviously the situation in your case where you have a confident sub who will ask if it is their fault OR where the sub isn't yet confident enough to do that (Some have a real difficulty in asking when they think THEY might be in the wrong) being open about your mood and what is causing it. No doing the typical "I'm fine" when you are asked how you are when it is blatently obvious that you are in a foul mood.

Of course it does need a high degree of self-awareness, but then I consider that to be a good thing in anyone, be they Dom or sub... especialy Dom/mes!


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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 6:03:58 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Most partners are.  My sister is definitely that attuned to her husband.

It's good that you apologized, but she needs to learn how to snap out of her pity spiral AND not take things personally.  That will come with time and training.

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 6:36:11 AM   
babyblues


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		we've been together for nearly 20 years....i know Him better than i know myself....i know when He's hungry or thirsty....when He needs a massage, when He needs to be left alone....my place is to provide comfort and anticipate His every need....even if it's to just listen when He's grouchy and stressed - i know it's not me He's grumbling about....

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 7:14:00 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		She sounds delightful and you sound very lucky. I think yes of course when you are in a relationship you fine tune to your partners moods and feelings, and if one of the two has had an abusive past they probably have a hyper- acute ability to do so, ( i forget what the medical term is for it but it is a survival instinct)
 
Now that this ability and connection has been revealed to you, you should ask your self what am I going to about it? I agree with another poster that she should and will to take some responsibility as time goes on for her own feelings, but you can be instrumental, by becoming more self aware. You may say you were totally unaware but your were not, you were just not paying attention to that part of yourself. Maybe as that you have a hard time with this awareness and she is very tuned in, perhaps one of the ways she can serve you is to make you aware when you are being like this?
 
Like you say, its not ok, it self indulgent and destructive to have a mini temper tantrum although boy, does it feel good. The problem comes because every time you do loose control you push away the person that loves you, that has opened to you, in a way its like kicking a waggly tailed puppy, eventually the puppy gets hand shy, and I know you don't want that.

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 8:00:32 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Yes, I am very sensitive to his moods and any change in them.  However, what I have to learn is that I am not responsible for his moods, feelings or behaviors.  He is responsible for them and I have to trust that if I have done something wrong, then he will be direct about it.  As many have seen here more than once, he has no problem with directness.

Knight's krya


Nicely put.  i had to learn not to take his moods personally.  That was difficult, because of my background, so i would ask, "Are You angry with me?"  i learned, through his consistency, that if he has a problem with me he will address me directly about it, and i count on that. It takes the guess-work out.

As for when he is moody, or happy, or contemplative, i can tell immediately and i adapt to it.  Heh...one time we were in IM and he was in such a good mood - he was so silly i kept asking him if he was drunk.

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 5:24:38 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

You may say you were totally unaware but your were not, you were just not paying attention to that part of yourself. Maybe as that you have a hard time with this awareness and she is very tuned in, perhaps one of the ways she can serve you is to make you aware when you are being like this?

No, I was not unaware...as you stated, not paying attention...self-awareness is of paramount importance to Me and going through life sleeping pisses Me off...looking at today during work, I was irritated with My self for not recognizing what was going on...

quote:

Like you say, its not ok, it self indulgent and destructive to have a mini temper tantrum although boy, does it feel good. The problem comes because every time you do loose control you push away the person that loves you, that has opened to you 


Wasn't quite a tantrum, but it was uncalled for treating her in the manner I was...she did not deserve my sarcasm or derision because I was stressed over shit she had nothing to do with; actually she brings Me balance in a lot of ways.

quote:

  She sounds delightful and you sound very lucky.


Very lucky, thank you.
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 5:27:56 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

i learned, through his consistency, that if he has a problem with me he will address me directly about it, and i count on that.


she is new to Me and yet to learn My consistency...the couple of times I have had issue with her, I told her, I hate guessing games and tend to be straight forward, sometimes brutal in my perspective but always straight forward, I prefer that to the more passive-aggressive approach...she will see that.
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 8:44:42 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP..I believe when she asked if she had done something wrong,she actually knew that she truly had not,but it was her gentle way of letting you know that your behavior was escalating.And it made you aware immediately,it gave you an opportunity to step back briefly and see it from her perspective.You are a lucky Dom to have one so intune with you and she is a lucky submissive to have a Dom who pays attention to what she is saying.It sounds to me as if it is all good, do not beat yourself up for being terse.I think it is in the Dom/me handbook that says first you are human....be well...Tempting

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 9:41:46 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		I feel very sensitive, hyper-sensitive actually, to Master's moods, but must admit that I don't usually assume it is something I did or caused.  Rather, I tend to just ask what is wrong in general.  However, if I DO think that he is reacting to something I did or did not do, or his behavior is a reflection of mine, and it is not -- I am always surprised at how quickly he realizes my feelings and will simply reassure me that it is not me or anything I did.

Master has commented several times that he has to remind himself of how easily I pick up on his moods, in order to be conscious of possibly giving me the wrong impression or causing me to worry about him needlessly.

Blessed be,
Harmony
Proud Slave of Pyro

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RE: Sensitivity... - 3/24/2006 11:22:32 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

To the OP..I believe when she asked if she had done something wrong,she actually knew that she truly had not,but it was her gentle way of letting you know that your behavior was escalating.And it made you aware immediately,it gave you an opportunity to step back briefly and see it from her perspective.You are a lucky Dom to have one so intune with you and she is a lucky submissive to have a Dom who pays attention to what she is saying.It sounds to me as if it is all good, do not beat yourself up for being terse.I think it is in the Dom/me handbook that says first you are human....be well...Tempting

she and I spoke tonight after I got home from being out with My son...she has continued feeling some things said has been aimed towards her and looking at it, appears that it deals with some esteem issues. I told her to tell Me when she was feeling as if she was being targeted...I was told that this isn't something she does easily and I pointed out that it would serve Me in interacting with her if I knew what bothered her...I am becoming aware in some areas she is quite fragile from past baggage and I am trying to find a constructive way of leading her through this...she is helping Me be more aware of how I affect those close to Me.
Damn...now, if I could just get past that human thing.
C

Again, I thank you for the compliments regarding her, lotus is a very special submissive, a very special woman...I am lucky to own her. To love her...


_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

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RE: Sensitivity... - 4/8/2006 7:06:59 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

but I am not always used to the fact that she knows My moods as soon as I do, if not  1/2 step ahead...are you too that sensitive to your Masters?

Absolutely! While I cannot claim to always know what either my Master or Mistress is thinking, I almost always recognize their moods. In the same vein they are very aware haw I am feeling also.

Then there are those times when I can “hear” them so; loudly I know what they are thinking.

A perfect example; the day I was collared. Master took a day off to take Mistress and I shopping for lingerie, (he loves dressing us both very well). When we were dressed and ready to go I went downstairs and wrote a note, put it in an envelope, sealed it with tape and showed it to both of them. Then I asked Mistress to keep it on her person all day so they could be sure I had not tampered with it at any time.

That evening they called me into our computer room to talk. Ok, normally I sit at my own desk but this time I was told to kneel between them. Master started by saying they had something serious to talk to me about. Before they called me I had scrambled to wash up and change into a beautiful black gown. I knew what was up; they just had not realized I knew as they had been extremely careful to only discuss what was going to happen when I was not around.

I interrupted before he could say another word and asked Mistress to open the previously prepared envelope, she did. Then she laughed and read it to Master. I had written, “today we are shopping for collars”. At this point Master laughed and looked confused, forgot his speech and simply asked if I would accept their collar. Of course I did.

In his defense he had ordered a very nice one that closed with an allen screw it just had not made it here in time. They had planned to collar me for Valentine’s Day and had to find a substitute quickly.  




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RE: Sensitivity... - 4/8/2006 9:19:04 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		grr

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: Sensitivity... - 4/8/2006 10:09:57 AM   
Merritt27


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		As far as being in tune with my Master, yes i think i am very in tune with His moods and feelings.  Sometimes all it takes is a look...or picking up on what He is NOT saying in a conversation that tells me.  Then its up to me to help relax Him or lighten His mood.   

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
It's good that you apologized, but she needs to learn how to snap out of her pity spiral AND not take things personally.  That will come with time and training.


Ummm......snap out of her pity spiral?  i do understand that she should not take everything to heart unless directly pointed in her direction, but do you not see how she could have drawn the conclusion that she was somehow not pleasing him?  He clearly states that the conversation started out fine and then towards the end He began to become sarcastic and curt.  Most people would draw the conclusion that they had perhaps stepped on His toes in some way. 

< Message edited by Merritt27 -- 4/8/2006 10:12:20 AM >

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RE: Sensitivity... - 4/8/2006 10:11:17 AM   
saltygoodness27


Posts: 28
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		I've always been that sensitive to any partner, BDSM or not.  My husband/Dom and I have come to understand that because we're kind of isolated at the moment, and we're really the only ones around that the other trusts, we're going to dump all of our crap on each other.  It's not always an easy thing to deal with, but having someone who will put up with you at your worst and still love you is an amazing thing. 

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A life lived in fear is a life half lived

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