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Profile suggestions - 1/20/2010 6:23:27 PM   
babygurlangel


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/13/2009
Status: offline 		I was wondering if I could get some opinions on my profile, I have a hard time deciding on what I should include and what I shouldn't. I would be very thankful if you all could look at it and give me some suggestions. Thanks.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/20/2010 6:31:05 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		You may want to focus more on the positives than on negatives.  Instead of 'don't' 'can't' and 'won't' ... try "I enjoy", "my hobbies are" or "I'd love to find" to open your profile.  What do you offer?  Why are you interesting?

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to babygurlangel)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/20/2010 8:18:43 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		And if the "not interested in poly" were changed to "very interested in poly" it would be perfect.

(in reply to babygurlangel)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/20/2010 8:42:24 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

You may want to focus more on the positives than on negatives.  Instead of 'don't' 'can't' and 'won't' ... try "I enjoy", "my hobbies are" or "I'd love to find" to open your profile.  What do you offer?  Why are you interesting?


I would agree with this, and add, concentrate on what you want in a mate, not what you do not want. You want someone your own age, claim that. You want someone that will love you the way you are, claim that too... I almost feel as though you are apologizing for yourself in there..

And your finances are nobody's business unless they are paying your bills...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mc1234)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/20/2010 8:44:01 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		Accentuate the positive.  Your profile sounds extremely negative.  Here is something from the beginning of your profile:

"I am divorced.... I am currently not employed, I am looking for work just hard to in this economy. I would like to meet someone that is local to me as that way I don't have to worry about getting the gas up to go see them"

That's a lot of very heavy negative info to drop right out of the gate.  Why is it important to say that you are divorced so early in your profile? (In fact, why do you need to mention it at all?  You are available, and that's all that matters).

The unemployment thing might be something that you don't share until after you've had an initial conversation with someone as well.

Your headline says "Not interested in poly".  That seemed like an odd thing to use for your headline.  To me, when i read someone's headline, i assume it is going to summarize the MOST important thing this person wants us to know about them.  Shouldn't you focus on something that you DO want, rather than something that you don't want?

Lastly, why do you bother mentioning that you were on here before but lost the info?  That seems to be rather unimportant, but it is one of the first things that you tell the reader.

i like the pictures.  You have a smile in the main one and look friendly and inviting.

Hope that helps.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 1/20/2010 8:46:51 PM >

(in reply to babygurlangel)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/20/2010 8:53:58 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Once you do settle on what to write, another major improvement would be structural. Your profile is a very difficult read. Your punctuation, spacing and sentence structure make it harder to read and grasp on the first go through.

As everyone else said, you are too negative. Negativity is not appealing. Rather than say you want someone local so you dont have to worry about getting up the gas, simply say you prefer not to travel. AS Roch says, get rid of the "I had a profile before but lost it" info on the top. No one cares, really, unless you are trying to find people who knew you back then. And take the headline of NOT INTO POLY away. Many people will not even read past it. You make it sound like you are a very high maintenance submissive, with very little to offer, since you do not mention a single thing about what you want to give. Your profile reads me, me, me and no offers for anyone else. If you would like a hand with the rewrite, feel free to drop me a line.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/21/2010 2:32:53 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		I agree with the replies above, but I would also add in that maybe you should break it up a bit more. The first part of your profile is really long, looks almost like a run on sentence. Break it into more paragraphs.

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/21/2010 6:10:00 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You specify that you're willing to relocate.  But your profile text says that you want local only.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/21/2010 6:20:42 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You specify that you're willing to relocate.  But your profile text says that you want local only.


It says a bit further down that if people are willing to travel to her then that's ok too.


_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/22/2010 2:39:53 PM   
babygurlangel


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/13/2009
Status: offline 		I am willing to relocate but for the right person if they can meet me locally before we decide to be together or not is why I say local.. I know there isn't many people that are kinky in my neck of the woods so I have to be open and flexible. I am gonna go put some changes into my profile and see if that works better. I do appreciate all the help you all have given me. Thank you very much.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/22/2010 3:50:27 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		You've probably updated your profile taking such wonderful advice offered by the above posters.

I just wanted to add that I love your profile photo, it's clear, and it's one of the best expressions on a photo I have seen for some time. I especially like the way it captured your eyes.


_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to babygurlangel)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/22/2010 6:22:52 PM   
babygurlangel


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/13/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you Stella... it was taken with a cell phone.. beleive it or not lol. 

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/22/2010 6:29:33 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline 		The new profile looks great, babygurlangel!

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to babygurlangel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/22/2010 7:52:16 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		Babygurlangel,
i just checked out the changes in your profile.  Much better.  This version is much more positive.  Good luck in your search.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 1/22/2010 7:55:24 PM >

(in reply to babygurlangel)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Profile suggestions - 1/22/2010 10:29:20 PM   
babygurlangel


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/13/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you all very much I still felt like it might be missing something.. but I am glad its better. 

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 15
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