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LafayetteLady -> RE: How would you react? (1/22/2010 11:56:47 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: chicagoswitch
quote:
ORIGINAL: HimNbabygirl
to the OP:
i will answer on your original post keeping in mind that i always believe there are 2 sides to every story.
First off, you never answered the question posed if the paying for the hotel rooms was something that was agreed upon, something that he expected, or something you took upon yourself to do. To be completely honest, the answer to this decides in my mind whether he was/is a user or not.
I was never agreed upon,or discussed, I just did it and had no issues. I mentioned it only because that cost, combined with the cost of particular toys, was too much for me at this time.
Secondly you never clarified how the hesitation came about, did you calmly and rationally explain that you didn't think you could afford the cost and would check into it, or did you become defensive and immediately start ranting how he was a blathering idiot? It could even be it was somewhere in the middle and escalated into an argument. i know in my personal dynamic, which is for right now online and phone due to distance and other intermittent factors, if i start an argument, or even if He does, He cuts me off from communication for usually 2 days to give me time to calm down and reflect on what i said, how i said it, and whether or not i meant it. This also gives Him time to reflect on the situation. Could it be the same instance here?
I calmly explained I could not afford it, he said he understood. Yet he was still very angry, said hurtful things and has not spoken to me since. I have never seen him like this before, therefore, I cannot presume to know his intentions.
Finally, imho, good communication is the key to any relationship, nilla or kinky. Without good communication, any relationship withers. i know, it sounds like i just contradicted myself, but really i didn't. When in an argument, frequently people say things they don't mean and a cooling off period is sometimes called for. Think of it like putting your child in time out. Sometimes they need it to reflect on what they did, sometimes the parent needs it so they don't over react to the situation.
i hope this helps to put things in perspective.
Thank you for your reply
His baby girl
member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's
10 fluffy points
So essentially, you created an expectation that you would absorb these costs. Not a very good idea to be honest, unless your financial situation would continually allow it. I'm assuming you are a single parent, and rarely do single parents have a great deal of disposable income. But your taking that on gave him the expectation, good or bad. That doesn't make his response to you telling him you can't afford something reasonable on his part though. Do y'all do other things in the relationship besides meeting at motels for play? Such as going to dinner or anything that people in relationships do? Who absorbed those costs?
Really, if all is as you say, his reaction was over the top. You set a precedent for paying for the costs of your play, that is all on you. But when something is unaffordable, it doesn't matter whether it was under 100 dollars or 1000 dollars, the cost for a "luxury" item, such as a toy, it doesn't get purchased.
Again, it all is as you say, I would seriously re-evaluate whether or not you want this relationship to continue. Not because he doesn't pay for anything, but because you would need to wonder what you are supposed to do if say, your kid got sick and the doctor's bills and any medications took up that "disposable" income and he would fly off the handle again.
Being able to meet in motels is nice. Buying toys is great. But you have real life responsibilities and if that is how he reacts, I would seriously consider whether or not he could handle that those responsibilities might have to put "playtime" on the back burner or adjust them in some way.
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