quote:

I can’t let go

Ten years ago I was minding my own business in vanilla land, and fell in love with a man…who turned out to be a Dominant. I struggled against the life at first, but I loved him so I tried, at first he made many concessions, to his credit he was very patient and loving. I never loved anyone like I loved him, and I never felt so loved.

He was poly, he treated me different from the others, we kind of walked a line between vanilla and D/s.

Somewhere along the way I embraced being his slave, but I still had lots of issues with various things that would come up, with time (and I mean years) he became less patient, and less vanilla, a few times I walked, the first time he came after me, the second he didn’t and I returned anyway, when I did everything changed, my voluntary return sure shortened that leash in a hurry. I didn’t cope well, I began to feel insignificant, again I left, again I couldn’t stay away, he says I cant leave, he owns me, I can keep trying but I will always return, I am beginning to believe him.

I am in a place now where I have left again, I feel very badly treated, taken for granted and insignificant in his life.

I almost feel that now he has made me what he wanted to, he is disappointed and wants the woman he met back, and I can’t even remember who she was. Also it is like he almost delights in my pain and torment, that the more miserable he can make me and yet I stay is somehow proof of my submission to him.

If this is how he was when I fist met him I would not have given him the time of day, my head says that is enough to keep walking, but there is this pull that doesn’t come from my head that is so strong. I am miserable with him, and miserable without him. I don’t know which is worse.

So although some may think being owned for 10 years means I have lots of experience but he is my experience, I have no other reference point so finally I come to my question…is this typical, is it always this hard to break away, am I doomed to be miserable forever now either way, I am so torn.

silence,

When you went back the 2nd time you were cooked............ wlak now and find another that will valuse you.

CP

(in reply to soundsofsilence)

quote:

ORIGINAL: soundsofsilence

Des...he lied to me in the beginning? I am sorry I gave you that impression, he didn't lie, nor did he tear me down, the beginning was bliss, now is the problem....which is why I left. the blocking him won't be necessary, he wont call, and he wont be sayiong anything about me/us either, that is just his way, but I do agree that is good advice if he wasnt who he is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: soundsofsilence

the blocking him won't be necessary, he wont call, and he wont be sayiong anything about me/us either, that is just his way, but I do agree that is good advice if he wasnt who he is.