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RE: scene gossip - 1/22/2010 4:41:20 PM

Elisabella

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I had someone gossiping about me once (really nasty stuff, saying that I had STD's and that I was really underage and stuff, none of it was true and it was all just grudge that I didn't want to date him) and fortunately a friend of mine told me about it. So I confronted the guy in email, and basically got him to claim that he didn't say any of it and that he never would because it wasn't true, and then I forwarded that email to the people he told.

And my so-called friend who told me ended up getting mad at ME because I was 'starting drama' by trying to prove that I was being lied about. Honestly that left such a nasty taste in my mouth that I lost all interest in the "BDSM scene" - at least the one in Chicago - and I think it sucks that whenever you get a small group of people who all know each other (and apparently sleep with each other) that it would turn vicious like that. Because both the "friend" that I had and the one who told him about it were really popular, well known people in the scene, and there I was 10 years younger and new to it, and if that was the way the respected people acted I didn't want to meet the rest.

I try very hard not to gossip, if people tell me a secret I'm more likely to forget it 10 years from now than to tell anyone. But deliberate malicious gossip is just wrong to me.

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RE: scene gossip - 1/22/2010 4:47:28 PM

Roselaure

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In the words of Alice Roosevelt Longworth, "If you don't have something nice to say about someone, come sit by me!"

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Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
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RE: scene gossip - 1/22/2010 5:13:53 PM

ItsAProcess

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Having been a subject of gossip before. I must say that I put very, very little stock by it. I pay attention to what is being said, and look for what I would consider signs of that. But I also like to keep in mind much gossip is unfair and untrue.

Gossip from someone I trust will make me take it into consideration, but in the end I make my own judgement. And I refuse to pass it on, except perhaps to the people the gossip is about themselves. People deserve to know what's being said about them.

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RE: scene gossip - 1/22/2010 7:23:21 PM

DomImus

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How much notice would you take of gossip?

A wise man once said "Believe nothing that you hear and only half of what you see.". I don't always follow that rule but it sounds like great advice. At work I can pick a person and find other people who will say that the person is the salt of the Earth and find others still who say the person is the biggest douche on the planet. The bdsm crowd is not fundamentally different. They both also can be very vindictive environments and that needs to be taken into account.

Would you form an opinion of someone based on what another person tells you?

It would depend on the source and the source's source etc. Ignoring everything you hear can be fundamentally no different from believing everything you hear. I would try to ask around and verify. If I begin hearing the same information from different sources then I give that much more credence. If I don't know the gossiper I might store the info away for later need but not react to it directly.

Would you continue to tell other people the same gossip?

I might if I felt it was relevant but I would do so with certain caveats to the person I was sharing the info with regarding the origin of the information.

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RE: scene gossip - 1/22/2010 7:24:42 PM

DomImus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
There is an instance that comes to mind from a recent interaction with a scene person. She told me that a particular Dominant she has heard about is dangerous and she told me a story to go with it. She was told by a friend of hers that she absolutely trusts. Now I know this guy and I know about the story thats been floating around the scene for years. The story is actually bullshit and has been proven to be so and yet people are still being told, people are still whispering and people are still forming opinions.

Did you take any action to dispel this untruth?

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RE: scene gossip - 1/22/2010 7:33:33 PM

DomImus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
I had someone gossiping about me once (really nasty stuff, saying that I had STD's and that I was really underage and stuff, none of it was true and it was all just grudge that I didn't want to date him) and fortunately a friend of mine told me about it. So I confronted the guy in email, and basically got him to claim that he didn't say any of it and that he never would because it wasn't true, and then I forwarded that email to the people he told.

And my so-called friend who told me ended up getting mad at ME because I was 'starting drama' by trying to prove that I was being lied about.

I would have handled the situation exactly the way you did. Maybe that's why nobody ever gossips much to me anymore. Did you ever find out which one was actually lying?

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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

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RE: scene gossip - 1/23/2010 2:52:27 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
There is an instance that comes to mind from a recent interaction with a scene person. She told me that a particular Dominant she has heard about is dangerous and she told me a story to go with it. She was told by a friend of hers that she absolutely trusts. Now I know this guy and I know about the story thats been floating around the scene for years. The story is actually bullshit and has been proven to be so and yet people are still being told, people are still whispering and people are still forming opinions.

Did you take any action to dispel this untruth?

Yes!
I said in my first post that I told her the truth and that it was just malicious gossip that had been proved as false. Hopefully she would tell the person who told her. Other than that you can't do a lot. The victim of the gossip knows about it but nobody is in control of who is being told what.

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RE: scene gossip - 1/23/2010 3:07:34 AM

allthatjaz

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Thanks for adding to the posts.

It sounds like you were a victim of the worst sort of gossip Elisabella but at least you had the savvy to do something about it and make a fool of this guy.
I have been in the same situation as you where I confronted someone who was trying to spread some nasty shit about a friend of mine and I made the decision to let that friend know what was going on so she could deal with it. I was outed by the gosipee as a shit stirrer which I think is hilarious and I too lost friends over it (him and his partner). Who need friends like that though ?

The worst gossip I ever heard was about a guy raping someone. The entire thing turned out to be false and the perpetrator was taken to court for slander. The slander was started by a man who had been chasing a particular sub but the sub had decided to go for his friend instead of him. The victim was in his mid 40s and died of a heart attack six months after the court case. It makes you wonder if it was the stress that killed him.

A few people have mentioned about keeping secrets. I believe that if you tell a person in a relationship a secret then you have to accept that they will at least probably tell their partner. I also say that if someone tells me a secret then it is not mine to give away.

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RE: scene gossip - 1/23/2010 6:44:38 AM

Aynne88

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My philosophy? If they'll say it to you they'll say it about you.

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As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
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RE: scene gossip - 1/23/2010 4:05:09 PM

Rhodes85

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Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
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quote:

How much notice would you take of gossip?
Would you form an opinion of someone based on what another person tells you? I think that question is particularly relevant to submissives and Dom/Dommes

Would you continue to tell other people the same gossip

I ignore gossip. 99% of the time its usually bs anyway. I make it a point not to form an opinion of a person haven't met yet based on what other people say about them. Nor would I spread such gossip.

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