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Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 12:46:10 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings to all - this may have already been covered, not sure. Would like some opinions about what you consider topping from the bottom. Is giving your Master suggestions and opinions, asking for what you want considered topping from the bottom? Pretty new sub here with even newer Master, so all opinions are welcome. Thank you. 

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 1:11:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		OK I had a whole post ready to go with 10 links to previous threads on this topic that for some reason got me signed out when I tried to post it.

So- click on search, do a search for "topping from the bottom" and see what you get.

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 1:16:39 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive

Greetings to all - this may have already been covered, not sure. Would like some opinions about what you consider topping from the bottom. Is giving your Master suggestions and opinions, asking for what you want considered topping from the bottom? Pretty new sub here with even newer Master, so all opinions are welcome. Thank you. 


Sometimes others prefer you to search than actually answer... so I'll go with the answering... (No sarcasm or offense LA)

While I have seen some others consider this trying to top from the bottom. I personally do not. Having a discussion night, or hour lets each other bring up new ideas to spruce up some play time. Let others know if one is ready to further explore things brought up in previous talks. Opening the lines of communication to me.. does mean topping from the bottom. But then again.. this is only as I see it.. other may not.

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/24/2006 1:18:00 PM >

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 1:24:49 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		I think topping from the bottom is when there is manipulation involved.  Discussions and suggestions are just that -- conversation and communication.  If a submissive is manipulating or attempting to manipulate the dominant in effect to control the relationship or control him/her, then I would consider that topping from the bottom.

Blessed be,
Harmony
Proud Slave of Pyro

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 1:26:51 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		To me, topping from the bottom is a manipulative action trying to get me to do something. For example, asking me, "Is that all you've got?" would be topping from the bottom. That SO ends the scene.

I actually require my slaves to use their heads and converse with me. We are equals who have decided on a relationship structure. That means I respect their opinions and like to hear them. I also like to hear suggestions and I'm open to teaching (my girl has 25+ years of experience. I'd be stupid to not tap into that.) But in the end, my decision is final.

Fire



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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 1:30:18 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
Sometimes others prefer you to search than actually answer... so I'll go with the answering... (No sarcasm or offense LA)

No, but I've answered the question in a few different ways in the past in other threads- so they can see a few perspectives that people have had, rather than whatever immediate thoughts pop in right now.

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 2:00:11 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I was in this lifestyle before Hubby was and introduced Him to it. I ended up doing a lot of topping from the bottom at first to help Him understand what i liked and to introduce Him to things that i had learned along the way, many from this site. Now there is very little topping from the bottom.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 2:08:28 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		Personally, for me, Topping from the bottom happens when the submissive or bottom tries to control the scene, by telling the Dominant how to do things, when and where. It usually irks me when it happens to me, however it is getting better. When I bottom, I try not to control things in any real way, but rather hang on for the ride. I've yet to run into the type of submissive who will try to control the dynamic outside of play.

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 2:18:56 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I dont see offering thought, opinions and ideas as topping from the bottom as long as your not attached to expectations that those thoughts, opinions and ideas are going to be embraced by your Master...they are just that..an offering..what he chooses to do with them are up to him.

I know one thing Master has worked with me on is when He tells me to do something a certain way and I just go ahead and do it my way, or I offer alternatives for the way I think it should be done...its a really subtle thing...but I can see when Master points it out that I'm trying to take control of the situation. I really appreciate him correcting me on that.

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 5:54:09 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I dont see offering thought, opinions and ideas as topping from the bottom as long as your not attached to expectations that those thoughts, opinions and ideas are going to be embraced by your Master...they are just that..an offering..what he chooses to do with them are up to him.



i like how you put that.  Master says i may suggest, advise, offer thoughts/opinions - - once.  After that it is nagging.  A friend of mine says, "The suggest-so is your, the say so is mine."

Jali i can also understand your sentiment when he corrects you from the subtle ways of trying to take control.  It is comforting to know those boundaries are always there, isn't it?


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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 5:57:51 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		<edited>

< Message edited by angelic -- 3/24/2006 5:58:38 PM >

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 8:04:26 PM   
Whiterabbit0117


Posts: 68
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		Recognize that tops and bottoms come in a wide variety of flavors.  The following general statements are frequently not true when dealing with a true sadistic top or an abuser and that is meant in NO way to link the two.

Guess what the bottom usually determines what happens in the scene.  A good top is reading the bottom and responding and modifying where and how the scene goes based on those visual and non visual clues as well as his/her knowledge of the bottom, stated preferences, and prior experience.  However, when the sub tries to control what happens during the scene, that is topping from the bottom.   To what extent the scene follows the wishes of the bottom will vary from top to top, and even from scene to scene.

Feedback after a scene should never be taken as topping from the bottom.  A good bottom knows that tops need aftercare too.   In most cases telling what you liked helps insure that experience is repeated at some point in the future. 

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 8:26:15 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:


Original Quote: ownedgirlie
It is comforting to know those boundaries are always there, isn't it?


Yes it really is....I pretty much run at the end of my leash...I need that jerk to feel the length of it. Thats something I use to deliberate over cuz running at the end of a leash really frustrates my submissiveness, if that makes sense, ...probably going to change the topic too much here so will cease and desist...but basically it all has to do with the potential of topping from the bottom, which is not what I want at all.

(in reply to Whiterabbit0117)
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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 8:31:07 PM   
sweetkcredhead


Posts: 104
Joined: 3/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: harmony3709

I think topping from the bottom is when there is manipulation involved.  Discussions and suggestions are just that -- conversation and communication.  If a submissive is manipulating or attempting to manipulate the dominant in effect to control the relationship or control him/her, then I would consider that topping from the bottom.

Blessed be,
Harmony
Proud Slave of Pyro


I agree with this statement. However, the bottom line is, this definition as with all others are completely subjective to the indivdual and couple. Do what works for you, what makes you happy and dont worry about the definitions of others.

sarah

(in reply to harmony3709)
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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 8:58:02 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

but basically it all has to do with the potential of topping from the bottom, which is not what I want at all.


And it seems he won't let that happen, either.  We are both fortunate that way, although it does have its difficult moments...

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 9:01:45 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		ok maybe i just need more caffine in my system... but am I getting this right? To possibly sujest to a Dom or Master, or who ever.. a Top... on how something might feel better IF.. or can we possbily try this next time...is munipulative and trying to top from the bottom?
I don't get it. How are we both suppose to know what is good for both, if talking about it is trying to change who's in charge?
Be right back with more coffee... because I am actually confused now.

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/24/2006 9:03:15 PM >

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 9:03:35 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		lol can i reply?  (see i'm asking you first now...lol)

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 9:09:51 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

lol can i reply?  (see i'm asking you first now...lol)


lord Owned... tosses a grannysmith, hoping it causes a reply to my question.... LOL


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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 9:13:33 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Laughs hard and busily keeps my mouth full...and lets others answer.  

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RE: Topping from the bottom???? - 3/24/2006 9:20:41 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Laughs hard and busily keeps my mouth full...and lets others answer.  


I want my grannysmith back now.. lol

Owned.. I am serious now. I see what others are saying. But now I am finding it confusing. I mean really. How can he know if I enjoyed, if I can't say ... I enjoyed but think it would be better if we tried it this way ..... that way makes me not comfortable and I can't enjoy what you are wanting me to enjoy.
Is this me trying to top from the bottom?

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/24/2006 9:21:56 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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