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RE: hello peeps - 1/25/2010 12:25:30 PM

kyuketsuki1977

Posts: 245
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Hello... I cannot try to type your name! Welcome... and I am glad you are open to people... say... tossing water on you, because some will. While most can understand why you would want to be here, many will also understand that you are in a situation that requires some attention and solutions.

It seems you and your wife are feeding the demise of your relationship by hiding, maybe lying to one another and seeking outside your relationship to fulfill needs that cannot be found there. Few other than some who are into online play, will involve themselves. I don't happen to believe that, that will resolve anything and will only hinder any growth or solutions that could be found for your situation.

You have some pretty serious decisions to make or a continuence of the painful things you and your wife continue to do.

I would suggest sitting down with your wife and discussing this and maybe deciding to openly and honestly get your needs met. You would stand a far better chance of finding someone, online or in person. Still, as a dominant, I have to say that online just wouldn't do it for me. What real service can you provide me? It is more my servicing your need, that I would have to monitor without much that would give me something of worth. Telling guys online what to do just isn't fulfilling to me. I also don't want phone calls from an upset wife or to be named in a law suit.

Take care of your personal business... don't hide from it and just keep feeding the monster. Then seek out someone else, because the party you are inviting someone to, could end up with a bust.

Hi and feel free to just type kyu it is easier on the fingers, I am sorry I missed this post and it gave me food for thought, allot of food for thought so I will have to work my way methodically through your post.

I have no issues with people throwing cold water on me or even attacking my position as long as it comes with reason not just "you suck" which I may just tell me why you think I do lol

We have sat down and talked more times then I could mention every time that things went off track. and whilst things may work a little better for a short time it genrally falls apart all over again. Please do not think I am wanting to play the marter here I accept that I am not with out fault and some of that fault may be in being here, here and now, but at this point I am also grasping at straws.

In your case you would not get anything but there are a few people Dominants whom get the mental part of Domination from online RP if done right and there are some subs/slaves that also get the same. Whilst I was still single and looking for a Mistress (before the yahoo rooms went bad) I serviced a Mistress for about 9 months we never talked on the phone or went cam to cam. it was not about sexual releace for either of us. I would perform serves in the "online Goreans way" with in depth description of every action and movement descibeing every feeling and thought almost like a good book ( okay I know that sounds egotistical but I have to say I was even complimented by Master types) what she actualy got out of it I can not say but when she finaly told me that we could never be real life she was upset to say the least when I said I could not purely be online.

I am going to change my profile now between what wanders and You have said, I may be wrong and feel free to tell me I am wrong but in my mind what I am searching for is not cheating. More companionship

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RE: hello peeps - 1/25/2010 12:57:00 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Kyu... thank you. You pretty much took my post the way I meant it and without defense and for that I thank you. I am going to share something with you that I rarely share on the boards. It is something I share with people I am more personal with, but I am sure at some point I have mentioned it lightly on the boards. I will try to be brief... but... lol

I have always been a dominant personality and was leading boys around as well as girls... since a very young age. Leadership was big in my world. There were different times when I wasn't in a relationship with submissive men and they just didn't work out so well. lol Two heads with very different thoughts just end up like bull's in china shops!

My son had a very serious brain injury and in part the hospital was at fault. (I am sure some are tired of hearing this part of the story!) The hospital was covering their ass and trying to get my son committed to a facility where I would have no say in his life or could pose any ramifications to them. They were not only negligent but went to criminal. I was in battle at all times. I was fighting to save what was left of my son's life and my own and dealing with people I was about ready to take out if you know what I mean! lol

At this time I ran into a married man. He first wished to submit to me as he was a switch... but what happened is... I did the switch! I needed down time. I needed someone to account to so that I could go down and allow someone to direct me because I was exhusted! Now this man had a very vanilla wife he loved very much and there was no way he would ever cheat on her! Never... was not going to happen! No sexual anything... period. His wife knew of me and other's in his life and had no problem with us being there because she was secure in her relationship with him and knew that he would never be leaving it.

I do know what benefit an online relationship can be in many ways. Typically that wouldn't have worked for me but at that time it did work for me. We both benefited. For about a year... I submitted to this man in many ways and was accountable to him and as time went on, we added a lot more to our relationship. It almost came about that I dominanted him to help him through his submissive needs. But I had taken my domina place in the world and was all better. To this day I might call him Sir out of respect and love, though we both know it is more honor based than anything else.

The only way it could have worked was if his wife knew. She came to know my story and I believe was very generous in sharing her husband with me and I am very thankful to her and for her. She was respected by us both!

Now, I need more than online service and I am sure there are others out there that would be more than happy to work with you. The thing is... do you want something hidden and maybe tainted by the circumstances or something freely enjoyed openly? I guarentee you, you will gain far more if you don't have to hide, lie or play spouse looking outside an uncomfortable situation and relationship that must be lied about in some way.

Ask yourself this.. if you are both unfulfilled and hanging on to one another with the fight, the fear, the games that emotionally hurt and will hurt your children... what will happen to you all? Raising children in this enviorment can be very harmful to mildly harmful to them. I can't see it presenting a healthy example of a relationship even if you are both very good at it. Sooner or later the children see something amiss.

I don't envy your situation and do have compassion for it... but I do hope you will find solutions that will maybe be harder to emplement, but better in the long run. I mean, look at how you each feel now... imgaine it a few years from now.

One thing to consider... Stop seeking. Come here and join us all and you can find some fulfillment in that. Wait some time to figure it all out and don't compulsivily react and grab... take some time. In time maybe your wife and you can work something out more peaceful as you heal from what already has been done. Just consider a time out.

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RE: hello peeps - 1/25/2010 1:05:10 PM

wandersalone

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Joined: 11/21/2005
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Kyu (you are right that is so much easier to type) I want to thank you for answering my questions and others so openly.

I can understand the need to submit to someone and hoping that they will bring a bit of peace or relief to an otherwise difficult life however my own personal experience has been that whenever I have sought to submit out of my own desperation or instability in my own life it has simply caused more problems for me and only brought a short term relief. I guess that is what I am concerned may happen to you.

I acknowledge that my situation was different in that I wasn't in other relationships and was able to find a D type in real life but it feels to me as if the reasons for wanting a d type are similar (ie. for me it was to feel that sigh of relief when they asked me to do something and I did so)

I can't imagine what it is like though to be in your situation and truly do hope that one day you find a workable solution for both you and your wife that results in you both being able to live the lives you feel will fulfill you openly.

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RE: hello peeps - 1/25/2010 1:55:09 PM

dreamofthemoon

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Joined: 2/2/2007
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*adores Miss Lockit and wanders!*

Oh, alright, and holly, too.

Hello, and welcome, Kyu. i peeked at your profile, and funnily enough, we both mention the 'storms' in our life in our journals - yours is, i suspect, more of an emotional thing; the sun is back to shining outside here for me, literally.

i hope you can weather your storm through safely until you find your right harbor, so to speak. Until then, you're welcome to come visit the Polls and Random Stupidity section, like holly said.

~ dreamy

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RE: hello peeps - 1/25/2010 1:59:05 PM

kyuketsuki1977

Posts: 245
Joined: 2/1/2009
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@ Lockit.. I could not imagine being in that situation I do not know what I would do whilst I am submissive by nature threaten something dear to me a whole different side comes out.

I have come to the same conclusion and am working on a new profile as I speak it is hard work to be sure some times words stream from me like a river but at other times like this they have to be dragged kicking and screaming until they are finally pinned to the page. So I Promise that I will not be searching and grabbing

how this impacts on my children is something that I wrestle with every single hour of every single day, some times I wish that I could have selective amnesia and press the restart button. we did try her playing online with my knowledge with the promise from her that it would remain non-sexual this lasted for a short time and remained within those limits the idea was she would submit like that and would dominate me. but two things happened. first it did not stay non sexual slow steady steps took it to a sexual basis and second when she tried to Domm me it did not work for in the back of my mind I knew what she was doing.

@ wanders I hope so too I am a duality about the whole situation I know there are times good times when all I want to do is make the situation work but then a still small voice recites things that are bad, and I end up back at square one, perhaps I over think situations I have been told a few times that I think too much.

wanders I think that you may have hit the nail on the head. doing something for some one in that situation gives me that sigh of releaf it also gives me something on a deeper more profound level. a smile, a nod or touch of the hand for a job well done. can spark an inner glow that defies explanation

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