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Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:37:19 AM

DarkRomancer

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/17/2009
Status: offline

Okay, so here's the deal; yes, I am new to the scene, yes you could probably say I'm inexperienced. Strike that, you could definitely say I'm inexperienced. However since joining Collarme, I've had a total of one person respond to my messages. Just one, and that's because we struck up a conversation about mmorpgs.

I mean, it might be that I only really look for subs/doms in my area, and that my area is a little divided, what with being right on the border of two states, but... What's the deal?

I'm forward, I'm not being a creeper in most of my messages, and far as I can tell, my profile picture doesn't scare people off.

So sorry if this sounds like a bitchfit, I'd really just like to know the best way to actually get a response out of someone in a message. After all, we all have to learn some time, and I can't seem to figure this out on my own.

Thanks in advance for your help guys ;3

Post #: 1

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:39:13 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Many people are not interested in younger Dominants who, by their own admission, don't particularly have a lot of topping skills. As you get more experience, either at play parties or have a D/s dynamic or two under your belt, you're going to find that there are more folks interested in you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 2

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:41:31 AM

DarkRomancer

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/17/2009
Status: offline

Hrm, yeah that's kind of what I was thinking. I kind of came here with the intention of finding people that could help *get* me experience though. It makes it kind of difficult when you look at it from that point of view, like how nobody will hire someone for a job if they have no experience, but they can't get experience without getting a job...

Ya know, that whole argument. Well, I guess I'll just have to keep at it. Thanks for your advice. :3

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:48:00 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

I perved your profile, and I wouldn't reply to cmail from you. Not because you are young or inexperienced, but because there really isn't anything there to start a conversation with. You will probably have better luck if you put some things about who you are and what you like (vanilla, too) in your profile.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 4

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:48:07 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

I'd recommend working on your profile to be honest. You say you are looking for a woman, say nothing about the quality you want with her nor the type of dynamic. The woman might feel like you are looking for a guinea pig.

Also, write something about yourself. Tell us who you are. Allure us. Remember, women want to be seduced!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 5

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:52:37 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I think you are cute, but agree with the fine ladies above me. You don't really have much to say about yourself or watch you are seeking, so while I like you hottie boys, I need something more cerebral to work with. If you wrote me and said I am not experienced, but would welcome the opportunity to learn more and this is who I am as a person and who I think I might be compatible with, that would help.

Good luck.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 6

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:53:13 AM

DarkRomancer

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/17/2009
Status: offline

Hrm, I really wouldn't know what to put. I don't like putting a generic greeting message out there for everyone to see... I'd much rather get to talking about myself through messages than have a big waving flag over my head that was supposed to say what I'm about.

Mreh... I could try that though, I guess :/

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 7

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:55:25 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkRomancer

Okay, so here's the deal; yes, I am new to the scene, yes you could probably say I'm inexperienced. Strike that, you could definitely say I'm inexperienced. However since joining Collarme, I've had a total of one person respond to my messages. Just one, and that's because we struck up a conversation about mmorpgs.

I mean, it might be that I only really look for subs/doms in my area, and that my area is a little divided, what with being right on the border of two states, but... What's the deal?

I'm forward, I'm not being a creeper in most of my messages, and far as I can tell, my profile picture doesn't scare people off.

So sorry if this sounds like a bitchfit, I'd really just like to know the best way to actually get a response out of someone in a message. After all, we all have to learn some time, and I can't seem to figure this out on my own.

Thanks in advance for your help guys ;3

I believe this guy has a kit for sale!

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/408246/rzvv/85401/details.htm

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 8

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:59:03 AM

DarkRomancer

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/17/2009
Status: offline

Wha? I'm not buying some kit D:

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 9

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:59:06 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

This is My opinion only. I am basing it on My observations and experiences.

Your best option is to get yourself out to your local BDSM community. There are a heck of a lot of things you can learn and experiences that you can participate in, even if you are just starting out. One of the best resources that you have is attending hands on or beginner demos. Literally the type that say "bring your rope" (for example) because the person giving the demonstration is encouraging people to learn basic stuff. Not everybody goes to these kinds of things as a couple and often, you'll connect with other people who are there on their own as well.

It may also interest you to meet folks in the community who have more experience than you because they will be willing to help you along with various skills. Most folks call them Mentors. When I teach folks individually on specific skills, I tell them it's a BYOB (bring your own bottom) opportunity. BUT, you'd be surprised how many folks are willing to be the bottom for such a thing, because it's a certain teacher. Again, to use the rope example, find a person out there who has mad rope skills. See how quickly some bottoms are willing to participate if that person, who is great at what they do, is teaching you.

This, along with being active for other events, allows people a chance to get to know you along the way. Commom interest and casual conversations come up. It gives you a more well rounded chance to see people repeatedly and allows things to spark, just like any other social situation.

Last but not least, be patient. This is really like any other dating situation in many cases. People met, dated, and had relationships for hundreds of years before the net came along. The old methods still work.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 10

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 10:59:45 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkRomancer

Hrm, I really wouldn't know what to put. I don't like putting a generic greeting message out there for everyone to see... I'd much rather get to talking about myself through messages than have a big waving flag over my head that was supposed to say what I'm about.

Mreh... I could try that though, I guess :/

You were just told in posts that we want someone to convey who they are in their profile so we have something to contact you about and yet you state that you'ld rather get to talking through e-mail.

Hello, we told you what women want, you're here complaining about no messages, so are you going to take our advice as women or continue as you have been?

I have nothing to say to someone who doesn't have a complete profile. I dont like playing 20 questions with one who is not forthcoming.

Also, women are in the habit of being contacted first whether or not you are dominant.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 11

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 11:01:10 AM

DarkRomancer

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/17/2009
Status: offline

Hrm, thanks for the advice. Any specific idea where I would go about finding information on local meetings and things of the like?

I doubt I can just google "local bondage meets" without having to wade through a sea of porn and spyware...

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 11:03:01 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

Well, you do have yourself listed as an expert in writing....that in itself would make me have slightly higher expectations in regards to your profile and introductory email.

The photo is fine but the profile needs some spiffing up.

FWIW...talking about things outside of kink can, and for me do, lead to meeting people offline. Also, mentioning that you have little to no experience, while a good and honest thing and not something I would remove, is going to be a turn-off for some people. Just another reason to entice them with who you are versus the toys you have or the fancy moves you make. There will be someone who likes the idea of teaching their dom the ropes

ETA... this link might help you to find some groups... http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgswash.html#WA

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 1/25/2010 11:04:41 AM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 13

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 11:03:31 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Think about where you are. You can't just jump into a conversation with someone, as you can see. Your format inwhich to present who you are is on your profile. It isn't a star bucks when you can shimmy up next to some beauty, capture her attention with your looks and a witty comment.

If you really desire to connect with people, you have to consider where you are and how things go in that type of situation. Here... you really need to talk/type or show something about yourself or people are going to cyberly shimmy up next to someone else with a witty comment or something that looks good to them.

Bait the hook darlin...

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 14

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 11:03:39 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Google BDSM munch for your city. Unless I'm mistaken, there are several active groups there.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 15

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 11:03:58 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkRomancer

Wha? I'm not buying some kit D:

I found this after I read LP's post.
http://www.pakratpress.com/sinergy/comunity/munches.htm

< Message edited by Icarys -- 1/25/2010 11:06:46 AM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 16

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 11:06:06 AM

jstkrs

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

I agree with the other ladies. Add a little about you and what kind of dynamic you're looking for--what you like both inside and outside of BDSM and what it is you're looking for in a relationship.
As for experience--If I'm not mistaken, there is a large BDSM community in Portland where you can gain experience.
I know guys have it rough on sites like this but you're cute and seem sweet, don't give up.

Portland Leather Alliance is the name of the group I was thinking of.

< Message edited by jstkrs -- 1/25/2010 11:09:36 AM >

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 17

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 11:08:16 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkRomancer
Hrm, I really wouldn't know what to put.

Who you are, what you want, and from whom. Couple of paragraphs minimum. Keep it positive, keep it properly punctuated.

Doesn't have to be an essay, but it has to be enough for someone to feel a click with you. If they don't feel a click they are unlikely to message you back.

If I see someone who either hasn't taken the time or who isn't eloquent enough to fill out a proper profile I ignore them, and these ladies are telling you that an awful lot of subs do too.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to DarkRomancer)

Post #: 18

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 11:08:37 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Also, women are in the habit of being contacted first whether or not you are dominant.

Lushy, in his defense, he did say he was contacting the ladies, the ladies just did not reply.

But for the rest, you are bang on. You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 19

RE: Wtf am I doing wrong? o.o - 1/25/2010 11:10:33 AM

DarkRomancer

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/17/2009
Status: offline

Thanks for all the advice everyone. It's kinda hard to keep up, the forum responses here are more active than I thought they would be.

Much as I don't really want to, I suppose it's best if I add more about myself on my actual profile. ...Just as soon as I think of some stuff to put there. Sometimes it's kind of hard to see myself objectively, so that makes things a bit difficult. I hate trying to present a skewed perspective of myself. Honesty has always been one of my defining principles, so...

Right. Off to tweak with my profile :3

(in reply to jstkrs)

Post #: 20

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