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RE: A Question of Ettiquette - 1/28/2010 2:03:15 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I agree that initially being polite is the way to go; however, if someone follows up with "Why do you think we aren't compatible?", I will tell them outright that I do not find them attractive.

I feel if they have the need to know the truth, then the truth is what they shall receive. Even then, I try to be polite, but I won't hide behind false reasons of incompatibility to assuage their egos.

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RE: A Question of Ettiquette - 1/28/2010 2:11:30 PM

hlen5

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I can only reply by telling you a story I read in the biography of a man I read years ago.

One of his good friends called him up to say he was getting married. His friend wanted everyone to meet his fiance. Well, when the author met this lady he was appalled. She was very homely and his friend was very handsome. He just knew his friend could have done much better. The wedding happened and years passed. The lady in question was a wonderful lady, very giving of herself to help others. The author realized that he now considered her one of the most attractive women he knew. She still looked the same, however, her wonderful personality overcame her lack facial beauty and made her very attractive to others.

It's really your choice and your decision. If you just know this person and you could never find any common ground then it's best to write as kind a note as you can.

There is a story in Reader's Digest, "Johnny Lingo's Seven Cow Wife" that describes this wonderfully (Either November 1987 or Feb 88, I think)!!

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RE: A Question of Ettiquette - 1/28/2010 7:51:39 PM

SubRoar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz
I feel if they have the need to know the truth, then the truth is what they shall receive. Even then, I try to be polite, but I won't hide behind false reasons of incompatibility to assuage their egos.

This is a good point, they're an adult (hopefully) for God's sake. If they simply must know then their ego should be able to take the hit.

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RE: A Question of Ettiquette - 1/29/2010 5:56:31 AM

LafayetteLady

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As I said, if they push the issue of "why not" then divulge whatever you wish. But initially, there just isn't a reason to do so.

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RE: A Question of Ettiquette - 1/29/2010 10:13:16 AM

peppermint

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From: Montana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

I can only reply by telling you a story I read in the biography of a man I read years ago.

One of his good friends called him up to say he was getting married. His friend wanted everyone to meet his fiance. Well, when the author met this lady he was appalled. She was very homely and his friend was very handsome. He just knew his friend could have done much better. The wedding happened and years passed. The lady in question was a wonderful lady, very giving of herself to help others. The author realized that he now considered her one of the most attractive women he knew. She still looked the same, however, her wonderful personality overcame her lack facial beauty and made her very attractive to others.

It's really your choice and your decision. If you just know this person and you could never find any common ground then it's best to write as kind a note as you can.

There is a story in Reader's Digest, "Johnny Lingo's Seven Cow Wife" that describes this wonderfully (Either November 1987 or Feb 88, I think)!!

I looked the story up online. It is indeed a lovely story.

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RE: A Question of Ettiquette - 1/29/2010 11:43:35 AM

PrincessDonna

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I would pose this question in"ask a submissive" and see what answers come up.

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RE: A Question of Ettiquette - 1/29/2010 4:54:29 PM

SthrnCom4t

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When I was single and looking, I ran into this a lot. At one point, (early days) I didn't get a picture and went on his description of himself. We had great chemistry online and on the phone. I absolutely was emotionally open to him. After 7-8 weeks of talking on the phone several times a day, I flew to meet him. WOW! Big time shock!

It's quite a mind fuck to find yourself in a place of intellectual/emotional attraction/physical repulsion. I was there for 3 days. He was introducing me to all his friends and drove me around the little town. (It was in the Midwest, I was from Atlanta....shock on multiple levels). He even offered to marry me and build me a house in the most expensive part of town.

I didn't want to be shallow. I REALLY DIDN'T want to be shallow!!! I had jumped the gun too...I had already bought a second set of plane tickets. I went back....it just couldn't work.

I don't believe lack of physical chemistry is because one of the parties is shallow. As others have stated, I've been bowled over by good looks....and then they opened their mouth.........NEXT!

To answer the OP's question...I usually try to write a nice email back. Often, when I was looking, I'd be talking to multiple people at one time. If somewhere in the getting to know them phase, it wasn't working on my side, I'd simply be truthful and tell them I was finding myself attracted to someone else and wanted to put my time and energy in that other direction. Some would check back from time to time, others, I might send in a friend's direction.

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