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What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 2:14:47 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		When i was first looking for a Master, i was not looking fro a romantic relatiosnhip. I guess the saying once burned twice shy was for me. So i was very wary. I wanted the dominance and the play and i would be happy with that. Boy was i ever wrong. Master when i saw him it was like i was struck by an electric shock we had a instant connection. I mean i felt it on the phone but when i saw him it hit me full force. He has told me he felt the same he just knew i was meant to be his. Now we are very much in love and i can't imanage why i thought i could settle for dominance and play, maybe because that is what i had with my late master whom i was not in love with. Love makse it so much richer and sweeter.

So that is the background the question for those who are in a romantic D/s relationship, Were you looking for a partner for occisional play whom you were frineds with or were you looking for a relationship?

Matt's littleone
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 2:30:05 PM   
Dominasola


Posts: 582
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Ottawa, Canada
Status: offline 		I wasn't looking for a relationship...heck, I wasn't even looking for random play. I was just in the background, minding my own business, and he still found me.

< Message edited by Dominasola -- 1/27/2010 2:57:12 PM >

_____________________________

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them.

—Baruch Spinoza

The measure of a man is what he does with power.

—Pittacus

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 2:41:00 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Friends with benefits with a very strong emphasis on friends. Without a real friendship I wouldn't have played or been sexual.
Got the friendship and much more.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Dominasola)
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RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 3:13:42 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline 		When we met, I wasn't actively looking for a relationship (we met on the forums here, not the personals side) but I did have a general sense of what I wanted - I was in that stage of my life where I wanted to settle down, and I wouldn't consider any man who wasn't in a similar stage in his own life.

It worked out well, and now we're married :)

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 3:16:53 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

What were you looking for?



Wasn't "looking" at all... weird how that shit happens, huh?!!




_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 3:18:57 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Count us along with the 'not looking' crowd.
Looking leads to not seeing, I wouldn't recommend looking to anyone.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 3:35:42 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		From the very beginning I was always looking for a steady, long term, committed, monogamous relationship.

There was only a very small time after the breakup from my last Dom where I was only looking for casual but it lasted maybe a month if that. It was extremely unsatisfying for me.


(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 3:43:44 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I was looking for a long term relationship that would also contain D/s as an element. We met on here the first day I signed up and have been together almost a year now. We've had our ups and downs. As with many couples the hard times have shown us that we love and value each other enough to want to stick with things and work the problems out. To me...love enriches the D/s experience. I've found now that it goes much deeper with love then it ever did without it. If we ever part I'd look for love again.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 3:47:16 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		At the time mine came in an swept me off of my feet...lol   I had pretty much given up was only here for the boards and my buds.....and then whammo!...lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 4:02:03 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		I was looking for a one-time only thing, definitely not a relationship, and absolutely not a serious one . . . not that I'm complaining! I'm thrilled with how things have worked out.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to DrkJourney)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 4:28:13 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I was looking... I was very disinterested, disillusioned, and it was almost with pure sick curiosity, but not with any expectation of meeting anyone that would rock my world.  I had given up really.  I just purused profiles for kicks and messaged the handful that seemed to have any hope at all expecting absolutely nothing.  Darn it if I didn't keep being drawn to my partner's profile over and over again.

He was not at all what I had been looking for prior.  We seemed to have very little in common except that he didn't sound like a D/s dolt.  His primary interest as far as dynamic was a hard limit of mine.  Many of the things he wanted to do with his future partner made my skin crawl and definitely fell in the "Oh hell no!" category.  Still, I just kept coming back for a peek.  I figured since he had other experiences other than that one dynamic that we could find some kind of mutual ground and he would see just how sensible and reasonable all my limits and conditions for the relationship were.

Well, that's not quite how it worked out.  Okay, so it didn't go that way AT ALL!!!!  LOL  Despite the "crazy" things he talked about with me, he was perfectly sensible, quite sane, and put a high priority on such things as responsibility and safety.  He may have been out on the fringes, but he was NOT a sociopath.  We saw eye to eye more than I expected.  We had a strong bond even online.  When we finally met there was simply no doubt at all.  It took him awhile to allow me to say so, but I have been his ever since.  He felt the same, but wanted us to take our time and not get caught up in the newness and "magicalness" of it all.

I find myself happily in a dynamic I loathed.  I find myself participating in and prepared to participate in things that I thought were just absolutely beyond anything I was willing to consider.  I have grown a lot.  I have also been the impetus for his own growth and development.  We should have never fit, but we did.  One of us had given up altogether and the other was so jaded that not only had he given up, he was actively seeking to scare off new prospects.  We both gave each other no chance at all.  Still here we are.  It is amazing how things work out!

lovingpet  

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 4:55:59 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Interesting question. I wasn't looking for a dominant or owner exactly, I was in a chat room just looking for someone to talk to who was interesting. We chatted for a couple of years (I was married) then we met, 10 years later I am still very happily his.

Looking back at those old chat logs it's amazing I ever spoke to him at all I was so shy but I'm so very very glad that I did talk to him!

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 5:02:08 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		I was not looking for more than a temporary play partner while I was on a vacation to NYC. I lived on the west coast at the time and I did not feel ready for a committed relationship.

When I met MasterK, it was like being struck by lightning, the connection was that instant for me. Still, when I went home, I really didn't expect to keep in contact, because I was strongly against a LDR. Also, he wanted a slave, not a submissive, and I didn't, couldn't see myself as a slave. He managed to convince me otherwise.

I'm so glad I went against my initial impulse and continued communicating with him. My life is so much richer and happier with him in it. 4 1/2 years later, we are very much in love.

edited for spelling and clarity

< Message edited by whiteslavebitch -- 1/27/2010 5:06:46 PM >

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 5:33:47 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

One of us had given up altogether and the other was so jaded that not only had he given up, he was actively seeking to scare off new prospects.  We both gave each other no chance at all.  Still here we are.  It is amazing how things work out!

lovingpet  


Yours is a great success story. :) I'm glad you keep talking about it, I think it gives others hope.

But what I'm curious about is if you'd both given up or near-given-up or were actively trying to discourage others (I can relate to that last one by the way--I don't try to scare everyone off, but I definitely want all those the incompatible sorts to leave me strictly alone, and I get a bit creative in that endeavor ;) ) ...anyway with those attitudes going on just how did you two manage to connect? Who contact whom...and how? Or did you run into each other in a neutral place like a chat room and get to know each other that way?

I guess sometimes these things happen by one person writing something very short and exploratory, maybe sarcastic, to sound the other person out, and then the other person doesn't respond the way they expected, which means a dialog can start if both are open to it.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 5:39:01 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		Oh, and to answer littleone's question, I've never associated meeting someone with looking or not looking--I don't think either attitude is particularly important or relevant, at least in my life. But the only times I've met _significant_ people have been when I've felt "ready." Didn't matter if I was looking or not. The feeling mattered much more. I've only felt "ready" a few times in my life and each time, someone significant came along, and usually very quickly. Not sure what that's all about, it's just the way it works with me.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 5:59:22 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I was looking for someone who didn't live too far away.  I wanted to taste a bit of what all this was about and was hoping to find a regular partner to meet with once or twice a month.  I had a busy life where I lived and had no plans on it changing.  At the very first big event I attended I met Gary who was camped next to me.  We had a lot of laughs during the week and kept in touch through internet and phone afterward as he lived 700 miles and two states away.  However, three months later when he came to WA to see his doctor I took vacation time and we spend 2 lovely weeks together and met each others' families.  Three months later I quit my job and headed south to be with him.  That was 4 years ago this month. 

You just never know what's going to happen in your future. 

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 6:01:24 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal


quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

One of us had given up altogether and the other was so jaded that not only had he given up, he was actively seeking to scare off new prospects.  We both gave each other no chance at all.  Still here we are.  It is amazing how things work out!

lovingpet  


Yours is a great success story. :) I'm glad you keep talking about it, I think it gives others hope.

But what I'm curious about is if you'd both given up or near-given-up or were actively trying to discourage others (I can relate to that last one by the way--I don't try to scare everyone off, but I definitely want all those the incompatible sorts to leave me strictly alone, and I get a bit creative in that endeavor ;) ) ...anyway with those attitudes going on just how did you two manage to connect? Who contact whom...and how? Or did you run into each other in a neutral place like a chat room and get to know each other that way?

I guess sometimes these things happen by one person writing something very short and exploratory, maybe sarcastic, to sound the other person out, and then the other person doesn't respond the way they expected, which means a dialog can start if both are open to it.


I contacted him.  It was very brief and basically an invite to just discuss some things that I was not familiar with (read objected to greatly) that he had included in his profile.  I did sneak in there the fact that I had not had any luck in the dominant department, but I certainly did not ask him to look at me as a prospect.  The first few messages were tense and we were kind of going at each other, very malicious and attacking.  It was very clear I disapproved of some things he was talking about and he was going for the jugular about why exactly I probably viewed things that way.  Oddly enough, though, as hateful as those sparks were they were deliciously intriguing to us both.

That's when he decided the only way I really could understand where he was coming from was to experience it somehow.  We did an online roleplay and it started out playing by my "rules".  It ended with me very much exactly where he wanted my head to be.  I didn't know how I felt about that for a bit.  Eventually, I realized that it worked for me and there was nothing wrong with it and a lot of the negatives I had attached to things were fabricated or baseless.  That little roleplay opened a floodgate.  I haven't looked back since except to appreciate how far we have come.

lovingpet

< Message edited by lovingpet -- 1/27/2010 6:03:12 PM >

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 6:33:43 PM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dominasola

I wasn't looking for a relationship...heck, I wasn't even looking for random play. I was just in the background, minding my own business, and he still found me.


It was the same for me.

(in reply to Dominasola)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 6:49:37 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		I really just set out to explore but discovered pretty early on I couldn't do that outside the context of a relationship and still feel good about it. Being a serial monogamist for 11 years, I found although the single life was fun, I just gravitated towards a committed relationship. No matter how much I claimed to enjoy my independence, at the end of the day I still wanted to feel someone's arms around me, and the D/s aspects made that even more the case.  

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to petmonkey)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What were you looking for? - 1/27/2010 6:56:24 PM   
PrimalConsonance


Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
Status: offline 		When I first began to believe I was submissive, and decided to explore that, I was looking for a Dominant to guide me and well, dominate me.  I wasn't entirely sure what all that would mean, and in the beginning I went down a couple of roads that were not entirely right for me, although I did discover I liked it and learned a lot.  I was not looking for love, I was looking to be controlled and dominated in a way that would satisfy the increasing need I was feeling.  Someone I could trust and that I liked.

And when I met my Master it was just that, but it grew and developed into something more.  We both opened ourselves to it and here we are.


_____________________________

AKA: CNJDom (types in black) and roselaure (types in Red)


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss


(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 20
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