LafayetteLady
Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: winterlight
Katy that is the point you have been chatting a few weeks. That i can understand....talking on the phone even. I haven't even had that..
One paragraph and then a message Can you meet me at ________________ is not the same.
Everybody has different comfort levels, mine is saying get to know this person don't just get into a car and meet somewhere.
I would be more comfortable in the daytime than at night. That isn't backpeddeling that is being safe. I am not much for bars either.
I talked to a sub friend about this last night and she understood where i was coming from..
No one is saying that you should have immediately run off to meet the guy. What everyone is saying is that you seem to have posted thinking everyone was going to jump on the bandwagon that the guy is crazy for even suggesting something like this. He isn't crazy and neither are you.
We all gave suggestions as to how to deal with the situation. Telling him that you would prefer to exchange a few more emails and then have a couple of phone conversations first. Letting him know you prefer to meet during the day. Instead you continue to act as though this guy was totally out of line and are looking for support in that idea. Sorry if you aren't going to get it.
You say how you are new to "this." Well you aren't new to meeting people at 54 are you? If the guy is remotely interesting to you, you explain what your comfort level is. He either agrees or you move on. Being new to the whole BDSM thing doesn't change how you meet someone and get to know them unless you want it to change.
It all comes down to this. Ok, you don't feel you have conversed with him enough to want to meet. Did you tell him that, or did you come running over here with your "I can't believe this idiot wants to meet after one email?" I have often told people that I'm not going to meet or jump to phone calls after just one email. Some were fine, some weren't. I have also met someone after just one exchange and obviously they didn't turn all psycho and stalk me or anything.
If you have a "time frame" in your mind, you explain to the person what it is and move on from there. If you think that because this is all BDSM stuff now and the rules have changed, then you need to figure out that isn't true.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Lockit
Fast reply...
I would not meet someone who sent me a first or even a second or third email with a couple paragraphs, with no knowledge of them! What the hell? This guy hasn't even talked to her and just tells her to meet him? Wrong! I would laugh at him. What kind of person does that?
Please don't make someone feel guilty/bad/whatever for being here with a profile to meet people and not wanting to meet them until they know them a bit.
This rings of a polite kneel bitch to me.
Lockit, No one is saying run off and meet the guy. But at the same time, there is no reason to cry "foul" either. We aren't trying to make her feel "guilty" for not meeting the guy. However, we are trying to point out the reality that making the guy out to be some kind of psycho weirdo for suggesting it isn't right either. We offered plenty of suggestions on how to deal with the situation, but she doesn't seem to want to hear it, rather she wants to continue on the diatribe that the only one looking out for her safety is "her" and that the guy is crazy for suggesting such a thing.
You could be right that it is a polite "kneel bitch" scenario. But unless and until she says to him that she feels more email exchanges are necessary for her to feel comfortable about meeting, she is simply whining and complaining about something that really isn't that big a deal. Now if she said that to him and he started with all the "what a fake" bullshit, then yes he is an asshole. But really, he didn't "demand" that she meet him. According to her, he said "let's meet at ______." That's a suggestion/offer to meet. She didn't indicate that it was a motel or anything seedy, so what's the big issue? She doesn't feel comfortable. So the solution is to politely say so and if you are interested in the guy, suggest alternatives. If he gets snarky, you bitch slap him and move on. If he is a decent guy, he will be a little patient and slow things down. It's not rocket science, it isn't a safety issue. It is common sense.
ETA: Katy, I hope you have a wonderful time and the food and company turns out to be great!
< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 1/29/2010 6:26:03 AM >
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RE: Dom contacts me here on cm and a few sentences perh... - 
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