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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 1/29/2010 8:18:38 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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Isn't "casual enslavement" an oxymoron?

(Runs out of Ask a Mistress room. :)

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 1/29/2010 8:59:21 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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First, I want to say that it's regrettable that you had a disappointing experience. I tend to agree with other folks who said that you obviously found a situation where the two of you are not compatible. Also, there may have been some areas of negotiation that could have been worked out better so that it would have been more positive for you. Something to think about for future endeavors.

What I did want to bring up here is these situations can be successful and fulfilling for both parties. I've had folks who have been in My service for very short, predetermined amounts of time that have worked out great. Usually, this has been for something like a weekend or an event without a long term commitment. These situations are rewarding for service type folks who aren't currently owned, but need to get that itch scratched. More or less, they become something of a personal valet during the course of whatever it is. They take care of the toy packing, corset lacing, arranging the room, and that sort of thing. This is beneficial to them for those who want to dip their toe in the leather lifestyle or get exposure to a high protocol situation short term. It's not a deal where they come and do everything for free and receive nothing in return.

My suggestion to you would be that, the next time you want to engage in a short term service situation that you spend some time negotiating what you want to receive in exchange. Is play a part of the service deal? What is and isn't included in your service? What is being expected out of you? Know what you want out of the situation up front and if that isn't something that is going to materialize, find someone else.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 1/30/2010 12:03:10 PM

Santoro

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/16/2009
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Just a brief comment. It sound to me like you were useful, seved purpose and that should hve been your reason for being there. Perhaps good fortune will smile on you once again and you will be offered the opportunity to increase you skill sets.

< Message edited by Santoro -- 1/30/2010 12:05:50 PM >

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 1/30/2010 12:20:20 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beowulf1234

I was tought a hard lesson and I am asking for some feedman back. My years of being a trained slave was to a Female owner and for the most part exclusive, unless she She felt differently in any point in time. I have been interviewed and on a trial basis, had my talents used for a prospective owner. My trial weekend day was excriciating with hardwork in housekeeping. Domestics are a specialty, but this was far too much. I served in cognito as hired maid to service a single parent and children. I did a ton of laundry, cleaning, shopping, and cooking, The Mistress had me conviced she was a lifestyle Domme. The kids were out for the weekend with their dad. It took me all of 15 hours to clean up. Then prepared a candlelite dinner at Mistress request. The night was romantic and beautiful, She new my attraction to her. I was always partial to a Lady of color. She kept me at bay. She told me that though she found me to be somewhat attractive as a man of Europian Ethnicity , She prefered her own. But she knew that most black men are not into this kind of servitude and devotion, She told me out right that she will stick with her own as lovers and significant others. But she is willing to keep me and allow me foot worship for my domestic service. My question is, Is Collarme becomming a free maid service to vanilla Dominants? I sustained so many years of training and discipline. I would hate the idea of being owned, scarred, branded and flogged. Now having to serve Martha Stewart! Any Comments without being mean!

On top of what others have said, people do have serious, committed, long-term D/s and M/s relationships where there is no kink and/or sex involved. You two simply weren't looking for the same thing, that's all. No need to act like she isn't a real or honest dominant -in fact, the issue developed when she was honest about you two being incompatible on the first day you were together.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 1/30/2010 1:20:37 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

On top of what others have said, people do have serious, committed, long-term D/s and M/s relationships where there is no kink and/or sex involved. You two simply weren't looking for the same thing, that's all. No need to act like she isn't a real or honest dominant -in fact, the issue developed when she was honest about you two being incompatible on the first day you were together.

While I agree with you in theory, I'm sure she was well aware that he wasn't the "type" that would be "compatible" with her from the start. I do believe that the OP should probably have asked a few more questions before agreeing to this "trial" day of service, but that doesn't negate the need for the domme to be clear from the start either. If we believe everything the OP says, she didn't do that, and she was definately in the wrong not to. Is it really that difficult to say to someone that while they aren't the type you would have a relationship with, you would enjoy having them in your service, but that is all?

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 1/30/2010 5:11:12 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable
On top of what others have said, people do have serious, committed, long-term D/s and M/s relationships where there is no kink and/or sex involved. You two simply weren't looking for the same thing, that's all. No need to act like she isn't a real or honest dominant -in fact, the issue developed when she was honest about you two being incompatible on the first day you were together.

I agree. It's funny, I had the opposite happen. Some random guy here wanted to come over to my house and cook dinner and clean in the nude as a combination first date and birthday present. I told him I wasn't comfortable with having a stranger in my home the first time I meet him, and certainly not in the nude, so he "accused" me of being vanilla.

beowulf, obviously you didn't have compatible goals in this, so I'd suggest better screening and asking more questions ahead of time in the future.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 1/30/2010 6:04:11 PM

MzBree

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/23/2010
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is there a way to change thAt? I firgured I was vanilla cause I just signed up

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 1/31/2010 10:10:15 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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I suggest you rewrite your profile making it clear that you do not enjoy being used.
A lot of Dominants prefer a sub/slave who is only submissive to them. Not to any woman who happens to pay the slightest attention to them.
I wouldn't have given you a chance.
I might have met you, let you buy me dinner but clean my house not a chance.
By the way you did have a relationship just not the type of relationship you wanted.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 1/31/2010 10:21:35 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzBree

is there a way to change thAt? I firgured I was vanilla cause I just signed up

Andalusite was using "vanilla" to mean nonkinky. This site uses it to denote how many posts you've made. I think that you lose the vanilla designation at forty posts.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 8/25/2010 9:44:26 AM

linda69Ssub

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/18/2010
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hey anyone interested

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 8/25/2010 1:33:46 PM

Voodali

Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
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quote:

Is Collarme becomming a free maid service to vanilla Dominants?

So only the VANILLA Dominants get the free maids. That explains it. Bummer.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 8/25/2010 2:17:40 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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MORE FREAKIN NECRO SPAM!!! WTF?

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 8/25/2010 3:44:26 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

Each of you has the right to seek whatever you want. Recognize this, and go find someone else who more closely matches you. It's not the end of the world.

This.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 8/25/2010 3:46:03 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MargueriteV

What the hell is a 'vanilla Dominant'!?

One who likes icecream, silly.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 8/25/2010 5:36:51 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

MORE FREAKIN NECRO SPAM!!! WTF?

Yes. The spam message that brought this thread back was reported, but I don't think anyone has had the opportunity to yank it yet.

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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 8/25/2010 5:45:43 PM

SaharahEve

Posts: 231
Joined: 6/25/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Isn't "casual enslavement" an oxymoron?

(Runs out of Ask a Mistress room. :)

Yes, I'm equally amused with that phrase.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 8/25/2010 6:42:09 PM

subanthony2010

Posts: 36
Joined: 6/16/2010
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I don't think he was used by her for one she was honest with him about what she wanted, who she wanted to be in a relationship with and what she was willing to do with him. I think his service earned him award from her because she seemed to be open to "use" him again and would allow him to worship her feet as reward. Honesty may not be what we want to hear but she was straight up honest with him about who she was.

Seems to me he feels the reward isn't worth the amount of service he would have to do for it, and that is his choice nothing wrong with saying the job doesn't pay enough for me to return to it.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 8/25/2010 7:03:27 PM

horizonz

Posts: 28
Joined: 5/29/2010
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That was a truly unfortunate experience. I'm sorry to hear that she toyed with your desires like that. If I were in the same position, I would try to think of it positively-- you did nothing wrong and found out relatively early that she wasn't a good fit.

No two people are alike-- try to stay positive.

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RE: relationship vs casual enslavement - 8/26/2010 1:23:54 AM

VideoAdminRho

Posts: 2055
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As noted, this thread was necroed with a non contributing post. I will lock it now, and encourage anyone wishing to continue the discussion to start a new thread and link to this one.

VAR

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