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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 3/9/2010 3:30:28 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
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No reasonable person should lower their standards. Lowering your standards can cause a lot of different problems from resentment to not living true to yourself.

This ratio thing is really bunk as far as I am concerned. There may be more submissive males to domina's but what type of submissive males are they? There are quality people that have a hard time finding someone and it isn't their fault, but some have a hard time finding someone because they are doing something that simply isn't working in their favor.

I don't believe that just because there are numbers of men looking for a dominant, that a dominant has extra power or advantage, because numbers has nothing to do with quality. Can it be an advantage? Yes, but not always. It all depends on a lot of things.

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 3/9/2010 4:22:24 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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Here are the general basics from my experience.

(1) A dominant woman does not search for you.

(2) Reaching out with thoughtful interest in an email will probably not yield a return reply.

(3) Being verbal helps if you strike a connection.

(4) On top of the ratio disparity is the fact that many DOM women are themselves unattractive.

(5) Most women don't really get and get comfortable with their orientation until later in life, which I would say is 35 and older. This puts younger guys further behind the eight ball.

(6) When trying to meet someone, a guy should always lead with his strengths and talents. It is more important to be interesting than it is to be submissive. This does not mean talking about oneself or bragging, but it means demonstrating that: (1) you are well read; (2) have a quick wit; (3) have some cultural sophistication; (4) are self aware; (5) know how to actively listen; (6) have interesting things going on in your own life. When you can do these things, it also shows that BDSM for you has a context and a place -- and this shows maturity and good judgment. It shows you will be able to set limits, too, which are the cornerstone of BDSM.

No matter what, finding someone always involves a bit of good luck and fortune. Its important not to internalize the difficulty of finding a partner. Small connections are better, too, than no connections -- forge ties wherever possible. Being connected helps you grow.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 3/9/2010 4:28:16 PM >

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 3/9/2010 4:55:25 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

Ratio is almost irrelevant. If a sub male is single, stays in reasonable shape, shines his shoes and wears clean clothes, and actually SHOWS UP for a meeting, he moves right to the head of the line.

i tend to agree with Slavekal. Ratio is pretty much irrelevant. A decent guy can get a girl any time he wants to (at least that's been my experience).

i NEVER change or lower my expectations. To me, D/s relationships are no different from vanilla relationships. Finding a potential partner is easy, but finding the right partner is hard and can take a very long time. Patience is the key.

I'm not a submissive man but I'm going to chime in nonetheless.

Firstly, kudos to Rochsub & Kal for standing their ground. Men who lower their standard fall in my esteem.

Secondly, I don't really think there is a gap. I there was, I wouldn't be single right now. I'm a relatively well adjusted woman, 37, fabulous career & education, not too hard on the eyes, no major hang ups or issues and live in a Metropolitan city. And yet, with this supposed huge pool of potential slaves, I'm still single, and this for a year now...

The deal is rather that there is bottomless pit of sexually submissive bottoms that falsely identify as submales (out of lack of understanding of their desires).

The ratio of boys who truly want to submit who seek one dominant woman to submit to is much more even.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 3/9/2010 4:56:13 PM >

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RE: A Question for Straight Male Subs/Slaves - 4/3/2010 6:53:43 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
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It's difficult to find a compatible Owner who clicks with you and is pleasant to be with. That's true in vanilla relationships as well. I mean when I was looking for a vanilla partner my main goal was to find a woman whom I liked. It was hard then.

I will say that my criteria is different between vanilla and Domme. I'm more interested in the internal workings of a Domme than the external packaging.

(in reply to OMGlikegagme)

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Post #: 44