RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ?

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PeonForHer -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (1/31/2010 1:14:28 PM)
He is brutally degraded and taken for the most profane of uses, and thus a god worthy of worship and reverence. Do you really believe that, LadyN? Have you actually felt it? It's so difficult for me to imagine a femdom feeling that way towards a malesub.

AAkasha -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (1/31/2010 1:36:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer He is brutally degraded and taken for the most profane of uses, and thus a god worthy of worship and reverence. Do you really believe that, LadyN? Have you actually felt it? It's so difficult for me to imagine a femdom feeling that way towards a malesub. I might be interpreting this in my own way, but I can totally see this. Totally. Now, sub men (and bottoms to some degree) probably have trouble getting their head around this, as it paints the woman as somewhat vulnerable. Is that so bad? There are times when I view my sadistic side as somewhat needy and little-girlish. There have been some men that I have dominated who have made me feel SO UPSIDE DOWN by the sheer impact (emotionally) of their surrender, that I feel like I need to be held like a child after it's over. This often includes crying - not just a few tears, but all-over-body-shuddering tears. A man who has been totally, completely degraded and his ego crushed to barely anything has to somehow figure out how he can pull himself together to actually comfort the woman who has just brutalized him? This is nirvana to me. It is VERY rare. It takes me getting to a very sadistic place, and a man getting to a point of total surrender, and then when it all comes crashing down, I feel overwhelmed with his level of sacrifice. How can I not "worship" a man like this? How can I not be awed by what he has made me feel? There have been a few times, I can count them on one hand, where I have had a man in a position of helplessness and desperation so raw that I hit my own kind of "emotional limit" and in a tragic sort of surreal way he's got to figure out how to pull himself together so he can pull me together, because I go from being ultra-cruel to really, really needing to be reassured, nurtured, taken care of. I guess some people call this a sort of "top drop" but I think it's something else entirely. As I said, I don't get to that place too often, but it takes a very special man to be able to portray earth shaking vulnerability and authentic desperation but be ready, and strong enough, to switch gears and become a rock again when I need it. Some subs consider this scenario and it makes them go "eww, yuck." As I said - rare. And cherished. Akasha

PeonForHer -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (1/31/2010 1:54:45 PM)
Akasha, quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I might be interpreting this in my own way, but I can totally see this. Totally. Now, sub men (and bottoms to some degree) probably have trouble getting their head around this, as it paints the woman as somewhat vulnerable. Is that so bad? No, quite the opposite. More like: too good for me to believe. I've very seldom seen such things expressed on this forum. Thank you.

LadyAngelika -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (1/31/2010 2:10:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Akasha, quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I might be interpreting this in my own way, but I can totally see this. Totally. Now, sub men (and bottoms to some degree) probably have trouble getting their head around this, as it paints the woman as somewhat vulnerable. Is that so bad? No, quite the opposite. More like: too good for me to believe. I've very seldom seen such things expressed on this forum. Thank you. Really Peon? Ever read my posts? Ever read my profile? ;-) I am 100% in agreeement with Akasha and LadyNTrainer. - LA

PeonForHer -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (1/31/2010 3:42:14 PM)
Same principle as before, when I mentioned the fact that I didn't believe that femdoms existed till a couple of years ago. They say there's none so blind as those who don't want to see. Well, I think people can be blind to a thing when they want to see it too much.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (1/31/2010 4:02:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer He is brutally degraded and taken for the most profane of uses, and thus a god worthy of worship and reverence. Do you really believe that, LadyN? Have you actually felt it? It's so difficult for me to imagine a femdom feeling that way towards a malesub. Yes. I am in absolute awe of the depth of passion and power that it takes to submit one’s flesh to leather and steel. Crucified in leather, his flesh is violated and sanctified, celebrated and decorated by the bright blood roses of our passion. His body is the altar at which I worship. I am the respectful penitent and the savage goddess, and the scourge rises and falls to glorify as much as to humble. I am as deeply reverent as I am merciless to the sacrifice. It is the sacred paradox. It excites me, his willingness to be utterly naked and rawly vulnerable. It is for me, all for me. He is mine. He trembles on my chain and gasps for breath between hard slaps and caresses as gentle as a whisper in his ear, savage kisses and bites that leave him bruised and whimpering. I break his skin. Blood roses and crimson rubies, the most precious jewels of all, his unreserved gift to me. Who among us would not be moved? Don't get me wrong; this is not the kind of chemistry I have with the average wannabe subby-boy I meet at a party or typically train as a professional fitness client. This degree of intensity doesn't kick in for me until the relationship has gone a lot farther and deeper than that. But there are glimpses of it here and there in the beauty of any man who willingly suffers and endures for me, and it humbles me even as it enobles me. I accept his gift with merciless reverence and savage appreciation. A paradox? Perhaps, but a sacred one. A study of the myths of John Barleycorn and the sacrificed Consort may prove enlightening. Sonnet for Slave Held fast by steel, you know the soft caress This paradox transcendent and rare The hand that closes fiercely in your hair Claiming past consent with strange and savage tenderness Painting passion crimson on your breast Yet says your name as softly as a prayer. I mark your willing flesh to write the things I should not dare And hope you hear what I shall there confess In the leather's kiss, for how can I say "I love you" any other way?

LadyNTrainer -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (1/31/2010 4:16:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha There are times when I view my sadistic side as somewhat needy and little-girlish. There have been some men that I have dominated who have made me feel SO UPSIDE DOWN by the sheer impact (emotionally) of their surrender, that I feel like I need to be held like a child after it's over. This often includes crying - not just a few tears, but all-over-body-shuddering tears. A man who has been totally, completely degraded and his ego crushed to barely anything has to somehow figure out how he can pull himself together to actually comfort the woman who has just brutalized him? This is nirvana to me. It is VERY rare. It takes me getting to a very sadistic place, and a man getting to a point of total surrender, and then when it all comes crashing down, I feel overwhelmed with his level of sacrifice. How can I not "worship" a man like this? How can I not be awed by what he has made me feel? I don't do "domme crash" myself, but the emotional effect on me certainly can be profound. When a man has given himself to me to this extent, what I feel is immensely deep loyalty and gratitude. I feel stronger myself as well as being awed at his strength, and I am reaffirmed in my aspirations to be worthy of being his dominant, his owner, his protector. I am his alpha; I would kill or die to keep my pack safe. It's very primal for me. I would be more inclined to hold him comfortingly and to give aftercare than to want nurturing myself at that time. At other times, like when I've had a bad day, I do appreciate nurturing care from a partner. But not after a scene of that intensity; my head is very much in "me pack alpha, me strong protector" space. Which is also funny, considering I'm the one who's just brutally beaten the crap out of him. I suppose the idea is to keep my property safe from everything except me. evil fanged grin

Andalusite -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (1/31/2010 6:16:32 PM)
Personally, I don't like using "worship" to describe how I feel about D/s and BDSM, as it doesn't mesh well with my spirituality. I have definitely been awestruck by how much a submissive has been willing to do for me, to suffer for me, how far he or she is willing and able to go. I'm not necessarily humbled by it, but it definitely makes me weak in the knees! It's more about the emotional vulnerability than the physical aspect, and it pushes my Dominant buttons like crazy.

allthatjaz -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 2:02:56 AM)
LadyNTrainer your posts are inspiring.

truk -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 3:07:37 AM)
Very disturbing views on a decent link. I read a 70/30 ratio of very insightful views vrs. some better left unsaid & unread. You take your pick .............

LaTigresse -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 3:38:53 AM)
Even while I've no interest in a male slave, I found quite a few of the posts on this thread to be quite touching.

ElanSubdued -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 10:59:35 AM)
BreathandStone, quote: I'm human, and as a human I seek out the place where there is the least cognitive dissonance, where the parts of me are aligned as much as possible. The pleasure I gain, then, doesn't necessarily increase with the amount of pain I inflict. If I were to mutilate someone, the care-taking part of me would object rather strenuously, and I would find that unpleasant. I can find the most pleasure where I am inflicting pain AND where I haven't sacrificed my instinct to protect the person I'm hurting. I like this summary of your "sadists mind" a lot. It clarifies and illuminates the answers to "how do sadists think" and "what enables sadists to do what they do" rather well. Of course, I realize each person is different and will have different mindsets and motivations. Still, what you've written will likely resonate with many a sadist. It certainly applied to me when I leaned more toward the top/sadist's side of things. Elan.

AAkasha -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 11:19:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued BreathandStone, quote: I'm human, and as a human I seek out the place where there is the least cognitive dissonance, where the parts of me are aligned as much as possible. The pleasure I gain, then, doesn't necessarily increase with the amount of pain I inflict. If I were to mutilate someone, the care-taking part of me would object rather strenuously, and I would find that unpleasant. I can find the most pleasure where I am inflicting pain AND where I haven't sacrificed my instinct to protect the person I'm hurting. I like this summary of your "sadists mind" a lot. It clarifies and illuminates the answers to "how do sadists think" and "what enables sadists to do what they do" rather well. Of course, I realize each person is different and will have different mindsets and motivations. Still, what you've written will likely resonate with many a sadist. It certainly applied to me when I leaned more toward the top/sadist's side of things. Elan. The question remains: How come more submissive men don't seriously, intensely reflect on the idea/reasons why a woman can be sadistic? Just how does that happen in her wiring, in her mind, and how does that reconcile with her other instincts and needs? How on earth does a man's suffering make her wet and aroused, especially when he knows she's not being mean for the sake of being mean, and there's true heart and compassion in there also? I wonder why submissive men don't wonder this kind of thing. The young and naive vanilla guys I dated would ask,"how the hell did you get like this? Not that I am complaining, it's hot, but wow, what does it do for you and why?" I think a lot of it, for vanilla guys, was a desperate need for approval, to not "do it wrong" (they had no idea what they were supposed to do as a bottom, as a sub, as prey -- so they had to figure it out, or ask). But why don't sub guys have this same burning need to know, "am I doing this right"? Is "right" to them as long as it matches his fantasies; not hers? Do femdoms have fantasies? I just realized how few subs have asked me, "what are your femdom fantasies like?" I remember the first guy I dominated that blew my mind asked me that, we were teenagers in my car making out. Akasha

BreathandStone -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 11:52:27 AM)
You are kind as always, Elan. I've given a lot of thought to the way I operate as a sadist and a compassionate person. The idea of an unrestrained sadist within scares me - to let the sadist out more fully, I've had to be certain that she operates as a part of a compassionate whole, rather than in opposition to my more compassionate side.

YesMistressIrish -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 11:52:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BreathandStone Thinking out loud here. Sorry if it's a little fragmented. There's a part of me that really, genuinely enjoys inflicting pain. So yes, I get pleasure from it. There is also a part of me that cares for people, and likes to take care of people. This is an important part of me - but my sadism is as well. These urges are not necessarily contradictory. When dealing with someone who enjoys pain, or seeks pain out, I have the opportunity hurt them without causing long-term harm, and without destroying trust between us. I can use the pain as a tool, even, to break down their barriers a little bit, to uncover old wounds so that they can heal. I can create vulnerability and then nurture them through it. I'm human, and as a human I seek out the place where there is the least cognitive dissonance, where the parts of me are aligned as much as possible. The pleasure I gain, then, doesn't necessarily increase with the amount of pain I inflict. If I were to mutilate someone, the care-taking part of me would object rather strenuously, and I would find that unpleasant. I can find the most pleasure where I am inflicting pain AND where I haven't sacrificed my instinct to protect the person I'm hurting. Does that make sense? Gorgeous post and expressed my 'IT' and what I am about to a "T" Great thread! MIrish ~~~~~~~~~~~ Edited to add: Lady and Trainer wrote this: "Yes. I am in absolute awe of the depth of passion and power that it takes to submit one’s flesh to leather and steel. Crucified in leather, his flesh is violated and sanctified, celebrated and decorated by the bright blood roses of our passion. His body is the altar at which I worship. I am the respectful penitent and the savage goddess, and the scourge rises and falls to glorify as much as to humble. I am as deeply reverent as I am merciless to the sacrifice. It is the sacred paradox. It excites me, his willingness to be utterly naked and rawly vulnerable. It is for me, all for me. He is mine. He trembles on my chain and gasps for breath between hard slaps and caresses as gentle as a whisper in his ear, savage kisses and bites that leave him bruised and whimpering. I break his skin. Blood roses and crimson rubies, the most precious jewels of all, his unreserved gift to me. Who among us would not be moved? Don't get me wrong; this is not the kind of chemistry I have with the average wannabe subby-boy I meet at a party or typically train as a professional fitness client. This degree of intensity doesn't kick in for me until the relationship has gone a lot farther and deeper than that. But there are glimpses of it here and there in the beauty of any man who willingly suffers and endures for me, and it humbles me even as it enobles me. I accept his gift with merciless reverence and savage appreciation. A paradox? Perhaps, but a sacred one. A study of the myths of John Barleycorn and the sacrificed Consort may prove enlightening. Sonnet for Slave Held fast by steel, you know the soft caress This paradox transcendent and rare The hand that closes fiercely in your hair Claiming past consent with strange and savage tenderness Painting passion crimson on your breast Yet says your name as softly as a prayer. I mark your willing flesh to write the things I should not dare And hope you hear what I shall there confess In the leather's kiss, for how can I say "I love you" any other way? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This hit the nail (sub) on the head for me also! Shazaaam!

ElanSubdued -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 11:55:00 AM)
Akasha, LadyAngelika, and PeonForHer, quote: Akasha: I might be interpreting this in my own way, but I can totally see this. Totally. Now, sub men (and bottoms to some degree) probably have trouble getting their head around this, as it paints the woman as somewhat vulnerable. Is that so bad? (snip) There have been a few times, I can count them on one hand, where I have had a man in a position of helplessness and desperation so raw that I hit my own kind of "emotional limit" and in a tragic sort of surreal way he's got to figure out how to pull himself together so he can pull me together, because I go from being ultra-cruel to really, really needing to be reassured, nurtured, taken care of. I guess some people call this a sort of "top drop" but I think it's something else entirely. As I said, I don't get to that place too often, but it takes a very special man to be able to portray earth shaking vulnerability and authentic desperation but be ready, and strong enough, to switch gears and become a rock again when I need it. Some subs consider this scenario and it makes them go "eww, yuck." As I said - rare. And cherished. PeonForHer: No, quite the opposite. More like: too good for me to believe. I've very seldom seen such things expressed on this forum. Thank you. LadyAngelika: Really Peon? Ever read my posts? Ever read my profile? ;-) I am 100% in agreement with Akasha and LadyNTrainer. Akasha: What you've written is the foundation of my BDSM relationship thinking at present. The bond, fundamentally, isn't about a Domme and boy, but rather about something, mutually felt, that is much deeper and stronger than mere roles and titles can illuminate. At the epicenter of this is a humanity that in one way comes out through each partner's desire and ability to share the most vulnerable aspects of their personage with the other and their strengths with each other. There are many other ways this comes out too. I believe trust, at it's most open and intimate level, intrinsically requires making oneself vulnerable and this is why I consider this type of communication essential for all kinksters. I certainly don't see a Domme who, in front of her s-type partner(s), is able to cry, needs to cry, and communicates in a way that demonstrates her vulnerabilities and desire to be kind as weak. This is a person who has enough strength and trust in herself and in her partner(s) to communicate on an essential, human level. Similarly, a submissive who, upon seeing their dominant partner in need, is able to grab the situation and provide the strength and comfort their partner requires, is communicating on that same, essential, human level. Peon: In the more general sense, I agree, somewhat, that it's not common to see vulnerability expressed as a quality of dominants, male or female. And, for whatever reason, perhaps this is even more the case for female dominants. This seems to be especially true in online forums and for those who haven't had the opportunity to explore and debunk "beneath the leather". (Of course, all dominants do wear leather, right? :-) It has been my experience that once you gain a maturity and confidence to communicate on a level that transcends BDSM but that respects each person's participation within BDSM, you get a completely different level of communication. For myself, this is something I look for when communicating with kinky people because without this coming from both sides, it's impossible to have any kind of meaningful interaction. LadyAngelika: We're friends and you know I've read your profile and posts. Regarding the way you share your kindness and vulnerability with partners (male and female) and prospective partners, it has always been my opinion that this is one of your most attractive and endearing qualities. This opinion hasn't changed and the advice I gave (in private) remains steadfast. You are who you are and those unable to handle this likely aren't compatible with this core aspect of your personality. I see no reason for you to change anything and every reason for you to stay your course. Elan.

BreathandStone -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 11:56:10 AM)
Thank you. I'm happy to see that other people feel the same way.

LadyAngelika -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 3:44:28 PM)
quote: LadyAngelika: We're friends and you know I've read your profile and posts. Regarding the way you share your kindness and vulnerability with partners (male and female) and prospective partners, it has always been my opinion that this is one of your most attractive and endearing qualities. This opinion hasn't changed and the advice I gave (in private) remains steadfast. You are who you are and those unable to handle this likely aren't compatible with this core aspect of your personality. I see no reason for you to change anything and every reason for you to stay your course. Thanks. But recent experiences has me putting up walls. It will take a hell of a guy to knock them down. - LA

Politesub53 -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 4:18:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika Thanks. But recent experiences has me putting up walls. It will take a hell of a guy to knock them down. - LA That may be true Lady A. Yet we both know that finding the right person is more than worth the effort we put into it. If we thought that wasnt true, we would walk away from the lifestyle.

RumpusParable -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/1/2010 4:20:32 PM)
On the general jist of raising a man by humbling or torturing him, I must say that that is the primary reason I am turned on by blood play with my spouse... he is not a natural bottom to such things and takes the pain for my art and pleasure. It's a sweetness and a physical ability that I respect a great deal and am therefore turned on. It gives me the warm and fuzzies and also a deep primal arousal at his taking physical abuse so stoically and to such an amount past comfort.

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