RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ?

RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (Full Version)

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MzMinx -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 5:03:23 PM)
peon ... I can certainly say from my experience ... your curiosity is unusual .... but very very desirable Slave Kal has it as well ... and a few others .... I am not saying it never happens ... just it appears rare

MzMinx -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 5:45:29 PM)
Politesub I agree the term topping from the bottom can be used when a submissive is trying to be proactive Which is why I share what I expect and how I work.. I want proactive service .. I want someone who learns me and not just does only exactly what they are told when they are told it .... there is a time for perfect obediance and absolute control .... but not every moment of every day I personaly do not use terms like topping from the bottom .. ... but if someone is trying to get from me things which I am not inclined to give .... then I will just tell them no thanks and share why ... and I did not say it would guarentee certain things but just make them more likely ... but I do not micro manage cerain aspects of my relationships .... so any boy of mine has agreat deal of lattitude in certain things ... so there sia direct benifit to him to learn me and my moods .. learn what i liek and why I like it ... not jsut to be pelasing ... but he himself will gain directly from it but this thread is all about actively learning and seeking to understand the Dominant a submissive is interested in ... not setting some general always correct bench mark ... so its being focused on learning her .. how to acheive that .. what methods... what does the submissive need to do or ask or provide to make that happen .... and of course it has to be about how it suits both of them to do so... communication is a meeting of language and minds .. as you said there isnt one way to acheive this .. but it all comes down to actively seeking to communicate and learn

MzMinx -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 5:58:32 PM)
another way that I think about it is ... I enjoy males who are fascianted by Me ... not about how well I fit into a fantasy ... that their basis for the relationships is Me ... not the fact I give good kink laughs ..... Sometimes I feel they expend more energy seeing if I fit into a cookie cutter mold of a dominant than actually seeking to discover me ... the individual in all my good and bad bits ... I do get needing matched desires ... but its pretty obvious that I am a dominant female who has kinky desires .... many of which are still expanding ... who actively persues submissive males (and occasionaly girls) so they do not have to spend to much time on the basics ... but ... most never seem to want to get any deeper than that ... their facination is with their own fantasies and how I fit those ... not on who I am and how we may fit together.... on discovering what makes me unigue and special and how that may feed into their desires and needs it seems to me sometimes, that in discovering kink has made many of them go back to what they where like when they where 16 and its all about the sexual thrill .. and not about the people laughs hmmm can you tell I am home sick and feeling pouty and a tad grumpy at the world

PeonForHer -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 6:20:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer I've interrogated every ex-girlfriend I've had - to the point where their heads have turned to jelly - about what's at the root of their sexual desires, Akasha. They've all been vanilla, too. A femdom partner would get the same from me, only ten times harder. I don't recognise what you say about sub-men, here. Just because you have - or you think you have - doesn't make it such that the femdoms who complain about this all seem to have shared experiences. Keep in mind, by the very nature of this particular forum (a message board, with the written word ONLY, usually populated by people with an interest in discussion, analyzing and the such), you will have a higher number of "thinkers" compared to "wankers." BUT -- even with this in mind - seriously, how many threads have been started by submissive men that specifically address an emotional or psychological question about dominance, OR, come here to discuss an intriguing psychological challenge/aspect of a partner -- compared to how many just ask how many women are into x fetish? Akasha OK, Akasha, points taken. Though, bar one: Please, in future: don't tell me that I 'think' I've done a thing when I know that I've done it.

PeonForHer -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 6:34:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMinx peon ... I can certainly say from my experience ... your curiosity is unusual .... but very very desirable Thanks, MzMinx - but I don't know how desirable dommes would find it in reality. I really have asked every partner I've had what makes them tick, sexually, and they've always given up in frustration and told me to shut me up, eventually. I've always come up against a brick wall. And it doesn't surprise me. I don't know where my sub-inclinations come from (though I have a few ideas, based on Freud and Jung, mostly) - so I've got used to the idea that women won't know where their own inclinations will come from, either - Dommes included. I keep bashing my head against a brick wall - while, all the time, half-thinking 'Who cares, so long as we both enjoy it?' Hah! Be careful what you wish for, lest it come true. In real life, you may not actually want a sub who really wants to know what makes you tick - constantly, I mean, and someone who can never stop himself asking . . . . Pretty quickly I'd bet you'd get frustrated and say "Oh just shut the fuck up. I want to flog your back, and that's that."

LadyAngelika -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 7:03:14 PM)
quote: but I don't know how desirable dommes would find it in reality. Very. It's a sign of intelligence and intelligence is hot! Besides, in my opinion, no self-assured Domme would have issues sharing her thought, reflections, feelings and desires with her submissive partner. quote: I keep bashing my head against a brick wall - while, all the time, half-thinking 'Who cares, so long as we both enjoy it?' Stop that luv. Flat foreheads aren't so hot ;-) - LA

PeonForHer -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 7:30:07 PM)
LA, Seriously, I think beyond a certain point it'd become a pain. The merest shred of dominant inclination I've seen in partners, I've pursued . . . Not just 'Why does that turn you on?" but "What's it all about? Where did it come from in the first place?" I won't claim that it's been 'all about them', either - I've wanted to know how they've seen me because that's ultimately the source of what's turned me on. But, really, they've all got sick of it, beyond a certain point. I don't blame them: the brick wall is reached anytime you start to ask, "What makes you the way you are?" I don't know what makes me a sub - so I guess they wouldn't have known what's made them feel dominant in any given way, either. You can kill a feeling by trying to dissect it too much.

LadyAngelika -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 7:40:44 PM)
Peon, Wow... a man who wants to find out what makes me tick, who strives to understand me to better serve me, to grow closer, more in love... sounds quite heavenly. I've always dated very curious and inquisitive men who were into discussing things. I mean if every day was a philosophical conversation, I'd probably want a break. But regular heart to hearts? That feeds intimacy and just in case I haven't said it enough, I have a massive intimacy fetish. Now I admit is hard to answer "What makes you the way you are". It requires people to do a lot of introspection, which can be scary. Some people don't want to know why they are the way they are. I've spent a lot of time soul searching so I think I can actually answer those questions pretty well when someone asks. There are questions however that can eventually get you to that answer like discovering turn ons and turn offs, understanding why certain things have more appeal to them then others, etc. You might run into brick walls, but then you have to decide if a brick wall is right for you, if a brick wall can ever soften up enough to accept who she is, what you share and to truly adore you ;-) - LA

pyroaquatic -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 8:06:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer You can kill a feeling by trying to dissect it too much. I have graveyards dedicated to this. I have a slight problem with "What makes you the way you are?" Past experiences shape future experiences. Not only will this answer change but you cannot have a definitive answer until your life is complete in its summation. Even then, at life's end you take this Final Answer with you. Second hand accounts do not come close to that Final Answer. That is what Children and Life partners are for. Friends, family. To share what answer you do have. After all, it takes one to ask, and one to answer. shelf-butt. and i know... i am kafka. please do not strike me down with your machismo.

MzMinx -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 8:09:57 PM)
peon are you possably exepcting answer that are a little to specfic ... for example .I can say I have always enjoyed setting the rules ,... even when a child and youngest of three I would demand things worked my way when I wasnt winning ... at 3 I wasnt very good at getting my own way against a 5 year old and a 10 year old (my siblings)..... but as I grew older I didnt give up the desires but they evolved and changed and I learnt many things from them .... not just how to win or how to play what games exactly the way I wanted to rather than by others rules .. or how to have others follow my lead but many many things that have helped lead to where I am today ... all things which sugest dominance and the desire for authority ,,, but why I was born like that I cant say ... but teh desire for the authority and the teadership started long before i know what it really meant or how to do it so is it the question or the type of answer you are getting ?.... demanding an answer to the unanswerable is not going to be helpful for anyone ... but asking questions more than once at the right times will get different aspects and different thoughts.. which can lead to a greater understanding

MzMinx -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 8:11:33 PM)
hmmm maybe its also more 'how' does this make you feel .. 'what' do you like about thuis .. more than 'why' are you like this style questions

AAkasha -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/3/2010 10:18:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMinx hmmm maybe its also more 'how' does this make you feel .. 'what' do you like about thuis .. more than 'why' are you like this style questions Yes, this is it. A guy asking me "Why are you kinky?" or "Why does x turn you on so much?" is a drain at times and can be annoying if it's rather meaningless or feels like filler talk, it's like the phase 3 year olds go through, where they always go "WHY? BUT WHY MOMMY?" when you know they are just asking to ask. There are specific questions, based on specific and uniquely wonderful things a man may observe and question. And really, when it's MIND blowing, is when he makes an observation about something, and acknowledges it, and then starts to want to understand it - and even if I don't know and can't figure it out and don't feel like trying to take it apart maybe, it's still wow-inducing that he NOTICED -- and appreciated it. It's a man understanding or want to understand the nuances of my kink and specific to me, as a woman, as a human being, and not just the parts that make him feel hard and horny. It's a special kind of man that can see a national geographic channel commercial for "Fight Science" and tell me - hey, Navy Seals tied up and dunked in water as a sort of test - right up your alley, Akasha. For a guy to make this observation he'd have to get out of his own female-centric thinking and fantasy thinking.* (the person that made the observation was my girlfriend; later come to find out my husband recorded it on DVR anyway) Akasha

LadyPact -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/4/2010 12:39:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMinx hmmm maybe its also more 'how' does this make you feel .. 'what' do you like about thuis .. more than 'why' are you like this style questions I hope you will pardon Me for interrupting the discussion. The thing is, with Me, there is never one definitive answer to those questions. The how, what, and why might be different from scene to scene, from partner to partner. I might be thrilled with the control aspect from one scene, to humiliation play in another, yet being a voyeur in something entirely different. The answers aren't universal to Me. Someone could ask Me the same questions about certain acts and from one week to the next, they might get an entirely different response. I may not even be the type to explain why that is. All I know is, that it just is.

MzMinx -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/4/2010 1:54:56 AM)
Lady Pact I tried to share that the answers change and evolve .... its the desire to explore and learn me and what I enjoy about somethuing .. how it made me feel that is something I seek ... I also know that I have different expectations/desires with people I top than ones I desire to build a D/s relatiosnhip with .... and its not something that has to happen every time ..its also not about finding perfect answers but learning soemthing about me Akasha Exactly .... its getting teh right questions and mixing in the right possabilities Laughs I loved watching a Navy diving training show ... it was all about how they choose the next years guys to be trained ... it was quite yummy watching what they put them all through .. I speak from my experience .... my desires ... my prefernces .. smiles ,.. Ps LP .... when ever I see your sig line I always get a slightly sad smile that you are not actuall in Oz as then we could meet

PeonForHer -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/4/2010 3:13:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic. shelf-butt. and i know... i am kafka. please do not strike me down with your machismo. Don't think I didn't see that small print, Mr Aquatic. [:D]

PeonForHer -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/4/2010 3:59:07 AM)
Do even some of the specifics change all that much? With my ex, they didn't. I used to concoct stories that involved all the general themes that I knew she liked. These would always involve my sucking the cock and ass of another man and her licking another woman. But I quickly found that the cock had to be 'long and golden' and that it had to belong to a younger, thinner man than myself - and one with long hair. And she always had to be licking between the legs and ass of a small, blonde woman (my GF was small herself, but dark). I'd whisper stories in her ear involving those ingredients in bed (or on the train, in a car or on a bus) and, well, watch and feel the results. OK, I admit that my wanting to know what made her tick wasn't just about understanding, it was also about 'playing' her. Some good old male bravado was, of course, involved. But if you find yourself with a Stradivarius, wouldn't you want to know how to make it sing sweetly? Good times. Sob

LadyAngelika -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (2/4/2010 4:20:04 AM)
quote: But if you find yourself with a Stradivarius, wouldn't you want to know how to make it sing sweetly? Exactly! - LA

Iholdthestrings -> RE: the Mistress by nature , what Mistress is this ? (11/6/2010 11:05:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer I'm also going to highly recommend Bitchy Jones' blog to the OP, especially this excerpt: http://bitchyjones.wordpress.com/2007/04/12/i-heart-male-submission/ I had a good read of that and it was well worth it. Thanks for the link, LadyN. That link doesn't work anymore. Is this the entry it was pointed at? Still reading...

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