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RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 6:41:02 AM

derangedmaniac

Posts: 72
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

Oy! This all turned out to a self-help thread when it wasn't intentional! Perhaps I need to be more clear in my words! Haha. For one, I didn't actually meet said Master on collarme, so he didn't see my picture or my profile or my username prior to us talking! We actually met in person! That is perhaps why I was just shocked by his "you're too serious" comment.

I always get eyebrows raised about my username! I actually made this username back when I was in middle school for a messenger name, and it stuck since. I am not deranged nor a maniac, I just thought it was all good fun! It is not meant to be taken seriously. (Yes, I realize the irony in this statement)

The picture is not Spiderman undies! I have no idea, to be honest, what that cartoon is!! I seriously LOL'ed at your "diaper play" comment because it didn't even register in my mind. I will try to find a new picture since I've gotten loads of comments on it. I'm stuck with the username though, feel free to make fun of it, it's all good and laughs!

Furthermore, after thinking about it and reflecting back on my conversations with said "Master" and you all, I realized more about the different levels of seriousness and hwo I shouldn't have taken it personally. I, in my naive young mind (I suppose?) thought it as an insult to me somehow, saying I wasn't a good slave. I posted this to try to comprehend how that couldn't be true. It just turns out that the "Master" wants to have a "normal" relationship (whatever normal is these days I don't know! :P)

But in any case, thank you for all the replies, I am humbled by the thoughtful responses you all wrote me. I remain stubborn on my username- but I will update my profile and photo. I hope that through my posts you realize I am more than a empty profile.

Once again thank you!

< Message edited by derangedmaniac -- 1/31/2010 6:42:19 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 21

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 8:26:19 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Sounds like this man wouldn't be a good fit for you - or maybe he would. From his comment he wants to have more in his relationship than "just" bdsm - like being able to go to a movie together.

I am in a bdsm relationship with a man, and we have fun, go to bookstores, watch movies, eat out and still maintain our relationship. The point is, is that we have more than just bdsm in common. It may be the basis of our relationship, but it isn't the be all and end all of what we share.
Perhaps this is what he was referring to.

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

Post #: 22

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 9:29:44 AM

Scheherazade67

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

You're 22 - hopefully your purpose in life - or your calling - will end up having more to do with how unique you are than your sexuality or lifestyle preferences. That's actually a small part of life - in my opinion.

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

Post #: 23

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 9:34:06 AM

Luckbunny

Posts: 35
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

To the op: BDSM really doesn't have that many rules as far as how you're supposed to act. If you're happy with this as a serious thing, then do what makes you happy. You aren't 'supposed' to act any certain way except the way that submission feels right to you. (Well you and your Dom, but if you've chosen a good one, he wouldn't want you hating the way you served either.) Don't worry about anyone saying you're too serious. Maybe for their lifestyle you are, but for yours? Sounds like you're just right. :)

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 24

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 10:04:14 AM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

MUCH better pic. Now, "derangedmaniac" has a sarcastic tone that "plays off" the not-at-all-deranged photo.
MUCH better profile.

And now, my answer to your original post is much shorter.

I'll paraphrase your question: Is it the norm to be [as intense as I am] in my desire to be a slave? I ask because someone said, (in RL) conversation they thought I was too serious.

ANSWER: It is not the norm to be that intense. After reading your (up-dated) profile, I see that you may very well have what is called "slave heart." Such slaves are born that way, just as some of us are born gay. I have met a few such during over my 25+ years in the scene and they have always been a joy. It is NOT the norm - you are at the end of a bell curve. "I am humbled by the thoughtful responses you all wrote me" is a "slave heart" statement if I ever heard one.

I hope your Master realizes what a lucky man he is, and treats you in such a way that your great talent can be expressed to your satisfaction (and his) throughout what I wish for you to be a long and happy life. (DAMN! I wish there had been a CollarMe.com 30 years ago, and that you and I had crossed paths - oh, wait, you're only 22. LOL!)

Regards, Lance (who is going to (in a minute) send you an invite to my "circle of friends" because I would like to remain in touch.)

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 1/31/2010 10:07:05 AM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to Luckbunny)

Post #: 25

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 10:10:03 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

MUCH better pic. Now, "derangedmaniac" has a sarcastic tone that plays off the not-at-all-deranged photo.
MUCH better profile.

Agreed!

Lance... now if only he could grow a mustache! ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 26

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 10:13:49 AM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

MUCH better pic. Now, "derangedmaniac" has a sarcastic tone that plays off the not-at-all-deranged photo.
MUCH better profile.

Agreed!

Lance... now if only he could grow a mustache! ;-)

- LA

I think a 'stache would help his appearance greatly....

Most men CAN grow a 'stache, so I'm puzzled at "if he could".

I've often said: "Tie 'em up until they have a 'stache." That might apply here. LOL!

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 27

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 10:19:46 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

MUCH better pic. Now, "derangedmaniac" has a sarcastic tone that plays off the not-at-all-deranged photo.
MUCH better profile.

Agreed!

Lance... now if only he could grow a mustache! ;-)

- LA

I think a 'stache would help his appearance greatly....

Most men CAN grow a 'stache, so I'm puzzled at "if he could".

I've often said: "Tie 'em up until they have a 'stache." That might apply here. LOL!

When I said "could" I wasn't talking about the potential so much... I should have written "would".

I love that... "Tie 'em up until they have a 'stache." :-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 28

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 10:33:44 AM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

i was with a Dominant who felt this way. Thought i was being too serious and that it was all supposed to be fun and games. That relationship suffocated me. i wanted the seriousness, the rules, the structure, and punishments when called for. i couldn't grow in an environment that wasn't challenging enough to force me to grow. Believe me when i say you are better off. Find one that suits you, and let them find one that suits them. Don't worry about what the norm is. Be abnormal. At least you'll be happier that way.

In the end, the only opinions that matter are the ones of the people you care about. It took me a long time to figure out that it is possible to not let someone get to you by deciding that their opinions don't matter.

Good luck on your search.

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

Post #: 29

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 5:14:54 PM

jenf

Posts: 45
Joined: 12/26/2007
Status: offline

As serious as the beating you get if you slip up, i guess

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 30

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 5:16:26 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I think that all relationships should be fun. If they are just work, then you ought to be paid for doing it.

However is it not possible that what he meant was to stop angsting and just be yourself, and find a partner who likes you as are you are? I don't want to be with a dominant who is always second guessing himself as to whether or not he is sufficiently domly. I wanted someone comfortable in his own skin who does this naturally. He wanted the same.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 31

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 5:17:24 PM

derangedmaniac

Posts: 72
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

Lance and Angelika, my facial hair comes in fast- trust me!

(in reply to jenf)

Post #: 32

RE: "You're too serious" - 1/31/2010 5:29:36 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: derangedmaniac

Lance and Angelika, my facial hair comes in fast- trust me!

Woo hoo! Are you flirting with Lance. I feel like I just played matchmaker! ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

Post #: 33

RE: "You're too serious" - 2/1/2010 3:03:39 PM

ourmsbetty

Posts: 266
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

I'd really recommend picking up Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin, then making up your own mind.

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

Post #: 34

RE: "You're too serious" - 2/15/2010 1:59:31 PM

Johmey

Posts: 18
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: derangedmaniac

I was talking to a Master today, actually yesterday I think, and he told me I was being "too serious" about being a slave and that it is supposed to be "fun". I feel that I was born a slave, or a "true" slave I suppose, here to serve and I eventually want to give up control- but my friend said that this was out of the "norm".

What do you guys think? What is the "norm" when it comes to Master/slave? Is the "too serious" line a bunch of BS?

If anything, it's your friend that isn't serious as you are... and that's ok.

_____________________________

I love the pain and the pain loves me.

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

Post #: 35

RE: "You're too serious" - 2/15/2010 6:54:29 PM

OriginallyFromLA

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline

I was a loser as a Dom. Every time I went to the forums, all the subs would kick sand in my face.

Then I took the LanceHuges profile writing class and in only 8 weeks I went from loser, to Schmoozer!

Now, I don't have enough hours in the day to respond to all of the submissive hunnies trying to get a taste of my panty dampening confidence, if you get what I'm saying.

Now for only 49.99 per session you too can get results like me.

Thanks Lance, You helped make me the Dom I am today.

Seriously though, You rock Lance.

_____________________________

We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.-Quintas Arius

Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

(in reply to Johmey)

Post #: 36

RE: "You're too serious" - 2/15/2010 7:06:38 PM

Kaiel

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: derangedmaniac

Oy! This all turned out to a self-help thread when it wasn't intentional! Perhaps I need to be more clear in my words! Haha. For one, I didn't actually meet said Master on collarme, so he didn't see my picture or my profile or my username prior to us talking! We actually met in person! That is perhaps why I was just shocked by his "you're too serious" comment.

I always get eyebrows raised about my username! I actually made this username back when I was in middle school for a messenger name, and it stuck since. I am not deranged nor a maniac, I just thought it was all good fun! It is not meant to be taken seriously. (Yes, I realize the irony in this statement)

The picture is not Spiderman undies! I have no idea, to be honest, what that cartoon is!! I seriously LOL'ed at your "diaper play" comment because it didn't even register in my mind. I will try to find a new picture since I've gotten loads of comments on it. I'm stuck with the username though, feel free to make fun of it, it's all good and laughs!

Furthermore, after thinking about it and reflecting back on my conversations with said "Master" and you all, I realized more about the different levels of seriousness and hwo I shouldn't have taken it personally. I, in my naive young mind (I suppose?) thought it as an insult to me somehow, saying I wasn't a good slave. I posted this to try to comprehend how that couldn't be true. It just turns out that the "Master" wants to have a "normal" relationship (whatever normal is these days I don't know! :P)

But in any case, thank you for all the replies, I am humbled by the thoughtful responses you all wrote me. I remain stubborn on my username- but I will update my profile and photo. I hope that through my posts you realize I am more than a empty profile.

Once again thank you!

Sounds like you reached out for feedback,got great feedback and advice, then ignored it.... INTERESTING.... if I do say so Myself.

_____________________________

I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"

(in reply to derangedmaniac)

Post #: 37

RE: "You're too serious" - 2/15/2010 11:27:35 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

I was a loser as a Dom. Every time I went to the forums, all the subs would kick sand in my face.

Then I took the LanceHuges profile writing class and in only 8 weeks I went from loser, to Schmoozer!

Now, I don't have enough hours in the day to respond to all of the submissive hunnies trying to get a taste of my panty dampening confidence, if you get what I'm saying.

Now for only 49.99 per session you too can get results like me.

Thanks Lance, You helped make me the Dom I am today.

Seriously though, You rock Lance.

You are MOST welcome!!!

<Your cut will be the agreed upon 10%. Let's see.... at 5 bucks per session, you'll get your first payment on my 11th student..... that is, you owe me the $49.99, but I'll take it out in trade.... Oops! that's for gay men, not the straight ones.>

Seriously, you were an apt student, and more importantly, took my suggestions and put your own, personal spin on them.

Well done..... You rock, too.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 2/15/2010 11:28:48 PM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)

Post #: 38

RE: "You're too serious" - 2/15/2010 11:37:09 PM

CelticNightmare

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2010
Status: offline

Op..............

I take people seriously who have an actual service history. It's a bit like a job resume. Talking about it doesn't mean you can actually do it. Most folks who have actually served a Dom in some sort of real life situation can be pretty relaxed about it overall.

They want to know what sort of person they might potentially want to get involved with. I will freely admit that I have a grudge against people who expect a Top to be a "fantasy enabler full-time."

That's a hell of a lot of performance pressure. Maybe you should cool your jets a little and see how you get along with people-and then worry about "roles' if it actually looks to be going in a direction you find attractive?

< Message edited by CelticNightmare -- 2/15/2010 11:39:29 PM >

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 39

RE: "You're too serious" - 2/16/2010 12:23:25 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: derangedmaniac

I was talking to a Master today, actually yesterday I think, and he told me I was being "too serious" about being a slave and that it is supposed to be "fun". I feel that I was born a slave, or a "true" slave I suppose, here to serve and I eventually want to give up control- but my friend said that this was out of the "norm".

What do you guys think? What is the "norm" when it comes to Master/slave? Is the "too serious" line a bunch of BS?

If it makes you feel any better, I cannot take anyone serious that is holding up a pair of Spidey-man Underoos. So I think that you are in the clear.

*perks* Spider-Man? Spidey...

Awww.... another false alarm.

Ok, onto the OP... I do think it's possible to take this way too seriously. It's possible to take nearly anything way too seriously. While you need to do what works you, I'd just pay attention to if you keep being told this by people you respect and whose opinion you value. If you are, try to chill a bit. If not, don't worry about it.

Now, on a less serious note and to switch to DC...

"Why so serious?"

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 40

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