What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress?

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BeaumontSubMale -> What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 2:33:24 PM)
Ok, first let me apologize by saying that this may be a potentially long winded post, assuming I don't get tired writing it and abbreviate things. Being a submissive male, I am somewhat curious about how some dominant females find themselves being dominant.Over the years I have read numerous books and articles regarding sexuality. It is often written that our fetishes and kinks are often attributed to some sexual trauma in our childhood or in our teenage years. This isn't always the case, but most often is. For instance, I can easily attribute my need for submission and humiliation to my teen years.As a teenager, I used to hang out at one of my neighbors home. It was sort of the "trashy" neighbors that your parents really didn't want you around, but at 14 yrs old I was already experimenting with cigarettes and marijuana, this home was sort of a safe haven to practice these habits. It also didn't hurt that there were five sisters, and one trashy Mom that let us get away with almost anything. There was a Dad, but he was an over the road trucker who was seldom ever around. Anyway, the girls were allowed to practically run wild, and the older two girls were sexually active, promiscuous, and proud of it. I can't recall for sure all the ages of the girls, two were recent high school graduates, one probably a junior or so, one my age and a class mate, and one just a year younger than my classmate and I. Anyway, as you can tell, them Mom stayed pretty busy when her husband came in from over the road. All the girls were cute as hell, tomboyish in some respects, and fun to be around. The Mom, was just as wild as the daughters, and was often hanging out in bars into the wee hours since her husband was never around. Anyway, as I said before, I was always hanging out over there, as did a lot of kids in the neighborhood. On one particular morning I had just arrived over there and most of us were in the kitchen. I always had a crush on the girl my age, but being 14, never had the nerve to express my feelings. Everyone knew it, it was obvious. Anyway, at that time my classmate was just finishing her shower and heading towards her bedroom with a towel wrapped around her, when her two older sisters grabbed her and wrestled her into the kitchen where the proceeded to strip her of her towel exposing her to me. Of course she was furious, and embarrassed that they had done this in front of me. I had heard of crazy things going on like this before in the house, but it was seldom ever done in front of other kids. That sort of craziness was usually reserved for family only. Anyway, my classmate was obviously a little embarrassed about being around me for a while, but as we were all friends, she eventually got over it. I did say this was going to be a long winded thread right??? Anyway, probably a couple of weeks had passed, and I was over there one evening. Everyone was there, including the Mom, one other girl (also a classmate and neighborhood kid) and we were all in the family room watching TV. I could see the girls whispering to each other, laughing and giggling, but I had no clue what was to follow. Without any warning, a few minutes later one of the girls yelled "Now". All the girls, including the Mom, wrestled me to the floor. Wrestling with these girls wasn't so out of the ordinary, as I said before, they were all tomboys and could almost hold their own with a boy my age. Not to mention that there was 7 of them. Had no idea why I was being ganged up on, but since there was always a little "rubbing" going on during this type of horseplay, the thought of being ganged up on seemed like a great time to me. Not being sexually active at this age, a little wrestling and rubbing was about as good as things got for me at that age! Anyway, I eventually found out this was all about settling a score. They were going to strip me down as compensation for my exposing their sister in front of me. Being 14, just starting puberty, the idea of being naked in front of the Mom, and all the older sisters, really had no appeal to me.At 14, most boys are proud of the fact that some development is going on, but not really ready to bare yourself to the whole world. Especially since most the girls were either older, or even more sexually mature than myself. Anyway, I really was struggling at that point, but their was no way that I was going to win. Plus it didn't help that I was wearing a pair of shorts with an elastic waistband that was quickly and easily removed. I'm not really going to go into all the details of what took place, but eventually they had me butt naked, and I was still laying flat on my stomach at that time. The mother was the first to come up with the idea of spanking my ass, for seeing her daughter naked. They all took turns spanking my ass.This really was pretty brutal, and even though I consider myself a moderate player these days, a bare hand spanking can really be pretty intense without a safe word. Anyway, eventually they turned me over, and despite my embarrassment and humiliation, of course I was completely aroused. A couple of the girls took turns playing with my erection as well as teasing me for being so aroused. After completely humiliating me, and having a good laugh, I was eventually given my clothes back. I guess from that day on, despite the humiliation, I have always craved spankings and humiliation by women. I have been in vanilla relationships, and BDSM relationships, but from that day on, I have always craved pain and humiliation.I don't look back at that experience as something that really harmed me, hell, I enjoy who I am! I love serving. But I can see how this experience shaped who I am today.I am curious though, what experiences as a youth could shape a Mistress?? I realize not all of us are necessarily sexually influenced by something in their past? But are there any Fem Doms out their willing to share their stories? Was there something that made you who you are today?

LadyMorgynn -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 2:39:23 PM)
You're basing your question on the assumption that D/s is essentially sexual. For some it is, of course. For some, it has absolutely nothing to do with sex and everything to do with who we are as an individual. I am a Fem Domme and for me, accepting the submission of a male, and the Mistress/slave relationship, has nothing to do with sex, sexuality or BDSM. It is about submission (of the sub) to a strong, dominant woman.

MHOO314 -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 2:43:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn You're basing your question on the assumption that D/s is essentially sexual. For some it is, of course. For some, it has absolutely nothing to do with sex and everything to do with who we are as an individual. I am a Fem Domme and for me, accepting the submission of a male, and the Mistress/slave relationship, has nothing to do with sex, sexuality or BDSM. It is about submission (of the sub) to a strong, dominant woman. Well said from My perspective as well LadyMorgynn, good to see you, hope life with your boy is still happy as ever.

LadyMorgynn -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 3:00:51 PM)
Oh, no... I haven't found one yet. Not for lack of looking! but so far the right one hasn't come along yet. My fault, 'cause I'm choosy <grin> quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 Well said from My perspective as well LadyMorgynn, good to see you, hope life with your boy is still happy as ever.

MHOO314 -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 3:05:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn Oh, no... I haven't found one yet. Not for lack of looking! but so far the right one hasn't come along yet. My fault, 'cause I'm choosy <grin> Well from My viewpoint, being choosy does indeed pay off!

LadyMorgynn -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 3:10:01 PM)
Absolutely. I'd rather it take a year or more (however much my Inner Domme may whine, LOL!) to find the right slave, than have a revolving door on my home of failures coming and going... ugh! quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn Oh, no... I haven't found one yet. Not for lack of looking! but so far the right one hasn't come along yet. My fault, 'cause I'm choosy <grin> Well from My viewpoint, being choosy does indeed pay off!

MistressStchWich -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 3:14:34 PM)
No one willing to post a reply? I'll post one for you... I became a Mistress for many reasons; but I believe the two main ones would have to be: Mother was a dominant woman. She ran our house with strict rules and strict discipline; My father was an adoring and loving husband who trusted her completely to properly manage his life, their children and her household, being that we always exercised proper respect for everyone (or risked a thrashing with the razor strop if we didn't), the house was always spotless and in order, and he never missed an appointment or special occasion nor failed to return a call or visit, due to her efforts in keeping him on task. He never argued with her; but deferred to her in all matters. It worked well for them. The were married until the day Daddy died. I always wanted the security they shared. I have never found it in a relationship where the man is dominant; their first words when they lose their temper over anything are, "Get out! Just pack your stuff and get out!" or "I'm out of here!" It is a bit difficult to trust, feel secure, or desire to stay together in cases such as these. As a Mistress with TPE and absolute ownership; I will never hear those words again. I spent my entire life watching my parents work together through every challenge caring for a family of 8 creates and always helping each other with their work, spending time together, anxious for the children to go to sleep so they could be alone as a couple. They thrived on being who and how they were; even openly to the world without shame or embarassment. The second reason would have to be because I am just naturally Dominant and have to have things done my way or I am not happy and neither is anyone else. I have never held an entry level position with any company. I've always had "a key to the store" as it were, or the combination to the safe (or both) and the code for the alarm and been in charge. I have always been a supervisor or manager or business owner. I have a natural knack for organization and regulation that makes all life within my world run efficiently, effectively and very smoothly. I can look at a space or situation and see where changes need to occur and what those changes need to be and quickly assess how to implement them with the least disruption or aggrivation. I am a straight- from- the- hip person and try to never use words I do not actually literally mean. I am a leader through no efforts of my own. Others are naturally at ease with me immediately upon meeting, to the point of telling me far more about their private matters than any stranger other than a Dr. or very close friend should hear. Though I have followed in the past a few times, I usually regret it and so try to never get caught up in someone else's leadership or control because it is always in direct conflict with what is in my best interest. I do not like others being in charge of the quality of my life. They never provide the level of quality they reserve for themselves and ususally lower the level allowed to others. Not cool. A true Dominant enhances the quality of the lives they touch, not restricts the quality they may enjoy. The only way to prevent being Dominated is to be Dominant. Don't know if it helped; but there it is anyway.

BeaumontSubMale -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 3:25:09 PM)
Dear MistressStchWich, Your story was very helpful. Knowing what has influenced me over the years, I have always been interested in other peoples stories/history.

AAkasha -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 3:26:26 PM)
I grew up in a fully functional family with three siblings and my parents never divorced. We never moved, my dad had the same job 30+ years, we all went to the same high school and we all went to college. There was no abuse, drugs, or drama in the household. How did I turn out kinky? I think I was born this way. My earliest fascination with men in helpless situations (usually bondage) came from watching cartoons. I gravitated toward cartoons with heroes that got into trouble and were captured. As a youngster I prefered to play spy roleplaying games with boys in the neighborhood than barbies with the girls. I was experimenting with bondage when I was young, but nothing sexual about it. I was tying up boys before I ever kissed one on the lips. As soon as I was old enough to date, I was tying up boys, blindfolding them, holding them down, telling them to hold their breath, feeding them ice cream, making them "pretend to be terrified of me". I was also wearing boots, gloves, writing my own erotica and fantasizing constantly about kidnappings, bondage, and men helpless and serving me. I was fully functional in bondage and had gear years before my first orgasm. I am definitely wired as a fetishy kinky femdom; most of my BDSM comes out through fetish games, bondage with lots of gear, gags, intense roleplaying and sexual manipulation. I have lots of vanilla sex too and enjoy it; but my kinky side must be fully fed at all times. I have an assertive personality but don't consider myself totally dominant. I'm a team player in work situations but generally end up the leader. I'm an extrovert and outgoing. Even though I'm pretty serious about my domination lust and how I express it, on the relationship side I'm incredibly sensitive and giving and care deeply for men. I wrestled with guilt for many years after doing sadistic things to guys, even though they said, "Hey it's ok, you totally got off on it, that was great! I'm ok, you didn't hurt me." I think my femdom side is just sort of wired into my sensuality and sexuality. I wouldn't give it up for the world though-- there's nothing more exciting. Akasha

MHOO314 -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 3:30:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeaumontSubMale Dear MistressStchWich, Your story was very helpful. Knowing what has influenced me over the years, I have always been interested in other peoples stories/history. I personally have no "story", Mine was and is a journey, one of self acceptance and actualization--it has nothing to do with sex---however, My sexuality exudes all that I am--I am what I am, Dominant, in control, in command--I always was, it just took Me a few years of self acceptance----not everyone has "stories".

LadyNeets -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 3:45:07 PM)
What influenced Me was I am the middle child and had to fight to even get noticed and since My Dad was in the Army ( Austrailan) My dad and Mums Personality seem to rub off on Me and I couldn't be happier. It fiannly come out once I Met Iron Bear and I saw My dominace comming thru espically when I had to look after Him and to make sure He was well to contiune His life with Me. I hope this Helps . Lady Neets

MysticFireTopaz -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 4:27:07 PM)
There are a few things that influenced Me to become a Mistress. I grew up in a home with a very cold, domineering, critical father who was verbally and emotionally abusive to My mother. For some reason, My mother took it and never left him. Part of it was that she was a staunch Catholic who did not believe in divorce and she was also financially dependent on him. Growing up in that environment, I vowed to never, ever be in that situation Myself, and I certainly never have been. She passed away when I was 12 and My father remarried when I was 14. His second wife was quite the reverse! She took nothing whatsoever from My father and ruled him with an iron fist. In observing the contrast between the two situations, there was no doubt in My mind which I preferred. While I did not actually get along well with My stepmother and ended up leaving home rather young, I did admire her for demanding and receiving the respectful treatment that she as a Woman deserved. Interestingly enough, My first experiences with BDSM were with dominant males. This was before I was exposed to the Internet and didn't really know anything else existed. While I was intrigued by the whole concept, the most I could ever be was a bottom, and even that was quite a stretch to say the least.. The whole time, I felt like a fish out of water. I deeply resent and will not put up with attempts to control My behavior in any way. Also, I get absolutely nothing out of serving someone else. When submissives tell Me how much pleasure they get out of serving their Dominants, I have to take their word for it because the whole idea is very foreign to Me. Being served, on the other hand, comes very naturally. Once I got online, My life changed dramatically. Soon I discovered submissive men, and I thought I had died and gone to heaven! It did not take Me long to find My first sub and get the action going. One of the most euphoric moments of My life is the first time a male kneeled before Me, and I placed that collar around his neck. It was a high like nothing I had experienced before. The rest is history [;)]

MistressLorelei -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 4:38:33 PM)
My Mother more or less ran things in the household, though not in a strict way... but she was the decision-maker and caretaker. I am an only child, and not having siblings may have also influenced My independence, and My ability to have control over My surroundings during My childhood. I have always been a leader/manager type of person socially and in My career, Even in most of My past vanilla relationships I had control, until I ended up butting heads with My male partners who apparently were resistant to being submissive. Early last year, I had never heard of D/s and knew nothing of the bdsm lifestyle, and when I discovered it, I felt it was the missing piece that helped Me understand why I am the way I am. I am not Dominant because I found this lifestyle, I was Dominant when I found this lifestyle.

thetammyjo -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 5:13:02 PM)
First, my personality is such that I tend to be dominant in most situations. One of my male friends who is very dominant and I used to talk about natural dominance. He told me severakl times that when he's with others, he's the alpha and when he's with me, I'm the alpha even though I'm not consciously trying to lead him anywhere. Other people who know us both confirm these observations of his. Second, because of my childhood abuse I feel most relaxed and capable of being relaxed when I am in a dominant position. While increasing trust may help me become more "equal" with a person I really never give up a dominant position on all levels. Third, in terms of "becoming a mistress" I have to say that I am currently "Mistress" to one slave -- I am not a mistress. I am TammyJo who happens to be dominant and sometimes sadistic but almost always in some teacher/writer mode. That's me being extra picky. I discovered BDSM when I was 20 -- the terms, the basic ideas behind it, but I had these interests and this personality (against the childhood conditioning) for as far back as I can remember.

BeaumontSubMale -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/25/2006 5:54:21 PM)
<<Once I got online, My life changed dramatically. Soon I discovered submissive men, and I thought I had died and gone to heaven!>> I can certainly relate to the "died and gone to heaven" aspect of getting online. As I entered my late teens I became very sexually active. Thanks mainly to the sexual revolution of the 70's and early 80's. Ahhhhhh, the good old days before the fear of AIDS and so many new sexually transmitted diseases. Anyway, nothing like being a virile male in your daily life, trying to maintain a virile persona, then wondering if you are the only man in the world that wants to be submissive to a female. Anyway, as luck would have it, when I was going to college I met a school teacher a little over twice my age. Fortunately for me, she had a "thing" for younger men, and spanking wasn't necessarily something that she only did in the classroom. Oh, I served her soooo well! Or should I say, she taught me to serve her so well!! :) Discovered the internet about 9 years ago, and things have been going sooooo much better!

TexasMaam -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/26/2006 9:56:28 AM)
I've posted elsewhere on the boards how I came to be exposed and introduced to BDSM so I won't reiterate that here. I will say that, while I was essentially raised to be a Domme, there eventually came a point in My life where I questioned whether I was being a Domme because I was taught to be, or because I wanted to be. I left the lifestyle several years and examined that very question. I honestly tried to immerse Myself as a submissive in the biblical sense to a Dominant male hubby. I simply wasn't happy that way. When I returned to the lifestyle by choice as a mature adult, it was in the clear and certain knowledge that anything less than a sub/Domme relationship would be unfulfilling for Me. Whether this is in fact because of My early conditioning or not is for professional psychologists to debate. Texas Maam

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/26/2006 10:46:23 AM)
I don't really have "a story" either. The best I can share is that I always felt different. There were these roles while I was growing up about the stereotypical women's places, and the men's places. I was not comfortble with that. In My own family, I think I viewed My parents as more or less equal. Yes, the Dad did more traditional things, but he also helped with the dishes, or ran the vacuum. Mom did the more traditional things, but she also had a job. In truth, we, as the kids, were raised to do much of the household work and yard work, but there was not a whole lot of delineation between what My brother was expected to learn to do, vs what My sister and I were expected to learn to do. He set and cleared the table and learned to iron, and we all worked in the yard. shrug But I never could comfortably fit into the traditional role of housewife and mother. I tried. But it wasn't for Me. I even spent time baking bread. I was pretty miserable. I fought the sense that I was unhappy, because I thought there was something wrong with Me, and I was ungrateful. After all, I had a good husband. Yawn I just thought I was different and I would never find a good relationship that could be run My way. Then I discovered that there is a whole lifestyle out there with a flipped flopped arrangement that suited Me to a tee. That was in late 1989, and I have not looked back since. It took Me a bit to get My sea legs, and to accept that interests in certain sexual areas were acceptable and no longer needed to be some sort of deep dark secret. I wasn't a freak! But for Me, it is also not about the sexual aspects. That is just a perk. It is about the fact that a male will submit to Me. It is about having it My way and not settling for less than that.

Contesaluv -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/26/2006 11:56:54 AM)
Okay, a few things I think contributed to my being a Dominant. First, I was the only girl and the baby in a 100% hispanic household where although my father attempted to appear in charge, mami ran the show. Because they were so strict with me and didn't allow me any activities that were not chaperoned by them or my brothers, I had very few female friends and I think that colored my view of dominance toward where I am today. I decided way back then that I would never allow any man or men to be in charge of me and rule my world the way I had been ruled by my dad. You see it was his fear that I would do something sexual and wind up pregnant that made him keep me under lock and key (almost in reality as I was always in my room behind closed doors reading). Second, all the men whom I'd dated even up until recently didn't seem to know how to maintain dominance with me. I left home at the age of 18 with just $150.00 from having sold some furniture that I was told belonged to me to keep when I left and that's how I started my adventure into the adult world. I attempted to be submissive through several courtships/relationships but somehow I always seemed to have to take the reigns because they really didn't know what the hell they were doing. I was told by one that I was more woman than he could handle. Years later he told me he wished he'd been man enough to have hung in there with me because he knew what he was missing. I didn't reply but of course took pleasure in the thought of him not having forgotten me all those years. Then there was the submissive vanilla guy who started out wanting to do anything for me but after a year and a half began slacking up on his household duties and demanding equality in things for which he was not even my equal. I finally released him and told him that if I had to be both the man and the woman in the relationship then he should just shut up and enjoy the ride. I was extremely loving to him while things were good but I had always told him that I speak my mind and I don't sugar coat things because I want my communications to be as clear as possible and that although my intent is not to hurt it is to get my point across even if it hurts. Being a single mom since my boys were 2 and 3 years old and having chosen never to introduce them to any man that I dated when they were younger also definitely brought out my desire to control my life and the lives of those around me who I loved and who were entrusted to me by either birth or submission. I've always been dominant in every aspect of my life so I can't say that any one thing influenced me into becoming a Mistress but having been introduced to the lifestyle in the past couple of years by my best friend definitely awakened me to where I belonged and who I truly was in this world. Besides, I just love to have the attention of men, I've always been a total flirt at heart and what dominant woman doesn't!! [;)]

cloudboy -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/26/2006 1:07:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn You're basing your question on the assumption that D/s is essentially sexual. For some it is, of course. For some, it has absolutely nothing to do with sex and everything to do with who we are as an individual. I am a Fem Domme and for me, accepting the submission of a male, and the Mistress/slave relationship, has nothing to do with sex, sexuality or BDSM. It is about submission (of the sub) to a strong, dominant woman. That's right, for most BDSM is centered on "no strings housework & service." That's where the real passion lies.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: What if anything influenced you to become a Mistress? (3/26/2006 2:00:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy That's right, for most BDSM is centered on "no strings housework & service." That's where the real passion lies. hmmmm... This is a common theme I see running through many discussions. And it is why I am so emphatic about the casual use of the term D/s. BDSM, to Me, indicates more of the sensation play aspect. D/s indicates the Domination and submission which may or may not, but usually does, include the kinky play along with the day to day service. If you only want the kink, or if that is the driving force behind your so called submission, then be clear about it. It will save Me lots and lots of time! If you want to "submit", then make sure you understand that submission isn't only about the bedroom and the toys. It is also about the dishes and the grocery shopping. And, yes, I receive great satisfaction from having a boy willingly and lovingly do that "no strings housework" (meaning no strings, not "I did the dishes, Ma'am, now it's time for you to tie me up!). There can be a lot of passion and love in the different arrangement, and it is all part of the same relationship. I have had more than one boy come to Me requesting help for his Lady, when all they really wanted was to make sure I could teach her how to properly flog. When the issue of actual day to day service came up, they ran for the hills! But not before getting pissed off about the fact that I had put a few new ideas into her head. YMMV

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