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HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 12:42:21 AM

TapedxCookie

Posts: 60
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

I havent been with my Dom for too long now (about 1 month)
I feel like I just cant please him, Im always messing up.

I just got off the phone&webcam with him, and basically, I'm not sure if im okay or not.
I'm sitting here in tears because of it.

Tonight, he asked me a question, and i thought he said one thing, but he had said something else. So I answered his question incorrectly (thinking I had answered correctly) It was an honest and simple mistake. But he took that to mean that I felt he wasnt careful and honest with his words so he wasnt worth listening to. As a result of his anger, he was VERY hard on me tonight. He picked me apart and really made me suffer physically and emotionally. He told me that no longer will he train me as his sub, but now I am going to be trained as a piece of property, His slave. He showed no compassion for my needs tonight. He told me that I have a "princess" attitude and seem to have a sense of entitlement, that he plans to rid me of.
Its not that I feel like he owes me anything, but from everything I have read here, most of the subs/slaves here are cared for and their needs are at least listened to. He put me in a position he calls the "stress position". Basically, on my knees, hands behind my back with my nose to the wall. After a while, this position makes the muscles in my legs really hurt and tense up. The most he has had me in this position for at one time has been ten minutes, but tonight I was in that position for over an hour. To the point where I was feeling physically sick. I asked, and begged for him to let me stretch my legs and his response was "hell no, stay there girl!"

Another thing that really upset me about tonight was that... hmm not sure how to explain this one.... ok I have a ledge on my wall right about where my elbows are when in the stress position. He could see me on my webcam, and he thought I was resting my elbow on this ledge, when I really wasnt. He yelled at me to get my arm off the ledge but wouldnt listen to me when I told him that it wasnt.

So, do you think it's possible to get Him to lighten up just a bit on me? I do want/need to serve him, but i cant do it if he's always going to be this tough on me. :(

Post #: 1

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 12:47:44 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

First questions: Is you relationship in real time or just online? how long have you known each other? The answers will make a bit of difference in the advice you get.
In the meantime, try to calm down a little. Get yourself a cup of tea (or whatever relaxes you) and take some deep breaths.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to TapedxCookie)

Post #: 2

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 12:51:09 AM

TapedxCookie

Posts: 60
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

I have served him once in RL (he lives an hour south of me) and plan to serve him in real life every couple weeks (or as often as it works into our schedules)
We have been talking for about 2.5-3 months online. When I went and served him in real life, I spent the night at his house, and had a VERY good time (this was 2 weeks ago)

I'd get up and go get something to drink, but my legs hurt to bad and I feel so unsteady on my feet i'd probably fall over.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 3

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:00:10 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

OK, you're very upset and in pain. He isn't there to provide aftercare, so you will have to do it for yourself right now. Do you have a blanket? From your posts, it sounds like you are probably a bit shocky and being warm will help.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to TapedxCookie)

Post #: 4

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:05:16 AM

TapedxCookie

Posts: 60
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

yes, im sitting on my bed wrapped up in my blanket... i barely was able to get up and put on my comfy PJ pants and sweatshirt.

Why did he do this to me? He's always been so careful of how I was.... I cant stop crying. :(

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 5

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:08:41 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

That I can't answer for you, sweety. The best thing you can do for now is take care of yourself.
If you want to vent, feel free to send me mail on the other side. Two ears and a shoulder at the ready.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to TapedxCookie)

Post #: 6

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:12:35 AM

TapedxCookie

Posts: 60
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

Thank you... I sent you a message on CM

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 7

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:16:32 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

WoW . . . you had to put your nose on the wall while cybering? That is extreme torture if ever I have seen it!

Seriously, there is nothing wrong with being a princess, and yes my dear, you are a princess from what I can see. Your attitude is clearly apparent in your post. Be true to yourself, many people seek and worship princesses. I don’t know if you can see your post through my eyes but, if you are gonna’ cry about the mild stuff and have emotional breakdowns crying from humiliation, you really might want to try a different type of relationship or relationship partner. Try searching for a Daddy Dom type that wants to pamper a little princesses and fits in that type of relationship.

I can also tell you that if you signed up to be a submissive, and cyber guy did a "bait and switch" with slavery, that is not a mix that will gratify either of you. You also may want to question his ethics. A deal is deal, I don't care if you be Dom or sub, no bait and switch is expected to accepted in this or any lifestye. Find someone that wants what you want and who you are.

Good luck you cute little princess!

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 2/1/2010 1:23:10 AM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 8

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:28:25 AM

TapedxCookie

Posts: 60
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

its not necessarily the humiliation, i dont think, that is giving me problems... its the fact that he didnt make sure I was okay. Usually, he's VERY careful not to push me further than what I can go, but tonight I didnt feel that he took that care with me.

i dont know, im just so confused right now....

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 9

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:28:46 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Some people just cannot take that kind of physical exercise. It's all cool and you shouldn't feel guilty about it.
An hour on your knees without build up, warm up etc will be unrealistic and personally - you have met him once, which is cool, but this position he put's you in - is this on cam? If it is, then he is an idiot.

That said, you are over reacting slightly... if it hurt and you told him, that is all you can do. Feeling such tragic failiure isn't contructive. But then, if your in a bit of body shock - your over reaction is understandable and is WHY he should not be getting you to do this without him being there... but until you post with the details, that's all conjecture.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to TapedxCookie)

Post #: 10

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:33:18 AM

TapedxCookie

Posts: 60
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

yes I was on Cam and talking to him on the phone.
I have served him once in real life. We have planned for me to return to him every couple of weeks and serve him.
Although he did tell me tonight that its my responsibility to find time to get to him THIS week, even if its only for an hour or so (he lives an hour south of me), but he already knows that this week it is not possible for me to get away for that long.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 11

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:34:52 AM

Spyke1985

Posts: 65
Joined: 3/11/2007
From: Conyers, GA
Status: offline

Well regardless of what his issue was, I would take care of myself if I were you. If he tries something like this again, and you are not comfortable with it, as you seem to not be comfortable right now, perhaps you need to speak to him about it? If he won't listen to reason on it (and by speaking reason, I don't mean endlessly whining about it, I mean honestly talk about how that made you feel, and tell him you need aftercare and not to just be let loose like you apparently were), then I'd say it's time to look for a different Dom. If he can't provide you with aftercare, then he doesn't deserve the position of a Dom, and he needs to get his head checked. But that's just my opinion.

_____________________________

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
~Herm Albright~

I admit that I should have not waded through so many thorns before I made a left turn into the soft grass. Spyke1985

(in reply to TapedxCookie)

Post #: 12

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:37:05 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

WoW . . . you had to put your nose on the wall while cybering? That is extreme torture if ever I have seen it!

.dark is right. An hour in that position can be extremely painful. I'm well older than the OP, but I would seriously be unable to get up at all after even 1/2 hr like that. The fact that he was not there to deal with the physical consequences of the punishment doesn't do much for my opinion of him.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 13

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:44:04 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

For me, he is being very immature, so please be aware that this may cloud my suggestions hunni.

So, let's look at why he is doing what he is. It could be one of three things (not restricted to).

He is testing your commitment.
He is an idiot and very inexperienced.
He is trying to make things so hard, that you will leave because he isn't dude enough to end it and if you don't then this relationship has a high possibility of becoming abusive and head fucky.

I personally don't dig testing on either side. So if he is just testing how much you might submit, even in difficulty, for me I would find this immature.

The third issue is your own personal responsibility to work through. No one can make the choices for you.

If it's the middle and he is just not experienced, then you can be patient and try and talk it through with him. If he doesn't listen, then refer to the third option.

Doing exercises on cam when he is only an hour down the road shows a lack of self control IMO. He needs to realise that hard muscle strain (and kneeling is just that, when it's for an hour) does cause the body to react. If he was responsible, he would be there. If he's not, he won't. Remember, my thoughts are based on the fact that you said you have tried to explain your difficulties, not based on humiliation play.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to TapedxCookie)

Post #: 14

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:47:41 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

At the risk of people saying that I'm overreacting, if I were in your position I would seriously think about whether I wanted to serve someone who dealt out punishment because I failed to hear what he said on the phone or on a webcam. Seems a bit like a childish temper tantrum to me, except that he has ratcheted it up into high gear.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 15

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:50:37 AM

TapedxCookie

Posts: 60
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

Well, he IS experienced, has two other subs that have both been with him for about 3 years, I am the closest in distance to him though. Also I am sure he's had subs before these two. And he is very knowledgable...

I dont think its option 3 either becuase I told him tonight that I didnt think I was capable of serving him, that I felt like giving up and he told me that I am VERY capable and told me that if I wanted it bad enough, I would work harder.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 16

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:54:18 AM

TapedxCookie

Posts: 60
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

this is the first time he's been so hard on me... he told me tonight that he's been in sort of a "vendetta" mood in regards to me for a while and he doesnt like it.
so obviously i've messed up so bad that he's wanting me to suffer for it.

One thing he kept having me repeat tonight was "I am learning to suffer well Sir".... by learning to suffer for him, the pleasure will be so much better, is what he tells me.

(in reply to TapedxCookie)

Post #: 17

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 1:59:01 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Ouch . . . did I just get hit in the head with a SSC flag pole?

Wyld . . . we go back a ways. I will leave this little birdy alone for you, she is so cute ain’t she? I thought I was being nice and helpful by telling her to be proud of being a princess. I stand corrected , , , an hour on your knees with your nose to the wall is excruciating torture committed by an irresponsible Dom. Shame on him . . . and me for thinking otherwise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

WoW . . . you had to put your nose on the wall while cybering? That is extreme torture if ever I have seen it!

.dark is right. An hour in that position can be extremely painful. I'm well older than the OP, but I would seriously be unable to get up at all after even 1/2 hr like that. The fact that he was not there to deal with the physical consequences of the punishment doesn't do much for my opinion of him.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 18

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 2:02:46 AM

TapedxCookie

Posts: 60
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline

I wasnt saying that I cant handle pain, when I had the opportunity to serve him in real life, he dealt a great deal of pain to me with canes, floggers, whips, and leather straps... although he made me safeword, but as soon as I safeworded, I was in his arms and he was taking care of me, assuring me that I was okay and that he was there for me. Tonight I didnt have his arms around me when things got to be to much, instead I had him yelling at me not to move.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Ouch . . . did I just get hit in the head with a SSC flag pole?

Wyld . . . we go back a ways. I will leave this little birdy alone for you, she is so cute ain’t she? I thought I was being nice and helpful by telling her to be proud of being a princess. I stand corrected , , , an hour on your knees with your nose to the wall is excruciating torture committed by an irresponsible Dom. Shame on him . . . and me for thinking otherwise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

WoW . . . you had to put your nose on the wall while cybering? That is extreme torture if ever I have seen it!

.dark is right. An hour in that position can be extremely painful. I'm well older than the OP, but I would seriously be unable to get up at all after even 1/2 hr like that. The fact that he was not there to deal with the physical consequences of the punishment doesn't do much for my opinion of him.

< Message edited by TapedxCookie -- 2/1/2010 2:03:12 AM >

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 19

RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 2/1/2010 2:05:53 AM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Ouch . . . did I just get hit in the head with a SSC flag pole?

I thought it was more like a thorn flogger

quote:

Wyld . . . we go back a ways. I will leave this little birdy alone for you, she is so cute ain’t she?

*smooch* Thankies. Yes, she's cute, and quite upset right now.

quote:

I thought I was being nice and helpful by telling her to be proud of being a princess. I stand corrected , , , an hour on your knees with your nose to the wall is excruciating torture committed by an irresponsible Dom. Shame on him . . . and me for thinking otherwise.

LOL! I know you better than that.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 20

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