TapedxCookie
Posts: 60
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline
|
I am feeling MUCH better now about things.
I do wish to remain with my Dom, but do understand that we need to talk about what happened some more as I still have a few questions/issues that I need to clear the air about with him.
One of the things we discussed and agreed 100% on last night when we talked was that we absolutely do not want me submitting out of fear.
We also agreed that the punishment shouldn't have happened when it did. He said that he would have MUCH preferred for me to have been there with him where he could have seen to my safety. It was a poor call on both of our parts. He said "it wasn't a good situation, period. last night was me not at my best and you pushing every hot button you could find." About me pushing every hot button I could find, I do see that now. I know that he requires certain protocol when I answer his questions, and I didn't follow that protocol. I didn't have the presence of mind with all of the stress I was in. For example, when he said "Keep your elbows off of that ledge" I should have said "Yes Sir, I will keep them off the ledge. I did not have my elbows on the ledge" instead, i went into a defensive mode with "My elbows aren't on the ledge Sir" He said that I wasn't infact punished for having my elbows on the ledge, He was just reminding me not to put them there (even though his reminder was harsh)
This is his rule for communication protocol, in his own words "you need to give me my answer first. I've told you this...yes/no...then explain... but don't over explain ...and DEFINITELY keep your mouth shut when it comes to minutia during punishment"
Now that I have had some time to rest and think through what happened, I remembered one thing that I can take comfort in. When I was in the stress position, i had to hold the phone with my shoulder, at one point, the phone was slipping and I had asked him if I could move my arm to readjust the phone. He said no, and eventually, the phone fell on the bed, but I didn't make a move to pick it up untill I heard him tell me to. When I picked up the phone he told me he was very proud that I didn't move a muscle untill he told me to, he praised me briefly on my obedience.
Here is another thing he told me that makes me feel a bit better. "but you did actually endure last night. you did something beyond what you thought yourself capable, well beyond, you need to also take stock of that, and realize how much you will do in the future to prevent being punished. how important obedience is."
I still haven't made any concrete decisions, we need to talk more about how my physical, mental, and emotional safety comes into play. I need to know that it is a priority for him. When we first began talking, one of the things he said was "I will hurt you on occasion, but I will not damage you" (yes, he is a sadistic man, but thats okay, we are finding out that i tend to be masochistic)
ETA- yes, he did push me to my safeword, but I really did enjoy it, and was even saddened when the marks the cane left faded. I think we were testing my pain limits, which is something I am definatly interested in. Next time, i will be able to take more pain that I did the first time, and so on.
< Message edited by TapedxCookie -- 2/2/2010 2:12:18 PM >
|
RE: HELP! Im not sure what to do! please! - 
Profile
- i think she'd had a horrible time and was trying to make sense of it in the context of a relationship she thought she had but was then thrown into something she wasnt prepared for. 
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread