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RE: BDSM Lifestyle or not - 2/1/2010 9:35:11 AM

LadyHibiscus

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After years of organizing, helping, sticking my neck off to have axes sunk into it... I'm going to say that doing the work only proves a desire to bottom to the community (thanks MsK for the term). OR a desire to create artificial cred by saying "I volunteered at..." One of our local assholes runs a munch and volunteers at all sorts of stuff, that doesn't make him responsible or trustworthy.

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Post #: 21

RE: BDSM Lifestyle or not - 2/1/2010 9:39:35 AM

subtee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
The "way" I am referring to is the way people try to bundle BDSM into a mythical place that exists on it's own.

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[Edited to add: That's from Men At Work...~"naughty sub"]

< Message edited by subtee -- 2/1/2010 10:08:19 AM >

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RE: BDSM Lifestyle or not - 2/1/2010 9:45:41 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

After years of organizing, helping, sticking my neck off to have axes sunk into it... I'm going to say that doing the work only proves a desire to bottom to the community (thanks MsK for the term). OR a desire to create artificial cred by saying "I volunteered at..." One of our local assholes runs a munch and volunteers at all sorts of stuff, that doesn't make him responsible or trustworthy.

Well.... blarg.

Big hug for all the BS you went through recently. Come on over and I'll even let you knock me around a bit. (Just a bit, mind you....)

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RE: BDSM Lifestyle or not - 2/1/2010 9:49:14 AM

Jeffff

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Yes, I saw some of that on Fet. It seemed to me you did your best. In the end thats all you can do.

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RE: BDSM Lifestyle or not - 2/1/2010 9:50:37 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I know that many people seek to find their self awareness by identifying with a "group" mentality. And that is cool for them. Just not for me personally.

Does that make sense?

Oh, absolutely. But I don't see that as being much of a problem. For example, I don't think the OP was looking for a group to identify with; I think they were just wrestling with the concept of whether the term "lifestyle" is an accurate definition of the way they live their own life, and were just trying to solicit other people's opinions on the matter. The way they worded the question - "should it be considered a lifestyle?" - is worded rather specifically, whether intentionally or by accident. They didn't ask, "is it your lifestyle"; they asked, "is it a lifestyle", which I took to mean, "if i were to call it my lifestyle, do you people think that would be an accurate term." I think they're just genuinely looking for a little help in understanding something about who they are as an individual, not whether they fit into a group or not. I really think most similar questions that are asked here are asked in pretty much the same vein, but they are often misinterpreted. And i think that a lot of the time, people answer on the basis of their misinterpretations, rather than the question that was asked. Not that that happened here - in fact, this is a good example of a thread that didn't do that. But it does happen a lot.

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RE: BDSM Lifestyle or not - 2/1/2010 9:52:20 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

After years of organizing, helping, sticking my neck off to have axes sunk into it... I'm going to say that doing the work only proves a desire to bottom to the community (thanks MsK for the term). OR a desire to create artificial cred by saying "I volunteered at..." One of our local assholes runs a munch and volunteers at all sorts of stuff, that doesn't make him responsible or trustworthy.

I have no clue of what happened or is happening. At the same time, I don't think the above is universal. Not everyone running a munch or organizing activities is an asshole. Are there some out there? Sure. Just like every other category of folks within a society. There are still a good number of folks who do these things because of the benefits to others.

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RE: BDSM Lifestyle or not - 2/1/2010 9:55:37 AM

sexyred1

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Based on LadyHib's post, I want to clarify my position on the word community. I think doing community work is great and having a sense of belonging to communities is also great.

My comment about lifestyle and community and how it relates to BDSM is more a matter of something that RedMagic said, the negative aspect about there being a sense of superiority or entitlement to being involved as opposed to a more benign sense of shared interests.

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RE: BDSM Lifestyle or not - 2/1/2010 9:57:06 AM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I don't have a lifestyle. I have many different facets to the life I live.

Jeff

Dittoing Jeff.

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RE: BDSM Lifestyle or not - 2/1/2010 9:58:57 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda
I'm just saying, the term itself, or the way people use it, is not the problem - the tendency so many people have of quibbling over semantics is the problem.

I agree with this. I think, though, that part of the reason people have a reaction to the word (and "labels" in general) is that it is used sometimes as a superiority club. "I've been in the lifestyle much longer than you, so I'm better." Or, "You're not a real _____ unless you're an active member of the lifestyle."

I guess i just don't see that. Or if i do, I don't see it very often. I'm not saying it isn't there, but when i see people talking about it, I rarely see it in those terms. Now, that's not to say I don't see a huge amount of posturing and self-promotion on the forums and at the munches, because I certainly do. I just don't typically notice it in relation to the use of that term. Usually, when I see someone using the term, I assume they mean it pretty much the way Lady Pact just used it - it's fundamental to the way her life is structured, and that's a good, concise term to describe that structure. If i was reading this board for the first time, and that was the first post of hers that I had ever read, that's exactly the way I would have interpreted her meaning, and i wouldn't have read any more into it than that.

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RE: BDSM Lifestyle or not - 2/1/2010 10:06:19 AM

EbonyWood

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