Whiplashsmile4
Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
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To everythingzen,
Welcome to the message boards, I suspect you are somewhat taken back by all the negative responses. Yes, us guys can be hilarious too about it. Somebody just made a post that covered the safeword aspects of the article. A topic that has been much discussed on this message boards and other venues on the internet. There are a lot of topics in the article you shared that can be talked about at length. Almost too many topics to squeeze into a single thread.
There is a set of idealisms and theory about what it is that we all do, yet at the end of the day, it's the experiences in life where we learn the most. Everybody is guilty at having idealisms. Inheritently there is nothing wrong to have some idealisms to live life by. However, not all idealisms are realistic.
I understand your cause when you thought this was a good article for new submissives to read, however I strongly disagree with it being good reading material for a new submissive.
First and foremost, when I encounter anybody new. I stress that there are many options and to stir them away from one wayisms. That they need to explore themselves, what interests them, I stress for them to seek out like minded people with similar interests and views.
Not everybody is here for a loving caring relationship, some people are. Some people just want a sex/kink partner or buddy. Ironic, as this might sound. Things ain't so different compared to Vanilla dating and finding a Vanilla Partner for a vanilla relationship. It's actually the same damn process. (too many people are trying to turn BDSM into some form of Rocket Science with a special set of rules).
A lot of this stuff should be common sense, if you are looking for a serious relationship and get mixed up with somebody who's only wanting to have phone or cyber sex with you, it's a no brainer.
On a personal note (this is personal), I really don't like it when people mentor newbies or those new to BDSM in the idolology of a one wayism right off the bat. For one, it's not fair to not let them know what their TRUE or REAL OPTIONS are. It's a bit of a personal Journey for everybody. It's a growing and learning process as well. It involves self discovery as well.
As many people have pointed out.. either they or their partners FAIL the ACID tests outlined in that article.
Only two possible conclusions can be drawn from this fact.
1. There is something wrong with the test.
2. Every one of us that failed the standards are not real true Dominants.
Many of us, openly Admit we fail that damn thing... and Yeah, we are being hilarious about it without much shame. Yes, page after page of responses from people against the test. Some of us are older or experienced, but not all of us are either.
You are RIGHT, the article is intended for younger and less experienced submissives. However, it's also clear that the article was wrote by somebody with either questionable experience or a questionale agenda at hand, perhaps both. (Hell, if I know or care).
However, it's articles like this that add confusion, misconception and misinformation. Again, I'm going to stress this, the same concepts of Vanilla Dating Apply to BDSM. If one is involved or thinking about getting involved in S&M activities, there should be concerns for what is safe and sane. Then again, this should apply to even vanilla activities such as extreme sports (Skateboarding, Sky Diving, Surfing, Rock Climbing and such). It really does not take too much Rock Science or transforming BDSM into something overly complex, because it ain't.
I'm going to stress something called life time experiences, and this even includes our childhood experiences. Most of us have done some crazy shit in our childhood, teenage years onward into adulthood. Regardless, if you just discovered this lifestyle yesterday, last week, last year, most people have experiences to draw upon. I'm going to illustrate and attempt to make a point here.
I'm going to use myself for an example. I have ZERO experience at Water Torture that involves Strapping somebody onto a big Water Wheel Device and spinning them around. ZERO experience. However, I'm well aware that somebody can drown from a glass of water or even from a inch or two of water in the bath tub. Do I engage in water torture? At the moment, I'm not engaging in water torture with anybody. Have I engaged in water torture? Hell yes! You betcha I have. Will I engage in it in the future? Hell, if I know. It all depends, it's not on my must have list of things to do. It's an activity that not a Deal Breaker in my book (part of knowing myself). Now, how did I get started with water torture? It's one of those messed up activities that started off while I was a kid and carried forth over the years and grew. Back in the days of rough housing in the swimming pool, having water fights, taking garden hoses to somebody. Doing different twisted crap as a kid. Anyways, getting older and having the sexual drives kick in along with the S&M tendancies... Gee play becomes rather interesting the directions it starts to take on. I just used the P word. PLAY! In many respects, what the Hell we do is not very far removed from what KIDS do, just add sexual aspects to it. Sincerely, I really am puzzled by how so many people don't make this mental connection. Everybody has a certain path in life, not everybodys paths are the same. Anyways, I've not achieved UBER Super Water Torturer Status, but water can be a Hell of a lot of fun (I'm an Aquarious anyways).
While, I can not speak for everybody that uses the message board. There are a good number of us that figured out that we were not exactly like most of the other kids in our hoods. Some of us were exposed to and discovered shit at an early age and it's been a never ending journey since then full of many experiences. Then at some point in time, we discovered "The Lifestyle" after the fact and not before the fact. Some people Discover it before that fact, but then again, do they really? It's very interesting when you engage in honest conversation about things with people.
A lot of people discover and experience a lot of things before discovering "the lifestyle". The "Lifestyle" or "BDSM" is simply where many of best fit in when it comes to this sub culture. There are sub cultures inside this sub-culture even. I stress this, that the "Lifestyle" or "BDSM" is a sub-culture. If you are into one or more letters of what BDSM represents, in my book, you pass the ACID Test.
D/s is a relationship structure, topping/bottoming is related to activities, S&M is another animal itself. I'm pretty alright with being a Male Dominant that likes to top and bottom to a few activities, and occasionally I like my own pain fixes instead of dishing it. There are things I can take or leave. There are things that are must haves, and things I yet to experience. Then again, that's all part of life. End of the day. A lot that is often referred to as Vanilla Applied to "the lifestyle" or BDSM. Why? Because this is a slice of life, it's a sub-culture, not a replacement for being a human being. We are not magically excluded from the human race. We all are human beings, in terms of what kinds of human beings we are in this world or life, those things can be measured by all kinds of standards. The same standards you can use to ACID TEST anybody you let into your life.
Before you can truely ACID TEST anybody, you better know what you want out of whatever kind of relationship you are looking for, and to know yourself, what makes you happy or miserable. You need to figure out if you want to be happy or more happy when you are miserable. Some people enjoy and long for and need suffering (ironic concept). Some people desire NO Drama, some people want or need a little Drama, Some people EAT Drama up every chance they get. No Shame in knowing yourself and admitting it to yourself or even others. Cause if you do, you just might find what you are looking for. If you are uncertain about something, perhaps it's best to explore it first. Being a Pain Slut might be a hot fantasy, but a rude reality. If you know you want to be transformed into a pain slut regardless, then be prepared for the challenges along the way. Choices and Decisions. Knowing yourself and what you want, and what makes you tick.
I wrote a hell of a lot, far more than I intended... hope this some food for thought for somebody.
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RE: Acid Test for True Dominants - 
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