Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that

Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (Full Version)

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winterlight -> Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/3/2010 7:15:39 PM)
has major fears about past experiences? It causes her to be stuck in growing as a person and undermines your relationship? How do you help her handle her past? Say for example she was molested or raped? What is the best way to handle this in Your eyes?

CalifChick -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/3/2010 7:18:21 PM)
Professional therapy. Cali

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/3/2010 7:19:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight has major fears about past experiences? It causes her to be stuck in growing as a person and undermines your relationship? How do you help her handle her past? Say for example she was molested or raped? What is the best way to handle this in Your eyes? Get her into therapy. You are not equipped or qualified.

lovingpet -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/3/2010 7:26:59 PM)
I agree with the others. You can certainly be there to give her love, support, and all that, but this is really territory for someone who has the skill set to help her. lovingpet

tsatske -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/3/2010 7:30:05 PM)
If she is shy of therapy, there are excellent self help groups. Of course, most of them require that you start seeing a professional theripist after a short while :) A call to the rape relief center can direct you to local groups. there are support groups for partners as well, where you will learn the skills you really need.

littlewonder -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/3/2010 7:30:09 PM)
As others have said...therapy.

KnightofMists -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/3/2010 7:30:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet I agree with the others. You can certainly be there to give her love, support, and all that, but this is really territory for someone who has the skill set to help her. lovingpet Ditto to all said above in previous posts and this one.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/3/2010 7:43:22 PM)
If someone has been molested or raped and is having trouble, a dom is not the one who should be helping them get past it. If the person is not currently in a relationship, they really shouldn't be seeking one while dealing with that issue. If they are in an established relationship, the dominant should be supportive, but it isn't his responsibility to help her "handled" her past. That is the responsibility of a good therapist who specializes in whatever type of trauma was experienced. A dominant is not some sort of "superman" or therapist and should never be a substitute for one. If someone was molested or raped, the dominant needs to be supportive and understanding that some activities will have to be put on the shelf for a time while the submissive takes the time to heal. That healing, again, should be with the aid of a therapist.

lovingpet -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/3/2010 8:02:32 PM)
Just a thought... A lot of domestic violence shelters and organizations have short term and even special group therapy programs for victims of various traumas such as these. Our local one has special one on one and group therapy available for victims of abuse, rape, incest, and other sexual or physical assaults. It is just another resource. They can also recommend therapist that may be willing to help pro bono or on a sliding scale. lovingpet

CNJDom -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/3/2010 9:45:10 PM)
As a former counselor for substance abuse and other associated problems, I would agree with everyone here in that professional therapy is the answer. The best thing you can do for her is give her your support and help guide her to the right people so she can face and deal with this situation effectively. Just be there for her, and good luck.

antipode -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/4/2010 11:26:49 AM)
quote: It causes her to be stuck in growing as a person and undermines your relationship? I have a real problem with this. It is, IMO, everyone's prerogative to be stuck. I don't see anything wrong with that. And making the accusation that someone who has fears like this undermines the relationship.. That means someone has preconceived ideas about how the relationship should be, and there isn't any room for human fallibility. That can't be right. What I find confusing: you are a sub. Are you a sub with a sub? Or is this a third party? What is your involvement?

Surrenderwithin -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/4/2010 12:49:34 PM)
I have often said that any strong positive relationship can be therapeutic but should never be used to replace real therapy.

ServeYourMaster1 -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub that (2/4/2010 2:43:33 PM)
I have met subs who are unwilling to go into therapy. I have found that I can talk with them and help teach them to open up about past issues. But that puts me into a role other than Dom. Once they can move past their painful memories they are usually ready to move on without me.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/4/2010 3:59:25 PM)
it is the stuck part that causes the issue, not everyone who has been raped needs therapy for it, but anyone who feels stuck needs help, it is never a partners job to fix another. But if you remove the stuck part, and talk about how to help someone get past experiences it depends on the person, you have to let them communicate the best way to approach it never assume that all people need the same thing.

winterlight -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/4/2010 4:38:49 PM)
It was just a general question actually. I do not have a sub nor slave. i am a sub. I just wanted to know if a Dom had the responsibility to help the sub/slave with anything besides be supportive. I know anybody that is raped, molested, attacked in some way should get help if they want it. Sorry for the confusion...

LafayetteLady -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/4/2010 8:05:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight It was just a general question actually. I do not have a sub nor slave. i am a sub. I just wanted to know if a Dom had the responsibility to help the sub/slave with anything besides be supportive. I know anybody that is raped, molested, attacked in some way should get help if they want it. Sorry for the confusion... Well what would you expect that a husband or boyfriend should do? Do you think that a dominant has some special added "responsibility?"

winterlight -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/4/2010 8:23:58 PM)
No, just wondered if a Dom had anything else to add to help his girl..

littlewonder -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/4/2010 8:35:05 PM)
magic powers??

winterlight -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/4/2010 8:38:44 PM)
nm.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Forgive me if this has been posted before somewhere on the boards but how do you handle a sub th (2/5/2010 4:39:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight It was just a general question actually. I do not have a sub nor slave. i am a sub. I just wanted to know if a Dom had the responsibility to help the sub/slave with anything besides be supportive. I know anybody that is raped, molested, attacked in some way should get help if they want it. Sorry for the confusion... A Dom can only help you within the means of their own abilities, skills, experiences and knowledge. It's best you communicate and talk things over with your Dominant partner, to establish realistic expectations. If you engage in Therapy of any type, there is a good chance you'll have excerises, tasks and goals to work towards. Your DOM may or may not be of assistence in these things. It all depends. Your Dom may or may not be supportive of things. It all depends because people are rather diverse creatures. If you wish to tackle these issues, plan on doing it regardless of (it being with or without) the support of your Dom. First and foremost, you are responsible for yourself.

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