RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back?

RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (Full Version)

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thetammyjo -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/27/2006 6:49:06 PM)
I don't think Evanesce or I were trying to blame anyone other than Scorpio for his problems -- just give it some context because we've seen him in meatlife. My point was that over the years I haven't seen a change even offline so I'm not sure online advice will be much help in this case. Saying "follow this advice" or "take responsiblity" if the person doesn't see the problems as coming from him/herself will not help. Or if the person isn't ready to make take those steps. Even attending munches and workshops and conventions isn't enough unless each of us is open to and able to learn and grow from the experiences.

TeeGO -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/27/2006 6:54:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce OK, I've gotta jump in here, simply because I have this overwhelming need to protect the underdog, and I think y'all are being just a bit too hard on old HS. I've known Scorpio in real life for some six or seven years. I will tell you that, while he certainly needs to take a basic writing course, he does not come across as a complete idiot in person. His biggest problem, that I can see, is that in all these years of attending munches and demos and events, he's not really grown past where he was when I first met him, and he's making the same newbie mistakes now that he did back then. It doesn't make him a bad person... just one who needs a little more education and a few people skills. Granted, complaints are beyond annoying if that's all you get from someone, but I guess I keep hoping it gets better. I'll second your opinion, Evanesce, because I've met Scorpio several times at Headspace workshops and at GLLA and other events. I've seen him with a several partners but usually not the same one at two different events. Considering these encounters were easily months apart I didn't take it very seriously that he had different partners -- I'm all about testing things out and trying various people rather than just into the serious pool right away. It was clear to me that he was trying to learn and meet people but something just wasn't working though I'm not sure why not. Since he didn't live in the same town as me, I couldn't really track very well. Plus I've never been sure of the etiquette for offering someone advice at a munch or workshop when you know you aren't going to see them for months. (of course, look at how much "advice" I spin out here onine -- somehow that feels different to me) I applaud the both of you for standing up for a person you know and feel to be a decent fellow. I had a feeling the guy hasn't so bad, just that he was not getting it. My post may have been hard, but it was with the intent to inform him and help him, otherwise he is doomed to continue making the same mistakes. He has not returned to this thread so my only assumption can be we will see this pattern, with this poster, making this same point again in a few weeks.

Evanesce -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/27/2006 7:19:54 PM)
quote: My point was that over the years I haven't seen a change even offline so I'm not sure online advice will be much help in this case. Exactly.

dorsaisgirl1 -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/27/2006 8:43:10 PM)
please complaining gets you no where

CDNGirlyGirl -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/27/2006 10:28:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver You mean all 32 have made the same mistake? I guess all 32 must have been desperate. Or illiterate. I'd be interested in reading your unedited comments.

IronBear -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/27/2006 10:42:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo I don't think Evanesce or I were trying to blame anyone other than Scorpio for his problems -- just give it some context because we've seen him in meatlife. My point was that over the years I haven't seen a change even offline so I'm not sure online advice will be much help in this case. Saying "follow this advice" or "take responsiblity" if the person doesn't see the problems as coming from him/herself will not help. Or if the person isn't ready to make take those steps. Even attending munches and workshops and conventions isn't enough unless each of us is open to and able to learn and grow from the experiences. Hiya Tammy, Not sure if you were addressing me withthat post, but if so, I was dishing out complements and commenting that anyone who knows the dude may be able to help him off line.. << Wondering is my clarity of posting has deteriatedso much that people age getting cunfuzzled .. hmm just 'cause I confused a kajira with a kaiila .... Needs a long holiday (Fishing) and sleep occasionally....>>>

milkingpup -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/28/2006 12:31:40 AM)
i agree with Jill on this topic. but some of the people who reply also have very silly questions. or they are just one liners. which doesnt give a Dom (or sub) enough to go off of.

thetammyjo -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/28/2006 8:24:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo I don't think Evanesce or I were trying to blame anyone other than Scorpio for his problems -- just give it some context because we've seen him in meatlife. My point was that over the years I haven't seen a change even offline so I'm not sure online advice will be much help in this case. Saying "follow this advice" or "take responsiblity" if the person doesn't see the problems as coming from him/herself will not help. Or if the person isn't ready to make take those steps. Even attending munches and workshops and conventions isn't enough unless each of us is open to and able to learn and grow from the experiences. Hiya Tammy, Not sure if you were addressing me withthat post, but if so, I was dishing out complements and commenting that anyone who knows the dude may be able to help him off line.. << Wondering is my clarity of posting has deteriatedso much that people age getting cunfuzzled .. hmm just 'cause I confused a kajira with a kaiila .... Needs a long holiday (Fishing) and sleep occasionally....>>> Well, I've left my "community scene" and then it died off several months ago - I left for personal reasons. I'm just burnt out on the public expectations that I'd do work and be a "star" then the BS jealousy that went with it from others. But the years I was involved I saw some people who came to events over and over, you'd talk to them, but frankly nothing sunk in. As a teacher in college I've realized you can't solve people's problems or teach them anything unless they are willing and able to do it themselves. If repeated advice and examples don't work, who is the stupid one? The one who needs help or the one who keeps trying but gets the same results?

IronBear -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/28/2006 8:33:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo Well, I've left my "community scene" and then it died off several months ago - I left for personal reasons. I'm just burnt out on the public expectations that I'd do work and be a "star" then the BS jealousy that went with it from others. But the years I was involved I saw some people who came to events over and over, you'd talk to them, but frankly nothing sunk in. As a teacher in college I've realized you can't solve people's problems or teach them anything unless they are willing and able to do it themselves. If repeated advice and examples don't work, who is the stupid one? The one who needs help or the one who keeps trying but gets the same results? Fair enough tammy, we are still on different wave lengths, I was paying you guys a complement. However I do hear you and agree with you. I've done the same thing with most of the Queensland Pagans for much the same reason...

artglfr -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/28/2006 8:50:40 AM)
I don't know if Iron Bear had Me in mind when he posted but even if he didn't His words are Very True. Cerkl also had great advice as did many others. I joined and had a problem getting responses, ask for help got razzed(all newbies do and it really is in good spirits...play along and enjoy the ribbing...) AND recieved HELP!!! Read many many postings, ask on "Ask a sub" what was good/bad with My Profile, listened to what people said and Iron Bear had great advice for Me also ,(delivered in His Own oh so friendly and encouraging way )...which I listened to and if You do the same it won't hurt You at all. After rewriting My profile and Journal which I keep updating as I grow and learn, READING many posts about what subs are actually wanting...Voila I started getting replies, now it is rare for Me NOT to get a reply. Many times We never meet but have online chats but it is a reply and FUN. Listen to what those who have been here a while have to say Obviously they hang around because it works for them! Good Luck

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/28/2006 8:54:20 AM)
I do not know if this would be a "Domly" thing to do but IF he is having difficulty and wants to truly learn why not go to a munch or local scene and interact with other Dominates and even perhaps take a mentor to help guide him. As far as people not responding to your emails I agree first and foremost you should fill out your profile. If you know what in it but are having trouble with wording perhaps someone can help you with that. I personally have come to look at emails like telemarkers - either I like, want, or need what they are selling or I am simply not interested. I typically just hang up on telemarkers where Phoenix will politely tell them he is not interested. Does that make me a bad person or a rude person. No, I don't think so in my mind telemarketers are rude because they impose themselves on me. When I hang up on them is that not me telling them I am not interested?Bluntly perhaps but it could be worse. <laughs> Nika{Phoenix}

IronBear -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/28/2006 8:57:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: artglfr Iron Bear had great advice for Me also ,(delivered in His Own oh so friendly and encouraging way )...which I listened to Good Luck If something I said helped lass I'm glad if it was delivered in less than a pleasant way,...... My appologies.. I forget that most of you aren't used to the way I talk to people when I know them.. Home Iron Bear Tales From a Kaiila Camp

artglfr -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/28/2006 9:07:18 AM)
Iron Bear, No I was Thanking You and appreciate the "Brusque" way You deliver Your advice that is almost always dead center on target. I think You are one of the funniest and best wordsmiths here also. Yes your advice has helped as I am certain it has helped many who actually took time to read it.

thetammyjo -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/28/2006 11:06:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo Well, I've left my "community scene" and then it died off several months ago - I left for personal reasons. I'm just burnt out on the public expectations that I'd do work and be a "star" then the BS jealousy that went with it from others. But the years I was involved I saw some people who came to events over and over, you'd talk to them, but frankly nothing sunk in. As a teacher in college I've realized you can't solve people's problems or teach them anything unless they are willing and able to do it themselves. If repeated advice and examples don't work, who is the stupid one? The one who needs help or the one who keeps trying but gets the same results? Fair enough tammy, we are still on different wave lengths, I was paying you guys a complement. However I do hear you and agree with you. I've done the same thing with most of the Queensland Pagans for much the same reason... I didn't take it hard way or in a negative way, just a way fueled by a sinus infection and meds maybe.....

thetammyjo -> RE: Why do I notice so many complain not finding real people and they never bother to respond back? (3/28/2006 11:10:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika I do not know if this would be a "Domly" thing to do but IF he is having difficulty and wants to truly learn why not go to a munch or local scene and interact with other Dominates and even perhaps take a mentor to help guide him. This particular poster has done that for years that I and one other person know of.... sometimes that really isn't enough though cause I, at least, am not comfortable offering my mentoring unless I'm asked because I think it sounds a bit egocentric and rude at the same time. My way of doing things will not be another person's way. But when someone has a problem or an issue that they bring up over and over then it suggests a need for some growth or change. Again, it has to come from the person himself/herself really, the rest can only offer advice. After a while though you honestly tire of even doing that over and over.

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