RE: first meetings (Full Version)

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ashyia -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 5:42:08 PM)

Agirl..(bit of clarification and when typing from my phone i tend to keep it short which may not of conveyed properly)

my additional post you responded to was for the one that was a "disturbed" someone in her 40 even post such a question.  I did want to hear opinions which is what I got.  Though I find it disturbing anyone would be upset  it would be brought up. 

As I said I posted my question for opinon after a newbie was asking me about the subject thinking maybe it was a helpful topic  I normally wouldn't of bother but it got me thinking..I was more explaining to the "disturbed" person why a 40 yr old might ask for opinion on it. It seems to be something we all have come across at some point new or experience.  Plus many people wise to the BDSM thing are new to Online.

I am also of the opinion that you are never to old to learn.  It is possible someone like little wonder, who does meet at her home the first time might have some insight that I have not thought of for safety precautions. Not sure I'd wish to go there but it does not hurt to hear about them.



NuevaVida -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 5:50:15 PM)

I made some unsafe meeting decisions in my past - I can think of three of them right off the bat, that would have the safety police roaring with lights and sirens.  All turned out just fine, as far as my physical safety went, and I went on to see these people for a period of time after that.

Do I recommend it?  No.  Would I do it again?  No, I think differently now.  I met my owner in a restaurant for dinner, then we took a walk down the harbor, then he walked me to my car and kissed me goodnight.  We met for dinner a second time before I went to his home for our third visit.



osf -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 5:57:01 PM)

i like to meet in a favorite dark ally after dark, it's more intimate and romantic



ashyia -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 6:03:55 PM)

*smirk* OSF.. now that I'd do.. I mean what can go wrong in a dark alley...with all the bums around to save you.



tsatske -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 6:08:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

Ya know...sister/brother/best friend sets you up with a guy you've never met before, never spoken to or know anything at all about except the sister/brother/friend tell you they have a "great personality"....

Now, the serious answer. Sorry to disagree, LW, but the above situation is very different from meeting someone off the 'net. IMO, having a "good head on your shoulders" means having common sense. Some folks talk a really good game online and on the phone, but are completely different when you meet them in real. For myself, I'm happy that the guy who sounded great on the phone but was creepy and squicked me out when we met does not have my home address.



I really don't see the difference in an old fashoined blind date and meeting someone from the net.

Here are two types of blind dates I have been on:
I live at home with family. friend sets me up with somone, he comes to the door, sits on the couch and endures a third degree while I finish dressing, then, after telling my loved ones where I will be, we go out, and return by the appointed hour.

Or, I live alone. I talk to the dude on the phone, we agree where to meet for coffee - a public place where I am comfortable and feel known. I take my cell phone with me and tell a friend where I'll be. My step mom reminds me to leave from the meet and stop at the store or some such to avoid being followed home.

At least, that's how I do blind dates. Don't see any difference in that and what I do when I meet someone from the 'net.



servilecat -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 6:08:49 PM)

True, everyone wants to be a hero so some bum may save the damsel in distress in the dark alley meeting a dominant......I wonder if there are as many that want to be heroes as there are that want to be serial killers?

I've done the private meetings and the crowded meetings and even the business type meetings where it was my Protector, a Dominant and I over contract negotiations....I hope I'm old enough now to know better than do a private meeting.



oceangem -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 6:28:37 PM)

i've had numerous first meetings that start off at a coffee shop or resturant, they have ended either there or the next morning or after the weekend. Meeting on a BDSM site or a vanilla site be it in a chat room or a dating site, is no different you are careful in both situations, i flew down to Arizona, and drove across Washington State to meet someone that i met in a adult chat room on IRC, i met someone on Bondage and we met for coffee and ended up at a GVRD Regional Park, the park guy even came around and asked us to move our cars so he could lock up the parking lot and wished us a good night.

There is one thing that bothers me tho...its the comment about license plate checks, i know up here in BC that you cant take in a license plate number and ask the  MVB or the police to randomly check it out cuz of the privacy act.



domiguy -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 6:33:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i like to meet in a favorite dark ally after dark, it's more intimate and romantic


If it wasn't after dark it would be a lit alley.  Or possibly an alley cascading in sunlight or shadows.   If you continue to post in such a redundant manner I am afraid that we shall never meet at all.



armbindergeek -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 6:59:09 PM)

quote:

I have decided to adopt the rule all people on the internet are trained monkeys until I meet them in person.  Then again in person some are still monkeys..

This is my rule as well.  If you assume someone is a monkey and you're wrong, then you're pleasantly surprised.  If you believe what someone claims on the internet and are wrong, then at the least you're at the very least left disappointed or worse, putting yourself in danger.



osf -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 7:30:06 PM)

i'm getting tired of the constant coverage on fox news about all the dead subbies being hauled off from first meets, musta been 150 yesterday alone



MargueriteV -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 8:40:18 PM)

I don't let people into my living space or go into someone else's home the first time I meet them, unless I have multiple means to off them. I also make sure someone gets updates about my whereabouts.




thornhappy -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 9:16:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceangem
There is one thing that bothers me tho...its the comment about license plate checks, i know up here in BC that you cant take in a license plate number and ask the  MVB or the police to randomly check it out cuz of the privacy act.


Down here you can get all that info on the internet for less than $50.



oceangem -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 10:49:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceangem
There is one thing that bothers me tho...its the comment about license plate checks, i know up here in BC that you cant take in a license plate number and ask the  MVB or the police to randomly check it out cuz of the privacy act.


Down here you can get all that info on the internet for less than $50.


thanks i have seen those ads for info... i have never needed to spend 50 to find something out about someone that badly



Kana -> RE: first meetings (2/5/2010 10:51:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: armbindergeek

quote:

I have decided to adopt the rule all people on the internet are trained monkeys until I meet them in person.  Then again in person some are still monkeys..

This is my rule as well.  If you assume someone is a monkey and you're wrong, then you're pleasantly surprised.  If you believe what someone claims on the internet and are wrong, then at the least you're at the very least left disappointed or worse, putting yourself in danger.



Hell,
I assume they are a fake and a liar until I eyeball em in person
and even then, the jury remains out for a while...



BalletBob -> RE: first meetings (2/7/2010 1:43:23 PM)

You are right. Just because your a sub, doesn't mean your a walk off matt. Always meet in a public place. You never know what kind of nuts you find on the internet. When I first met MADAM, it was after we chatted and exchanged e-mails for some time. She told me to wear a few things on our first meeting, which I did, and she and her husband met me at my workplace, with many people around.

She explained herself and what she wanted, and asked what I wanted from it. We then agreed to go to her house for the first session, a week later. It was great, but only lasted for 3 years. I still miss her now, and will always remember the things she had TAUGHT me.

Missing MADAM, sub BalletBob



transensualist -> RE: first meetings (2/7/2010 6:52:22 PM)

Aside from the safety issues in meeting someone new in a public place, I think it's easier to part ways in a public place.

I can email and phone someone and get along well, but that has no bearing on chemistry in person. I can usually tell in a minute or two tops, if there's any sparks or if we gell together. I can hang out with someone over a drink or tea for 15v minutes and then politely leave if I'm not into it. Being in a public place makes this easier to do, especially when the other party wants to have another.



allthatjaz -> RE: first meetings (2/8/2010 1:16:20 AM)

Your damned if you do and your damned if you don't.

I never met guys at my house or their house but always on neutral turf.
I met a guy for weeks in coffee houses and restaurants and eventually when I invited him back to my place he attacked me. I had everything on him. Where he worked, his full address, home phone number, car plates but he still attacked me.

9 1/2 weeks is how Stephen and me got together. It started off as fantasy before going on to become a long term reality. Even with 9 1/2 weeks you can take the initial precautions!!



sweetriver -> RE: first meetings (2/8/2010 4:43:38 AM)

i have been talking to a dominant (small d is deliberate) who keeps trying to invite himself to my house. i told him that i wouldn't invite him over until i met him at the very least, and got to know him. So he figured out where i work, dropped by there to say hi and introduce himself... and that night online asked when he could come over cause we had met! And when i said i didn't know him well enough, said well "I'm a safe and fun guy!"

i thought to myself that Ted Bundy's neighbors thought the same thing about old Ted.

i have since told him that i will not be inviting him over, ever.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: first meetings (2/8/2010 3:46:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetriver

So he figured out where i work, dropped by there to say hi and introduce himself... and that night online asked when he could come over cause we had met!



Wow, that's kind of scary.  Besides that, just showing up at your job without your approval is VERY uncool.

Since you are being careful about meeting him, why weren't you more careful about revealing info about where you work.  You said that he figured out where you work, but you must have been dropping some obvious clues.  You may want to watch that in the future.



sweetriver -> RE: first meetings (2/8/2010 5:34:29 PM)

i try to be vague. i say that i work in a grocery store, when asked. i didn't say which one. However, in my town there are really only two choices and this guy turned out to be local enough to drop by both. He doesn't know where i live though, thankfully.

It is difficult to get to know someone on a casual level without telling a little about yourself. i do try to be careful, but will watch myself more in the future.




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