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Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/4/2010 5:56:45 PM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
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I just want one man who is portly. Skinny and muscular men need not apply. He should be sitting in the basement of his mother's house, wanking off to erotic writings (porn for short). I will gladly ensure that he gets plenty of beer, that his dinner is cooked and his mother and I make him number 1 in the household. He should be able to endure my attempts to please him with unconditional desire.

Where, oh where could he be?

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You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

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Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

Post #: 1

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/4/2010 6:00:21 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
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Are you willing to have plastic surgery?

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(in reply to ShaharThorne)

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RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/4/2010 6:02:11 PM

purepleasure

Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

if by plastic surgery you mean he will relieve me of the burden of credit cards with low balances and interest for his own personal use, count me in.

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Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 3

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/4/2010 6:04:51 PM

ladynlord

Posts: 247
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne

He should be sitting in the basement of his mother's house, wanking off to erotic writings (porn for short).

Well there is your problem darling. You should not let the poor man be looking at generic run of the mill porn....you should be naked and inserting whatever objects come to his mind .... in between dinner and his laundry.

And while I am pointing out your errors.... Why is he having to wank himself off???? You should be giving him a hand...literally!! The poor mans arms are too tired for all of that do it yourself stuff!

So come on now... lets see you put a little more effort into it!

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— Mark Twain

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¿uǝddɐɥ sıɥʇ pıp ʞɔnɟ ǝɥʇ ʍoɥ˙˙˙˙ǝɯ ןןǝʇ ʎpoqǝɯos

(in reply to ShaharThorne)

Post #: 4

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/4/2010 6:08:21 PM

sappatoti

Posts: 14844
Joined: 10/30/2006
From: the edge of darkness...
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne

I just want one man who is portly. Skinny and muscular men need not apply. He should be sitting in the basement of his mother's house, wanking off to erotic writings (porn for short). I will gladly ensure that he gets plenty of beer, that his dinner is cooked and his mother and I make him number 1 in the household. He should be able to endure my attempts to please him with unconditional desire.

Where, oh where could he be?

I've got the portly part covered. It's the rest of those conditions that I cannot possibly meet.

Why do you people insist on being so damned picky?

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Never mind the man on the edge of the darkness... he means no harm...

"Community, Identity, Stability." ~ A Brave New World, Aldous Huxley, 1932

If you don't like my attitude, QUIT TALKING TO ME!

(in reply to ShaharThorne)

Post #: 5

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/5/2010 4:09:04 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

Are you willing to have plastic surgery?

his mother did the surgery...but it wasn't really plastic surgery, DC.
All she did was work the air pump (he considerately got her one that was operated by foot action, since the hand model nearly caused her upper arms to flap her to death).
Anyway...mom had to do the pumping, cause attaching the pump to the dolls just sent ol Junior into a fit of inadequacy ("Damnit Ma...the valves are bigger than me!!!")

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RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/5/2010 4:12:20 AM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

H

olly, its far to early to be getting coffeee thru my nose
the flap of death got me
oh Im so glad no one is awake to hear me snort

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Dont Hate Love

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 7

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/5/2010 4:15:06 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Perhaps the problem, Shahar, is that you are not sending out the right vibes. Go get thee to a redneck bar...practice.

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(in reply to Lucylastic)

Post #: 8

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/5/2010 4:20:24 AM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

Holly...please stop...making me laugh...LOL!

I got one gentleman in the state already. Will reply to him later.

Maybe I should get a man-harem going to satify my need for domming...LOL

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 9

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/5/2010 6:33:08 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Thank goodness for this thread, I thought I was the only one out there who liked guys with junk in their trunk

(in reply to ShaharThorne)

Post #: 10

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/6/2010 4:43:59 AM

purepleasure

Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

Is that the same as beef in their boxers?

_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 11

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/6/2010 6:48:39 AM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: purepleasure

Is that the same as beef in their boxers?

SNORT!!!

MD in the nose is rather funny. Excuse me while I clean up this mess.

BTW that stings...

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to purepleasure)

Post #: 12

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/6/2010 7:23:40 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

You don’t mind that I keep mom in the house, everyone else did?

. . . she’s dead btw.

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I give good thread.

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Post #: 13

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/6/2010 7:26:45 AM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

That is getting close to Psycho...

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 14

RE: Why can't I find the portly gentleman... - 2/6/2010 7:51:28 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: purepleasure

Is that the same as beef in their boxers?

That's awesome, I'm so stealing that...

(in reply to purepleasure)

Post #: 15

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