undergroundsea
Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ryninvegas
I am overwhelmed with fear. Fear that She has lost respect for me or is about to and that she hasn't been happy in our scening/sex life for a long time when I thought it was blissful and awesome.
How you feel is understandable.
First, many things are a matter of perspective.
quote:
I feel she is kinda dropping this on me FIVE YEARS into a LTR...what should i do?
Instead of feeling she is dropping this on you five years into an LTR, which would make you feel unhappy about her, you might be able to see it as her trying to entertain the idea because it was important to you, which would make you feel happy about her.
quote:
She says it makes her feel bad/gross and She said she is losing respect for me as she doesn't think sissy play is hot "at all" and honestly states that she just doesn't like it but will do it if i really want it only because i want it.
In my opinion, something has to change. Continuing as is, it will drain her and create resentment or loss of feeling towards you. Amongst what can change is (1) how she feels about the play, or (2) whether you engage in the play with her.
How she feels about the play can change if she can learn to process it differently. For instance, many people can engage in physical SM but shy away from humiliation whereas the leaps of thought required to become comfortable in humiliation are similar to those required for physical SM (it's not nice to hit someone in everyday world but in the context of BDSM it becomes a positive gesture, it's not nice to humiliate someone in everyday world but in the context of BDSM it becomes a positive gesture). If this change is possible, it is important for you to know why you enjoy humiliation--is it symbolic to convey the power imbalance (what I call D/s humiliation), or does it create emotional discomfort (the type of discomfort one feels when we discuss humiliation in its vanilla sense)--and convey to her why you enjoy it. If she perceives it to come from a lack of esteem (versus for its BDSM value), I can understand why she feels as she does.
Even with this explanation, it simply may be that the programming she has had is too much to overcome, or that it simply is not her thing. In that event, I think you would need to back away from this activity, or, perhaps, reduce its frequency alongside an attempt she makes to realign her perspective. If her continuing is not an option, possibilities include (1) for you to not do this activity, (2) seek this activity elsewhere within her knowledge, or (3) conclude that you two are incompatible.
I wish you well.
Cheers,
Sea
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RE: Humiliation and Loss of Respect - 
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