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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 10:25:07 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		I will get the book for sure....ty for all the info/perspectives.....

wish I had a delete option for this post tho.....not sure what I was thinking posting here but whats done is done.....right?

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 12:46:24 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Why are you so concerned about not being able to delete this post, and why are you concerned about his needs? Is he concerned about your needs? By your post, I would have to assume he couldn't care less about your needs or your safety. I think you need to start realizing that your needs have value just as much as his, and at this point, more so than his. Until you stop thinking that you need to protect his "honor" and respect him, apparently only because he slaps the title "dominant" to his name, you aren't going to get anywhere.

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 2:55:53 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

Read the book "The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout. If you find it relates to you and your socalled "owner" get your running shoes on and don't look back.


That is a very good book, I think I dated half the men in there.


Dammit, red, you may have but you still haven't dated ME! 


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 3:27:19 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		beware the osf next door

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 4:06:44 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		OP: I think you're right to fear for your safety. If I were you, I would.

I definitely wouldn't feel bad about leaving him with no explanation. If he needs one, he's already so clueless that he wouldn't understand about it anyway.

A lot of women get hurt when the perp finds out they're leaving. On the basis of this, maybe you can get the mods to delete the thread. At the very least, maybe it can be moved to a forum that he never views, or views very infrequently.

Whatever you do, just get out fast, without letting him know your intentions. Get help by dialing the local battered womens' hotline.

Good luck! 

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 4:49:40 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If it's important for you to tell him face to face, make a meet in a coffee shop. And have a friend sitting nearby in case he gets violent.

Otherwise, change your locks, mail him back his stuff with a note telling him why you cannot trust him. And then delete him from your phone, email, chat, friends list, etc.

But I would start watching for him nearby when you leave the house, the job and so on. Just in case he isn't the type who handles rejection well.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 6:43:25 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch
He doesnt get on here much anyhow....its all good.


Too bad. I guess we won't hear the other side of the story.




_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 6:58:23 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch
He doesnt get on here much anyhow....its all good.


Too bad. I guess we won't hear the other side of the story.






I do not come on this message board for "he said/she said". I prefer to take each post as a separate entity and not get personally involved in other people's dramas... I mean why would you care what "his side" is? Its all just pixels


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/6/2010 7:04:47 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

Read the book "The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout. If you find it relates to you and your socalled "owner" get your running shoes on and don't look back.


That is a very good book, I think I dated half the men in there.


I was married to one.  Not my opinion, but rather his diagnosis.  I'd agree with Rockspider in that if he meets the criteria, run.  I don't however advocate abandoning any relationship simply because people on the internet said to.

As strange as it may sound to many, I would never have left my husband, if my friends and spiritual advisor hadn't told me it was ok to.  So, here's the thing owned.  It is ok to leave an unsafe relationship, no matter how hard it may seem at the time to do so.  If you have to ask others if the situation is unsafe, usually it isn't. 

If you do leave him, yes, you'll probably feel bad.  You'll probably feel guilty.  You'll probably feel as if you've betrayed or let him down.  It isn't easy to spend a good portion of your life building your world around someone, only to walk away from them.

Whatever choice you make, you have my best wishes.

WinD

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 2/6/2010 7:10:29 PM >

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 5:05:07 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I do not come on this message board for "he said/she said". I prefer to take each post as a separate entity and not get personally involved in other people's dramas... I mean why would you care what "his side" is? Its all just pixels.


Why would I care what his side is? Please don't tell me that you work in the justice system. "Your honor, the state rests. And your honor, I don't think we really need to bother the court with the defendant's side of the case, do we?"

This is just another thread by another submissive claiming to have been wronged by some dominant. Then the usual cast of characters joins in and bashes said dominant without ever knowing if the details she shared were even accurate. Maybe they were and maybe they weren't.

For that matter I hope none of these folks ever gets called for jury duty.






_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 6:06:33 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch

im not going to drag it out of Him......if He doesnt want to talk about things the relationship is over anyway....


Indeed!!!

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 6:10:16 AM   
JBGolden


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

Why would I care what his side is? Please don't tell me that you work in the justice system. "Your honor, the state rests. And your honor, I don't think we really need to bother the court with the defendant's side of the case, do we?"

This is just another thread by another submissive claiming to have been wronged by some dominant. Then the usual cast of characters joins in and bashes said dominant without ever knowing if the details she shared were even accurate. Maybe they were and maybe they weren't.

For that matter I hope none of these folks ever gets called for jury duty.



Isn't that being judgmental yourself? Being on a jury and being on an internet forum are two completely different things. A lot of the times only one side is given, yes. But does that mean you can'respond based on it? No, I don't believe that to be true.

Going back to your 'jury' point, people can only go based on the evidence that they're given. And I don't think it's right to take a 'Oh, you might be telling the truth but I need to hear the other side before I can give you advice' stance because somebody might *really* need it. I do get your point about not jumping to conclusions on people who aren't here to defend themselves, though. Don't think I don't. But considering the fact that there's no judge besides each individual person and even *if* both people were here to defend themselves they'd probably not present evidence besides arguing back and forth with each other I don't find the Legal System analogy even close to apt here.

< Message edited by JBGolden -- 2/7/2010 6:11:10 AM >

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 6:12:57 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch
He doesnt get on here much anyhow....its all good.


Too bad. I guess we won't hear the other side of the story.






I do not come on this message board for "he said/she said". I prefer to take each post as a separate entity and not get personally involved in other people's dramas... I mean why would you care what "his side" is? Its all just pixels



100% agree

It bores me to bits when I read at times "now, I don't know the other side of the story"...well, quite frankly, unless we know both people we will never know both sides of the story and when an individual asks for advice then I do give my advice, when I am able to do so...

She asks for advice in the situation she is in, therefore I might give advice to the situation she explains....if it represents the reality precisely is another story...but as we won't know both sides we won't know and therefore I prefer to just stay to the fact we know and what we are asked for...after all...we aren't judge judy to investigate the situation in depths...and the OP gets advice for what she asked for...if she omitted important facts then it can also impact the feedback, but that's then her issue to deal with.

However, I don't bother about both sides when I know I won't be able to have them as it won't help anyway.

therefore nothing wrong with giving advice to just one side of a story. After all she asked for advice for the situation how she experiences/perceives it, not for professional counselling.

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 2/7/2010 6:15:24 AM >

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 6:24:15 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I made it clear in my first post that my response was based solely on the information that the OP was given. If I'd had both sides, I would have taken both points of view into consideration. I didn't, so I couldn't. The OP asked for advice - I gave it, based on the info she supplied.

Fortunately in the two times I did jury duty I had both sides of the argument and could tailor my opinion to account for both sides of the story.

Fortunately this is not a court case to decide who is guilty and who is not guilty. Indeed, we don't even know the identity of the other person involved. It's simply someone asking for advice based on information they've given. No more, no less.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 6:29:51 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		I just want to say that He has always been very good to me until recently.  We have been together for 6 years and have had our ups and downs but im just too the point that the trust that we used to have is weakened a bit.  I most certainly will leave if I no longer feel safe but I have to find out first what the deal is and no play until we talk.  And yes I did talk to Him last night and he knows what im thinking so He wont have to find out from someone else or whatever.  TY all again

(in reply to JBGolden)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 6:36:48 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		That sounds good! I'm glad you're starting to talk - whatever the outcome, you'll both have your chance to discuss the issues and maybe come up with solutions.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 7:39:18 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I do not come on this message board for "he said/she said". I prefer to take each post as a separate entity and not get personally involved in other people's dramas... I mean why would you care what "his side" is? Its all just pixels.


Why would I care what his side is? Please don't tell me that you work in the justice system. "Your honor, the state rests. And your honor, I don't think we really need to bother the court with the defendant's side of the case, do we?"

This is just another thread by another submissive claiming to have been wronged by some dominant. Then the usual cast of characters joins in and bashes said dominant without ever knowing if the details she shared were even accurate. Maybe they were and maybe they weren't.

For that matter I hope none of these folks ever gets called for jury duty.







What I see are people taking the OP at face value. They do not know who she is or who her dominant is. None of us have a personal involvement in her drama. We are not a jury and this is not a courtroom. She is asking how she can get out of the relationship without losing her dignity (or perhaps worse). People are responding based upon their personal experiences...

I could understand your pique if she was under a name that could be associated with him, but that isn't the case.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 7:40:36 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

Read the book "The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout. If you find it relates to you and your socalled "owner" get your running shoes on and don't look back.


That is a very good book, I think I dated half the men in there.


Dammit, red, you may have but you still haven't dated ME! 



But DS...you never asked???

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 7:49:10 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		I have NEVER denied play before so I think I may have his attention but im still staying at my sisters for a bit and see what happens. He is not real happy with me right now but I will deal with that when / if we work it out.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 10:34:21 AM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		any background on what might be causing this on his part?

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 40
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