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RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 11:28:54 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Dammit, red, you may have but you still haven't dated ME! 



But DS...you never asked???




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< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 2/7/2010 11:29:45 AM >

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(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 12:12:01 PM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		Not sure...trying to figure it out. He may want a different sub now - im thinking. But I would rather Him just tell me that then go thru all this bs.

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 12:31:19 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch

Not sure...trying to figure it out. He may want a different sub now - im thinking. But I would rather Him just tell me that then go thru all this bs.

If that is the truth some people often have trouble breaking up with another person so if they can make it all the other person's fault instead of just being honest there is less guilt to deal with...


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 12:44:08 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch

Not sure...trying to figure it out. He may want a different sub now - im thinking. But I would rather Him just tell me that then go thru all this bs.



the trouble is you dont know right now and the lack of being able to talk it all through is making you over think the whole thing. you said youreself, he isnt too happy with you right now.

fact is, alot of us have been where youre at right now. second guessing just gets you in a right fuffle - talk to him when you can.

after 6 years of being together maybe he's wondering why you need that safe word still. maybe he's pushing youre limits a bit, maybe he's trying to push the relationship on a bit. i dont know the level of play you guys go in for or what you guys get up to together, but id have imagined by now he can read you pretty well.

you seem to have a bit of a trust issue going on here. im not trying to say anything particular here, just saying ive been where you are, second guessed the whole thing into bursting into flames when he wasnt thinking like that at all.

just a couple of thoughts.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 1:02:06 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		Whats the point if the guy isn't willing to sit down and talk? Why put up with that kind of BS?

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 1:10:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Huntertn

Whats the point if the guy isn't willing to sit down and talk? Why put up with that kind of BS?


Because it ain't easy sayin' "goodbye" after years spent with a person....


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 1:47:59 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Huntertn

Whats the point if the guy isn't willing to sit down and talk? Why put up with that kind of BS?



i dunno, sometimes it helps to come to somewhere like this and spill out questions and thoughts - bounce them off other people instead of having them bounce inside your head.

i agree, if he isnt going to talk to her at all then the end is probably upon them, sad after six years.

but she is his submissive, they are Ds or Ms and that counts for something. it isnt that easy to walk away from that.

i was just offering a different thought process. theres always two sides to a thing and sometimes you cant see something youreself so clearly. trust can make or break. maybe he feels she isnt trusting him enough, maybe, just maybe she isnt - this thread is a slght pointer to that too.

sucky though it is, if a D wishes to fall silent for a spell it is beholden upon the sub or slave to sit and wait until theyre D is prepared to talk. he hasnt yet said 'its over' - theres still a chance he's just mulling things around.

she's just done what many subs have done here, she's come here to spill out her feelings. but quite early in she wanted to delete this thread. i read into that that she regretted posting so early and so soon and so personally about a private situation between herself and her Master.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 1:51:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		That's true but if the situation has deteriorated to the point she no longer feels safe in her own home and has moved in with her sister, then it isn't about pushing her limits or helping her grow. And even if that is what he wanted to do, ignoring a safe word is never the way to do it. Sitting down and asking her to give it up is the right thing. But that would mean he would have to improve his communication skills and be willing to hear hard truths that would be critical of him.

The fact that she had to move out is telling on its own.

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(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 1:56:53 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

That's true but if the situation has deteriorated to the point she no longer feels safe in her own home and has moved in with her sister, then it isn't about pushing her limits or helping her grow. And even if that is what he wanted to do, ignoring a safe word is never the way to do it. Sitting down and asking her to give it up is the right thing. But that would mean he would have to improve his communication skills and be willing to hear hard truths that would be critical of him.

The fact that she had to move out is telling on its own.


yes, i forgot about that bit. ah well, just a thought

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 9:42:44 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		No kidding.
And does it really matter what he said, or she said.. when one party has decided to call it an end there should be no reason someone who doesn't know either of them from shit should cry fowl because only one side has been heard.


quote:

ORIGINAL: JBGolden

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

Why would I care what his side is? Please don't tell me that you work in the justice system. "Your honor, the state rests. And your honor, I don't think we really need to bother the court with the defendant's side of the case, do we?"

This is just another thread by another submissive claiming to have been wronged by some dominant. Then the usual cast of characters joins in and bashes said dominant without ever knowing if the details she shared were even accurate. Maybe they were and maybe they weren't.

For that matter I hope none of these folks ever gets called for jury duty.



Isn't that being judgmental yourself? Being on a jury and being on an internet forum are two completely different things. A lot of the times only one side is given, yes. But does that mean you can'respond based on it? No, I don't believe that to be true.

Going back to your 'jury' point, people can only go based on the evidence that they're given. And I don't think it's right to take a 'Oh, you might be telling the truth but I need to hear the other side before I can give you advice' stance because somebody might *really* need it. I do get your point about not jumping to conclusions on people who aren't here to defend themselves, though. Don't think I don't. But considering the fact that there's no judge besides each individual person and even *if* both people were here to defend themselves they'd probably not present evidence besides arguing back and forth with each other I don't find the Legal System analogy even close to apt here.


(in reply to JBGolden)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/7/2010 11:12:46 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch
He doesnt get on here much anyhow....its all good.


Too bad. I guess we won't hear the other side of the story.



I had a cousin that was in a bad marriage, when she left him, he attempted to go around to all her friends and family trying to make her look bad with his side of the story. When he got around to me. I was very blunt with him "I'm not interested in anything you have to say." She made up her mind to leave him, and that was that. There was nothing he was going to say to me or other people that would change a damn thing. Just amounted to some feable control play attempt on his part.

So, anyways the other side of the story could come walking into here and make posts, would it change the OP's mind at all? Would it change anything? I kind of doubt it from the things she's expressed. If he won't talk to her about the problems, why the hell would he talk to complete strangers on a message board?



< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 2/7/2010 11:28:33 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/8/2010 3:55:35 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

im not going to drag it out of Him......if He doesnt want to talk about things the relationship is over anyway....i wont just be a wall flower I dont work like that....He knows this

Anyhow wish me luck :) I will come back with a new username lol


ownedbitch,

Why a new nick, when you end it it is simply asking for release............... then find one that respects what he has, the nick is a good one so hang on to it.

CP

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/8/2010 4:05:56 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The nick isn't a good one. It says she is owned and she's planning on not being owned. Which means that the only men who would write her are ones who don't care about poaching.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/8/2010 5:38:57 AM   
ownedbtch


Posts: 17
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		He said He will talk to me on Friday when He gets back home from working out of town but not any sooner.  So now I wait and by then he wont be angry anymore I hope.  Ill take it...its something.


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/8/2010 7:00:07 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch

He said He will talk to me on Friday when He gets back home from working out of town but not any sooner.  So now I wait and by then he wont be angry anymore I hope.  Ill take it...its something.





good luck - hope it all works out ok.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/8/2010 7:13:25 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch

He said He will talk to me on Friday when He gets back home from working out of town but not any sooner.  So now I wait and by then he wont be angry anymore I hope.  Ill take it...its something.





good luck - hope it all works out ok.


(echoes lally)
bests of luck and good wishes

WinD
Who Cares Enough to send the very best

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/8/2010 11:19:14 AM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline 		Easy enough...

1) Snag his credit card number.

2) Order $1,000 worth of his favorite beer.

3) Pack your shit and get out of Dodge.

4) Giggle over the mind-fuck of his having to decide whether to refuse the shipment to save the money, or accept the shipment to drink the beer!!!





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It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/8/2010 12:31:41 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

but she is his submissive, they are Ds or Ms and that counts for something. it isnt that easy to walk away from that.


The implication being that if they were "vanilla" walking away after 6 years is a piece of cake?

quote:


sucky though it is, if a D wishes to fall silent for a spell it is beholden upon the sub or slave to sit and wait until theyre D is prepared to talk. he hasnt yet said 'its over' - theres still a chance he's just mulling things around.


Mulling what around is the point? Mulling whether he wants the relationship to continue? So she is "beholden" to sit silently by and let him decide the fate of their relationship regardless of her feelings? I don't think so. If a "D" feels the need to "fall silent" on an issue, he has a responsibility and an obligation as a REASONABLE ADULT to tell his partner "I'm having some issues with "X" at the moment and I don't care to talk about them right now, I need to take some time and think it through on my own to reach a decision and conclusion."

This is a relationship that has gone on for SIX YEARS. Whatever he may be "mulling over" is having a serious impact on HER feelings. I don't care if someone calls themselves "master," "dominant," or "ruler of all things," when you are in a relationship with someone, and you start to have feelings that something isn't right, shutting down is NOT the way to handle it. It makes your partner question everything when you just start behaving in a way that is "different." Could he be under extra stress with his job? Sure. Could he be mulling over something that has absolutely nothing to do with the relationship? Yep. In both cases, it is not simply reasonable, but responsible to tell your partner "I'm going through something right now that I don't wish to discuss. It is not about us at all, but it is causing me to act differently right now and please bear with me while I work through this."

The point is that at the end of the day, TWO people are in this relationship, that means the two people have feelings, needs, wants and desires to be considered. To say that one person in the relationship has to sit back and wait for the other to be ready to talk when what is going on is causing them real concern and heartache is ridiculous.

Given what the OP has said, her partner is doing things that have an adverse effect not simply on the relationship, not simply on the trust in the relationship, but on the OP's feelings. Suddenly ignoring a safeword is not something to take a "wait and see" attitude about. Is it possible that he feels after all this time, she shouldn't need it anymore? He might think that, but obviously he either can't "read" her or just chooses to ignore that since she apparently has felt the need to use that safe word. If that happens on one single occassion, it necessitates having a discussion about the "why" of it happening. If the "D" says they don't want to talk about it, that in itself is an answer. If it is something that is happening regularly, then for whatever reason, that "D" is being irresponsible and that isn't something anyone with an ounce of common sense should sit back and wait while he "mulls things over."

In the end there are two people in a relationship. It doesn't matter if they are kinky or vanilla. Leaving either after years is equally difficult. If the OP has felt the need to actually MOVE OUT of their shared residence, then obviously it is something pretty big. An "s" type is ultimately always responsible for themselves and if they are going to sit back and let their "D" type ignore their safe word and do nothing to try to find out what is going on because they believe the "D" type has the right to "mull things over," then the "s" type has no one to blame but themselves when they get injured from his ignoring the safeword, and anything else that might happen to her because the "D" type didn't have to tell her what was happening in THEIR relationship because she is just the "s" type.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/8/2010 3:59:39 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedbtch

He said He will talk to me on Friday when He gets back home from working out of town but not any sooner.  So now I wait and by then he wont be angry anymore I hope.  Ill take it...its something.




Should the title of this thread be....

Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible?
Ending the relationship without pissing the fuck out of him?

Trust me, at times you can attempt to end or do things respectfully, peacefully, and without trying to hurt or piss somebody off. However, you have NO CONTROL over how they are going to react, sincerely.

(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Ending the relationship as respectfully as possible - 2/8/2010 6:17:26 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		OP, IMHO he'll throw a hissy-fit regardless of what you do. So don't base your actions on something that you can't control. Just do what feels right to you, and make sure his hissy-fit doesn't result in you giving him his way. Because then he'll just keep on treating you worse and worse. Is this what's been going on between you? You giving him his way, out of love or fear or whatever, and then him hurting and intimidating you even more as a result? 

Stop placating him, and start doing things how YOU want to.

Don't predicate your actions on his. Do what you want, and then let him deal with it however he wants. If he doesn't like how you're handling things, that's just too bad. He should have thought of that before he messed things up. Don't concern yourself with his feelings. He's showing little regard for yours. Stop letting him yank you around like a cat toy. Its not working for you.

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(in reply to ownedbtch)
Profile   Post #: 60
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