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A question of position: - 2/6/2010 5:29:09 PM   
OnlyMaster4u


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline 		My question is simple have any subs/slaves either had an honest change of heart after starting a relationship, or purposely misrepresented yourself to get involved in the relationship only to say later that you may not be sub anymore?


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"The veil we use to shroud ourselves is only as thick as our own delusions allow!"

~M~
7/6/09
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RE: A question of position: - 2/6/2010 5:32:27 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Well that's like comparing apples and ... the Chinese gross national product.

I've never purposely misreprented myself in any relationship.

There have been times when I questioned my status based on someone else's (in)ability to run the relationship.

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: A question of position: - 2/6/2010 7:31:04 PM   
jen182


Posts: 495
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline 		cant say i ever have intentionally mis represented myself, although im sure at some point or another someone has misunderstood who i am ... it happens, especially online

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RE: A question of position: - 2/6/2010 9:13:09 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlyMaster4u

My question is simple have any subs/slaves either had an honest change of heart after starting a relationship, or purposely misrepresented yourself to get involved in the relationship only to say later that you may not be sub anymore?



No


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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A question of position: - 2/6/2010 10:07:18 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Easy answer...no.

I don't lie, I don't misrepresent myself. I haven't ever had a change of heart.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 2:00:38 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Ive never decided I am not sub any more, I have got into relationships full of promise then after a while found I did not feel even remotely submissive to that person

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 3:46:49 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		Simply -no


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RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 7:52:04 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlyMaster4u

My question is simple have any subs/slaves either had an honest change of heart after starting a relationship, or purposely misrepresented yourself to get involved in the relationship only to say later that you may not be sub anymore?


No.

I can see how a woman might think she is submissive, explore it with someone, and then through that exploration, realize that she is either not as submissive as she had thought or that the Dominant she is with is not the right Dominant for her. I can also see how the Dominant in question might see this as misrepresentation, although I don't think that's an accurate term for it.

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“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 8:32:24 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		FR

Yes, when I started out I thought I was submissive. I found out that I wasn't after a couple of months into the relationship. Have I ever misrepresented myself? no.

(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 8:44:29 AM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		Lol, the question should be addressed to switches & doms!! but they'd probably fib about that, too.
Happens all the time on this side of the kneel.

(in reply to Viridana)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 10:50:03 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I was a Domme and got into my relationship to see if I would be more fulfilled as a sub.  I was up front about it, my Master knew it was an experiment on my part, and I found that the role of slave fit me much better than that of a Domme.  My change was for the positive.  I never misrepresented myself, though.  I was clear that I was not sure if I was truly a sub or not.

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 11:29:19 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i have got into relationships i thought were promising only to realise further along that i could not continue being their submissive, but i have never reached a point where i felt my submissiveness was questionable or that i had misrepresented myself.

maybe youve discovered that you cannot be submissive to this particular D for whatever reason, doesnt mean youre not submissive.

i have, however, recently discovered that i do not need to be in a relationship in order to obviate myself and that i do not submit 'at will' anymore. my submission manifests or it doesnt and is completely dependent upon the person i am with. if they do not engender feelings of submission then i do not question who or what i am, i simply accept that there is no Ds chemistry going on.

just because you are a sub doesnt mean youre going to be sub to every D walking the earth.

edited to add; i have on a couple of occasions felt that my decision to leave was very unsubmissive of me, i was making a choice that with regard to the dynamic was not my choice, although, of course that choice is always ours. the action of leaving felt wrong and against my edict, but it was still the right decision to make.

sometimes making decisions for ourselves in a given relationship feels unsub, doesnt mean we are not sub, we are just exercising our right to be happy and healthy.



< Message edited by lally2 -- 2/7/2010 11:38:21 AM >

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RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 2:02:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Lots of people grow and discover that things that used to fit no longer do. But that isn't deliberate lying, that's life. It just means you need to sit down and have an honest conversation.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 4:46:20 PM   
itsmeinLV


Posts: 207
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline 		The change of heart I can see myself do, although I have not done so yet.  However, the purposely misrepresenting myself to get into a relationship I will never do.  I find that very unappealing and would probably be disgusted with myself.  Plus the shame I'd have to go through if and when he finds out...ugh, not worth it!

(in reply to OnlyMaster4u)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 8:00:01 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I will say that anyone who views discovering something new about herself as tantamount to lying says something about the viewer, all bad.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 8:38:53 PM   
LeBlueDude


Posts: 22
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline 		My relationship with my Ex partly failed because both of us kept trying to take the backseat to the other.

Yeah, that's right, we were both somewhat submissive. Neither of us was willing to take charge, and things sorta slowly fell apart. We decided we were better friends then lovers and we still hang out often.

That was before I realized I was a submissive, but yeah it was a change of heart with regards to the relationship. no rancor in the breakup, so that was a lot of luck.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 11:37:52 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		What would be the point of someone misrepresenting themselves to get into a relationship? They wouldn't be getting any pleasure out of it, presumably, since they wouldn't actually be submissive. So where would the gain be for that person?

I think it's much more likely that you're asking this question because you have a specific view of what a submissive should be (just checked out your profile), became involved with someone who didn't fit that mold, and she grew insecure about her lack of ability to fit what you wanted. That doesn't make what you want in a sub inappropriate, and it doesn't make her not submissive. Everyone is unique - her submissiveness may need to be strictly sexual, or within the confines of a prearranged list of limits and safewords. Wanting something different than your definition of a submissive may have confused her a bit, and caused her to doubt herself.

Of course, she may also have just discovered that she isn't submissive, but either way, misrepresentation isn't the issue.

(in reply to LeBlueDude)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A question of position: - 2/7/2010 11:45:51 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OnlyMaster4u

My question is simple have any subs/slaves either had an honest change of heart after starting a relationship, or purposely misrepresented yourself to get involved in the relationship only to say later that you may not be sub anymore?


This question isn't quite so simple to me...

I have never intentionally made myself out to be anything other than who I am to get into a relationship.

Now, I'm 25 and hence have a pretty good memory of my sometimes idiotic first attempts at lust and romance. Who I thought I was and what I thought I wanted didn't always work out with who I am and what it turns out I really want and need. Ahh the joys of self-discovery. And, of course, people change and those changes are influenced by a lot of things.

I don't regard that as having a change of heart of though. It's not as though I went "Eh...  never mind. I don't want the chocolate cake. I want pudding.", it was more "Oh... I guess this doesn't work for me. That... that really fucking sucks... now what do I do now?".

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/7/2010 11:46:17 PM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to OnlyMaster4u)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A question of position: - 2/8/2010 4:40:38 AM   
OnlyMaster4u


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline 		I want to state as I should have from the beginning of this thread, that my experience that prompted this question has an answer.
I had started a relationship with a women who said she was sub but her actions and not much later (2 months ) a conversation we had in which she stated the fact that she knew she may not have been sub anymore, and that the time spent together was a means to an end. No that end was never reviled and of course there is no more relationship.

My curiosities are what inspired this thread.
Apologies for any confusion.



< Message edited by OnlyMaster4u -- 2/8/2010 4:46:16 AM >

_____________________________

"The veil we use to shroud ourselves is only as thick as our own delusions allow!"

~M~
7/6/09

(in reply to OnlyMaster4u)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A question of position: - 2/8/2010 4:45:36 AM   
OnlyMaster4u


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What would be the point of someone misrepresenting themselves to get into a relationship? They wouldn't be getting any pleasure out of it, presumably, since they wouldn't actually be submissive. So where would the gain be for that person?

I think it's much more likely that you're asking this question because you have a specific view of what a submissive should be (just checked out your profile), became involved with someone who didn't fit that mold, and she grew insecure about her lack of ability to fit what you wanted. That doesn't make what you want in a sub inappropriate, and it doesn't make her not submissive. Everyone is unique - her submissiveness may need to be strictly sexual, or within the confines of a prearranged list of limits and safewords. Wanting something different than your definition of a submissive may have confused her a bit, and caused her to doubt herself.

Of course, she may also have just discovered that she isn't submissive, but either way, misrepresentation isn't the issue.


I wanted to let you know that my profile is more to the point of what I feel (and I stress I) a women should be not just a submissive. I know everyone is different and that is wonderful but there are some very dishonest people out there as I am sure you know and they will do and say most anything to get what they want.

I just wanted to see how strongly others felt about this.



_____________________________

"The veil we use to shroud ourselves is only as thick as our own delusions allow!"

~M~
7/6/09

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 20
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