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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

There are various ones. It can very much depend upon the bottom in question. As I've stated prior, I do very much enjoy fear being the response. Fear, like power and control, are hot to Me. If going on that path, yes, I want it to frighten you, in a sense.

There's also the part about reaffirming trust. Yes, I want you to get to the other side of the scene. I want you to see that the fear was unfounded. That, even though you may have allowed your mind to doubt that trust, even for just a bit, when the whole thing is over, that trust is even stronger because the fear really was only in your mind.

It actually can be a bonding experience.

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It's usually very difficult for someone I'm romantically involved with to elicit fear in me, except for a couple of triggers that aren't generally associated with S/M or bondage or other kinky aspects. Even those tend to fade as trust is built.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

This came up a lot in the knife play thread, but I think it applies to a *lot* of different aspects of D/s, S/M, and so forth.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

There are various ones. It can very much depend upon the bottom in question. As I've stated prior, I do very much enjoy fear being the response. Fear, like power and control, are hot to Me. If going on that path, yes, I want it to frighten you, in a sense.

There's also the part about reaffirming trust. Yes, I want you to get to the other side of the scene. I want you to see that the fear was unfounded. That, even though you may have allowed your mind to doubt that trust, even for just a bit, when the whole thing is over, that trust is even stronger because the fear really was only in your mind.

It actually can be a bonding experience.

It's usually very difficult for someone I'm romantically involved with to elicit fear in me, except for a couple of triggers that aren't generally associated with S/M or bondage or other kinky aspects. Even those tend to fade as trust is built. I stunt-bottomed in a class one time, and the instructor really stomped on my fight-or-flight buttons. My eyes went wide, my heart was racing, and I was so panicked that I nearly tore away from her and ran across the room. I was able to remind myself that she knew what she was doing, and mostly calmed down, but she still frightened me a bit (deliberately) a couple of times during the demo. Afterward, several of the people in the class came up and said it was really hot, and it was a bit. I just don't tend to have that kind of heart-pounding terror once I've gotten to know someone.

I attended a different class, on singletails, and the instructor said that the singletail always inspires fear. The noise sometimes startles me a bit, but I had a very positive introduction to it, and have loved every scene since that has involved them, even when I was sobbing my eyes out. It can be cathartic, and hurt, but in a way that felt good to me at the time.

I haven't engaged in cutting knife play, and would prefer not to, unless we decide ahead of time on the design. Granted, cutting play doesn't always scar, but that is always a possibility, and so I'd rather not have random cuts. So far, even a very sharp blade hasn't induced any fear in me.

I was nervous about needles, because of a previous bad experience with them (I nearly fainted, probably due to a combination of the position I was in causing circulation issues, and blood sugar issues). When my Master used some on me a couple of months ago, it felt lovely, and I wasn't scared at all.

So, I'm curious how people who are already *in* relationships can draw out that fear from someone who trusts them enough that a mindfuck isn't likely to get the desired reaction. If you do succeed in actually scaring the person, do you need to make sure that they're bound securely to avoid them accidentally hurting themselves or you, or just breaking away and running?

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite


So, I'm curious how people who are already *in* relationships can draw out that fear from someone who trusts them enough that a mindfuck isn't likely to get the desired reaction. If you do succeed in actually scaring the person, do you need to make sure that they're bound securely to avoid them accidentally hurting themselves or you, or just breaking away and running?

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ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

agirl, I know completely where your coming from and all I can say is thank god he can instill that fear in me!!

S has a good brain. He's a quick thinker, strongly holds his own in a debate and isn't afraid to be forthright with what he's thinking but there's a physical strength to this too.
Before I got with S I didn't really believe that men where that much stronger than women. I always thought I could fight a man and one our very first experiences was me pushing him to take me if he could! Its been a real wake up call for me to suddenly understand that S can pick me up and throw me over his shoulder with ease and that if I do try to struggle I don't stand a chance. Knowing that strength does add to my fears because I know that he could snap me like a sparrow if he wanted to. His physical strength protects me but it also makes me fearful at times because I know he's not afraid to use it to get what he wants. I will add to that, that I wouldn't want it any other way. The only reason he got me is because he doesn't take any of my bullshit and I can no more wrap him around my little finger than I could train my cat to bark.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

So, I'm curious how people who are already *in* relationships can draw out that fear from someone who trusts them enough that a mindfuck isn't likely to get the desired reaction. If you do succeed in actually scaring the person, do you need to make sure that they're bound securely to avoid them accidentally hurting themselves or you, or just breaking away and running?

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Jaz, abduction or rape play, especially if I wasn't certain that it was him, could definitely trigger genuine fear in me. I haven't really explored roleplaying or mindfuck type of play much. Most of the mindfuck and roleplaying scenes I've seen or heard about seemed a bit stilted and artificial. I guess I'm having a hard time seeing how if I'm in the bedroom, knowing he's going to hurt me and pleasure me in various ways, that he could push me into that place of fear without doing things that would actually cause permanent damage. If I wasn't expecting it at all, it would be a lot easier to genuinely frighten me. I could definitely see fear as being very hot in the right circumstances, from the little experience I do have with exploring it, but most of my partners haven't chosen to go there.

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I guess I've felt rather fortunate that most of the "scary sounding" things like knives, canes, single-tails, etc. were introduced to me in a positive way - even when I was crying my eyes out, I didn't feel scared or like they were out of control. I'm sometimes a fairly heavy bottom, at other times, just a simple handspanking has left me crying my eyes out. I generally figure that he can make me love or hate almost anything he's hurting me with, depending on how warmed up I am, how he's using it on me, etc. I've had a sharp knife held to my throat and other sensitive bits, but I trusted the person doing it not to actually harm me, so I just kind of lay there glowing at him.

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I didn't mean that needles were used on me in a fear play scene, but because I fainted the only other time they'd been used on me, I was worried about trying again (even though I have no problem donating blood). One of my previous partners *was* very scared of needles though, to the point where visits to the dr. office for shots or blood testing was very difficult for him. So, we did some play with them to desensitise him to them, at his request.

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If you do succeed in actually scaring the person, do you need to make sure that they're bound securely to avoid them accidentally hurting themselves or you, or just breaking away and running?

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ORIGINAL: Lorenzo19

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If you do succeed in actually scaring the person, do you need to make sure that they're bound securely to avoid them accidentally hurting themselves or you, or just breaking away and running?

I think what I am going to write here is a new perspective on the OP inquiry.

just writing an introduction email to a novice submissive can inspire fear in her simply because My experience and confidence is intimidating. I'm talking about a nice sweet friendly email with nothing to do with D/s. Likewise I could pull out a really big new clamp in a scene and inspire fear. Another poster suggesting that just being told to strip could inspire fear.

For Me inspiring fear is never the objective, but becomes the result sometimes. You can't have them in bondage in all cases prior to instilling fear.

I see fear as a weakness on the part of a submissive. I also find it a major turn off for Me. The submissive cannot get into subspace because she is pumping adreniline.

To answer the question now: To avoid all the bad consequences of a fearful submissive she must be trained to not have fear of the Dominant. This only comes from experience, trust in the Dominant, and self-confidence. I must help her to learn these things. Deliberately scaring the poor girl might backfire on Me by causing her to panic and run into the street naked. Rather than trying to go fast by deliberately scaring the holy crap out of her, I prefer to go slowly; building her trust and self-confidence a little bit at a time. I'm in no hurry.