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Lost erection in subspace - 3/27/2006 5:00:29 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have a question and Im not sure if there really is an answer to it.
I've been with my sub for about a year now and since this is his first sub experience of his life I've been slowly over the last year working him up the pain ladder. He loves it and we both enjoy it.

This weekend I decided to put him through an intense session. I used flogging with a suede warm up followed by a braided cat, spanking with a wooden hairbrush followed by a cane and then ice was used on his hot buttcheeks followed by a pinwheel. He was wayy out in subspace to the point of being incoherent.

Anyway I had him lay down and tied him up for some CBT with clothespins, ice and the pinwheel, with flogging with a bungee flogger in between. Now he'd had a raging hard erection the whole time and lost it during the CBT (which he loves).  We usually have sex to wind up our play sessions but was unable to. Now this was no big deal to me and I wasn't exactly surprised due to all the sensations he was feeling but he is highly upset and can't seem to get over it.

I've talked to him and told him its no big deal that it happens to everyone, but he says never to him that he has to be perfect for me everytime. So now he is almost depressed and afraid he disappointed me. I explained that he didnt disappoint me that I love him and it was probably just all the sensation coupled with his going into deep subspace that brought it on.

Anyone have this happen during play or have any ideas of why maybe it happened?

~Lashra
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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/27/2006 5:10:29 AM   
MadamShy


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		yes I have seen this now and again a bit of cuddling in down time should bring him back up if you get my drift. wrap him up in a blanket and just have no expectations for sex after, if it happens it happens.  I Myself keep sex and playtime separate just because the overload of endorphins can cause lack of erection sub space has been called a body orgasm and he didn't disapoint You he just couldn't get it back up after such a wonderful intense BodyOrgasm so to speak tell him this ..and face it sex isn't always needed wait a hour and have sex when the penis is functional again while rubbing his welts so he can remember the delishious play earlier..


hope I helped


(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/27/2006 5:30:05 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Assuming he is somewhere around your age, this is not at all unusual. It speaks well of your abilities that you can put enough blood and thought in other areas, that there is nothing left to support a raging hard-on. 
I might tell the guy a little white lie and say that you strived for and expected this to occur, based on yadda yadda yadda.......
Most erectile dysfunction is caused in the head, just like most orgasms.
People of fragile psyche often make this a self-fulfilling prophesy by talking themselves into it.
Something like this actually goes on in their head...
OMFG, I can't keep a hard-on, what if I never can get one again? What if I am expected to have one and I can't?  This has never happened to me before...Maybe I am getting to old....Maybe I am unable to have sex, ever again?  Oh, what if she is secretly covering up her disdain?  The self-talk keeps spinning out of control and you have performance anxiety that heads to full blown erectile dysfunction. 
Perhaps a night of soft music, dimmed lights, soft play....a couple of drinks, so he gets a warm relaxed glow, (not to many tho) and some attention to mr winkie, with the eye towards hard, then soft then hard again......and then look him in they eye and tell him that as far as you are concerned it works fine... go off to bed..command him to give you a full rubdown and lick.........and go to sleep without any sexual release for him........

Why, he will be back to raging hard-ons in no time.

Ron  

  

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/27/2006 5:42:15 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You could always get a pump and then bind it up. 

I agree with telling him that you're not interested in his release so it's not necessary, and then making him please you with no release for him.  That'll work quite well.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/27/2006 6:22:42 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		 
 
It happens occasionally, but if I make an observation, he is going to work himself in to a whole heap of trouble if he keeps obsessing about it. His erections are much more tied to his thoughts then to the play so he will create a self fulfilling prophecy and that is not going to be fun for either of you.
 
If it was one of mine, I would be very clear that he is there for my pleasure, and I am the only one that has the capacity to decide if he is pleasing me or not. And that he is undermining the dynamic to presume to decide for me, what is displeasing to me, and furthermore he is defiantly Not pleasing me by obsessing.
 
Lashra I would try to nip this one in the bud ASAP, men get very funny when they get into their head about this stuff.
 
 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/27/2006 8:40:41 AM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		Lashra

What makes him hard, what makes him soft?

I would take the soft and not use it very much.
but what makes him hard I would keep that going.
quote:


"Yes I Said It!"


Sincerely, Ant

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/27/2006 3:02:44 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Maybe his viagra wore off.   J/K couldn't resist.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/27/2006 5:16:23 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline 		its very possible that the intensity wore him out and he was totally exhausted

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

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(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/27/2006 10:14:37 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

its very possible that the intensity wore him out and he was totally exhausted


That did happen once to my submissive. He collapsed on my lap, and with two strokes of aftercare, he fell fast asleep. Luckily for me, after a quick twenty minute nap, he woke up, um, fully rested.

P.S. Ron, Gotta tell you I LOVED the internal dialogue.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/28/2006 4:31:06 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone for the replies. I read them to him and he feels much better about what happened.

~Lashra

(in reply to Misstoyou)
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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/28/2006 6:52:26 PM   
worthlessobject


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		I have to say that I rarely get an erection from the process of submission. I mostly get mine when I am not in slavery but thinking of the detail after they happened. In whipping, beating, or caging I am focused on the pain and my orders. I guess is it normal to no have a slave erect durring submission?

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/29/2006 2:28:00 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I've seen subs experience this a lot, particularly during a hard pain session after which there's always after care, holding, cuddling, snuggling.  We often fall asleep in each other's arms.  After which the sub usually wakes with an erection and we'll enjoy some very intense sex.

If he's really having a difficult time coping with it, go back to non~ painful basics, particularly bondage, which seems to arouse more than overstimulate, like the pain session can.

Texas Maam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 3/29/2006 2:31:40 AM >

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RE: Lost erection in subspace - 3/29/2006 2:30:26 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		crouchingtigress
 
 
It happens occasionally, but if I make an observation, he is going to work himself in to a whole heap of trouble if he keeps obsessing about it. His erections are much more tied to his thoughts then to the play so he will create a self fulfilling prophecy and that is not going to be fun for either of you.
 
If it was one of mine, I would be very clear that he is there for my pleasure, and I am the only one that has the capacity to decide if he is pleasing me or not. And that he is undermining the dynamic to presume to decide for me, what is displeasing to me, and furthermore he is defiantly Not pleasing me by obsessing.
 
Lashra I would try to nip this one in the bud ASAP, men get very funny when they get into their head about this stuff.

Ditto what crouchingtigress said!  ~~ Texas Maam

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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