RE: Disclosure of Private Information (Full Version)

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AquaticSub -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:03:20 PM)

I see your point but I disagree with it. Anyone can have a name and anyone can make up a story. It's when the person has other details, and there are phone calls on the record, that the story becomes more than some chick making crap up. He may be paying with cash for all the gifts he buys her, etc.

And I understand that you aren't asking for specifics and I can see where people could have gotten the wrong impression but isn't the right impression. I've actually never meet a play partner online for the purpose of meeting a play partner. Talked with a few potentials but never had it go anywhere. When I meet people off the site, it's been for relationships and friendships.

Edited to apologize for all the editing today... >.<



Miyani -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:04:28 PM)

I've played with plenty of people publicly that I wouldn't trust with that kind of personal information. Public play has built in safety nets that private play doesn't.

That said, I have cards printed up with my Google Voice number. That way, I can and do give my number to anyone I damn well please, and trust that they won't be able to find me, as the number is attached to an account without my information on it. There are ways to make yourself available to potential partners without putting yourself at risk. If anything, I'd be put off by the fact that he wasn't willing to make that small effort, but perhaps he doesn't know he has the option.



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:06:49 PM)

MissBeautiul2U,
There is a debate about phone numbers going on, It's all rather subjective and moot. I'm taking sides with the Bunny Rabbit (myotherself). I've never see this piece of advice go wrong, never, ever, ever... not yet at least.

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

~FR~

I'm not going to get into the whole should he/shouldn't he debate about phone numbers. But what I will say to the OP is that if her 'inner voice' is telling her that something is wrong, then she should 100% trust it. Only once did I ignore my inner voice...and now I have the scars to prove it.

Trust me - it's not worth the risk.




WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:08:02 PM)

edited bacause what it boils down to is this...

Anyone who trusts me enough to tie them up, torture their genitals, flail their flesh and shove any numerous sized objects up their ass - but doesn't trust me enough to give me a phone number - either isn't that into me, or is just too problematic to waste any more time worrying about.



SweetDommes -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:10:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I see your point but I disagree with it. Anyone can have a name and anyone can make up a story. It's when the person has other details, and there are phone calls on the record, that the story becomes more than some chick making crap up. He may be paying with cash for all the gifts he buys her, etc.



Ah, but that leads to the fact that he is possibly (probably) cheating on someone with her - which would fall into the realms of "if he won't give his number, then drop him" Or am I misunderstanding what you mean here?



AquaticSub -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:14:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes


quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I see your point but I disagree with it. Anyone can have a name and anyone can make up a story. It's when the person has other details, and there are phone calls on the record, that the story becomes more than some chick making crap up. He may be paying with cash for all the gifts he buys her, etc.



Ah, but that leads to the fact that he is possibly (probably) cheating on someone with her - which would fall into the realms of "if he won't give his number, then drop him" Or am I misunderstanding what you mean here?


He could be cheating. I've never said it's not a possiblity. It might even be probable, I don't really know enough to say if it's probable since they met in person and (in my experience) that makes it a bit less likely. Of course, I don't know where and how they met so... *shrugs*

My issue is more the "There is no excuse for him not to be willing to hand out the number". It's entirely possible that the guy is a jerkward who is cheating but not smart enough to just another phone to keep everyone feeling happy with the situation. Hence my feeling of "Figure out how much you like him, give him a limited amount of time but don't invest too much of yourself into it till he's more comfortable".



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:17:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani

I've played with plenty of people publicly that I wouldn't trust with that kind of personal information. Public play has built in safety nets that private play doesn't.

That said, I have cards printed up with my Google Voice number. That way, I can and do give my number to anyone I damn well please, and trust that they won't be able to find me, as the number is attached to an account without my information on it. There are ways to make yourself available to potential partners without putting yourself at risk. If anything, I'd be put off by the fact that he wasn't willing to make that small effort, but perhaps he doesn't know he has the option.


VOIP another great alternative, plus it shoots down the excuses. Which is why I suggested the Wal-Mart cell phone idea.



SweetDommes -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:20:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes


quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I see your point but I disagree with it. Anyone can have a name and anyone can make up a story. It's when the person has other details, and there are phone calls on the record, that the story becomes more than some chick making crap up. He may be paying with cash for all the gifts he buys her, etc.



Ah, but that leads to the fact that he is possibly (probably) cheating on someone with her - which would fall into the realms of "if he won't give his number, then drop him" Or am I misunderstanding what you mean here?


He could be cheating. I've never said it's not a possiblity. It might even be probable, I don't really know enough to say if it's probable since they met in person and (in my experience) that makes it a bit less likely. Of course, I don't know where and how they met so... *shrugs*

My issue is more the "There is no excuse for him not to be willing to hand out the number". It's entirely possible that the guy is a jerkward who is cheating but not smart enough to just another phone to keep everyone feeling happy with the situation. Hence my feeling of "Figure out how much you like him, give him a limited amount of time but don't invest too much of yourself into it till he's more comfortable".


Given what I understand of the situation she is in, there isn't an excuse for not giving out a number. He's willing to meet with her to play privately, and he wants her to open her house to him ... therefore, no reason to not give up a number that is a reasonable one. In other circumstances, maybe - not not this one.



SmokeSerpent -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:20:48 PM)

First, this is messed up six ways to Sunday and I think both parties need to work out the basics of communication, and then start giving some thought to the manner in which they wish to begin any kind of relationships at all.

But the thing that's prompting me to reply to this thread is; All of those who've taken up against the "submissive" who got her number but won't give his, please note that no where in the information we have is there any indication that the submissive asked for her number. For all we know, she just gave it to him of her own accord.

As to giving out numbers in general, I know no small number of people who are very careful about handing out their number to people they've just met. Most of them wouldn't have played until they were comfortable enough to hand out the number either, though. In this modern always-available-by-cellphone culture, the line between business and personal contact numbers has blurred a great deal, and for many people, incoming calls and texts will be an additional real cost in addition to an annoyance. Unlike IM/email, if someone becomes abusive or stalkerish, you cannot block them from calling, other than by changing your number. (Some phone companies do let you block a limited quantity of numbers from calling, but often there is a fee involved with this as well.)

Additionally, and I know he played along with it, but if I were in his shoes, I would be rather wary of anyone who'd step in as far as demanding orgasm control after the first meeting.



SweetDommes -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:22:57 PM)

My issue isn't with the fact, per say, that he has her number and she doesn't have his - but the fact that he's wanting to play, he wants to go to her house, and yet is using the bullshit excuse of his safety for not wanting to give his number. The facts just don't jive up. If you're that worried about your safety, then you don't want to go to their house alone ... hell, you don't want to go anywhere alone with them, much less go alone with them to be put in a vulnerable position.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:24:03 PM)

I will not meet without exchanging phone numbers.  What if you have a flat tire?  What if it snows?  What if you are both at the same location but don't recognize each other?  It's just logistically dopey.

Set yourself up to succeed, not to fail.



AquaticSub -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:26:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
Given what I understand of the situation she is in, there isn't an excuse for not giving out a number. He's willing to meet with her to play privately, and he wants her to open her house to him ... therefore, no reason to not give up a number that is a reasonable one. In other circumstances, maybe - not not this one.


Is he unwilling to play publicly? Is he insisting on her house as opposed to a neutral place? Is he insisting on playing as opposed to waiting? Who brought playing up first?

I realize that some people aren't interested in public play and that's awesome and wonderful however I don't think simply being willing to meet up for play and being unwilling to do it at one's own home willing being unwilling to give up the phone number is such a horrible, terrible, awful thing. This is a situation where I would feel I need more details about how the talks went before I would be comfortable saying that.

Personally, if I were her I wouldn't play with the guy in my home as things stand. And I will agree that it's a red flag. I'm just not in line with the "no excuse" group.



SweetDommes -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:27:56 PM)

public play or private play, he has said that he wants to go to her house - so why no phone number? wouldn't he be MUCH more vulnerable at her home than he would be giving out his number?



AquaticSub -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:29:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

public play or private play, he has said that he wants to go to her house - so why no phone number? wouldn't he be MUCH more vulnerable at her home than he would be giving out his number?


Again, the concern, as his business was mentioned, doesn't seem to be his physical safety. In theory she could have spy cameras all over the place but it's entirely possible he trusts her enough to not have those installed in her house.

ETA (again I know) I'm not saying this is the brightest person in the box. But people do have a habit of being inconsistent and they take the risks they are willing to take. Going to her house could be a risk he's willing to take in terms of her tying him up and taking blackmail pics. Maybe he's not thinking straight about it athough he doesn't seem to have pitched a fit when the OP gave him her new "rules" so he could be a mostly reasonable guy who has something he's particular about.



stella41b -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:31:22 PM)

Exchanging phone numbers for me is the bridge between online contact and real time contact, or more intimate contact over longer distances. It's something which I assume goes smoothly. If it doesn't or becomes an issue then I either back off or lose interest.

I love simplicity and if someone is going to make an issue out of something so simple, then I don't see a place for them in my life.



SweetDommes -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:31:55 PM)

I guess I don't understand why a phone number would make him that much more vulnerable for anything that would be a legitimate concern. The only reason that I can see her having his phone number causing a problem for him would be if he's married/involved with someone already. Otherwise, if he's willing to meet with her privately, to play with her, to go to her home, he should be willing to give out a way for her to contact him if needed.



mnottertail -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:33:10 PM)

cuz his wife would find out.



SweetDommes -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:34:01 PM)

Please read my post. I made that point.



AquaticSub -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:34:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

I guess I don't understand why a phone number would make him that much more vulnerable for anything that would be a legitimate concern. The only reason that I can see her having his phone number causing a problem for him would be if he's married/involved with someone already. Otherwise, if he's willing to meet with her privately, to play with her, to go to her home, he should be willing to give out a way for her to contact him if needed.


It may not be a matter of actually making him more vulnerable. It may be a matter of making him feel more vulnerable.



SweetDommes -> RE: Disclosure of Private Information (2/10/2010 12:36:13 PM)

But again - if that makes him feel vulnerable, then why wouldn't playing with her make him feel that way - pictures are a much more effective form of blackmail than phone numbers - and that is seriously the only thing I can think of that would cause him trouble as a businessman.



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