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RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/10/2010 3:32:52 PM   
RCdc


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Scammers attract scammers.  If you have something to hide, you have something they want.  It is really that simple.

the.dark.

_____________________________


RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to chase4647)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/10/2010 3:54:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
I have a great deal of sympathy for the op and his wife. I do think he's been as open with both her and the proposed top as he can. His wife certainly has the right to say she doesn't want to talk to any of your playmates but it does make it difficult. I will only say that anyone who is asking for money like this is definitely a scammer.

I would suggest opening up another conversation with your wife not focused on your needs, but on hers. She's your best friend but she isn't in a relationship that can possibly satisfy her. How can you both get your needs met fully while remaining committed to being friends and parents?

But there must be a gay community somewhere near you. Why not join one?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/10/2010 4:55:33 PM   
LadyOddsworth


Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
Status: offline
Does you wife know you are gay?

I think him saying "I need it for the internet" then the subtle.. I am going to lose my internet, blah, blah, blah.. was his way to get you to be the one to suggest paying this time.. yep scam.. is he from Nigeria?


_____________________________

We all have baggage, the question is; Is it carry on or do you need a U-haul for it?


(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/10/2010 5:22:30 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Hello to All,
(To the person mentioned in this post: please note that I omit all identifiable details - I will never try to harm you, my goal here is to understand).

First time poster, and total newbie here (which explains a lot of what I'm about to write). Signed up to CM maybe a couple of weeks ago, identified myself as a gay male switch, but soon was more drawn to the sub side.

Early on I striked up a conversation with a Dom from another country (I live in the US), and after a few emails we hit it off, and started IM'ing to each other several times a day, some of those for a few hours. There were also a few phone calls and emails. I really liked him because he seemed intelligent, gentle and caring. Since I'm new to the whole thing he took a long time explaining how it all works, said that he would train me as his slave starting slow, and was vey tolerant to my desire to avoid almost all physical pain.

The first red flag happened perhaps 2-3 days after our first contact, when he said that once I accepted to be his slave I should send him a gift to show appreciation for my Master, and then my (long-distance) training could begin. Pretending not to know what he meant (but I don't think it was a Valentine's day card!) I said ok, and asked what kind of gift. After some back and forth, he suggested $200 to pay for his internet bills would be an appropriate gift, since he needed the internet to talk with me. Now folks, here's the clincher: by this time I was already so wrapped up in him that money was the least of my concerns. I actually felt _honored_ that my (future) Master and Lord would deign to take my humble money. This was a person who was paying me a lot of the attention that I craved for: he told me that when I went to his country to visit we would play with his Dom friends and their slaves, the slaves all pretending to be dogs and thrown peanuts directly into their mouths (yummy!); I would worship him as my God at his feet (doule yummy!); etc etc. So as I said I felt a vague sensation of pleasure by agreeing to send him th emoney and formally begin our M/s relationship.

This lasted maybe 30 minutes... In that same IM I told him that I was having second thoughts about the money. He was very understanding and said to forget about the money, and that our relationship was not going to be about money. I felt releived.

We continued in this vein for several days, me asking questions about was going to happen (and - mea culpa here - being a rather difficult slave I'm afraid, with lots of limits and demands).

In the last two days or so, he told me that his internet connection was about to be taken down and that our contact would have to be over the phone. As this is not very practical (I'm married and at least for now don't want my wife to know any of this), I suggested to send him the money after all. He said no no no, our relationship is not about the money. I insisted. He refused. I did not insist enough.

Then he said that it would take him months to get the connection back and that therefore we needed to wait some months before beginning the relationship. I asked: how can we handle that? He said: I think I will take you up on your offer.

Long story short (is anyone still reading?): shortly thereafter we said "goodbye forever." I still asked whether he would forgive me for not fully trusting him (which I acknowledged was the case), and he said that he could forgive me. I never sent the money, although the Lord knows (the actual Lord, not this one) that I was tempted to.

What do you think: was this a scam attempt? What probability would you attach to that: 100%, 50%. My own private probability is only 20% but that is probably because I was truly falling in love for the guy and probably still have a soft spot for him.

I have made a list of the reasons to believe it was a scam:

1) Aasking for money early on, later the insistence on using Western Union.
2) He is still using the internet.
3) He would not give me the email of his ex-slave so that I could check that he was real. (Feel free to tell me I'm not a good slave, what with all the demands, and I'll freely agree -- but that's not the point of this post).


I have also made a list of the factors that make me think perhaps it was not:

1) There was a gentleness and humanity in him that I think is hard to happen as just a performance if you don't feel anything. He seemed to be truly searching for love.
2) He seemed genuinely upset by the fact that meanwhile I had already agreed to be someone else's slave, even though I told him I didn't want to be that person's slave anymore (insert more comments about my bad here - my only excuse is that I thought that first relationship was on a trial basis and could end at any point).
3) He seemed genuinely upset when I said that I would visit his country only in two years. He said: I want a slave to be with me and serve me full time, not just from time to time. No mention of money issues here, full mention of companioship and relationship.
4) He seemed very upset by all of my demands. He said: you are overpowering me.

Regarding points 2-4 my question would be: if all he wanted was money, why would he be so upset?

Anyway, I would love to hear from all of you, especially if you are more experienced than me. Anyone who has been scammed want to share their experinces and / or views, perhaps?

Finally, apologies for the long post, but you could not answer the question in the title if I didn't give you the details.

Thank you in advance for all responses.


Under the story you told; he was to poor to master anything or anyone!! in my opinion.

CP

(in reply to chase4647)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/10/2010 5:24:06 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chase4647


: Hello Master
chase4647: sorry no time
chase4647: but i will write soon
: o.k Master
chase4647: hi [name]
: Hi Master
snipp....


ok I am confused. Which one of you is the master? Because in the OP you said....

"I actually felt _honored_ that my (future) Master and Lord would deign to take my humble money."

Oh and yea, totally a scam, but if it wasn't why would you be looking to start a new life that far away from your best friend and children?


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to chase4647)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/10/2010 8:55:51 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

1) There was a gentleness and humanity in him that I think is hard to happen as just a performance if you don't feel anything. He seemed to be truly searching for love.


You are learning that scammers, who do deception for a living, are really good at what they do: manipulation. Learn to recognize when you are being manipulated.

(in reply to chase4647)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/10/2010 9:22:37 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

Sooo... does this mean I can ask my Master to give me $450 a month just for being his good girl? :)  Psh, he never told me that!!! LOL


/Puts in competing bid for $500/month/


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to HisEvelyn)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 3:33:21 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Yes. It was a scam. He knew you couldn't talk by phone which is why he did the internet bit.
I talk to men on the phone for a living. I charge quite a bit per minute.
You wanna know something?
I can sound sincere because (most of the time)I am sincere in caring for my customers. But I still do it for the money.


To fair, you aren't scamming them. They know upfront what they are getting into. Athough it is strange how you can get attached to the regulars. I always knew when one guy would call.

BTW - you have mail babe.


What??? like sex phone lines???? well, how immoral... i hope you ladies always made absolutely sure the guys wives were ok with you speaking to them like that...
otherwise if they find out and get pissed, they might sue you for alienation of affections (and money i should think) i have heard such rumours somewhere.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 12:44:20 PM   
Frankseas


Posts: 61
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline
Hope the OP has figured this out by now? lots of good advice given here both funny and serious!

Phone sex?? dont bring that up as the scary thought comes to mind that after listening to that sultry sexy voice for several minutes it dawns on you that its your MOM!!

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 1:16:57 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
Do you need any monkeys?


How about that Special discount deal on the flying monkeys, 50% of the proceeds go to Dorthy's Cancer Treatment. Hey, I'm just an honest guy trying to turn a buck to feed my starving Adopt a Child on Bouvet island.



< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 2/11/2010 1:18:56 PM >

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 1:39:11 PM   
chase4647


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Frankseas

Hope the OP has figured this out by now? lots of good advice given here both funny and serious!

Phone sex?? dont bring that up as the scary thought comes to mind that after listening to that sultry sexy voice for several minutes it dawns on you that its your MOM!!


Well figured out is WAYYY too strong a description for me -- ever? But you're right there was lots of good advice the best of which was to slow down and just look around before I get head over heels.

Replying to only two more posters but that doesn't mean I didn't appreciate everyone's opinions:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I have a great deal of sympathy for the op and his wife. I do think he's been as open with both her and the proposed top as he can. His wife certainly has the right to say she doesn't want to talk to any of your playmates but it does make it difficult. I will only say that anyone who is asking for money like this is definitely a scammer.

I would suggest opening up another conversation with your wife not focused on your needs, but on hers. She's your best friend but she isn't in a relationship that can possibly satisfy her. How can you both get your needs met fully while remaining committed to being friends and parents?

But there must be a gay community somewhere near you. Why not join one?


This is an exmaple of generous advice. Yeah, I started getting on Adam4Adam (a male gay webstie), emailed a few local people, and on Monday will have lunch with a gay couple. Just good to meet someone I can be truthful with, without the possibility of sex hanging over our heads. As for talking about this with my wife...you don't know how hard that is...but of course it must happen.


quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: chase4647


: Hello Master
chase4647: sorry no time
chase4647: but i will write soon
: o.k Master
chase4647: hi [name]
: Hi Master
snipp....


ok I am confused. Which one of you is the master? Because in the OP you said....

"I actually felt _honored_ that my (future) Master and Lord would deign to take my humble money."

Oh and yea, totally a scam, but if it wasn't why would you be looking to start a new life that far away from your best friend and children?



LOL 

Two different people: OP was about a Dom, this IM about a sub.



quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

Does you wife know you are gay?

I think him saying "I need it for the internet" then the subtle.. I am going to lose my internet, blah, blah, blah.. was his way to get you to be the one to suggest paying this time.. yep scam.. is he from Nigeria?



Yes she does.

Believe it or not I'm truly not fully convinced it was a scam. Maybe it was more like a sugar daddy thing... In which the internet payment as you say was the indirect way to make me pay.

(in reply to Frankseas)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 1:49:24 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chase4647

Believe it or not I'm truly not fully convinced it was a scam. Maybe it was more like a sugar daddy thing... In which the internet payment as you say was the indirect way to make me pay.


I believe that you aren't truly convinced. I also believe that your wife needs to take the household finances out of your control. I assume that you believe a "sugar daddy" thing means you give money but get something in return, where with a scam you are simply out the money?

Look, your wife knows you are gay, so she is living in a marriage where there is no sex, which can't be satisfying for her. You have all this "confusion" going on with you, you know you are gay, you don't know whether you might be top or bottom or just plain gay. Yet you don't want to get divorced because it would be hard on your children? Do you think those conditions are things they don't notice? If you and your wife are truly "best friends" and are able to get an amicable divorce, you will stay best friends and be able to co-parent your children AND both find satisfying relationships for yourselves. That is the best thing for your kids.

As long as you are going to be gullible enough to think that someone you have never met asking you for money could possibly not be a scam, you really should hand the household checkbook over to your wife/best friend and probably see a therapist.

(in reply to chase4647)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 1:53:46 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
Chase, I want you to go play with your kids for an hour. Be their Daddy.

Then go somewhere private and think very seriously if this is the kind of marriage you want them to have when they are adults, if these are the relationships you want them to have. Sending strangers large amounts of money. Unable to be honest with their spouse. Because this is the example you are setting for them. And don't kid yourself. Kids pick up on this crap, even if they don't realize it at the time.

There is nothing like getting older and putting the pieces together.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/11/2010 1:55:32 PM >


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to chase4647)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 2:15:51 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chase4647
Believe it or not I'm truly not fully convinced it was a scam. Maybe it was more like a sugar daddy thing... In which the internet payment as you say was the indirect way to make me pay.


Chase,

I'm going to express something and I'm normally pretty refrained when it comes to name calling.

I think you're being a Niave Dumbass, wake up and smell the coffee, before the Animals drag you off into the forest and devour you. Seriously, please check out and read the material in the following link.

http://www.hoax-slayer.com/internet-dating-scams.shtml


Actually, I'm gonna cut copy and paste 4,5, and 6 for you.,


4. Over time, the scammer will slowly earn the trust of the victim. He or she may discuss family, jobs and other details designed to make the correspondent seem like a real person who is genuinely interested in the victim. Photographs may be exchanged. However, the "person" that the victim thinks he or she is corresponding with, is likely to be purely an invention of the scammer. Photographs may not even show the real sender. The victim's apparent love interest may look completely different to the person in the photograph and, in reality, may not even be the same gender.


5. After the scammer has established the illusion of a genuine and meaningful relationship, he or she will begin asking the victim for money. For example. the scammer may claim that he or she wants to meet in person and ask the victim to send money for an airfare so that a meeting can take place. Or the scammer may claim that there has been a family medical emergency and request financial assistance. The scammer may use a variety of excuses to entice the victim to send funds.


6. If the victim complies and sends money, he or she will probably receive further such requests. With his or her judgement clouded by a burgeoning love for the scammer's imaginary character, he or she may continue to send money.

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 2/11/2010 2:17:00 PM >

(in reply to chase4647)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 2:18:42 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
The scammer may use a variety of excuses to entice the victim to send funds.





< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 2/11/2010 2:19:58 PM >

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 2:27:40 PM   
chase4647


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Chase, I want you to go play with your kids for an hour. Be their Daddy.



Of course I'm doing that. In fact part of my silence yesterday was precisely because I was doing that. I came from fairly dysfunctional parents (duh!) and if nothing else I feel the obligation of spending time with my kids. That being said, the last two weeks of collarme'ing, plus similar activities does constrain time... Something to think about.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Then go somewhere private and think very seriously if this is the kind of marriage you want them to have when they are adults, if these are the relationships you want them to have. Sending strangers large amounts of money. Unable to be honest with their spouse. Because this is the example you are setting for them. And don't kid yourself. Kids pick up on this crap, even if they don't realize it at the time.



I'll just have to disagree on the implied conclusion: it would be better for the kids if I got a divorce. My kids now feel (I think) that they are absolutely the center of our attention. I know that given previous correspondence that is hard to believe, but stay with me on this one (I know more about this than you do). They feel secure in a united household. In fact talking with my therapist (today -- first time I mentioned anything to her about collarme, after all only been here for 2 weeks) she said that if we split up the kids would lose their security blanket for a while, until (implied: if?) they adapted. Mind you, she wasn't necessarily disagreeing with me splitting up, and of course I would move to very near them. But there is a cost associated, and it's not good for the kids.



quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I assume that you believe a "sugar daddy" thing means you give money but get something in return, where with a scam you are simply out the money?


Yes, that is the distinction I was trying to make. There seems to be a whole range between total inconsiderate scamming and someone who actually puts some feeling into it, and perhaps even more.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

As long as you are going to be gullible enough to think that someone you have never met asking you for money could possibly not be a scam, you really should hand the household checkbook over to your wife/best friend and probably see a therapist.


Don't worry. After all I have NOT sent him any money. As for therapist, see a few paragraphs above -- already doing it, and I might add, with a person who's a true genious, an innovation for me after a couple of bad ones. Alas, she is retiring! And I'm not ready!

As always keep'em coming. This has been an illuminating experience for me.

<Edited for those damn typos>

< Message edited by chase4647 -- 2/11/2010 2:31:44 PM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 2:32:16 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


quote:

ORIGINAL: chase4647

Believe it or not I'm truly not fully convinced it was a scam. Maybe it was more like a sugar daddy thing... In which the internet payment as you say was the indirect way to make me pay.


I believe that you aren't truly convinced. I also believe that your wife needs to take the household finances out of your control....

Somebody needs to take control...if he's this niave. I'm questioning the fucking waste of money like this over crap when there are kids in the house. Money would have better spent on kids. Taking care of your own, instead of some jerk-off poser master over-sea's wanting tribute and can't pay for his internet. If anybody thinks he real, then apply this concept. A master that can't pay his own Bills does not have his own shit together. How the hell is gonna take care of you? Frack Frack Frack... I'm just gonna go on a rant now.

quote:


As long as you are going to be gullible enough to think that someone you have never met asking you for money could possibly not be a scam, you really should hand the household checkbook over to your wife/best friend and probably see a therapist.


100% agree about the checkbook management. I 100% endorse a therapist or something to help get in touch with reality. I seriously question how sheltered people can be. Something is clearly wrong in the picture.

This is One of the Few times, I feel/know/believe/think I'm 100% right without question in regards to a thread started by somebody. That there's nothing subjective about it either. It's also not based off conjecture. It's 100% PFR (Pure Fucking Reality).

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 2:33:24 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
im supposing the reason he was having his internet connection taken down was because he couldnt afford to keep it, hence his comment about it costing money to keep the internet going for you. im guessing he needed that 200 bucks to stay on line.

it was possibly genuine therefore, but then again, asking a relative stranger to pick up his bills after such a short period of time, well, put it this way, i wouldnt have gone there.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to chase4647)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 2:36:21 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chase4647


I'll just have to disagree on the implied conclusion: it would be better for the kids if I got a divorce. My kids now feel (I think) that they are absolutely the center of our attention. I know that given previous correspondence that is hard to believe, but stay with me on this one (I know more about this than you do). They feel secure in a united household. In fact talking with my therapist (today -- first time I mentioned anything to her about collarme, after all only been here for 2 weeks) she said that if we split up the kids would lose their security blanket for a while, until (implied: if?) they adapted. Mind you, she wasn't necessarily disagreeing with me splitting up, and of course I would move to very near them. But there is a cost associated, and it's not good for the kids.



Your kids are in a bad situation. You have to accept that to do what is best for them.

I'm not even implying that you aren't giving your kids enough attention. I'm saying that you aren't thinking about their future. I want you to go spend time with those wonderful angels and think about them as adults. I understand what your therapist is saying. However, how do you think those kids are going to feel when they learn that security they had was all bullshit? That Dad was lying about his sexual orientation because he didn't trust his family with that information. That he was going to go off and have sex with strange men in other countries and Mom doesn't want to know about it.

I'm not saying split up right now. But you know what... divorce happens. Shit happens. And staying together doesn't always provide security. Sometimes it just makes them wonder when Mom and Dad are finally going to split up or if they are going to just kill each other.

Your marriage is a template for your children's. Very seriously ask yourself if this is the marriage you want for them.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to chase4647)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What do you think: was this a scam attempt? - 2/11/2010 2:37:59 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

im supposing the reason he was having his internet connection taken down was because he couldnt afford to keep it, hence his comment about it costing money to keep the internet going for you. im guessing he needed that 200 bucks to stay on line.

it was possibly genuine therefore, but then again, asking a relative stranger to pick up his bills after such a short period of time, well, put it this way, i wouldnt have gone there.


The Master first asked for Tribute.. when he realized that he was uncomfortable with it. He backed off and reinforced the relationship bond. Then turned around and asked for help paying a bill... else he would not be able to talk with him for a couple of monthes (dragging the relationship aspecting into it).

It's a bait and switch tactic..

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 60
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