RE: Married folks (Full Version)

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proudsub -> RE: Married folks (3/27/2006 1:56:29 PM)

If you do a search for "vanilla partners" or for "married" you will get a ton of threads on this.



cloudboy -> RE: Married folks (3/27/2006 2:36:58 PM)


It can be very difficult if your spouse doesn't support you or give you what you need. Let me tell you, you can realy on the unmarried here to tell you exactly what to do.[&:]



WikedUncle -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 3:45:36 PM)

quote:

Sure it's about kink. I'm just partial to honest perverts.


You know, so am I. However I missed the part where "honest" became a synonym for "single."  Perhaps if your profile mentioned your marital status, and the marital status you seek in a partner, you'd be on solid ground trashing the individuals who ignored what you said. As it is, you're indiscriminately trashing every married person on the site because some individuals take advantage of your silence on these subjects. It seems to me that that is also dishonest, to yourself first of all.

If you go fix the profile, then vent about the individuals who disregard your interests, you might get more than cheers from the groundlings: you might get respect from the fair-minded.






IronBear -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 4:01:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLapGirl

I'm curious. What is the ratio of married people seeking encounters on this site? Are most people here interested only in a casual meet and beat?  Why do  they always write "Married vanilla" like that's suppose to make some huge difference? Then they  give this grocery list of demands of what they wish of their paramour. Do I write, "Oh Mr. Dom man! i'm so sorry Your domineering wifey who gets all the life benefits from You won't allow You to wail on her butt! Let me please be Your frustration releasing punching bag! No strings or emotional attachements of course. Sir. Oh. And i'll make sure i'm fit, beautiful, highly educated, sane and have an exciting career. Just like You requested. Sir."

Okay. Tis not a question. Tis a rant. I just had to. Sorry. No I'm not.

Sheesh!


Ok to take your opening question seriously, my Wife/Free Companion are a Dominant couple (Gorean Master and Gorean Mistress) who would like to fine at least one boy and one girl but could handle two of each.ermmmmmmmm Yep sex would be involved but so would their completre submission as Gorean slaves.

Loved the rant  so different to the whiney first posts we've been plagued with recently....


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Personally, I'm getting tired of all the single people who are just on here looking for a spouse.


I know what ya mean LaM.. I'd rather see plenty of people wanting good old fashion kink sex, and a mistress, and good old fashion kink sex and a cortesian and  good old fashion kink sex and a fuck buddy and good old fashion kink sex....



sultryvoice -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 4:03:38 PM)

I state in my profile, "no one married or attached". I still get the morons contacting me. Oh, well...they either don't read or think they are too wonderful for me to turn them down...NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Respectfully,
sultry



IronBear -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 4:08:02 PM)

sultry they can read, but it's just that you are so gorgeous that they cant keep away. Hasn't you computer started to seep their drool yet? 



Phoenixandnika -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 4:18:33 PM)

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLapGirl

I'm curious. What is the ratio of married people seeking encounters on this site? Are most people here interested only in a casual meet and beat?  Why do  they always write "Married vanilla" like that's suppose to make some huge difference? Then they  give this grocery list of demands of what they wish of their paramour. Do I write, "Oh Mr. Dom man! i'm so sorry Your domineering wifey who gets all the life benefits from You won't allow You to wail on her butt! Let me please be Your frustration releasing punching bag! No strings or emotional attachements of course. Sir. Oh. And i'll make sure i'm fit, beautiful, highly educated, sane and have an exciting career. Just like You requested. Sir."

Okay. Tis not a question. Tis a rant. I just had to. Sorry. No I'm not.

Sheesh!

 
I do not have an issue with married folks looking for someone else either outside of their marriage or within their marriage. Phoenix and I are soon to be married and are openly seeking another. However, there are 2 things that I just hate that often happen. One being the married person lies by omision or out right about being married. I am sorry if you do not tell me that is no different than you telling me your not married. The second is when the 3rd party knows of the marriage and simply does not respect the relationship that is there.
 
Nika{Phoenix}
His Gothic Slave



truesub4u -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 4:20:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Personally, I'm getting tired of all the single people who are just on here looking for a spouse.


OMG... I'm suppose to be looking for a spouse?.... I musta mist that part when I signed up..... but hell... i'm a rule breaker anyways... what's one more?... [:D]



Phoenixandnika -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 4:20:33 PM)

sultry,
 
Didn't you get that memo.
They are the exception to your rule about no  one married or attached!
 
Nika{Phoenix}



upherass -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 4:44:18 PM)

Whats worse?
Married, or saying they have a sick spouse to get kink or laid?
Horse apiece.
Both are distasteful. (to me, jmo) The worst is saying "I deserve this"
Especially when they say their partner knows and "it's ok."
But then, of course, I ask to talk to their wife (cause in my case it's men), and either I get the "well I don't want to shove it in her face. I have to be discreet."  Sorry, the word discreet generally means something to hide...again, to me.
Honesty, and being upfront, is appreciated. And I say so..thanks, but no thanks.

I have experienced the same thing as Jasminex. Starts with single or divorced, no wife, separated, separating soon, ok, I have a partner, to yes, I am married.
Do they think you will applaud their eventual honesty?  Come to like them so well you will be with them anyway?

For me the worst was the "widow" I met.  Who couldn't get his ring off before the meeting. Then when I asked (could have been a new widower unable/unwilling to part with it yet), he admitted that yes, he was married, but his wife was really in a nursing home, 16 years older than him, and sick. I left the restaurant shortly there after, and soon had an email from his "step son" announcing his "dads" death.
*laughs*
He's still here.



tricina -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 5:41:03 PM)

Hiya... Have to put my 2 cents in , as one of those who's looking for a spouse.  [;)]

I found someone on another site, and I was very up front and honest about what I wanted - long term relationship, being a slave to a Master but with the "every-day" side to it as well.  Whole package sort of thing.  He said he wanted the same, and we started dating.  We became serious, I became his slave, and we even got into Domestic Discipline so he had even more control over me.  But he always came here, and I never saw his house, except in a picture.  He also never called me on the phone from home in the evenings - said he was too tired or something.  Anyway.  I asked him a number of times if he was married, and he said he wasn't.  It got more and more serious, but I kept thinking that something was wrong, as everything was a struggle with him, and he never let me go to his place.

So after 10 months of dating (plus the online time before that), I decided I had had enough, and I was going to either see his house or find out why I couldn't.  He finally admitted that he was married but that it wasn't a happy marriage.  She's much older than him and sick... no one to take care of her but him, etc...  He just fell in love with me and couldn't tell me the truth.  We've broken up, to say the least, and I told him I never want to hear from him again.  I should have known, but I trusted him and believed that he told me the truth.

I've been on the other side, as well, when I was married, and I was always up front about the situation.  My husband knew, and any Dom I served knew as well.  If this guy had told me right away that he was married, at least I would have had the choice.  So now we're both broken hearted, and I'm so [:@] at him I can hardly stand it.  At this point, I feel I've wasted a year of my life and am that much farther from my goal of starting a family.  I feel used and pathetic, and everything I do around the house reminds me of just how much control he had over me (how much I let him have), and I get very angry.

I feel that honesty is extremely important (in case you haven't figured that out yet [8D]).  I am very honest in my profile (to a fault, probably), but I believe that if a relationship is going to work, all the potential deal-breakers need to be out in the open.  I would rather be rejected at the reading-the-profile stage than after I get to know someone, invest the time and possibly emotions, bringing up the "bad stuff".  I've been hurt that way before.

I don't know if this contributes to the discussion at all.  Maybe I just wanted to rant, too.



classykindasassy -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 7:10:37 PM)

I think it's possible for people to be married and to fulfill something outside the relationship. It might depend on the qualifications of each and what each expects to get fulfilled in

Your rant is acid, OP, but bears the ring of truth. I'm dealing with being a sub in a relationship with a Dom married to a vanilla, and believe me I feel the impact of the First Family having first claim to all the time and resources, while I manage on what is left to give, with no promise of a future. The impact of a divorce, I fear, makes it out of the question for a long time to come. The Mrs. has met me and knows about me, but there is still a lot to manage.

It is sad at times. But it has its moments as well. We enjoy each other.



truesub4u -> RE: Married folks (3/28/2006 7:31:47 PM)

LOL Damn tricina... talk about a de ja vue... 



meatcleaver -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 12:05:12 AM)

Just a general observation. For a kink site there are an awful lot of straight laced people here.

Personally I don't give a damn or think it is any of my business if someone is married or not. If they are cheating on their partner or looking for some extra-marital fun with full knowledge of their partner, what is it to me. This is after all a kink site and not a marriage bureau.



upherass -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 4:35:13 AM)

meatcleaver

Kink doesn't mean we are without our own set of values and morals.

For a lifestyle that preaches trust, and honesty there are alot of  dishonest people. It goes both ways.



meatcleaver -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 4:39:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: upherass

meatcleaver

Kink doesn't mean we are without our own set of values and morals.

For a lifestyle that preaches trust, and honesty there are alot of  dishonest people. It goes both ways.


I can't say I have come across that much honesty in the life style, well less than I have in the regular walk of life.

Perhaps my first encounter was an aberation but it seemed to have proved the rule and I've adjusted accordingly.



upherass -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 4:49:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

I can't say I have come across that much honesty in the life style, well less than I have in the regular walk of life.

Perhaps my first encounter was an aberation but it seemed to have proved the rule and I've adjusted accordingly.


I couldn't do that.  Adjust my morals to fit in, or get what I wanted.



MysticalPhoenix -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 5:18:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Just a general observation. For a kink site there are an awful lot of straight laced people here.

Personally I don't give a damn or think it is any of my business if someone is married or not. If they are cheating on their partner or looking for some extra-marital fun with full knowledge of their partner, what is it to me. This is after all a kink site and not a marriage bureau.


So, for a single person to refuse to have anything to do with someone who a) has another relationship partner that they are already committed to, and b) who lies to us about it, makes them straight-laced? 

It shouldn't be our business that a person who is seeking us as a partner has a wife or other LTR already?

True, this is a kink site and not eHarmony.  However, some of us single people have this thing we are into.  Call it morality, call it ethics, call it believing in doing the right thing. Or call it being poly and hating the hypocrisy of a married person having their cake and eating it too, by cheating on someone they made supposedly sacred vows to, while still calling themselves monogamous. 

People who lie about their marital/relationship status are likely to lie about other things as well, in pursuit of getting what they want.  Their age, their looks, their job-single women see it all.

Another reason for avoiding married men-they are often rather busy-this busyness tends to give them away if they haven't already done so.  Who wants someone in their life who is never available when they are? I don't.

If my refusal to have anything to do with non-poly married men makes me straight-laced or overly prim and proper in the eyes of some, that's their problem, not mine-I can't control the perceptions of others.   However, I find it's the married/otherwise committed folks who have the issue with singles telling them , 'thanks, but no thanks', and I really don't care what they think about me-I don't want anything to do with them.

Interestingly, straight-laced is a nicely kinky word to mean "vanilla"-it refers to tightly laced garments (like corsets).

Phoenix



Jasmyn -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 6:18:36 AM)

quote:

and soon had an email from his "step son" announcing his "dads" death.


lmao! priceless



meatcleaver -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 6:20:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

So, for a single person to refuse to have anything to do with someone who a) has another relationship partner that they are already committed to, and b) who lies to us about it, makes them straight-laced? 

It shouldn't be our business that a person who is seeking us as a partner has a wife or other LTR already?

True, this is a kink site and not eHarmony.  However, some of us single people have this thing we are into.  Call it morality, call it ethics, call it believing in doing the right thing. Or call it being poly and hating the hypocrisy of a married person having their cake and eating it too, by cheating on someone they made supposedly sacred vows to, while still calling themselves monogamous. 

People who lie about their marital/relationship status are likely to lie about other things as well, in pursuit of getting what they want.  Their age, their looks, their job-single women see it all.

Another reason for avoiding married men-they are often rather busy-this busyness tends to give them away if they haven't already done so.  Who wants someone in their life who is never available when they are? I don't.

If my refusal to have anything to do with non-poly married men makes me straight-laced or overly prim and proper in the eyes of some, that's their problem, not mine-I can't control the perceptions of others.   However, I find it's the married/otherwise committed folks who have the issue with singles telling them , 'thanks, but no thanks', and I really don't care what they think about me-I don't want anything to do with them.

Interestingly, straight-laced is a nicely kinky word to mean "vanilla"-it refers to tightly laced garments (like corsets).

Phoenix


The biggest liar in kink I ever met was convinced she had morals, ethics and integrity. In fact I hear morals, ethics and integrity bandied around so much in kink yet I have to admit I haven't noticed more morality, ethics or integrity in kink than elsewhere, probably less.

Since the person in question would be lying, one wouldn't know they were married or not so the question still is, why worry about it? They have to handle it, not me or you or anyone else unless you are seeking them as a full time partner.



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