RE: Married folks

RE: Married folks (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

MysticalPhoenix -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 7:11:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver The biggest liar in kink I ever met was convinced she had morals, ethics and integrity. In fact I hear morals, ethics and integrity bandied around so much in kink yet I have to admit I haven't noticed more morality, ethics or integrity in kink than elsewhere, probably less. That's your baggage, not mine. quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver Since the person in question would be lying, one wouldn't know they were married or not so the question still is, why worry about it? They have to handle it, not me or you or anyone else unless you are seeking them as a full time partner. 1. Married men are notoriously bad at keeping their affairs secret. I have no interest in being part of the mess when someone's wife finds out he's been cheating on her and throws him out, changes the locks, keeps the kids, and comes after the 'other woman' who broke up her happy marriage. Count me out. 2. Because...married...people...have...nothing...to...offer...to...single...people... I hope I made that one fairly clear. All a married person has to offer is their sexual appetite. They want their fantasies fulfilled, because their spouse/partner isn't fulfilling them. I was not put on this earth for that. Phoenix

meatcleaver -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 7:22:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix 1. Married men are notoriously bad at keeping their affairs secret. I have no interest in being part of the mess when someone's wife finds out he's been cheating on her and throws him out, changes the locks, keeps the kids, and comes after the 'other woman' who broke up her happy marriage. Count me out. 2. Because...married...people...have...nothing...to...offer...to...single...people... I hope I made that one fairly clear. All a married person has to offer is their sexual appetite. They want their fantasies fulfilled, because their spouse/partner isn't fulfilling them. I was not put on this earth for that. Phoenix I'm not married and my experience was with a married woman and since she knew I was not looking to get hitched which as far as I'm concerned me being upfront about my intentions, I wasn't too worried if all I was doing was just fullfilling her sexual appetite. Beyond that, her business was her business, if it wasn't me it would be someone else. Having had one married experience I would be a fool to want a second. One can be forgiven the first time but to make the same mistake twice just shows one is a slow learner. I still say it is not my business if someone is married or not.

upherass -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 7:31:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MysticalPoenix 2. Because...married...people...have...nothing...to...offer...to...single...people... I hope I made that one fairly clear. All a married person has to offer is their sexual appetite. They want their fantasies fulfilled, because their spouse/partner isn't fulfilling them. I was not put on this earth for that. Phoenix Amen to that!

MysticalPhoenix -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 7:50:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver I'm not married and my experience was with a married woman and since she knew I was not looking to get hitched which as far as I'm concerned me being upfront about my intentions, I wasn't too worried if all I was doing was just fullfilling her sexual appetite. Beyond that, her business was her business, if it wasn't me it would be someone else. "If it wasn't me, it would be someone else." The old classic justification for doing something you know is wrong... quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver Having had one married experience I would be a fool to want a second. One can be forgiven the first time but to make the same mistake twice just shows one is a slow learner. I still say it is not my business if someone is married or not. However, you say that it was a mistake to have been with a married partner....If so, wouldn't you prefer to know in advance that you were about to make a mistake or not? quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver I still say it is not my business if someone is married or not. Then it isn't your business. That's your choice. I do consider it my business. That's my choice. Phoenix

cloudboy -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 8:00:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver This is after all a kink site and not a marriage bureau. O, this made me laugh. Many women here, rightly or wrongly, have a chip on their shoulder about married men sneaking around. They receive too many soliciations from them, and hence are fed up about it. Also, women generally don't respond too well to, "hey, do you want to be my #2?" How can the married guy be "the one," "my soul mate," or enter into extra marital monogamy? So, the whole idea of the married guy looking is an affront --- and that's where the marriage bureau mentality comes from. There is some irony to kinsters being so traditional about this, but on the other hand it shows you how kinksters are just like everyone else.

meatcleaver -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 8:12:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy There is some irony to kinsters being so traditional about this, but on the other hand it shows you how kinksters are just like everyone else. Too true! And when it comes to making excuses why dicarding their morals to sate their sexual appetite is not as bad as when other people do it! LOL

ownedgirlie -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 8:20:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix 2. Because...married...people...have...nothing...to...offer...to...single...people... I hope I made that one fairly clear. All a married person has to offer is their sexual appetite. They want their fantasies fulfilled, because their spouse/partner isn't fulfilling them. I was not put on this earth for that. Phoenix Maybe this is YOUR universal truth but it insults everyone on here who is married with legitimate M/s or D/s relationships. Nothing to offer, huh? So you personally know every person in every relationship where one or both of the partners is married? Perhaps you meant nothing to offer YOU, in which case i will change my opinion of such a statement.

DaddysLapGirl -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 8:31:27 AM)
Thank you for being so eloquent MysticalPhoenix. If I were just a tad more mature and intelligent, I would have worded my original statement in a more ladylike manner like yourself. It's not a matter of imposing my personal morals upon others. Couples seeking together someone to play are not hurting anyone.Spouses who swing seperately with everyones knowledge are not hurting anyone. When a spouse/committed partner is not aware of their partners infidelities, someone gets wounded when the lie finally reveals it's self. And it usually does.. Sometimes an entire family is torn apart. Children are damaged forever. Why would anyone wish to be apart of causing trauma to another for any reason? Being "kinky" doesn't mean to be completely selfish and oblivious to other peoples lives and feelings.

MysticalPhoenix -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:01:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Maybe this is YOUR universal truth but it insults everyone on here who is married with legitimate M/s or D/s relationships. Nothing to offer, huh? So you personally know every person in every relationship where one or both of the partners is married? Perhaps you meant nothing to offer YOU, in which case i will change my opinion of such a statement. Instead of just being defensive, why not provide us clueless single people who don't want anything to do with married and publicly monogamous people, a list of other things that married people have to offer single people-that we actually might want. I really don't care what your opinion of my post is. It won't hurt my self-esteem because someone on the Internet doesn't agree with what I post. Why not just say, "I don't agree with you" instead of making snarky remarks about MY universal truth, etc. Or is that the best you can do? Phoenix

Mercnbeth -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:14:20 AM)
quote: a list of other things that married people have to offer single people Phoenix, Can I help start the list? What married people have to offer a single person.... An entire bed to sleep after they leave to go home to their spouse. Long drives to go to the movies/dinner outside the area where he/she lives. Being shushed when the spouse calls on them on the cell phone. Painful silence after the call from the spouse. Loneliness on the holidays. Phone calls abruptly interrupted when the spouse enters the room. Inaccessibility in times of need and/or crisis. A 'dead end'. Guilt, when you realize that your 'happiness' is the result of someone's failed marriage. Wonder - It's a given the person is lying to their spouse, when are they telling you the truth? 'Gifts' as an offset to their guilt. (Some coming from the spouse without their knowledge.) Any more?

MsIncognito -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:25:58 AM)
quote: 2. Because...married...people...have...nothing...to...offer...to...single...people... That's an awful broad brush you're painting with there. While it may be true that you feel a married person has nothing to offer you I know for a fact other single people don't feel the same way. It's pretty egocentric to assume everyone else feels like you. In fact, the last single person I was involved with would very much disagree with you.

cloudboy -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:28:38 AM)
Married to single is a tough combination. The single person would have to be very ruggedly independent to make it work, or of course the single person could be poly. quote: An entire bed to sleep after they leave to go home to their spouse. Long drives to go to the movies/dinner outside the area where he/she lives. Being shushed when the spouse calls on them on the cell phone. Painful silence after the call from the spouse. Loneliness on the holidays. Phone calls abruptly interrupted when the spouse enters the room. Inaccessibility in times of need and/or crisis. A 'dead end'. Guilt, when you realize that your 'happiness' is the result of someone's failed marriage. Wonder - It's a given the person is lying to their spouse, when are they telling you the truth? 'Gifts' as an offset to their guilt. (Some coming from the spouse without their knowledge.) What's truly interesting/amazing is the lengths people go and sacrifices they make to find and experience love. As you point out, the pain and difficulty factors are quite accentuated here.

subjected2006 -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:29:01 AM)
Are you kidding? A married man comes to you in the freedom of knowing that YOU know he is not yours. Because of this ,a married man can open up to you..spill his heart to you...you can be His solace.. If youre looking to be married then date single people. But please dont let "the morality police"confuse the issues. When you are with a married man you had better be the best you can be...or he will go elsewhere... I think it's good for us women...we need to hone up on our "make em happy " skills. And guess what? I do not care if you feel the need to tell me how wrong I am..Just shows how lacking you are in your "tolerance abilities.".

plantlady64 -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:31:49 AM)
Hello All, I'm not personally concerned if someone is married and vanilla with his wife. That to me is not a deal buster. Cheating and playing behind the spouses back is something that is a big deal for me. I figure if they lie to those they tell they love they'll lie to me too. Being married & in an open or poly deal is OK to me, being a cowardly liar is not. Just my 2 cents, Suzanne

ownedgirlie -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:36:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Maybe this is YOUR universal truth but it insults everyone on here who is married with legitimate M/s or D/s relationships. Nothing to offer, huh? So you personally know every person in every relationship where one or both of the partners is married? Perhaps you meant nothing to offer YOU, in which case i will change my opinion of such a statement. Instead of just being defensive, why not provide us clueless single people who don't want anything to do with married and publicly monogamous people, a list of other things that married people have to offer single people-that we actually might want. I really don't care what your opinion of my post is. It won't hurt my self-esteem because someone on the Internet doesn't agree with what I post. Why not just say, "I don't agree with you" instead of making snarky remarks about MY universal truth, etc. Or is that the best you can do? Phoenix There was nothing defensive in my post, nor did i say whether or not such a comment pertained to me. If you want to label yourself as clueless, however...well, those are your words. If i thought your question was valid and you had a serious desire to understand, i would consider answering it. But it seems you wish to reply to your interpretation of "snarky" with snarkiness. Okay. "i don't agree with you." For the reasons stated above. i find any remarks that speak for the entire species to either be a misunderstanding or really ignorant. i was asking what i did to see if i misunderstood. i apparently did not. For the record, i am single. He is married. If i created such a list, i would clog up the forum.

MsIncognito -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:38:44 AM)
quote: a list of other things that married people have to offer single people-that we actually might want. See, the fact that you use "we" shows that you presume to speak for all single people. I'm not simple minded enough to believe that all single people want the same things. Are you? I'm not talking about situations where a spouse is cheating. I don't know a single person who thinks that's ok. However, in situations where a couple is poly or in an open relationship the single person can get plenty out of it. Not every single person is looking to snag themselves a spouse. Some enjoy companionship, fun and (yes, I'm going to say it, get ready!) sex without all the trappings that come with a wedding band or live-in relationship. Some people are quite happy with a partner they see once or twice a week and having a good relationship with without expecting it to go beyond that. Some others want a wedding ring or a live-in relationship - no problem with that. The problem is when one person makes broad sweeping generalizations about an entire group of people (in this case single people) simply because they happen to posses that attribute. I'm a female. That doesn't mean I'm qualified to speak for every other female out there. I've noticed that people in this community can have such a uni-dimensional outlook at times and that's something I find sad. And as for the last single person I was involved with...I ended things with him because HE was the dishonest one.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:41:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: a list of other things that married people have to offer single people Phoenix, Can I help start the list? What married people have to offer a single person.... An entire bed to sleep after they leave to go home to their spouse. Long drives to go to the movies/dinner outside the area where he/she lives. Being shushed when the spouse calls on them on the cell phone. Painful silence after the call from the spouse. Loneliness on the holidays. Phone calls abruptly interrupted when the spouse enters the room. Inaccessibility in times of need and/or crisis. A 'dead end'. Guilt, when you realize that your 'happiness' is the result of someone's failed marriage. Wonder - It's a given the person is lying to their spouse, when are they telling you the truth? 'Gifts' as an offset to their guilt. (Some coming from the spouse without their knowledge.) Any more? Was that your experience beth? It is far from mine.

MHOO314 -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:46:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver This is after all a kink site and not a marriage bureau. O, this made me laugh. Many women here, rightly or wrongly, have a chip on their shoulder about married men sneaking around. They receive too many soliciations from them, and hence are fed up about it. Also, women generally don't respond too well to, "hey, do you want to be my #2?" How can the married guy be "the one," "my soul mate," or enter into extra marital monogamy? So, the whole idea of the married guy looking is an affront --- and that's where the marriage bureau mentality comes from. There is some irony to kinsters being so traditional about this, but on the other hand it shows you how kinksters are just like everyone else. At the end of the day, after the lights are out, the whips hung away and the dynamic stilled for the night, there still beats the heart of a human being with preconceived ideas, philosophies and notions--THAT is formed first and foremost and is the most passionately defended--kink, sexual orientation, nothing overcomes those ideas and beliefs-- I am a Mistress, a Domme, a Dominant sadist--but I am a woman with a heart and a desire--when that heart is engaged--it is with one--that is My preference---My passion--we all have beliefs, we all have judgements--any action of one's behavior causes a downstream reaction--somewhere, somehow--it is only inside that human that they can make those choices, IMHEO.

SeargentDave -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:46:11 AM)
Please define single because as I see it, it can mean not married, engaged but not married, living with someone but not married, having children together but not married, dating several other women but not married. Cheating on a woman you are ngaged to is not good, cheating on a woman that you have lived with a long time and have grown apart is another thing. Better for the kids if you split up, not in all cases. Few men will love your kids as their own and some will even molest your children, once again some natural fathers do this but the numbers are much fewer. I agree the best for a married man is another married woman but don't blame us for asking if you are interested, as for me, it helps me much more to get sex and not have to bug my wife which causes more problems. Now if I ever get caught, things would come to a head but I am doing what I see is needed to keep my family together and me sane. What do I have to offer a single person, well I don't want to marry them, not going to be a stalker, monogamous other than my wife, allow them to live their life unimpeded, not going to try to influence the way they handle their kids, sexual needs taken care of with out baggage, It is an individual choice, forums are nice but it comes down to the individual. If you place pics of yourself nude and ask to be a fuck slave, do you think that is going to attract, in most cases a candidate for marriage, I might disagree.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Married folks (3/29/2006 9:47:24 AM)
quote: I do not care if you feel the need to tell me how wrong I am Where is "wrong" indicated? Is that how you feel? quote: Just shows how lacking you are in your "tolerance abilities.". Happy to be accused and guilty of being intolerant of liars, cheats, and frauds. The fact that the person is male, female, married, dom, sub, domme, master, mistress, top, bottom, single, one-handed web-surfer, poly, or a bi-sexual switch; doesn't enter into the equation.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

6.152344E-02