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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 12:38:18 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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I wouldn't say traumatized but I will say affected. You can't go through major things without a toll being taken.

And I know that too many people live in denial, their lives in disarray while they insist they're fine which is obviously untrue to family, friends, supervisors, medical personnel.

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Post #: 21

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 12:40:54 PM

Termyn8or

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FR

I am so traumatized. A fight almost broke out in my kitchen about a month ago. Knives came out and it was nearly a bloodbath. Oh dear.....

Then I would have say "You killed him, YOU clean up the mess". I need some percs and some vikes to get over this ($3-5 each on the street).

Yup, the money from them could pay my booze bill. That's how traumatized I am.

Didn't anyone ever watch those nature shows with animals eating each other. And it's always the cutest little things on the menu as the big bad wolf, lion, or whatever comes along looking for lunch. Are the other little fuzzies traumatized ? Most likely. They do seem to manage somehow without three neurosurgeons around the clock.

Get the point ?

T

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 22

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 12:53:34 PM

DesFIP

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The point being that you have seen so much death and deliberate harm metered out that you have become desensitized, numb and uncaring? Which may or may not be considered trauma but is a bad end result.

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Post #: 23

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 12:58:30 PM

popeye1250

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Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

It's a circular argument. However, I have a translation. "You are a layman and I am a Professional so you don't really know what's going on, but if you (your union/the city) dumps piles of cash on me, I'll try to convince you that you need me to do what you are already doing."

Someday, psychology may be a science, but until it can accept field-wide paradigm change and the necessity of falsifiability, it's going to be stuck at the rock/fire/wind/water thought level.

Nail, head.

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RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/14/2010 10:14:27 PM

Termyn8or

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"The point being that you have seen so much death and deliberate harm metered out "

Yes, on nature shows, the news, in other media, in real life and actually in dreams.

I have this one tape (OK I'm fucking old I admit it) made by Marty something or other. One part of it is hilarious, there is a bird, a bear and I think a fox fighting over a fish. I mean this was really good and I had the time index noted so I could show it to people easily, in fact started only rewinding the tape to that spot. Everbody got a big kick out of it.

But what about the poor fish ?

T

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 25

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/15/2010 4:57:46 AM

Kalista07

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Joined: 7/1/2007
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There are a few things that I feel the need to point out to people here:
                                                                                                        # 1. This is a book of fiction.
                                                                                                        # 2. People in books of fiction typically do and say things that people who are not licensed or credentialed will not do.
                                                                                                        # 3. As a person with both of the previous, I can tell you that my belief is only the individual can determine if they are traumatized. Two individuals can see the exact same things..One can be traumatized and one can work through it on there own and be okay.
                                                                                                         # 4. I have a list of people I would love to traumatize if anyone cares.

Kali

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Post #: 26

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/15/2010 5:00:31 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The point being that you have seen so much death and deliberate harm metered out that you have become desensitized, numb and uncaring? Which may or may not be considered trauma but is a bad end result.

Rather than saying that someone has become desensitized, numb and uncaring, could we say that they came up with coping mechanisms?

- LA

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 27

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/15/2010 9:51:47 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Sure, they cope with death and disaster by detaching themselves from some of their humanity. Like people who watch a young girl be brutally raped and beaten and take pictures. That's an appropriate coping mechanism, isn't it?

In my view it's wrong.

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Post #: 28

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/15/2010 10:04:08 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

Just speaking from my own personal experience, I can categorically state it is entirely possible to experience traumatic events without being "traumatized." As others have noted - specifically Lady Angelika - we don't all have the same type/amount of coping skills. Very well said. I have had conversations with people who were traumatized over things that I wouldn't blink twice at. I'm sure things have affected me more than they would some others. It's very unfair to judge another by your own abilities.

I will say, though, that I feel like we are encouraged to feel "traumatized" after difficult experiences. I don't think people should instantly repress their feelings and not work through them but I also don't think we should be encouraged to wallow in our miseries or self-pity either. Just my 2 cents.............luci

This.

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Post #: 29

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/15/2010 10:08:58 AM

Termyn8or

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"Rather than saying that ........"

That is so nice I feel terrible describing my sordid past here. But on the bright side it is just an observation, and I was not called a moron, bigot or something else. The statement is actually probably correct. Above all it was not said that I need help.

That is the topic of the thread no ? Really being told I need help is one of my pet peeves, like a trigger. I will tell you when I need help. Truth be known I have trouble maintaining an LTR, I am one of the most pure sociopaths to ever walk this Earth. My respect for human life can be extinguished in about two seconds. I don't care about baby seals. I truly believe that I would sooner dismember a human body before I would have a cat declawed.

Just so you know, I don't think I am in any need of help whatsoever. And I do see the stark difference between myself and those "normal people". It is not denial it is just that I am fine.

One of these days we might be at the same restaurant when someone goes postal. I would probably be the one to pull out my gun and end the zoid's killing spree. Then I will have to go because I don't need the paperwork. I could see the restaurant owner now "Why are you going ? you're a hero". Fuck that, I would say just get everybody on the same page here. I was a tall svelte blonde haired Man who took off in a yellow Ford, and was so nicely dressed.

If you understand what I mean.... First of all I don't drive Fords, I would never own a yellow car no matter what and I don't dress for dinner. My one suit is so buried it would take so long to find it that if invited to a funeral the corpse would be rotten by the time I could get there.I don't even own a tie.

But I am no dummy, and think I can authoratively say that I am alright, the world is all wrong.

Thank you for the kind words. They run in short supply here at times.

T

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 30

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/15/2010 11:19:29 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Sure, they cope with death and disaster by detaching themselves from some of their humanity. Like people who watch a young girl be brutally raped and beaten and take pictures. That's an appropriate coping mechanism, isn't it?

In my view it's wrong.

That might be one coping mechanism but Lady Angelika is, I think, saying something different.

Like many people I've had some rather unpleasant things in my 47 years. Yes they were upsetting. However, by rationalizing them, taking the time and making the effort to understand them, removed the power they had to traumatize me. I am a realist. It does not make me less humane. Perhaps even more so.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 31

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/16/2010 12:39:30 AM

Termyn8or

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FR

The plot thickens.

Where is the line drawn between a coping ability and an escape ?

T

< Message edited by Termyn8or -- 2/16/2010 12:40:04 AM >

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Post #: 32

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/16/2010 3:54:28 AM

LaTigresse

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For me, an escape is almost a 'blocking out' pretending it didn't happen.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 33

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/16/2010 5:25:26 AM

LadyAngelika

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Sure, they cope with death and disaster by detaching themselves from some of their humanity. Like people who watch a young girl be brutally raped and beaten and take pictures. That's an appropriate coping mechanism, isn't it?

In my view it's wrong.

Ok, well I wasn't talking about that level of extremety when I was talking about coping mechanisms.

In my initial response to the OP, I talked about getting attacked. I was being pushed down to the ground by my attacker, him pulling my hair, ripping my purse from me and he was emptying my purse all over the sidewalk. This all happened round midnight on a Saturday on a busy intersection in downtown Montreal. I was screaming help at the top of my lungs and I perhaps what will always be etched in my brain is a woman at the red light at the intersection rolling up her window in horror and hand gesting the driver in the car to just go. Finally some guy heard me scream, ran over and pinned the guy to the ground in a half nelson until the police got to the scene.

So I know what you are talking about. It isn't what I'm talking about.

What I'm talking about is the way I dealt with that issue. I got home and called my boy (at the time) who immediately came over. Now he was very comforting but the next day at breakfast we talked about how I was going to move on and feel safe in the streets of my city, how this attack was not going to stop me from doing what it is that I wanted to do or go where I wanted to go.

I was not going to let myself be a victim. As with everything else in my life, I took the bull by the horns and have moved on. I go where I want and I do what I want. That is what I meant.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Post #: 34

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/16/2010 10:53:51 AM

CelticNightmare

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Joined: 2/15/2010
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No,it's all about how you process things. Some random asshat telling me I'm a spider monkey is not going to make me feel like a spider monkey.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 35

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/16/2010 10:47:53 PM

Termyn8or

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Joined: 11/12/2005
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"Some random asshat telling me I'm a spider monkey is not going to make me feel like a spider monkey. "

Hmmmm, are you related to anyone in OH or PA ?

The replays of 911 were on as I drug my ass into the kitchen for my morning coffee. When I saw it, I had no emotional response whatsoever. My thoughts were "I could've told them, if you piss people off enough shit will happen".

No matter what the strife, I will strive to remain functional. That is because I was taught that it what Men do. I know that is sexist and I know things have changed, but this is part of my core and it isn't likely to just go away soon.

I can watch just about anything happen and respond instead of react. Or decide not to respond, which puzzles many.

T

(in reply to CelticNightmare)

Post #: 36

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/16/2010 10:56:03 PM

CelticNightmare

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Joined: 2/15/2010
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I watched 911 as it unfolded too. It looked like a Hollywood movie.
There was no one there I cared about-no one I knew. It was surreal. I saw the reactions later on,and thought "Dance puppets,dance."

We let them change our lifestyle. In Israel-when a bombing happens-they fix up the scene,and no one can tell any different a day,a week,a month later.

They are stronger than us. They don't let people fuck with how they live.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

"Some random asshat telling me I'm a spider monkey is not going to make me feel like a spider monkey. "

Hmmmm, are you related to anyone in OH or PA ?

The replays of 911 were on as I drug my ass into the kitchen for my morning coffee. When I saw it, I had no emotional response whatsoever. My thoughts were "I could've told them, if you piss people off enough shit will happen".

No matter what the strife, I will strive to remain functional. That is because I was taught that it what Men do. I know that is sexist and I know things have changed, but this is part of my core and it isn't likely to just go away soon.

I can watch just about anything happen and respond instead of react. Or decide not to respond, which puzzles many.

T

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 37

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/16/2010 11:40:55 PM

Owner2009

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You watched 911 as it unfolded???? from Washington State??? interesting.... Its interesting to me how people who didn't really see it, didn't smell it, didn't live it look at 911 as if it were some sort of Hollywood stunt. Its so easy to deal with, to forget when its only on your television, sort of like that episode of 'Law & Order' you know the one where they convicted the killer...... We forget and move on from those things that we see at a distance, but when they are up close....when we see them everyday for weeks....when we can smell them for days....we don't forget. And regardless of what anyone else may say, we are traumatized...how we deal with that may be different, but the trauma is there nonetheless.

(in reply to CelticNightmare)

Post #: 38

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/16/2010 11:44:42 PM

CelticNightmare

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Joined: 2/15/2010
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I've always been pretty cold. Death doesn't effect me the way it does other people. It's like,"someone I knew croaked-bummer-better them than me!

I know I am going to stop breathing one day. I just do what I can until then-I never worry over it.

(in reply to Owner2009)

Post #: 39

RE: You went through something traumatic so you must be... - 2/16/2010 11:51:33 PM

CelticNightmare

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2010
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In the long run-you leave the dying to the dead,and get along with what ya have left.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOr1nV9p_XE

(in reply to CelticNightmare)

Post #: 40

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