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Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 7:13:55 AM

Drockan

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/2/2006
From: New York
Status: offline

There's a sub I know who lives a few hundred miles away that continues to emphasise his desire to be my slave. We've discussed plans for him to move in, but I think it's more important for him to finish college (he's got about a year left) before moving him to my area.

The issue is that while he refers to me as his Master and, as mentions, expresses a strong desire to prove what a good slave he'll be, he continues to ignore simple orders and instructions. Obviously I can't bend him across my knee and spank him, so I'm trying to figure out what I should do now. The only thing I can think of is to tell him that if this behavior continues I'll have no choice but to renounce my claim on him and hope he shapes up.

Any suggestions?

Post #: 1

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 7:15:49 AM

Ulven

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline

i suggest you maybe set up a few meets every month. to mete out punishments and rewards he has saved up during the time he hasn't been with you.

(in reply to Drockan)

Post #: 2

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 7:16:30 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You can punish him by ignoring him for a set number of days.

But first, you need to find out WHY he wants a Master. You say he's disobedient - so what's in it for him?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Drockan)

Post #: 3

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 7:28:08 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Are your orders realistic? Because if he's supposed to do things to himself in a dorm room with his roommate there, I can see why you're being disobeyed.

Early on I spent a week at a major horse show, and The Man didn't understand that I literally had no privacy until I returned home. So I couldn't do anything he wanted when I was with kids and horses and other moms 24/7.

If your orders are solely sexual, play focused, then expect disobedience rather than forcing him to out himself to his roommate and friends. Why not ask him for a detailed list of everything he does during the day with times carefully listed? And then give orders to his betterment, like making sure he goes to dinner on time rather than eats pizza yet again at midnight. Insist he goes to bed at a reasonable hour so he's well rested for class, etc.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 9:15:48 AM

Drockan

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/2/2006
From: New York
Status: offline

Meeting frequently isn't going to happen, too much distance, so the travel time consumes all the free time that would be available.

I've already got his schedual on hand, he's got his own private room, and my orders are reasonable and mostly for his own good.

For example, he's currently got an outstanding order to exercise 3 times a week, for just 15 minutes a day, since he hasn't been doing any lately, and has been advised that that time will increase in the coming weeks. Granted, since he's confirmed that he has more than enough privacy to follow this order, he's to do it in a thong or g-string and record it with his web cam so I can make sure that he's doing it right.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 9:19:27 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drockan

he's to do it in a thong or g-string and record it with his web cam so I can make sure that he's doing it right.

Thats not so much for his own good is it, I mean if exercising is something humiliating to him then you would just be making it worse. Mind that would just me my reaction to the order.

Maybe you need to ASK why he doesnt do it?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Drockan)

Post #: 6

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 9:30:39 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drockan

he's to do it in a thong or g-string and record it with his web cam so I can make sure that he's doing it right.

Thats not so much for his own good is it, I mean if exercising is something humiliating to him then you would just be making it worse. Mind that would just me my reaction to the order.

Maybe you need to ASK why he doesnt do it?

All I can say is... ow!

There is a reason people excerise in comfy clothes. Just the idea of trying to do sit-ups in a g-string is making my butt hurt.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 7

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 9:47:16 AM

Drockan

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/2/2006
From: New York
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drockan

he's to do it in a thong or g-string and record it with his web cam so I can make sure that he's doing it right.

Thats not so much for his own good is it, I mean if exercising is something humiliating to him then you would just be making it worse. Mind that would just me my reaction to the order.

Maybe you need to ASK why he doesnt do it?

All I can say is... ow!

There is a reason people excerise in comfy clothes. Just the idea of trying to do sit-ups in a g-string is making my butt hurt.

Believe it or not, he more-or-less suggested that part on his own.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 8

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 9:48:23 AM

texangael

Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

The issue is that while he refers to me as his Master and, as mentions, expresses a strong desire to prove what a good slave he'll be, he continues to ignore simple orders and instructions. Obviously I can't bend him across my knee and spank him, so I'm trying to figure out what I should do now. The only thing I can think of is to tell him that if this behavior continues I'll have no choice but to renounce my claim on him and hope he shapes up.

Any suggestions?

Quit giving crappy orders.

_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

(in reply to Drockan)

Post #: 9

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 9:49:44 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drockan

Believe it or not, he more-or-less suggested that part on his own.

Interesting... is it possible he's just interested in the sex parts of things?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Drockan)

Post #: 10

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 9:50:08 AM

texangael

Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

I've already got his schedual on hand, he's got his own private room, and my orders are reasonable and mostly for his own good.

For example, he's currently got an outstanding order to exercise 3 times a week, for just 15 minutes a day, since he hasn't been doing any lately, and has been advised that that time will increase in the coming weeks. Granted, since he's confirmed that he has more than enough privacy to follow this order, he's to do it in a thong or g-string and record it with his web cam so I can make sure that he's doing it right.

Exercising in a thong is for his own good?

Of course it is.

_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

(in reply to Drockan)

Post #: 11

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 9:50:22 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drockan

Believe it or not, he more-or-less suggested that part on his own.

whether thats true or not, have you asked him why he doesnt do it?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Drockan)

Post #: 12

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 9:54:02 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

He sounds like a lot of people online. They do the parts they want to do, encourage you to add to your idea's for hightened pleasure for themselves really and always say they want you as dominant. lol I say, you either do it or don't. You do, I stay. You don't, I go. Pretty simple. I have found if they confuse me, there is a reason for that confusion and it isn't me!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 13

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 9:56:55 AM

Drockan

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/2/2006
From: New York
Status: offline

Yes. His primary response is that he forgot that he had homework in some class or another which he had to take care of. That's perfectly reasonable, and I'm glad he's prioritizing his education the same way I am, but I've made sure that he's got days off between classes, so he should have more than enough time. I've also offered to help him with his schoolwork, provided he sends me his essays and such in time to proofread.

I rather suspect he's just been sleeping his of days away and is trying to cram all his homework into a couple hours in the afternoon.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 14

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 10:08:49 AM

Dominasola

Posts: 582
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Ottawa, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drockan

Yes. His primary response is that he forgot that he had homework in some class or another which he had to take care of.

[...]

but I've made sure that he's got days off between classes, so he should have more than enough time.

Are you aware of just how much school-related work he has to do? Between classes, assignments, and assigned readings, I can easily spend 75% of my waking hours on school work - and still feel as though I haven't done enough.

Granted, 15 minutes 3x/week is not very much at all, and would definitely benefit him.

I agree with Lilly - have you asked him why he hasn't been obeying your orders?

_____________________________

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them.

—Baruch Spinoza

The measure of a man is what he does with power.

—Pittacus

(in reply to Drockan)

Post #: 15

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 10:56:01 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

To put it bluntly, you have no authority over him. Submission should, in my opinion, come from within.
You are frustrated and he does what he wants.
If it isn't working, why are you still trying to dominate someone who isn't motivated to submit?

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Drockan)

Post #: 16

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 11:05:36 AM

HisSub1213

Posts: 219
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You can punish him by ignoring him for a set number of days.

Oh this is the ONE thing that really works for me. I can't stand to be ignored.

_____________________________

HisSub1213

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. (Elbert Hubbard)

Fear is the mother of morality. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 17

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 11:35:42 AM

Scotty306134

Posts: 172
Joined: 5/16/2004
Status: offline

Other than making the threat to have His dormmates check up on His getting things done I dont think there is really anything You can do to enforce Your rules. Scotty

(in reply to HisSub1213)

Post #: 18

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 2:29:33 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello Drockan,

Let's look at what's happening. You want him to exercise for 'health reasons'. He's convinced you to have him do it in a thong (if what you are saying is true). And then he doesn't do it. Hmmm. Exercise is one of those things that is a really hard thing for people to do generally. Sounds like he needs to join a group, take a class, go to the gym, something normal if he's going to exercise. Either that or he just wants to beat off to the *IDEA* that you are in charge.

Fifteen minutes, three times a week? Meh. That's very reasonable even if he is studying all the time. If you said every MWF at 3:15 till 3:30, that's unreasonable because maybe something comes up. If he can choose the three times? Meh. You could have him choose a time and then hold him to it. That way he "owns" the decision to submit to the order. Or you could just say "forget it" because it doesn't really matter to you.

Here's the reality.
He is:
a wanker and wants to just have fantasy D/s
not really into you
he isn't really into wiitwd
not really interested in or has a major issue around exercising
full of ... stuff
he wants an excuse to wear a thong
he's playing you
y'all just aren't right for each other

I'm sure there are other things, but in the end, a relationship of any kind is dependent upon the integrity of the individuals and the meshing of the personalities. Your relationship basically is not there. If you are coming to us and asking us, a bunch of strangers, this stuff, then you don't know this dude well enough to be running the relationship. Sorry, but it's the truth. Perhaps during breaks it will be there when you actually COULD see each other. Perhaps.

Good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Scotty306134)

Post #: 19

RE: Problem with an IM slave. - 2/13/2010 2:44:24 PM

PrincessDonna

Posts: 189
Joined: 7/7/2006
Status: offline

I agree with Sunshine,you agreeing to "Dom" him has given him an excuse for what he does want to do(wear thing) and distance has given him an excuse to avoid what he doesnt want to do,have you EVER net in person? Then it seems like an online fantasy to me with a sub clearly defying you and there is nothing you can do about it.What kind of relationship is this?You say you are talking about letting him move in with you,again have you ever met????

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 20

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