RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not?


Yes it is Wrong
  26% (13)
No it is Right
  74% (37)
Only if your a dominant doing the background check.
  0% (0)
Only if your a submissive doing the background check
  0% (0)


Total Votes : 50
(last vote on : 3/11/2012 9:23:56 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )


Message

TexasMaam -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 1:13:26 PM)

I am not always logical.

I do not have to be.

I am not required to fit into your box of parameters for the sake of online discourse.

TM



AquaticSub -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 1:13:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Speaking of, he'd have a perfectly clean background as well.
[8|]

Exactly

Perhaps I forgot what it was to be young and impetuous? A week of hanging out with someone really doesn't tell you much, and there are people who do despicable things after living 20 years as impeccable citizens... which is why I wouldn't bother with a background check... 



It was certainly one of my dumber situations though when I look back, I had no reason to doubt him or his family. He'd always been a close friend. My parents, who have great judgement when it comes to my partners, liked him and had always been fond of him, I'd always gotten on with his family so it never occured to me that they wouldn't tell me there was another woman when he and I started dating.

The only warning I had was that he was in the Air Force. Stupid flyboys... [:D]



AquaticSub -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 1:14:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

I am not always logical.

I do not have to be.

I am not required to fit into your box of parameters for the sake of online discourse.

TM



Agreed though you'll find I don't so much have a box as I have a habit of questioning logic. There are things I do that others find quite illogical and I'm usually upfront about "I do it cause I want to".



TexasMaam -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 1:18:35 PM)

Well there you have it.

It is the potential sub who is required to fit into MY box of parameters for the sake of discourse of any kind.

My box of parameters is as logical or as illogical as I want it to be.

All the best,

TM



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 1:21:26 PM)

quote:

Also the first 10 seconds you meet someone lets you get basic judgments about them


10 seconds? Really? What if they are nervous, not because they have done something wrong but because they want to make a good impression so they are nervous?



AquaticSub -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 1:22:24 PM)

And with that I agree highly. It's when people put their logic out for discussion that I question it. [:)]



slaveluci -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 1:42:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

... my point is this would not come up in a records search. I worked full time and paid my bills, everything in my life on paper looked legit when on the inside it was crumbling. And even if it was on my record, what would it say about who I am today? Nothing

True enough. In my case, what would show up on my record ended up not only being the lowest time of my life but a turning point and the beginning of a new life that's even better than before my addiction. If it hadn't been for the jail time, I'd probably have kept on until I od'd. I'm not ashamed of going to jail. I'm glad it happened. Anyone who cares a whit about wanting to really know me would hear me out and learn why it happened and why it ended up being a positive thing in the end. Anyone who sees it on a paper, judges me harshly and dismisses me...well, who wanted them as a friend/lover anyway?

I can certainly understand why people are skeptical and paranoid. Background checks are just one way to attempt to prevent being hurt or deceived. Sometimes they may help but as an overall tool to defend oneself against such things, I just don't see them being very effective. Besides, the very things that I would want to know about someone (are they racist? cruel to animals? etc.) would probably never be on record officially anywhere anyway...........luci



Level -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 1:45:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSarahTS

Well just got told by a ex-potential dominant couple that i should stay home if i'm scared to leave state and move in with complete strangers. Sadly i've done this before and IT SUCKS!!! Thank god for the new website beenverified.com. Now is it unsubby for a submissive to ask a potential dominant for basic information that one would get when your planning on moving in with to perform a background check on them. I personally think that its not that i'm just being "HUMAN" and trying to keep all my bases covered. Curious as to what the public has to say to this.


There's nothing wrong with it. Maybe just be up front about it.



SL4V3M4YB3 -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 1:55:30 PM)

Also make sure you use people’s real names not the fake names they give you to check.

You should automatically be suspicious of anyone named Smith.



Level -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 1:57:07 PM)

Or Doe.



ExquisiteStings -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 2:08:15 PM)

Background checks are an iffy area; because BDSM is an iffy area. One never knows who one will run across and as previously stated, not all crucial information will necessarily turn up where you need it to and when you need it to. As a professional dominant who sees people for a few hours at a time, I don't request an ahead of time meeting if they want to do the session at the commercial dungeon, but I do insist on a face to face meeting if the person wants me to come to their hotel room or home. Just so I can get a feel of the person and that I will be safe behind closed doors with him. I can't always get someone to go with me for security and I want to know that I'll be safe.
Background checks are not an all inclusive answer. There have been many a psycho in positions of power who slipped thru the crax of not only the background check, but what ever psychological tests may have been administered at the time. I think bg checks, are kind of a waste of time and money for the most part. Altho' if you are going to be moving into the house with strangers, then it can't hurt. But it won't necessarily be a fount of ALL vital info.



ExquisiteStings -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 2:13:11 PM)

PS: I was contacted on here by someone who claimed to make films and wanted to show me his "soundproof studio under the floor of his garage".  Man, every red flag in existence immediately sprouted, and I was immensely glad that this guy was in another state. (Or claimed to be). I mean, he might have been for real, but all the horror stories one hears of secret bunkers and soundproof rooms....gave me heebie jeebies just to contemplate it.




ExquisiteStings -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 2:14:21 PM)

In reply to the alpha numeric person on here who said to beware of people with the surname of Smith. Add to that , Jones. 



SL4V3M4YB3 -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 2:18:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExquisiteStings
In reply to the alpha numeric person on here...

I prefer to be referred to as 'reality challenged'.



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 2:19:55 PM)

By the way OP I just perved your profile and there is nothing about doing background checks in it. How up front about this are you?



intenze -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 2:44:59 PM)

Fast reply:
"Never call someone your soul mate until you have seen them eat spaghetti."

I don't believe background checks help. So many times, people make choices that are just foolish, even when the red flags go off. How many people do you know from here, for example, who have been duly warned about a creepy person? Most people don't pay any attention anyway. Sometimes that works out, but most often it just plays out in the same saga.



frazzle -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 3:11:18 PM)

[:D] Must tell my future daughter in law that one.



girlygurl -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 3:13:39 PM)

I'd never move in with a stranger! NEVER! I don't understand why anyone would without getting to know a person first. IMO that's just asking for trouble.

Background check? It may be helpful in some instances, but I really think in the long run getting to know the person you want to shack up with is best.

I've never been able to understand why people are willing to relocate to someone that they haven't even met in RL. That's just asking for trouble.



stella41b -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 3:14:32 PM)

Background checks for a personal relationship? What a pile of tosh.

I don't care what generation you are, no background check is going to guarantee you anything. It certainly doesn't guarantee you a successful relationship.

A personal relationship involves risk. If you can't take the risk, don't make yourself available for a personal relationship.

Christ! Whatever next? Urine tests? Chest X-rays? Strewth!



NorthernGent -> RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? (2/13/2010 3:18:37 PM)

Personally see it as a touch methodical and contract like. Much rather spend some time getting to know someone before jumping in.



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