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[Poll]

Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not?


Yes it is Wrong
  26% (13)
No it is Right
  74% (37)
Only if your a dominant doing the background check.
  0% (0)
Only if your a submissive doing the background check
  0% (0)


Total Votes : 50
(last vote on : 3/11/2012 9:23:56 AM)
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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 3:20:53 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
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From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		After reading some of the things recently on this site maybe it's not a background check what some people need, but a brain scan. 

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 3:22:58 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

Anyone who sees it on a paper, judges me harshly and dismisses me...well, who wanted them as a friend/lover anyway?



I'd agree with this. People fall on hard times during their lives - not always a bed of roses etc - doesn't mean a person isn't right for you at this point in his/her life.

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 3:35:31 PM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

After reading some of the things recently on this site maybe it's not a background check what some people need, but a brain scan. 



Whatever happened to the romance of getting to know someone on a face-to-face basis eh? Too much of the fear culture in checking someone's background for my liking....

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 3:46:07 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

After reading some of the things recently on this site maybe it's not a background check what some people need, but a brain scan. 



Whatever happened to the romance of getting to know someone on a face-to-face basis eh? Too much of the fear culture in checking someone's background for my liking....


Agreed.


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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 3:51:32 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		I wouldn't be particularly offended by someone doing a background check on me early on, if they have trust issues, but if they wanted to do that it would certainly raise questions in my mind about why they have trust issues and what this says about their own personality.

I can't think of any reason at all I would benefit from doing one myself on someone I was interested in. I'm a lot less interested in what someone may have done 20 years ago than I am in what they learned from it. And that will be reflected in what kind of a person they are now, which in turn will be revealed over time as we get to know each other.

For people who do use them, I would hope they're sensible enough not to rely too much on them. I've met a lot of people in my life whose personal lives were absolute trainwrecks, and who were complete and utter disasters in a relationship, but who have never been arrested. 

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 3:54:40 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
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quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

I'd never move in with a stranger! NEVER! I don't understand why anyone would without getting to know a person first. IMO that's just asking for trouble.

Background check? It may be helpful in some instances, but I really think in the long run getting to know the person you want to shack up with is best.

I've never been able to understand why people are willing to relocate to someone that they haven't even met in RL. That's just asking for trouble.


Well, it happens.  Two young adults from different parts of the country, accepted at the same University and the computer sticks them as roommates in the dorm.  What can ya do?

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 4:03:17 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

Well, it happens.  Two young adults from different parts of the country, accepted at the same University and the computer sticks them as roommates in the dorm.  What can ya do?


Yeah. At least at my school, switching dorm rooms was relatively simple and didn't cost anything.

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 4:12:31 PM   
Aylee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

Well, it happens.  Two young adults from different parts of the country, accepted at the same University and the computer sticks them as roommates in the dorm.  What can ya do?


Yeah. At least at my school, switching dorm rooms was relatively simple and didn't cost anything.


I was just poking fun of the whole idea of never moving in with someone you do not know.  It happens all the time in roommate situations.  And what about those car-pool things?  Are background checks needed for those too?  What about sharing an office with someone? 

There just seem to be so many times that we pretty much rely on other people not to be a nutcase.  Why would coffee or dinner be different? 

Of course I do wonder. . . are background checks like credit checks?  Where if you have too many credit checks done in a certain time frame it negatively affects your credit score?  Would having your name ran through a background check negatively affect it?  There is some paranoid thinking for this evening! 

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 4:16:29 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Is this an ad for that site? Seriously..

If you have to do a background check before you move in with anyone, I have to wonder how good your intuition and instincts are...

And how fast you jump into things


I'm with ya on this one.

If I have "issues"..I will tell you and if you can't trust me enough to do that on my own..Better not pack your bags just yet.

To the OP:
Personal info given out I have no problem with..
I'll tell you where I live, where I work and anything else you need to know to feel "safe" I'll make sure we meet in public and every other precautionary thing I can think of to make you feel "safe". (Within reason though...) I'd say if your so caught up in fear that we can't do things the "normal" way..like getting to know one another over time then you need to take your crazy arse to the next guy.

What makes you think a clean record means safety anyway?lol.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 2/13/2010 4:22:52 PM >

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 4:20:22 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

I was just poking fun of the whole idea of never moving in with someone you do not know.  It happens all the time in roommate situations.  And what about those car-pool things?  Are background checks needed for those too?  What about sharing an office with someone? 

There just seem to be so many times that we pretty much rely on other people not to be a nutcase.  Why would coffee or dinner be different? 

I figured. I was trying to poke fun at the fact that at least moving out is free when you are a student. I guess it didn't come across. I blame the germs invading my head.

You are right about relying on strangers to not be nutcases. That's part of why I have no problem playing at play parties with people I don't know well, if at all really. I have to rely on or bet that strangers won't not go insane and start shooting people from a clocktower every day or I'd stay in the house. And even then, I'd have to rely on them not coming in.

I can see it changing a bit when you are having to travel a significant distance to see them or when you are considering staying at their house for the first meeting. But staying with someone I don't know very well is something I'm extremely unlikely to do.
quote:


Of course I do wonder. . . are background checks like credit checks?  Where if you have too many credit checks done in a certain time frame it negatively affects your credit score?  Would having your name ran through a background check negatively affect it?  There is some paranoid thinking for this evening! 


That's a good question and I have no idea. Anyone know the answer to that one? I'd like to know myself.

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 4:27:47 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

After reading some of the things recently on this site maybe it's not a background check what some people need, but a brain scan. 



Whatever happened to the romance of getting to know someone on a face-to-face basis eh? Too much of the fear culture in checking someone's background for my liking....


Agreed.



adores Stella and the NorthernGent

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 4:32:59 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
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From: The Great Frozen North
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quote:

I'd never move in with a stranger! NEVER! I don't understand why anyone would without getting to know a person first. IMO that's just asking for trouble.


Soooo I guess I'm not moving in, huh? *sighs and goes to unpack*


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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 4:47:00 PM   
Aylee


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Joined: 10/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I figured. I was trying to poke fun at the fact that at least moving out is free when you are a student. I guess it didn't come across. I blame the germs invading my head.


I guess that it went over my head.  I thought that you were giving a serious reply to my, "What are you gonna do?" statement.  No worries, it is all good.

quote:

You are right about relying on strangers to not be nutcases. That's part of why I have no problem playing at play parties with people I don't know well, if at all really. I have to rely on or bet that strangers won't not go insane and start shooting people from a clocktower every day or I'd stay in the house. And even then, I'd have to rely on them not coming in.


I think that they have a special term for people like that.  But there are also drugs to fix it! 
quote:

I can see it changing a bit when you are having to travel a significant distance to see them or when you are considering staying at their house for the first meeting. But staying with someone I don't know very well is something I'm extremely unlikely to do.

I have done it.  I have obviously lived to tell the tale.  Once upon a time it was a fairly frequent thing to do.  There just were not all that many hotels. 

quote:

quote:


Of course I do wonder. . . are background checks like credit checks?  Where if you have too many credit checks done in a certain time frame it negatively affects your credit score?  Would having your name ran through a background check negatively affect it?  There is some paranoid thinking for this evening! 


That's a good question and I have no idea. Anyone know the answer to that one? I'd like to know myself.


Anyone?  Anyone?  Buhler? 

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 4:48:45 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Soooo I guess I'm not moving in, huh? *sighs and goes to unpack*



Nooooooo!  Stay packed!  Come live with me!  I am REALLY not a nutcase.  REALLY! 

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 5:08:35 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

I'd never move in with a stranger! NEVER! I don't understand why anyone would without getting to know a person first. IMO that's just asking for trouble.

I've never been able to understand why people are willing to relocate to someone that they haven't even met in RL. That's just asking for trouble.


Well, it happens.  Two young adults from different parts of the country, accepted at the same University and the computer sticks them as roommates in the dorm.  What can ya do?


Indeed Aylee

Many on here took that leap with not having spent that much time together in person...

and many others are currently walking on the foothpath which might lead to do that

@girlygurl
Whilst I am fine with your view, some people (I am one of them) is not very focused on "what if's" and "he could" "but" and whatever...but instead take it as it comes.

First and foremost I do trust my gut feeling and either it works out at the end or not...as mentioned before you have never a guarantee....as someone else mentioned recently in a different part of this homepage, she almost got killed by her vanilla partner...I also know someone whos sister got killed by her husband as he tried to kill his whole family (the kids could be safed on time by neighbours)...and guess what...they lived together for almost 20 years and were childhood sweethearts...

I simply take life as it comes and make the best out of it...

If I would keep thinking all the time how bad it could go then I would not leave my flat ever anymore, considering how much stabbing was going on here in the last 2 years in london and also other parts of the UK between people who had nothing to do with each other...and was not gang related either...

So whilst I can understand your view....it is not mine as quite frankly the people I knew most and where I should have felt safe, were the worst I ever experienced...and therefore I give a damn about how well I know the person in person.

My current involvement and I are talking online since almost 2 years by now...and we meet up finally (which wasn't possible so far for different reasons). IF we get on in person as well as online then we will move on...we appear to have many same views and overall believe we could be able to make it work...IF we will go there or not...we will soon find out...IF it will last forever or not...nobody knows....but quite frankly as it was said before ... you won't get your guarantee, you have to try and find out...and after all, you can only find out in person.

You only live once, make the most out of it

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 5:12:26 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee
quote:

I can see it changing a bit when you are having to travel a significant distance to see them or when you are considering staying at their house for the first meeting. But staying with someone I don't know very well is something I'm extremely unlikely to do.

I have done it.  I have obviously lived to tell the tale.  Once upon a time it was a fairly frequent thing to do.  There just were not all that many hotels. 


Yep, so did I...and so I am going to do again...and for the worriers out there just another note...he has even a few guns at home and knows how to use them And am I still gonna meet him...of course

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 5:16:53 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Soooo I guess I'm not moving in, huh? *sighs and goes to unpack*



Nooooooo!  Stay packed!  Come live with me!  I am REALLY not a nutcase.  REALLY! 


SWEET! oooooo I'm moving in with Ayyyyyleeeee!


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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 5:18:55 PM   
DesFIP


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Status: offline 		Besides Aylee doesn't eat chocolate. So with her, you get it all.

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 5:23:52 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Besides Aylee doesn't eat chocolate. So with her, you get it all.


No, I do like chocolate and keep it in the house at all times.  I just have no need for it on a regular basis.  But yes, with me she would always have easy access to chocolate! 

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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

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RE: Background checks on Potentials? Wrong or not? - 2/13/2010 5:26:31 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
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From: The Great Frozen North
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Besides Aylee doesn't eat chocolate. So with her, you get it all.


OH! Good point, she might not have any *goes to pack chocolate*


_____________________________

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