RE: Equality In the D/s Lifestyle

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RE: Equality In the D/s Lifestyle - 2/23/2010 2:26:07 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TopChuck
That's the way it works in great D/s relationships. It leads to the three Dom rules.
1. Find out what she wants to do.
2. Tell her to do it.
3. Both pretend it's the Dom's idea.

Here's the way I work things.

1. Find out what each other wants.
2. Then do it.
3. Repeat.

The orientations don't fuck up this process one damn bit either. But just as much as I'm trying to get to know her and get inside her head. I want her to get to know me as well. This way we come to terms of wants, wishes, likes, dislikes and limits. This step even applies to TPE situations. If somebody wants to serve another 24/7 and set aside a lot of themselves. Fine. Still this is part of step 1, Step 2 is pretty self evident Step 3 is basically the ongoing cycle of this basic process in the relationship.

Frak, personally for me, I have better things to do in life besides set aside my whole life for another human being, that I'm catering to all their needs and setting so much of myself aside to this level.

Your 1,2,3 process sort of reminds of TPE from the slaves side of things (sorry, it sincerely does remind of me this).

1. Find out and learn what pleases a Master/Dom wants.
2. Then do it
3. Because it's the Doms ideas, wants and pleasures.

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 2/23/2010 2:27:21 AM >

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RE: Equality In the D/s Lifestyle - 2/25/2010 10:00:01 AM

HeathenMa1am

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When I first started in the lifestyle, I was up against this same cognitive dissonance: I identified as a sub, but only for play. I want to be in charge of my own life the rest of the time, and my religion tells me that women should be equal to men (I am a heathen.) A year later I tried switching and realized I loved it. I was blossoming. But other people in my local community kept telling me I should not enjoy being a switch, that anyone who is as natural a sub as I was should seek to become a slave, a notion that offends me personally and religiously. Another year in-- year two-- I went 99% domme and now I am not only happy with who I am, I don't get any more "should" guff, which makes it soooo much more comfortable to go out. I had gotten to the point where I didn't want to go to any lifestyle events because of all the people who would tell me I was living my life wrong. Would I still enjoy occasionally being in a sub role during play? Sure, although not as much as I used to-- I suddenly lost the taste for subspace, and am not the "heavy sub" I was in the beginning. I grew and changed. I think of it as going into a chrysalis and emerging as a beautiful domme butterfly. Just as a butterfly sips nectar and no longer munches on leaves, I suddenly stopped enjoying subspace and started enjoying other things instead. My own fiction that I wrote when I identified as a sub still turns me on, though, so I know I'm still a switch, even though I don't do any sub actions anymore.

That's me, of course. Everybody's different. But when I started out, I proudly called myself a sub but not a slave, only to be met with derision and attempts to change me in a direction that horrified me. Identifying as a switch was even worse, because although I felt like I was blossoming and coming into my own, other people told me I must be a beginner who didn't know what I wanted, and I should pick a side. Now that I identify as a domme, I like what I do, I believe in what I do enough to make it a 24/7 lifestyle instead of in play only, and people respect me. I have the whole enchilada. I am still 1% switch inside though-- for fantasy only.

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RE: Equality In the D/s Lifestyle - 2/25/2010 2:27:48 PM

Lorenzo19

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I see what you're saying... I think. You should be what you are comfortable with. But, in relation to the OP... Now that you are Domme do you treat your subbies as equal to you?

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RE: Equality In the D/s Lifestyle - 2/26/2010 2:47:16 PM

HeathenMa1am

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It depends on what elicits the most mutual pleasure.

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RE: Equality In the D/s Lifestyle - 2/28/2010 4:27:54 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorenzo19

Our style is 24/7 but I always consider My sub equal to Me at all times and so does she. What is equality? (really, not the flip answer)
Is it common in D/s lifestyle to make the sub feel humiliated and inferior? Or is that the exception?
Is the D/s lifestyle inaccurately portrayed as a Superior/inferior lifestyle?

The 24/7 life works well for Us. Not asking for help here with My relationship. I'm just looking for stimulating ideas.

Thanks.

It's a matter of how you personally measure equality and superiority.

In my view we all have strengths and weaknesses......it just so happens that one of my strengths (or you could call it a weakness depending upon your point of view) is that I thrive on taking the lead role and accepting the risks/responsibiltiies/rewards that come with that.

I'm yet to meet the complete human being and there are plenty of things for which I need a woman in my life and certainly can't do off my own back. For instance: I'm a big fan of the kindness/warmth/humour and all round feminity that a good woman can bring you. So with this in mind it's hard to see something that you value so much as being 'inferior'.

Like you.....24/7 for me...can't be any other way. It's all or nothing for me in pretty much everything I do in my life.....one life so there's no use going through the motions.....for me it's a case of if I'm going to do something then do it properly.

I'd imagine there are plenty of people who view their relationships in terms of superiority and inferiority - it's a case of building something that fits with your personality and what you want out of life - though I would say that the drive toward 'superiority' smacks of an inferiority complex to me......and there's nothing more dangerous than someone with an inferiority complex elevated to a position of power.

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RE: Equality In the D/s Lifestyle - 2/28/2010 1:54:19 PM

Lorenzo19

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I like to say 24/7 is equal but different. Equality of wants and needs. Differing roles. In theory.

In practice, I often put others needs and wants above My own. Not because I feel inferior or the sub is superior. But, because I want there to be not the slightest appearance of inequality. Perfect equality is impossible, in the real world, so as the person who makes the final decisions, if there is error to be made, I will error on the side of Myself in the inferior position.

I have heard of those who want the Superior/inferior kind of D/s relationship on both sides of the paddle. I don't know if they are posers, wannabes, HNG or what. I have seen thier adds on collarme (I dont know any in real life and dont want to). I doubt there are many of them really living the 24/7 Superior/inferior lifestyle. But perhaps they are visible enough to make a lot of girls think that is the norm rather than the exception.

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RE: Equality In the D/s Lifestyle - 2/28/2010 3:27:04 PM

Andalusite

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A lot of those superiority/inferiority folks base it on gender rather than individuals. I think both the "men are worthless worms/women are goddesses" paradigm and the "men are biologically predestined to dominate women" Gorean Natural Order philosophy are equally absurd.

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